Thursday, March 28, 2024

Husband hiding bank statements from me

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Dear LT Bloggers,

I am married and have a child with my husband.The problem that I am facing in this marriage is that my husband is so secretive about his finances.He pays the bills alone, I hardly know the day he gets paid,he moves with banks documents all time ,when he changes clothes the ATMS also changes.

I am really surprised and shocked at this behavior.Its as though he doesn’t trust me.How can one
marry someone and have a child with them and then end up not trusting them?

I am going crazy as I have to ask for things all the time. I am currently not working because I have to take care of the baby . I desperately need advise on what to do as this situation is driving me nuts !!!!!!!!!

Driven nuts

205 COMMENTS

  1. hey girl talk to him when you are having sex, he will speak in tongues. if he does not say dont give it to him, but be carefull he may find a spare tyre.

  2. Please do not start a war you will not win. If he gives you what you want financially, sexualy etc be happy. Knowing what your husband earns may be like going to the beehive.

  3. I do not understand why some men behave like this. They are secretive to their wives but very open to “anzathu ausiku”. Please guys stop behaving like animals from the jungle.

  4. quite interesting,hmmmm!anyway start by talking to your honey about it b4 yo seek external help.and also try to look back @ yo ability to handle cash,maybe he has problems with that,if you you are the “sweetie i saw a nice suit at acades or great kitchen unit @ so and so ” he could be the kind from the old sch.honestly a man shud not be at the centre of buying day to day household goods or holding to contigence cash….tatatatata.talk nicely with him,if it fails then talk to his family or generally the elders at church or the community where yu live.donnot be too confratational!!!

  5. Before you got married was he like this? Did the two of you trust each other before you got married? Were you married because of the pregnancy?Well,my advice is pray without ceasing for prayer changes things.

  6. Watch nigerian movie called CALCULATOR and you will appreciate how lack you might be.And then with cation try to explain to your husband why its important that you know the family economic situation.But am a bit suspicion that you spend money unnecessarily going by the way you look on the picture above.your complexion is a question to me.what exactly do you buy?

  7. Some men are brought up believing that a real man does not exppose all his accounts to the wife. I am a man and can confirm witnessing a friend being counsseled my his uncle like that. Whether that is good or not is up to the people to say.

  8. bwana does complexion have anything to do spending patterns, wake up pipo. by the way our incoming presido Mr Michael Chilufya Sata is in solwezi today.

  9. iF Your husband continue treating you and hiding things from you just come i marry you i will not hide anything to you including my pay slips and bank statements.

  10. Its his money and he sweats for it. so let him do with it whatever he wants as long as he supports you and the baby. From the picture, look like you are being taken care of. My honest advise, start making your own money soon

  11. As far as am concerned, you are supposed to be one even in finances.Did you get biblical couselling? Or are you both in the world? unless the lord builds your house you will labour in vain.Find something to do to avoid heartache.inshort seek to be financially independent bu goalkeeper out of fashion. fellow woman.

  12. Can you bozos stop commenting about that pin-sized brain of an exuse of a potential president i.e. Sata on this blog. Just try to help this lady in need.

  13. I have a similar problem. I am a man married to a very beautiful lady here in Lusaka. When it is time to pay rent she runs away with the saved money for rent to her mother on the copperbelt.When she returns, she decides to be sleeping in the girls room so that I dont talk to her.When she gets paid, she becomes annoyed and brushes you aside so that you do not ask about finances. I do not care about her salary. My worry is her stealing saved money for rent. Can you advise ?

    Worried Mwanza
    Lusaka.

  14. work for your own money mwana! don’t expect to reap where you did.nt sow. Get a job, then don’t show him your payslip also

  15. in marriage couple should grow together in everything.i and my wife are blessed.my wife keeps my ATM,not only keeping she has a password she makes withdraw at anytime.sometimes before i could even open my pay slip i give it to her to check and make a plan on what i have been paid.she know everything about me i mean she knows my movements.she is my best friend whom i share with everything happening in my life.we face difficulties together she knows when i dont have cash in my pocket and sometimes she will come in to help me.she is the best in this world.i and my wife are growing together materially,spiritually,physically,sexually,etc.she is the precious gift from God.she is my queen.

  16. #21 SHOW HER THE DOOR!! Don’t hide behind children maybe on the copperbelt where she runs to she goes to plot 2 & when she returns she is done & can’t take any more. More on there is more to life than meeting beauitful girls/wifves.

  17. #21 SHOW HER THE DOOR!! Don’t hide behind children maybe on the copperbelt where she runs to she goes to plot 2 & when she returns she is done & can’t take any more. Move on! there is more to life than meeting beauitful girls/wifves

  18. Well find a job and start hiding yours as well. I think its not a must that you should have access to his accounts statements and ATM cards. If the guy provides for the home what the problem then? Wake up woman and stop complaigning over trivial things. He goes to work alone so those are his personal business.

  19. Woman, develop an attitude of 'Let me be the one to change first.' You will get nothing from bloggers. If you do not know when the bills are paid you too have a problem. You are supposed to be the first one to know about  water, and electricity bills. Get Woman, develop an attitude of 'Let me be the one to change first.' You will get nothing from bloggers. If you do not know when the bills are paid you too have a problem. You are supposed to be the first one to know about water, and electricity bills. Get

    Shakaspiya

  20. If you do get financial help from him whenever you need it and if you’re sure his not cheating on you then dont worry.It could be,its a tactic his using to avoid over-spending coz he noticed that you demand alot.Just ask him to empower you to make your own money if you cant find a job.I mean him giving you money to start your own money making venture instead of you worrying about how much money his keeping away from you.Make sure the mood is right when you approach him.

  21. I will not comment much but its typical of a tonga man to behave like this.There is untold suffering amongest the women married to tongas.Its not only in the muslim world where women seem to be oppressed but in the tonga land too.Its for this reason i can not trust HH to run our country.

  22. My dear lady the best way to win a man is to show him love. I know that you fill you are not part of him but do not push him. Certain habits wareout naturelary. I mean keep loving him sooner that later he will come off age. Lets be happy with wat God has given us. Ala sometimes even if Chipuba lets accommodate it. Its a Challenge mwandi

  23. #21.Am not sure how bad your case is but if you think you cant handle the situation,go on separation first.It will teach her a lesson.

  24. It is his money which he has worked hard for STOP whinning and get a job ala !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why do you want to see the statements like it is a joint account??? Ikalafye ulelya,ukusuka umwana,wapyangako and patiently wait for him to come with more food for you to eat. If you cannot handle get off your a@s and go look for a job so that you also have your own bank statements SHAAAAAAAA !!!!!!!!!!!!! OHHH then come back and tell us your story after you start work

  25. This is the problem with you black girls(Africans), You always want to depend on your husbands, its time you pipo started making your own cash, imagine yourself hiding pay slips from him too, it will be 50\50. I personally think that this is not a big issue, just ask why he does think, u were gonna talk to him before even shariing this problem with as. Talk to him about tonight don’t be scare

  26. #33 There is nothing to even talk about let her just get a job PERIOD !!!!!!!!!!!! She wants to see the statements so that she can readjust the amounts she asks from him, alitumpa sana umukashana uyu. Did you marry the statements or him??? His given you a child and mulelya as you have not complained about that.

  27. I don’t trust you also, you are being dishonest. The problem is that you just search him without asking. By knowing that he changes clothes and bank documents ninshi ula secha, you are not open. ASK FOR HEAVENS SAKE. Probably he knows what you do and he is playing on you the way I would, if I know you are playing. OPEN UP, ASK AND TALK ABOUT IT.

  28. IWE #28 YOU ARE SO BLANK,TURNNELLED,NARROW,MINNDED N I DON’T THINK YOU HAHE NORMAL PARENTS,MAY BE YOU WERE BORN BY MISTAKE. YES, THAT HAPPENS IN CASE OF A CONDOM BURST. SO YOU ARE ACTUALLY LIVING BY MISTAKE, NOW YOU SHOULD TAKE CARE OF YOUR UNDESERVED LIFE.STUPA….

  29. #21 Walimutumpinka umukashi yobe, you let her even sleep in the spare bedroom instead of kumuputule? Why do you let her handle the rental money? How many times has she done this? You are taken by her beauty since you have choosen to mention it and walyaluka ichipuba na beauty iyoyine. Be firm man, this is NONSENSE !!!!!!!!!

  30. in marriage couple should grow together in everything.i and my wife are blessed.my wife keeps my ATM,not only keeping she has a password she makes withdraw at anytime.sometimes before i could even open my pay slip i give it to her to check and make a plan on what i have been paid. she knows everything about me.she is my best friend whom i share with everything happening in my life.we face difficulties together she knows when I have cash and when i dont have cash in my pocket and sometimes she will come in to help me.she is the best in this world. i and my wife are growing together materially,spiritually,physically,etc.she is the precious gift from God.she is my queen.

    She is my fiancé th

  31. in marriage couple should grow together in everything.i and my wife are blessed.my wife keeps my ATM,not only keeping she has a password she makes withdraw at anytime.sometimes before i could even open my pay slip i give it to her to check and make a plan on what i have been paid. she knows everything about me.

  32. #7 Nthungulu Wengo
    how can you compare guys behaviour to that of animals? are you a complete retard? Maybe women like you should just get jobs you know, become a little more independent financially. Is money the reason you married your man? I think its a great idea to hide my finances from people like you. Otherwise you would be stretching my cash all the time buying clothes and underware every weekend. offensive language deleted.

  33. Vote PF Mukashana for more jobs and more money in your pocket and you will stop complaining because you will have a job and your own bank statement and ATM.

  34. By christian standards, the man should not hide anything from his wife but sometimes there are raens to this.
    1.Spending pattern of the wife- some wives want to blow off everything and two days later they start asking for money because this or that has finished in the kitchen.
    2.To avoid disappointment in crisis- women normally go in the background when faced with family problems like sicknesses, death etc.They will not come up to assist even if they are the custodian of cash
    3.To maintain a saving-some women do not see the importance of saving. they want to see everything on the payslip blown,
    For the other man: Your wife is not taught, take her back to her aunt or some elderly women.

  35. #45 We chipuba niwebo.Nakupapata njebo if you are male or female so that inkwebeko fimo bwino sana, wendesheko sw#ne lyobe.

  36. Iwe chi # 45 ndelolela ala !!!!!!!!!!!!! This woman has NOT complained about anything else but the statements, what does that tell you? If she had said the guy does not buy food, clothes or support her then her complaint would have been legit. All she cares about is HIS damn statement, seems she married him for the tong and he knows that what a clever man. FIFISE IFIMA STATEMENT MWANDI BOYI.

  37. Tell us more ba sister may be you force yourself on him in the first place he didn’t want you to marry him but because of your persistance you tricked him and you became pregrenant so those are the consequencies don’t complain you are just reaping what you sowed.

  38. Iwe you should not have walked into a marriage without security i.e job when are we as women going to learn.no need to cry over spilt milk(not chinese milk) here is what you should do.
    1.Get a job if you have qualifications(you have not told us whether u have any)
    2.Leave him and sue his arse for maitenance.
    3.Never Ever have another child with him until you are finacially stable.

  39. I know this lady, she used to have all bank statements at one time, now she will use all the money and left nothing at home.The husband has the right to hide away the money from this usless lady.She was not taught how to handle cash for the family.Maybe you need to get a job.

  40. I THINK ZAMBIAN WOMEN ARE JUST OBSSESSED WITH THE PAYSLIP STORY.WE HAVE JOINT ACCOUNT WITH MY WIFE AND WE DO ELETRONIC BANKING SO SHE CAN SEE ALL THE TRANSCATIONS ONLINE HOWEVER SHE FEELS SO OFFENDED IF IF NOT PRODUCE MY TIPSLIP WHICH I FIND VERY UNFORTUNATE.SAME WTH OUR SISTER WHO MOURNING ABOUT THE SAME AS LONG AS YOU ARE NOT STARVING AND THERE IS NO SUSPITION OF EXTRA MARITAL AFFAIR WHY WORRY?

  41. I think the man should litsen to the chik if at all she is all he feels for and the chik should take time to talk to him about what she feels will make bothe of then happy this is for the sake of the child and their marage

  42. My dear, I have gone through what you are going through. The only thing that I’ve done is to ensure that I draw a line between his responsilities as the head of the house and mine as a wife.

    He takes care of all basic needs such as rentals, food, fees and the like…I dont care whether I see the salary ,ATM or cash as long as these needs are met.

    This situation has tought me to work really hard.

    Sisy, having a baby cannot stop you from earning an income. Infact, I have three babies.

    I now earn a salary eight times his salary and i can afford to hire three maids to take care of my babies. My man is atually all over me. But I still draw my line between his responsibilies and mine

  43. Get involved in budget making. Then you will get to know how much you guys are spending and maybe…. how much he is earning.

  44. #48 shinka manyela am looking for you as a husband panthu ba guy mwabesha wise so please let me know how to reachj you am giving myself to you in marriage mwaumfweni ba shinka manyela!

  45. This institution called married,has alot of things which my dear what have brought is nothing. what I have noticed is that your was by not the way we zambia marry. they was no need for you to come out in the open to complain to public who will no offer any solution. Please go to your parents if your marriage went through the zambia way, bashibukombe ekoba nefimbusa ifyamifundele I m sure there are there. please dont waste time on this blog.

  46. This scenario usually happens becoz you label your hubby’s expenditure patterns as wasteful, unnecessary or his capital expenses, ie expenses made in the hope of generating many, as too risky. It has nothing to do with trust but everything to do with your opinion on the ins and outs in the bank account. He may be spending money on a project you will deem to risky or wasteful. He may be spending money on bululus and he knows you won’t approve. Whether all this is wrong or right depends on how you relate with each other. It’s all wrong if he’s neglecting his financial responsibilities over you. What’s for sure is men are bigger spenders then women. So couples’ll always collide over money.

  47. In a new marriage, things like this happen. Sit your husband down and talk to him patiently and lovingly. Let him know your feelings and tell him that you love him and care for him, and that what you want is to help him carry out the marital responsibilities he has. The Bible says a woman is a ‘suitable helper or helpmeet’ for the husband. Did something happen that caused him to stop trusting you with the family’s finances? You sound like a good, responsible wife, and I think he is blessed to have a caring woman like you. Earn his trust by talking to him and making your motives to help clear. God bless you!

  48. question is was this marriage arranged?bacause you can observe CASTLE even whilst you are dating

    .1 you know excesive reference to how little one gets and the like
    .2 non rememberance of birthdays,aniversaries
    .3 EXCESSIVE DESIRE TO DRESS!/buy cloths for himself only
    .4 PERPERTUAL COMPLAINER

  49. This is a lesson to some Zed women who r not independent. I have been hustling since I was 17, getting jobs, saving money and I am happy that I didnt rarely on no body. I am married today and earn an income, we share bills but I dont follow his money around coz I make my own.

    My 2 cents to u is once the baby is grown get a job! U shud get a job anywhere, work in shoprite, sell veggies, pump gas at the filling station whatever u get that is legit and clean-do it.

    Stop cryn about your husband’s money=go make your own.

  50. By the way the hustling am referring to is a job in Zed right after grade 12. I know that jobs r harder to get but u have to hustle your way. Problem pa zed pose too much with some people-u want smart jobs and u dont want to bag groceries in shoprite, sell salaula or pump petrol at Makeni filling station. Well guess what? Get your broke a** to start writing CVs, application letters, door to door.

    “I dont see the Pay slip” were u the one going to school, studying at night, starving sometimes? Take your broke a** to the employment office

  51. We have heard your side of the story but not his. So, its difficult to give a piece of advice in this case coz he may have reasons for doing so. Try talking to him and find out why and come back to us. May be he had taken loans from Bayport or oda finacial institutions when he was paying your lobola.

  52. Sit down and talk. But, to start with you Zambian ladies must learn to be independent. Go and work, then you will stop complaining. You will be independent.

  53. Ba #65 you are very right, We men are big spenders especial on projects like building house. this project baba consume alot money and many times women are happy for you buying a bag of cement for the it is a waste. in my case I was insulted by just getting a plot and start building right now I live a rented house which is not good for the familly men are always behavour that manner he thinks the wife is a stambling block to progression.

  54. 71- 72 Mirriam your hustling sounds suspicious to me. Since 17 you been getting jobs? or where you giving blow jobs? Even up to now after marriage you’re still hustling, paying together all your monthly pimp bills? Are you into hustling for the money or the fun time?

  55. Wat has not showing payslips got to do wit tribe?Thts individual way of doing things.do u even know y this lady doesnt get to see the payslips?U shud b very analytical u fool,1st u cnt say much cz u dnt know if ths lady is saying the truth and u dnt know the reasons y her hubby doesnt show her wat she claims.Grow up and clean tht dirty head of yoz filled with tribalism

  56. The problem with our Zambian women is they dont want to work but prefer being parasites. Get a job and be independent. Thats why even the spread of AIDS will never go down because our women and not independent but prefer to use bottom power to survive. If you get a girlfriend in Zambia, it is like she is now employed and wants to paid when you get paid, wants talk time, lotions….
    If you want money, work for it finish

  57. marriage is not a bed of roses, so there is no manual no matter how much u are counselled what matters is wisdom my advise is:- 1 nomatter wha u do u will never change him u can only change yourself
    2 find a way to start earning something because u can not be asking for money for everything including salt
    3 avoid showy friends 4 dont share ur problems with pipo who will be laughing at u .finally learn to pray together

  58. Am sure when you guys married he was not this devil but you changed him. You have made him start behaving like that.You are swallowing your own bitter pill. Be miss independent, work and make your own money. He needs to support his parents and siblings which you ladies are good at secretly. Just zip it!!!

  59. i agree with #84
    You women tend to forget that there are financial commitments that a man has even when you know there is no money you demand when reminded of the finacial diddiculties you say i know iam just saying that??? awe mwandi.
    My advice is ypu need to realise finances are difficult for both of you and he is probably trying to sort it out by himself coz he feels you wont understand. Just like i said above

  60. wha are you suspecting to be in the bant.Its not yours unless you have some financial problems otherwise he has achoice whether to show you or not just as women or men have a choice when to have sex or not.Am sorry these days you got to win some and lose some

  61. I bet this guy was secretive even before you had a baby. Its only now that you are not earning your own money you begin to realise whats going on. In any case, did you ever share your money with him? Because if you did, you may have hard a little more insight into his personal financial dealings

  62. he is right to do so i have a friend whose wife was an informer for DEC and they were married for 38 years and have 5 childern she was telling lies to DEC and DEC fell for it in the end it was found the she was giving wrong info to the DEC and the man found out now she is suffring here in uk no money to eat food in zambia she was acting like a queen like a untouchable he was running a big transport company enpolying about 800 workers now all the poor workers are out of job and suffring just because of this silly woman so the man is right

  63. Zambia changed its moral values, the fall of 1993, Trust me backup that locomotive and retrace the history. I was there, at the time snoop dropped doggy style, while in america they had Hiphop mcs and enough exposure to negate it Africans ate it up like the candy sold to them from their own Fields. Yes in relation to your wifey, you are one so she needs to know about the cash flow; thus pick wisely before you marry, and ladies as an Educated, beyond tetiary man this applies to you too.

  64. #32, #34,#35,#36, Typical Zambian men mentality, (GREEDY,CONTROLLING,CALCULATING,PRIMITIVE, SELFISH, MANIPULATIVE, LIARS, DISHONEST, BULLIES, WHINGERS, POLYGAMISTS,ALWAYS HUNGRY FOR NSHIMA, still backward, and living by the old times. Please give the woman the correct advice. I will never marry off my daughter to a Zambian man.

  65. Woman if he is paying the bills, buying food I think their is no reason to get crazy. Just nest your baby and wen its big enough, look for a job and count your cash.

  66. Some of the things we worry about me I fail to understand. Money just money, kwati ulala insala, icimona, you look for a job,stop giving LT useless stories. Bakula mipela ama advice yabupuba kuli # 2 PAMOCH

  67. Well with just one side of an incomplete story, it’s very difficult to comment or give an advice that you just wonna hear. For as long all the bills are paid and he get you the stuff needed even if he has to be reminded, you are better off. The problem with women is that they like to count every cent even when they are full time house wives. But again even when a woman got a job, he wants to be they financial controller. All i can say is that you guys did not communicate fully before getting married. Communication is the upfront thing in any given relationship. Good luck

  68. #92 Anon 2 my wife is smart and beautiful. She’s what the Westlife would call an uptown girl. Here there are no villages. You cant even begin to compare. Just starting from her evenly shaped curves I don’t need to go into details about her smile and the joy she gives me. Of all the people on the blog you have the odacity to attack she who you’ve never seen. Why are you bitter? Did the truth about how some of you women buy more clothes than soap for your unshaved pu&&y touch your heart? It’s a matter of personal hygiene. Dont vent it out on other peoples wives. By the way, which Zambian man in his right mind would honestly fall for your daughter.

  69. This is the problem girls have by investing in marriages. Learn to live a life of your own. Marriage should not be a source of financial gain. Create happiness by creating an atmosphere of mutual understanding with your husband. Seeing bank statements won’t help if the understanding is still missing.

  70. Nobody knows why this woman is home looking after the baby.The chap would have told her to stay home & look after the baby because he can’t afford a maid.Have been married be4 ,educated with a good job but this man always lied that he had no money.He would have money but hide it in his jackets then get some when he wanted to drink beer or buy himself something.When he bought like shoes or cloths 4 himself he would hide them under the bed or wardrope. I never said a word even when i found these things.Today he sends K600,000 or K500,000 to his child every 2 mths 2 pay for all her expenses & u have to fight. He is constantly saying he has no money even when he has.Most Zed men have got Kaso

  71. ITS TIME US WOMEN WORK HARD AND HIDE HANDLE FINACIAL STATUS. I DO NOT SUPPORT THE IDEA OF BEING A PARASITE JST BECAUSE YOU ARE MARRIED, TRY HARD MY SISTER.

    IF U REALLY WANT MAN TO SHOW U EVERYTHING CORCERNING HIS CASH.. MAMA ILIKO TRICK.

  72. Most men will hide there finances because they maybe spending money n girlfriends. This woman has every right to know how her hubby spends the money.He may not even be saving so that they can start up a project.He would be planning a another wedding somewhere and fears that he will be found out.A man will always hide things because there is something there r hiding.Yes somethings women can be demanding ,it’s up to the man to say this money is for this and that. My dad advised me never to hide my payslip or finances and that’s how u maintain your good relationship.

  73. Kanshi kwaliba aba citila survive pa money yapa payslip? Show her the payslip/bank statement and dont declare the other sources of income which help us to drink and sustain our plot 2s. Tapali ubwafya man!

  74. #102 I agree with you my brother ,a wife isnt like a girfriend ,if a man cant trust his wife then who?You see some men can be tricky ,nothing wrong to show your wife they payslip ,and your finacial status ,that helps a lot because whe will know when and how to go about the budget.It was a woman who was working and hiding how would the husband feel he would say iam not respected because iam not the one providing.Being a house wife is a job enough taking care of kids house work and cooking its a job by the end of the day the one working in the office cant even stand the job home.My sister get a job to easy your situation for the time being leave that man alone .

  75. Iwe ka No Way #78 what impotency mumbo-jumbo r u yapping about it? What u me my hustling sounds suspicious-u balls man. U say I have been giving blow jobs? Well yes to your father! Hustling doesnt always mean negative. I never insulted anyone in my views and how dare u show your ignorance-you loser. Dont start things u cant finish. Just becoz u cant get a hard on-dont stress try some onion gaula. Iwe imbwa ikazi…

  76. Mirriam #107 are you crazy? I was asking so that you clarify to our bloggers this hustling that you seem to boast about. You are balls yourself. But all the same we appreciate ladies who can earn their own income.

  77. Bwezani ziko kuntawi yama-brown envelops
    Bwezani ziko kuntawi corruption wayikhulu
    Bwezani economy ya-ziko kumbuyo
    Bwezani voonse vamene chita-achieve ba-late President Mwanawasa.
    Bwezani ma-politician bukudhala eg VJ, etc.
    Bwezani, bwezani, bwezani vintu kuti-ziko ibwelele 8 years backwards….

  78. Please do not insult our women. The are key to Zambia’s development, especially the ones with morals and underline this one Progressive thinkers. Above are some hurtful comments from uneducated males. Voice of a true man here. God bless you all.

  79. It is cases like this and #21 that just put me off marriage.I would rather work hard and buy a ferrari and all the saints said,
    Hymen

  80. You married him and not his job and money!! Get yours too. Childcare is a joint responsibility. There nurseries around to help. Grow-up!

  81. Sunday Post today reads “Maureen is now free to remarry – Levy’s family”

    At least she has all the ATM and Credit cards.

    Darlington Mwape say Amen!

  82. How do you advise her to find a job.Do you know her qualifications? May be she is a Grade 4 drop out.Advise her basing on the little infor you have been given.

  83. # 92 YOU ARE 100% CORRECT ,MY DAUGHTER IS 16 SHE HATES ZAMBIAN MEN ,SHE LEFT ZAMBIA WHEN SHE 7 BUT JUST FROM THE MISERABLE STORIES THE GIRL HATE MEN FROM ZED ,AM REALLY WORRIED .YES ZED GUYS ALWAYS WANT HOT NSHIMA EVEN AFTER EATING FROM THEIR GIRLFRIENDS THEY STILL WANT NSHIMA AT MIDNIGHT WHICH IS SMOKING.

  84. Bushe nga tekuti wamwipusha umunobe ati bushe ifi chili tukekala shani,

    bantu ukupendela mwipoketi kwena takwawama.

    ala amano ububi,akaso tata uyu…

  85. In a situation like this one ninshi kwaliba fye kumbi eko shiya impiya because there is no way he should be so secretive about how he is using his finances. And why marry umwana wabene mwafyala nomwana but don’t give them money. Abakashi nga batampa ubuule ekalandako.

  86. Its Really nuts. When two are married they become one and do everything together. There must be transparency and openness in their dealings although again there are wives or husbands who are extravagant on resources they don’t sweat for. So really dialogue is the solution. Talk about it and end in agreement.

  87. THE CHILD GETS ILL, THE HUBBY’S RELATIVES VISIT,MESSAGE COMES HUBBY TAKEN TO UTH FROM WORK HE IS ADMITTED, THESE THINGS HAPPENS IN LIFE WERE IS THE WIFE GOING TO GET THE MONEY TO TAKE THE CHILD TO HOSP.OR VISIT THE HUBBY IN HOSP.A WOMAN IS GIVEN MONEY TO KEEP FOR EMERGENCIES AT HOME. MEN BE OPEN ENOUGH TO DO THE BURGETING WITH YOUR WIVES THEY ARE HUMAN BEINGS THEY WILL UNDERSTAND HOW YOUR SALARIES ARE BEING USED.

  88. This is just a time waste and i do not understand why she is crying, she has not mentioned starving, food,clothes, pocket money?Be real baby, get a job if you are educated lady

  89. #90 Snoop Dogg aingilamo shani mwilyashi apapapene????

    # 92 NO Zambian man would even want to marry your chi UGLY daughter atase !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  90. #116 Your daughter left Zed when she was 7 and hates Zambian men????? Now she is 16, what Zed men has she met?? Awe naine ako teti inkafwaye mpantu nabwaiche takomfwa. Umwana yobe lihule muleshimika napa nchitu bwingi kwati mulewamya.

  91. iyo kwena pa zed paliba ama comment ,those who comment badly do you want to help the situation or you are here tobe noticed ,problems are all over one day it might be you needing agent help .lets be mature and write reasonably .THANKS

  92. my dear gone are the days when wives are dependants, look for a job if you are not educated start something even a ka small business.

  93. America is the last place I or my sooooooooooo beutiful daughter would live on this earth. We are so happy and safe where ever we are.
    My beautiful daughter 6 ft tall, very innocent, a Zambian man is out of question. Asking for smoking NSHIMA AT MIDNIGHT AFTER COMING FROM THE GIRLFRIEND WHO LIVES IN THE SHANTI COMPOUND! ATA! GO COOK IT YOURSELF!

  94. Your state of mind is also in question, especailly if you thought LT bloggers will advise, find a job, ifyabu house wife fyakale

  95. #130 the pride you have in your daughter is a bit over the top. Remember, pride goes before a fall.
    110 and you ka Mirriam what do you mean don’t open a can of worms i cant open, are you crazy huh? Mirriam the hustler begging around the streets of New York

  96. mami just let that baby be 8 months and look for a job. But pls let him give you money for groceries, baby shopping and your pocket money. then he can do the rest like paying bills and other stuff. If he cant concede to that dont give him sex for a good 1 month. U will come and tell me. if he starts giving you money work on giving him good sex every nite. all the best!!!

  97. ma dear pls ask him to just be giving you money for groceries and your pocket money. He can do the baby shopping and pay bills. Just give him a list of wat you need for baby every day, am sure that will irratate him. If he refuses the proposals pls don give him your “precious you”. Not until he concedes to wat u want.
    If he starts then be good at it everynite. Make sure u rock him real good. all the best.

  98. its unfortunate that your hubby is so secretive. hoever try hard to raise your baby well and inform him that you are going to start looking for job so that you can have some money. usually men who do not show their incomes are those who are engaged in Extramarital affairs and well know that thier spouces will be asking what the money was spent on so instead of explaining he wouild rather keep the salary to himself. N;way that is a sad state of affirs becuase if you were the one earnibng money and he did not have a job and you were hiding it would be a case. He loves himself more than he loves you. Let your suopplications be knownm to Jehovah and one day he will respond to your request.

  99. Its the cash you need my dear and not what he has in the bank. it is not necessary for be checking his bank documents, as you know men are not the same and so study your man and treate the situation as it comes. If he is not the kind that needs you to be involved with his bank docs, no big, just push him in a loving manner to being a responsible dad and husband by giving you some money for house keeping and end there. If you push too much into him showing you his bank docs he might just suspect that you could be up to something bad hence your insisting on seeing his docs and so no.

  100. dear am in the similar situa but as for me he brings the payslip and bank statement BUT I DONT SEE THE CASH..what he does is he will buy all the goods we need, if you ask him for cash he respond ati the problem with women is you want to finish everything….

  101. #131, You are right,..(CONTINUED…..MOST ZAMBIAN MEN ARE CHILDISH, RUDE,DEMANDING,VERY SECRETIVE,ARROGANT,SHONKONONO PLUGS THEIR EARS AND SO THEY DON’T LISTEN,PROUD FOR NOTHING,FREAKS,BOOZERS,BOSSES OF THE HOUSE,SLAVE MASTERS,AND MANY MORE…….

  102. The pride/prize/praise for my one and only sooooo very beautiful daughter is Eternal, no one CAN SHAKE IT EXCEPT ALMIGHTY GOD. LOOOOOOOOOOOOSERS!

  103. #132,#133, With due mature respect to you both, the pride/prize/praise for my one and only sooooo beautiful daughter is Eternal, no one CAN SHAKE IT EXCEPT ‘KABUMBA’ ALMIGHTY GOD. LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSERS!

  104. First of all, all my bank statements and payslips read: Name: Mr. EasyE and not Mr and Mrs EasyE. Its my money, and I emphasize, my money. As long as I make sure that I support you and my child and you don’t lack in anything why should you worry about how much is in my account? Like someone has already said, open an account and hide the statements from him and am sure he wouldn’t be bothered.

  105. So what if you see my bank statement. You are only making noise coz you suspect my account is in six zeroes figures. If you find its in nagative will you be so kind as to help make more money? Definitely No. Now let me pour out.We don’t show you our statements and payslips because we give some of that money to our mothers and sisters and brothers whom we love so much coz we are where we are because of them yet you hate them so much that you will be mad if you found out that I gave them money. Until you get used to the idea that am obliged to supporting my mother, father sisters and brothers you will never see that payslip ever.

  106. #144 Totally right! Zambian men, most are such losers, si backward…..ba kamushi sana..they want to be bosses, want to rule, want to be worshipped yet most are the opposite of the above scenario….they earn much less than their wives…they need to become more open minded!!!

  107. OSAMA WAPA ZED where are you? Help our lady here but no insults.
    My friend, do you agree that your hubby should help other family members, especially his parents? Please find some thing to do,work/ business.

  108. ARE YOU A CHRISTIAN?IF YOU ARE,THE KNEEL DOWN AND CALL UPON THE NAME OF THE LORD WHO IS ABOVE ALL.HE IS GOD OF IMPOSSIBILITIES,HE MAKES A WAY WHERE IT SEEMS TO BE NO WAY…THEREFORE HE CAN NOT FAIL YOU MY SISTER…..

  109. ABAUME BAMO FIPUBA EEH!!! uLEMUNAILAFYE UBWALI UBWA MUSALU LYOONSE!!! uKAMONA NGA AKALYA INSHIKU SHINGA. BUT BE CAREFUL KUTI BAKUPOKA FUTI KA

  110. PLSE BA 116 DO NOT MAKE YOUR KID HAVE A DATE MIND ABOUT ZAMBIAN MEN, THEY MIGHT PROBLEMATIC BUT ITS NOT EVERY ONE.. DO NOT GENERALISE, EVEN IF MY HUSBAND IS NOT ZAMBIAN I WILL NEVER FEED MY KIDS MIND WITH ONLY NEGATIVE THINGS FROM MY OWN COUNTRY.. NEVER EVER.. UNLESS YOU TELLING THAT YR DAD IS WHITE..

  111. IMWE BA 142 WHERE IS SHE GOING TO GET THE MONEY FOR OPENNING THE ACCT. UMUKASHANA NI PARASITE NA TOMATO TAFWAYA KUTATIKA…

  112. IMWE BA #156, The woman has said she is not currently working because she is looking ater the baby, read the stories first before you blog, muzayamba kuphula chusi! JUST CONTINUE UKWANGALA MWEBENE!

  113. BA #156, The woman clearly stated that she is not working at present as she is looking after the baby, tekanyeni!

  114. Ba # 116 i think muli Hule fye mummy…. And you’re teaching your daughter the same. Just Shut up if you’ve got nothing to share!
    Your ka daughter must have been missing out mu yama flowers ku bwaice olo yapa dress… she ugly so nobody wanted her!

  115. # 92,#93. Musula obe! Ule landa bwino. You think muli bana kashi sana ayi? Atase Chinyo Chobe! For your own information the current generation Zed women are one of the worst in the kitchen in Africa.
    I wonder how Amatebeto will be done when our mothers depart from us…:(
    mule umfwa don’t just be good at being quick at opening them burnt legs of yours!

  116. Guys nasheniko insele, the person in #92, is only airing their general observations, if you have general observations about a different gender just air it as well if you are innocent of all that is being mentioned.This is the only free Blogging site, don’t spoil it, don’t let it go to the DOGS!

    LT, CENSOR WHERE IT IS DUE!!!!

  117. Aka mwana kobe tuka ka tumina ba guy baka kacite iya kumbuyo…pa mputi.waufwa Mudala. Musata nyoko!
    Elo wila yumfwa ati you learned. Stinky Moron!

  118. #163 # 161 niwe nde yeba
    reach me on +85241941969
    Tule cita irritate abantu apa.

    # 164 Ala Sorry bakamba! ine naleka.

  119. #163 ANON don’t insult any more please,please,pleasee!or else wewill stop you by force. shi kulu twasungapo fyebambi.

  120. SORRY BA 157, ALA ITS JUST A NORMAL DEBATE DO NOT TAKE PERSONAL FEELINGS, MIND YOU THIS STORIES ON LIFESTYLES MIGHT NO BE REAL.
    MAMA NALYENGELE NI NIKI NAME..SENSE OF HUOMOR BA NYINA..

  121. I agree with number 70. Start making your own money when your babys’ grown. the hide all your statements wait for him to ask your earnings jokingly tell him that he hides his. Dont depend on these men they are a draw back mwandi.. take care.

  122. most ladies are only good at spending without thinking about investments. i guess you’re too demanding thats why he is trying to make sure you dont know what he’s getting

  123. Look here lady, as things stand you are a dependant so get over it.
    He hides his finances because he does not want you to question his expenses.
    Your husbands budget: Home 1000,000
    Booze 500,000
    Galu friend 1,500,000
    Contingency 1,000,000(for `short time’ at nothmead and talktime blablablabla)

  124. Sakila Nchito iwe. You are not the first woman to have a child and your friends are working. If you got your own Job you’d be hiding statements from him.

  125. Do we really need to use abusive language when someone is asking for advice? For those that consider themselves learned, why don’t you express yourselves in a manner people looking up to you would expect?

  126. My sister, if your husband is giving you all the things you are asking for but neither lets you know how much he earns nor shows you his bank statements, that’s fine, but not okay. You will need more time to think on how to be able to raise this issue with him. I suggest you do it when your child has grown and you are able to work. Remember, always try to be part of the cure and not the problem

  127. Really flabbergasted at the range here! to the original question – if you cannot talk or have mutual trust (even with the hard things/ where one of you has issues to work on) there is no marriage. Its more than just sex and housekeeping/ bambino raising.

    To “Mr Nice Guy”. Rally?????

    Shanza – I agree.

  128. I was jilted by my ex (who was with my bestfriend before we hooked up)who is in Zambia just before we got into marriage talks and now am dating a UK top Zambian – UK DJ soon to be Mrs DJ xxxx. I’d say get a J.O.B!!!!and be your own woman.

  129. first of all i would say to you my dear woman is get a job. this will make him look at you as an equal and not a burden.
    2. this will give you a sense of independence and he will prbably feel the need to share his financial issues as he knows you will be able to asdsist rather than spend.
    3.how are your spending habbits not that am encouraging his behaviour.
    4.how did you get married? was it because you got pregnant or he just wanted to marry you?
    -if you got pregnant it means he married you out of obligation not coz he wanted and that might be a strategy to frustrate you as he might be holding a grudge against you for cutting short his fun.
    most importantly be your own woman.

  130. I dont show her my payslip. She would be shocked how i manage to pay fees at Rhodespark school for our 2 kids and pay 1.8 Million kwacha rent from a salary of K1,350,000. She kind of trusts me you see.

  131. SPOT ON!!!!! ba 183 The Verdict.

    Its called insurance. Some guy is being blackmailed by his wife, cant even have pints with his friends because she knows all these secrets. Most of us would be happy to show the pay slips, then it would beg the ??? How do we…………….???

  132. zambian men have just gone wrong. heaven knows what they really want mwandi. if you strong enough hold on bt me nshakosa i gave up on them along time ago. kutinafwa nechikonko

  133. Yes men are dogs and they keep things to themselves. We can never run away with your cash…us women know how to make cash.We have Gold!!

  134. BA # 169, kanshi chinjeni iyi nickname, it strongly gives a wrong impression, especially pa cyber space.

  135. y should u want to knw his financial status?…aslong as ur fine and the child is fine.u get yo own job and pay slip…its not an issue whether u knw hz financial status or not..aslong as he loves u and his still with u…waT are u going to do when u know how much he has or get?

  136. Iwe chi # 130, shallow yr foolish pride; u’ve got issues ma dear..go c a doc. For yr own infor….our daughters too are not in Zed. I’m sure u even send her to look for non-zambians….. a mama just tell us wat u want.
    FOOLISH PRIDE

  137. Get him drunk as in really drunk and when he blacks out go thru his wallet to check his statements. but do this only once, ka i li all you want to know is how much he gets te ? 🙂

    or just be happy that you even have a man that pays all your bills. all my bills are paid, even hair and nails, and i dont flipping care how much the Mr gets ( boyfrined )

  138. I would have loved to know how it was at the start of therelationship. That is during the days of dating and the first few monthes in the marriege.This is to help me establish the change of behaviour or what may have lead to the change, if there was any change at all.My feeling is that the man is spending a lot of money else where ( most likely drinking or on othergirls). If he gave you K1 000 000=00, for example, he wants you to think thats all there was to it since you dont know how much he gets. If you knew how much he gets and gave you K1 000 000=00 and then he declared the money is finished, you would start questioning where the rest has gone. Let his relatives know this for future use

  139. You should report this to his relatives so that they are the ones who should call their son and advise him for your sake. After they have sat himdown they are sopposed to let you know. And if he has listerned you will notice some change.This sometimes works where I come from.

  140. #1 love is more than the bank statements and learn to understand the issue at hand…i dont support any of them…..

  141. dnt wory baby gal…jst let him be like that.sum day one day he’l show u.u shudnt even bother to be asking abt it & be as gud as u can to him as if all is wel.dnt even deny him anything,be submisive as the bible says.

  142. I think it is the kind of relationship you have. It is important for a man not to disclose all the financies to his partner because women live for today and men think ahead and the consquences of not having the cash. So he is planning for tomorrow, i hope you will still be with him, to enjoy the fruits of good saving. If he is supporting you and the child well, then be happy and live for today. Unless you are suffering. But if you need extra money, get a job and ask him to get a helper to look after the child.

  143. Why shud sum1 elses finances b of any concern to u,if he choses 2 disclose that info 2 u thats his choice 2 make- if u need sumthing jus ask -ask n u shall receive- u dnt need 2 know how much will b left after he gives u money- wats it 2 u- its petty things like this that end perfectly good marriages. Mayb he sees it in a diff way n hasn’t noticed hw it looks 2 other ppl- its all in a person’s upbringing… Jus learn 2 understand him

  144. How do you escalate a relationship too quick? One way is couples share too much, too deep, too fast. You go to Denny’s and you spend from 7:00 PM to 2:00 AM on the first date and the guy just goes blaaah and just lets everything out in his entire life and sometimes you can bind too quick on that. Another way is – how can you say this – keep your hands off each other, you know what I’m saying? You don’t, and especially guys, you don’t go kissing on some woman before you’re willing to be responsible to hold her heart.

  145. My sister i think you nag your husband too much that is the reason why he does not let his bank documents in your sight and maybe your spending is very extravagant and it also seems you like money too much coz if he gives you everything you ask for and not the payslip alone why wory?

    You are the one with the damn problem not him unless if he does not provide at home. Find a job and make you we see if you will be careless with it.

    Stop nagging the man.

  146. Why the bank statement?you are the type of women who kill you husbands to take all they have toiled for and get married to the other and do the same all you care abount is money.

    I think you should be taken to alagize!

  147. Greeting. A writer is a person for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people.
    I am from Barbuda and learning to write in English, please tell me right I wrote the following sentence: “Find cheap flights and discount airline tickets.”

    THX :D, Alyssa.

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