DEAR BLOGGERS,
I have a child with a my fiancee and we have been staying together for 3 years. We plan to get married next year.However, our relationship has been rocky of late. You see she has another child with an ex-boyfriend and this child has come to stay with us.
The problem here is that this child is naughty and every time there are issues of his discpline, she calls the ex. This is not an issue of insecurity because she left the ex for me. My point is I do not like these calls because I think since he does not pay child support, he should have nothing to do with our household. He sent his son over to stay with the mother. When I raise these issues with my fiancee, she claims she is doing so because I do not love her son like I do mine. The boy is 11 years and our son is 3 years. No matter what I tell her she remains adamant that her ex should be involved. I am really pissed off. Am I overeacting here?
Yours
Jeff (not real name)
Yes we cant
Yes you are. Keep quiet and observe and at the same continue to play fair to both sons. It will come to pass.
Your wife will respect you more for this. It may however be an idea for her to also realise that you and her are the ones in the relationship and need to raise this child.
You may find that the rebellious attitude is a the childs way of wanting some contact with the father.
# 2!!!
Ponyax you are not #1 .my brother, women are wack she is very much replacable so just end it before its too late. there are so many well behaved women.
Naitaya aiyi?
Anti OBAMA But OSAMA I’m desperate for a well behaved woman any idea where i can find one?
Thats very serious,since hes in yo home he has to abide to the rules u have set 4 evryone in da house.abt calling her ex talk to her how bad u feel abt it when u r having a great time as a fimily may b she will understand u or vice versa.
Do not allow that guy to be coming to your home, let him take his child. he can easily be chewing your fiancee.
listen to brian chilala’s song munda wakale.then you will know what we talking about.
Abena Jeff, you brought this on yourself so live with it! You can’t impregnate a lady with extra baggage (kid from another chap) and expect all to be rosy. This is a dicey sitchu you should have envisioned?! My humble advice, face the fact that old boy (man) will always be involved in (& has the right) in his son’s affairs, so take it like a man. Good lesson, fellow bloggers, don’t tie yourself to women with xtra baggage…!
its obvious the ex is getting some behind your back sir.fwayako umbi mudala, bakudyela
ITS PART OF LIFE IT WILL COME TO PASS
God forbid!! stay out of this woman, she’s still seeing her ex.
for a change lifestyle awe mwe,we sick and tired of politics.
Nalumino Mundia, go to Omelo Mumba road(Rhodespark) around 19Hrs you find nice women, they are ready to change man.
Sit down with elders, explain your problem to them and the challenegs your wife is facing in disciplining the child. It could be that it’s true you are not showing love to the child and you cannot critically observe the way you relate with this step child. Your marriage counselors are the nest to handle your issues. Otherwise, do not be emotional and be sobber enough to resolve this matter. Accept your weaknesses and demonstate a change of attitude in the way you relate with the step child. Show that you are responsible. Currently, your wife does not trust you with that child.
ex is ex,,,,,,,hes got no rite to caution him on how he treats the child especially were displine is concerned.if he thinks the child is not well kept,let him get him and tek care of him.the woman should also decide to who takes care of the child,y report to the ex when she as a parent is capable of making sure that the kids is well manered,rubbish
uzakazionela iwe,uzakaona ve taona.kali commercial iwe
#.9
YOU SPOKE SENSE,I LKE WHAT YOU SAID!
You are a very lucky man, because those problems are coming out before you are formally married otherwise you were going to live in hell, that is, you were going to regret for the rest of your life. But remember that whereas for a man you would like to be neutral, a woman will always support her biological child and discriminate against the man’s. My advice is that you start looking yonder because that “fiancee’ is still in love with the “ex” or she has her dreams somewhere else
Got well man,the truth is that the man is chewing your fiancee,why bring the son to her when he knows you are about to get married?Simply to disturb and he wins.Period.Wake up man and do the unthinkable to her.
The other fella has got a say in the upbringing of the Child. But you woman running all the time to the ex means she has not forgotten about him. Besides you are not even married yet and she keeps on insisting that he intervens. Are you well of than the other guy? She might be with you only for a roof over her head. Watch her closely.
Bro, when problems like this one start you will never have peace at home.Just think about it. I have gone through this as well.
#6 i’m here!
WE REAP WHAT WE SOW,JUST ENJOY THE HARVEST FOR NOW!
I think you are not seriours cos there is no way you can stay with a lady for three years in the same house and still call her your fiancee. Since you have not commited yourself in marriage to her its better you pull out before its too late. Your Fiancee dose not respect you as the head of the house cos, she should not be brining the ex to solve the problem in your home. I even doubt if the other 3 year old child is truly yours, or for the ex. Open your eyes man. Why did she not marry all this time ofter having an 11 yr old?
23 let’s link up, uli kuti? mail me nalumino AT something dot com
I must sympathise with you Jeff for this inst an easy situation for one to find themselves in. Since you have already found yourself in one, you need to show that you are the head of the house. Raising stepchildren can’t be easy at times, but again your wife should understand that she has a very important role to play to discipline the child she has with her ex-boyfriend. Children may not like it to be disciplined by someone who is not their father, and so your wife needs to understand that and take up the role.
Mr. Zed if he pulls out wat posibility is there that the 3 yr old child will not end up like the 11 yr old chap?\
Send this boy back to the father period. Step children are very ungrateful
LT this is the second time you are posting this topic.
And I must also say you are not over reacting, you are actually realising that it is not that easy. Since you already have a child with this lady, go ahead and marry her. You sound like a good man Jeff but at the same time you need to set the rules in the house. You must embrace your step son to be, but if he seems too difficult, then he has to join his father until such a time he comes back to his senses. It’s your own family at stake here!
Am in a similar position although not exactlty. I got married to my beautiful wife a year ago and we have no children. Two months after our wegdding, my wife’s elder sister died leaving a 3 years old boy. As per Bemba custom, my wife was named after the diceased and asked to take care of the orphaned boy. The father of this boy lives in Mpika. The elder sister and the boy’s father weren’t married at the time of her deaf.
Now although my wife and I have no children of our own, she is called Bana Mwila (Mwila is the boy’s name)
My opinion day in and day out is that the boy be given to the father but my wife and her family are reluctant.
Ok. This is out of topic. Could someone please tell me the difference in terms of features, between old and new passports. I renewed mine not long ago and I hate to think that I will have to undergo the same tedious process of obtaining a new one in case the one I have is new but of the old system.
Pliz help.
Thats always a problem of dating women with children from their ex, you either leave that woman or stay with her and treat both children equal, coz in the first place you knew that she had a child with somebody else
The Jeff in the story, is it Jeff Sitali of the colgate fame?
Its tricky and will always be tricky.Great you have indentified the the problem.Try to get another woman who has never given birth.
I am not too sure if to call someone a fiancee and leaving together is correct. Mwana go back to the drawing table and make proper consultations. Its high time you started building you image. Grow up boy. [ Marry in a correctlly and get get counsored by elders.
Am in a similar position although not exactlty. I got married to my beautiful wife a year ago and we have no children. Two months after our wegdding, my wife’s elder sister died leaving a 3 years old boy. As per Bemba custom, my wife was named after the diceased and asked to take care of the orphaned boy. The father of this boy lives in Mpika. The elder sister and the boy’s father weren’t married at the time of her death.
Now although my wife and I have no children of our own, she is called Bana Mwila (Mwila is the boy’s name)
My opinion day in and day out is that the boy be given to the father but my wife and her family are reluctant.
#26 – I’m in London – Me a PhD student in Nuclear medicine. what is that ‘something’ suppose to mean in your e mail address? I’m serious i want a Zambian man.
Well social intercourse at its best…in our Zambian way of doing things you cannot leave with a woman you are not married to…that is just my little contribution, however, with the intercourse of cultures there is a great paradigm shift…as long as your lady continues meeting her EX, it will forever be inkondoo!hence your insecurity nangu ukane!
FTJ thats a nice one, leaving the woman will not help at all. Sit down and talk about it marriage is only for two pipo. If you love eachother, thats a small problem that can easily be handled. Am sure yo children would also behave the same way to other pipo but because they are yo children you dont notice. Thats a child you can easily make him the way you want him to be. Stay blessed
I’ll be the first to say that these problems never end. I’m from a family where my mother had a son before marrying my father. From childhood till now that we are old, my mother always considered him her ‘baby’. Even if my father tried his best to make things equal, mom always had a complex about my brother. Even when he was over 25+, coming home drunk, ‘performing’ and insulting the family…if my dad tried to say anything…my mom would jump to his defence saying ‘you don’t love my son’. So, just so you know…those problems will be with you till kingdom come if you decide to marry her. On the other hand though, now that this child is in your home, your authority needs to be respected
you two are wanting to be one….and to be one you need to be in everything together! same like you if a couple years from now you impregnant a girl, the two of you will need to ride out that storm, but again together. so as you are going into a marriage commitment, explain to her that you have do this together! how to treat the child and whether to call the father is between you two not her alone, because also if she continues like this the will feel unwanted and not loved by you who is the mother’s spouse (the mother’s life affects the child and you are now part of the mother’s life). let her understand this, but also give her time
and your discipline. You can’t have one set of rules for your biological son and another set for the step-child, as the mother seems to be advocating by her actions. This will just affect the children negatively in the end. If this woman has agreed wholeheartedly to live with you as your wife, then she needs to realise that it involves ‘forsaking all others – including exes’ and clinging to you to make your own home with its own rules and traditions. Yes, the father can be allowed to be a part of the child’s life, but whoever is providing the permanent abode is the one who has the final say. Good luck my brother, but be wise, in case the woman is also being shady. Engagement isn’t final!
I have read the different comments from different pipo, but one thing you should understand is that it takes two pipo to taggle. jeff said that, he is not insecure since he is the one that got this poor lady from Mr. X, even when he was getting into this relationship he knew very well what he was getting himself into, but it is for pipo like you who are encouraging him to ditch this lady, how many times is he going to be datting women, coz there will always be somthing wrong with each woman he will “kobekela”, mind you, even single ladies are not to be trusted, they are the most dangerous, one for talk time, one for Lunch, one for transport. so Mr. jeff just keep that lady amd marry her.
Iwonder if this Jeff in the picture is zambian, I think the picture is from some western countries.
situ eliko bad
r u sure u r well behaved? because this display of jumping at the one that is desperate is worrying. i do not trust such behaviour
does it mean that just because in this case it is the lady who has a child in this relationship she has to suffer? what if it was the other way round. would you pipo advise the same? you are all marraige breakers. sit down analyz it is you in that situe, what would you do.Mwandi jeff you love your woman despite of the handle so just find ways of talking to her and comming to un agreement thats all
Jeff, this lady just wants your support its like you are able to support the boy than the ex but, she is still in love with the ex. Thats the only problem of getting second hand ladies, they come with second problems (children, Ex. etc.) There are so many nice ladies dying to get married, get a freash one at least they can acept your child than you keeping another man’s child.
My Brother Listen,
If you’re finding it dificalty to dissipling the other child, take him to his father, he should know better how to dessipling his child. This is the only way cause you’re the owner of that house he’s living in and everyone under your roof should dance to your tune.
Chintobentobe. I hope that is not your wife’s child ka? It could be that your wife gave birth to that child and was given to the sister to keep for a while till the two of you get married. What you dont know dont hurt so dont insist on taking the child to his father.All the best.
Elo chawama. Ubuchende bwamwaume tabutoba n’ganda lelo ubwamwanakashi, litenta chalo!
#25 you satrted your comments very well but waitaya palast.when you say why didnt she marry after 11 years. First I think you should get facts such as how long they have been seeing each other and besides there is nothing wrong with taking time before one decides to marry.
why is the Lusaka Times putting up such posts? this is not the Sunday Times!
When you leave her your own three year old child will be in the situation of the eleven year old and perhaps she will be calling you too. It’s either the child stays with the father or if he stays with you and his mother then change your attitude towards him and love him like your own then your wife will love you more.
#32 your situation is quite deferent as your wife`s sister was not married.i believe most zambian tribes in zambia are patrilineal but if you dont pay damage for the child out of wedlock then her family automatically takes her over.so no matter what u say as long as he has not claimed traditionally his rights as a favour,he will not be given that child unless you ask your wife to hand over the boy to another family member,
You say this woman left her ex for you . uuuum interesting.Umunda wakale tawa shupa ukulima.This ex may be cultivating by now.My advise is to ask this girlfriend to sever links with this ex of has.
#50, You don’t have the right to call any one second hand lady b’coz you don’t know what happened in the first relationship. Love is not for sale and it doesn’t just come by, when you find your true love it really doesn’t matter what they have been through or with who.
Jeff talk to your woman on a serious note and agree on how you are going to raise that child if you know you truly love her.
Dont go searching for wel behaved woman that you dont love.
Jeff, if you truly love your woman, seek advise from some independent counselors, because both of you are too emotionally involved. the child might just be feeling insecure. As for some comments! Some of you men want to marry virgins, eh? what about yourselves? the double standards of some people! you think a woman is trash because she has a child outside marriage? Isn’t the man also trash for doing so? Ala! for shame! You really have no respect for women if you think that you can live one life but she has to be a saint to find a man. I’ve got news for you–some men marry for love, including her “baggage”. those same innocents you marry will be the first to cheat on you! learn to accept!
Hello Jeff,
I advise you listen to the issues raised by number 15
Very crystal clear,stop listen and observe yourself probably you may be doing something without you knowing.
Guys,these are serious issues learn to offer advice maturely!!!
Sheikh Banda thats not being fair to genuine ladies who made mistakes and now they realise that it was!! not all of the beautiful ladies are the same.
Jeff you have been with the lady for three years apart from the child what wrong are you seiing in that person…
Search your heart and be honest to yourself.
Be blessed
I thought this was a forum that forward thinking, politically active Zambians can discuss stratgies on how to develop our nation and empower our people! its not an agony aunt column! this is ridiculous!
maybe the boy does not respect you for living with a woman you have not married yet
Typical zedian mentality, discrimination of stepchildren in marriages. But when those children grow up to be “somebody” step parents are the first come begging for fortunes forgetting very fast how bad they treated the step children.
# 62 (Miss President) You’re in the wrong section…I thought that was obvious! No one forced you to post in this section. To discuss development strategies that you probably will never have the opportunity to implement, please post in the appropriate sections or find a site that better suits your needs. For those interested in other topics,including this one, please continue undisturbed. Life is more than politics, as the low voter turn-out reflected in the last elections. When ‘bread and butter’/household issues are pressing, politics will always be secondary. And when people’s lives are in good order and they are happy, then you’ll see more participation in matters of national interest.
62 a freind is need help were necesarry
Boss why did you pick on a second hand? There are so many stranded single gals that you could have picked and married. You are not cohabting, consider yourself married. This devil of a Boy has a father let it go to him otherwise say bye to you affair. Your gal also has a bad attitude she needs to thank you for looking after her son and not saying that you don’t love him what is loving a kid anyway? Is it buying toys, clothes, taking it out or what, feeding lt well, what kind of love does your gal expect from you???? Tell her there are so many gals out there and let her help you in controlling that boy. wah. I have spoken!!!
This is an update, i realise i wrote this a year ago and a lot has happened (iam the jeff above). After i posted my story on this blog, someone asked me later what transpired and i again posted that the affair had ended.
True to my fears she hooked up with her ex. I should mention here that i live in one country with her while her ex lives in another. So as it goes her ex started fly in and out and i got myself a girlfriend. Apparently, she failed to handle her son and she ended up sending him to stay with his father while she continued her long distance romance with the intentions of relocating when she finished her studies. To cut this long story short, she realised that she did …
love this man ( from her) and one night called me and said she still loved me and she wanted me back. For the sake of our kid i agreed of course on my terms and we i now staying together. I do not know if it is yet another bludder but only time will tell.
Got back together “for the sake of your kid…” hmm? – Hopefully you got yourselves tested upon reconciling, for the sake of your kid.
Jeff, this woman does go to the ex for may other things including yakumbuyo. Be careful azayamba yakusogolo.The child’s problems give her a good alibi
Iwe balekwafwa, umu men aleimona, The guy is doing some samaritan work.
#68,69 mm if you really are Jeff I can’t believe you’ve gone back to that woman.You have an appetite for strife hey? A toxic relationship can not be good for your child.Yet on the other hand maybe you deserve each other.I wish you the best, aim high young man you deserve more than the second best.
just stay with that lady mind you you a getting married to the mother not son,that boy is not an issue you can still tell him to leave or make his life dificult he will leave on his on.
The fact that you ve lived with her for three years and not married her undermines your authority… her son thinks you are just his mum’s lover and not his father, so he resists your control. she feels you don’t love her son because his bonding with you is visibly very weak.. Most times its hard to be a father without being a husband..if you really love the lady, accept her son, marry her and have total control over your wife and the two children…and she will look to you entirely. There are a lot of step children living happily in new homes. Do not be discouraged.
Imwe banakazi, I personally feel tired of you. For instance, this Mboweni or is she Mbomweni (already with not true name) is showing that she’s a good woman just because she’s disparate for marriage. Those of us men who have been married know that once they’re in there, start showing true colors.
Jeff don’t marry that lady as she’s disobedient and would be worse. She’s also careless; how did she let herself have a baby with out of marriage (again). She can sleep with anybody and she does with her ex. You want to marry her but her ex can’t because he’s sharper than you.
well put #64. this reminds me of the song “amalume” by the mulemena boys or was it emmanuel mulemena himself?
Dem type a woman weh act like a Jezebel, we also call dem Mummah Mongrel…tryin’ fi run tings a yard. Sorry Jeff, but me nuh sorry fi yuh becah yu is an HH (House Husband).
Am sorry my friend, calling her ex is a big problem if you don’t know. I think your relationship with her is not going to work. Naughty was just the start of issues and there is more to come. I would love to see things work out for you but I don’t think so. I know you have a child with her but you need to make a move and it’s up to you only as you are the only one who know her.
SECOND HAND WOMEN ARE ALL THE SAME MWAICE WANDI.NANGU AWAME NGE NDALAMA.ALA TABALABA UWA BALILE ICISUUNGU.UKALANDA UKANAKA MWAICE WANDI.TUVIZIBA ISE TUNAPITAMO.
They no need of calling his ex more especially if he does not support the child tell her that u love the child and u will displine him just like ur own
What else do want in life ,you have got kids thats enough .Just be by yourselves and enjoy life ,If you are more into sex and stuff,you can still have that without bounding. Its not mandatory to be in marriage anyway ,you are looking for your freedom.
Don’t even be suprised if you find out that the same ex akutombela mukazi wako.
I hope you didn’t hid anything else. From what you wrote you are the problem. This woman she may love you but she doesn’t trust you with the up bring of your step child.Its not about financil and displinary issues only.First thing change your attitude towards your step child.Second start spending more time with your step child. take him/ her out and play with him/her. Take the child out own your own don’t wait for your woman to tell you that. you have to earn the child’s love, trust and confidence in you.Remember you are not the biological father.The biological father has the right to see his child and stopping thinking that he shouldn’t.You need to earn their trust i.e bottom line.Good luck
I happen to be the father to the child in question here. this guy got my wife from me and he thinks i was happy……no way. i have to continue reaping so aherhe feel what he also made feel. apart from the calls, we actually meet with the mother to my child and share some wonderful times together……..munda wakale indeed!!!!!!
dont blame the Man gentlmen. its naive to expect him to treat a son who is not his like his own. There shall always be a difference between your own produce and onother mans produce.My own son can Jump onto my laps and give me a slap on my Chick. The other obviously can do the same to his father. The point is the woman should understand that let her not use the child to communicate to the EX each time she misses him. As for the man i think see some Alangizi for the bedroom skills could be she is missing the Ex, “first cut is the dippest”
father to the child be careful. Munda wakele si u vuta but mumankhala Njoka. you gat to put a fire(Rubber) there before you move inn
# 89 that’s actually what it is……..you are right. my ex actually complains to me that the man is not good in bed at all. she regrets actaully. we plan on getting back!!!
sorry….i meant #86
i actually killed all the snake # 87. we did HIV tests and she now does not sleep with jeff without condoms……telling him that she can’t afford to get pregnant before they marry.
Jeff…..ask your so called fiancee where she was yesterday afternoon. the time you called, i was actually on top!!!
Such problems are till divorce do us part. Don’t expect this child to respect u the way your own will.To make things worse that woman still wants banging from the ex,she is suposed to be supportive to you when it comes to descipline but you have to be wise not to segregate. Attitude is very important, also watch this woman, I don’t like the Idea of calling her ex which means he is helping you run your home, who knows to what extent.BE WATCHFUL!!!!Step kids never appreciate.
What do you mean you by saying you are planning to get married?because mwalyupana akale since you are have been staying together.Unless you tell me that you sleep in different rooms which is impossible.
What nonsense is this Jeff. You’re saying you are planning to marry when you’re doing everything that qualifies the two of you as married. Are U Zambian? In Zambia there are no such issue. Whichever the case in my view looking at your situation, U can not move on with that kind of relationship its like yo partner always compares yo love to that of her alleged Ex(may be not). So lead yo own life with yo kid.
The thing is that yo woman is don not respect you, how on earth could she be ranning after the ex who failed her anyway? invite a rebel in yo home? the lady is a greaty Liar!!!!!!!!
Do something else you do not know where you are heading. Why confine in someone who disappointed her?
Or she is the one who did it wrong and so is try to do baby come back through the boy, if anything the naughty guy here is yo woman and not the boy!!!!!!
jeff, do you that if you live with a woman for more than three months then you are actually married according to the local courts?
wheather u like it or not that child has a father who needs to play an active role in the affairs of the child because thats his real father . when u got urself involved with a woman who already has a child with another man u shud v foreseen such so just endure and stop thinking ur step child is interfering with your relationship. grow up and behave like a REAL MAN . i think u r being childish.
You man, you cant be doing something wrong and continue to complain.
1. You have a Child with someone who is not your wife
2. You live with someone whose not your wife
Dont you think this is immoral behaviour which might give you worse problems?
You can put things right by repenting, take the lady to her parents, let them charge you for all you have done to their daughter, then decide whether to mary. Theres no legal relationship between you and her ex son you are just facing concequences of mistakes you have made. If the woman you have damaged and you have continued to damage is not your wife then who is the ex son to you? Its only you who can change things.
and how do u live together for so many years just engaged. uku kobekela te chupo iyo! stop being bad examples to young ones . your woman and urself v no morals .
this is a wake up call and if you have to marry this lady take your time and think this coz its your life and once married there will be no way out. unless you are ready to live a frustrated and unhappy marriage. most likely your marriage might not work out considering the current scenario. pliz take time and reflect and if you are a christian pray about and seek adivce & counsel.
BRA Jeff,1. The Ex to yo fience’ didnt build a beta foundation of rules.2. There is more to this issue than wat u ve just indicated.
3. The mother didnt play an early stage naturing.
4. The mother and the ex need to work on this issue becoz this man could have a woman at present who does not want the boy.
5. The mother need to move on and assist the child to accept the father now.6. The mother is disempowering the man in the house by contacting someone else.7. This would lead to the child thinking “only my dad can discipline me”.Please tell your woman to cut any contacts to deal with disciplining the child. Furthermore, try to build a relationship with the child 1st all will be ok later.
Quite interesting indeed, the only time my wife can call a third party to come and help us with a problem is when the two of us have failed. But again this has to be with my consent and better still it has to be me suggesting for that. apart from the ex, are there no other pipo who can help?
A relationship is powered by two people and the moment one invites a third party then trouble is expected 100%. She has more confidence in the mr.’ex’and like the bloggers have noted, he may well be see more of her. I have a child with a woman who went on to get married else where and i took my child coz i cant allow my son to be raised by another man. So in short you better waked and tell her to chose either take the son to father ro she better shut up about the other fella.
ok sorry boyi,solution is to go get another woman pregnat and let this new child move in,equation balanced.
# 9,18 34 comments of selfish men.men always want to be accepted in whatever situation they are found and vise versa.shame on you backward men.#45 well spoken what would they do if it were them that extra buggage? be civilised men! Jeff just needs to train his wife how to behave as he is the head.if he cant be the head then he should forget about marrying.
I can imagine what the ‘ex’ thinks when she calls only to say that the cuurent Jeff is unable to contrl the child the way ‘ex’ does. Jeff Jeff Jeff, man think!!!!!!! Snake in the house. you are lowly rated by even the ‘ex’ and it gives him a chance to do more. Feel sorry for your son coz you will break up with his mother. By the way why did she breakup with ‘ex’. This is important for profiling this woman.
The so called wife to be is frustrating you,If you have got what it takes get a beautiful chick and start flirting without hygene .She will realise that she has lost the game. I know she is not model or something that you cant find around town. If I were in your position, I can give her a piece of me , screw around ,coming home around 05hrs everyday coz you not married.
iwe # 50 na 67 muli mashiku webana! kuti umuntu ba second hand mwana?bushe pantu iwe ifyo muchita ta filembeka, kukulya ifisungu wapena webana kukula!if you force jeff to leave his woman wont she become a third hand and who is going to keep jeffs child na chintomfwa ulya umbi shichupiti lyobe.he knew what he was getting into. uwenda mwilungu tomfwa nswanswa!
MY DEAR THIS EX STILL CHEWS THIS LADY, 11 YEARS IS LONG ENOUGH, THEY MUST HAVE KNOWN EACH OTHER FOR MORETHAN 13 YEAR SO YOU JUST INTRUDED, GET YOUR CHILD & LEAVE THIS WOMAN ALONE. DONT COMPARE WOMEN TO GOOD SECOND HAND JAP VEHICLES, THIS WOMEN STILL HAVE TIES TO FORMER HUSBANDS. U ARE NOT MARRIED LEAVE HER. STEP CHILDREN ARE PROBLEMS. ADVICE TO MEN. PLEASE DONT MARRY SALAULA LADIES COZ SOON U WILL KNOW THE REASON YO FRIEND DUMPED IT. ABASH THIS LADY. COME TO MY CHURCH & REPENT, THERE ARE MANY SINGLE LADIES IN THE CHOIR.
I CAN SMELL A RAT HERE. FIRST OF ALL EXMINE YOUR BEHAVIOUR TOWARDS YOUR TWO CHILDREN, IS IT BALANCED OR IMBALANCE. TO WIN A WOMAN GIVE HER THE BEST YOU CAN, TREAT YOU STEP CHILD LIKE YOURS OTHERWISE SHE WILL NOT STOP PHONING THE EX-BOY-FRIEND. AND EVENTUALLY THE EX- WILL MARRY HER, WHILST YOU ARE WATCH.
MAKE FRESH ARRANGEMENT WITH YOUR LOVER AND FORGET THE PAST, TRANSFER HER X’S CELL # INTO YOUR PHONE IN CASE OF EMERGENCY YOU ARE BETTER PLACED TO COMMUNICATED TO HIM. IF SHE WIILL REFUSE THEN KNOW THAT SOMETHING IS FISHING AND YOU BETTER LEAVE HER SINCE YOU ARE NOT MARRIED YET. OTHERWISE, I FEEL SORRY FOR YOU.
BA JACK # 109. THOSE SINGLE WOMEN YOU SEE IN THE CHOIR ARE NOT DESPERATE FOR MEN THAT YOU CAN TELL JEFF TO GET ONE FROM THERE. THIS IS A WRONG MOTIVE OF GOING TO CHURCH. GUYS DO NOT LOOK FOR LADIES IN CHURCHES INSTEAD FIND CHRIST FIRST AND THE GOD WILL GRANT YOU THE RIGHT PARTNER.
# 107 IS REALLY A LUAPULA FISH, BECAUSE HE THINKS LIKE NGOLA IN THE RIVER.
When the devil entices you to sin, he will always hide the price tag. He is like a watch repairer whom when you ask him if he can fix your watch instead of saying yes or no, he opens it and then charges you for what he calls handling feel. Is this what happened to you, I mean you did not know that the lady has a child, if you knew,then that is your baby to nurse with time he will come to terms with you.
#110 U ARE ON IT! WHAT IS JEFF DOING WITH A GIRL WITH A SON AS OLD AS ELEVEN(11) UNLESS HE IS NOT TELLING US EVERYTHING ABOUT HIMSELF.
Anso uyu Jeff namuziba ankala kuka Banana ngati si so ninsi ankala kuma Poloti
Jeff, you asked for it at your age you know what it means marrying a second hand wife. And how can you impregnat your fiance and start staying together? Is she your fiance or your wife? You are a womaniser and your wife is a beach, mwalingana fe you dont even love each other that’s why mwapeleshene namafumo.
#116 YALASA! Balechitafwe ubuchende bamakaka!
its a pity you are going through this.Your woman hasnt gotten over her ex and is using the child to get back to him.My advice is look at your own interest and make a rule that she has to abide to in your home.failure to that forget about the woman but concentrate on your child
ditch the WOMAN SHE STILL HAVE AN INTEREST IN THE FORMER GUY.. WHY INVOLVE HIM…U ARE THE HEADMAN IN THAT HSE…. PLS FIND THE LOVE OF YR LIFETIME. DONT WASTE TIME ………………….OTHERWISE U ARE THE FATHER OF BOTH REGARDLESS
#111 i absolutely agree with u…….. CHRIST FIRST NOT LADIES
INTERESTING HOW PIPO CAN BEHAVE LIKE SOUTH AND NORTH POLES… AT SOME STAGE……..
you are just being used for her survival and once that child grows you will face a mountain not an ant hill.think and find out why the other guy never married her.
Such stories are strange.
Have you ever asked her for example of you not shwing the child love
You already have a child with her do you think it will be wise for you to leave her with two children to herself? and if you are to get the other child dont you think you will be depriving her of her child?
you are in a difficult situation my brother everything brings about questions.Check yourself as to whether you are having genuine intention for disciplining the child?As its human not to feel love(in other word hating the child) for a child coming from outside.But you must try by all means its not easy but try and try to be a good dad to him.Talk to your wife ask her for the examples i mentioned earlier.Keep in mind the child know you are not the biological father.
Mwana, I its sad you are in that situation. The biggest challenge in a very relationship is the ex for both parties. Like the others have said muda wakudala……..So think about it and make a rationale decision. If you were married I could have advised you the seek the intervention of Bashi Bukombe. In the meantime find someone very mature and sensitive to talk to your fiancee. All the best. They say fisanga abaume. Solva!
So somethings he will always think you are not fair even when you are.So take care.
On the other hand i do think your fiance still hers some love for the other guy.But possible she doesnt know what to do as she is living with you ask her one day if she really loves you or the other guy.Ask her which guy she has loved the most in her life.If she says you she is most likely lying.But accept it this doesnt mean she doesnt love you its only a reality.She loves him but there is not she can do.What she need is your support.
My niece loved her step father a lot.
You just need to show your step son equal love and he will obey.He is still young hence can change to good boy if you show him love.One of the reasons why children become rebellious is lack of Love.So thier bad behaviour maybe a way of telling us as parent to give them som love and attention.YoU CLAIM to love your woman so love her son too or chase both because if you think you can get rid of the son and leave the mother you are mistaken unless she doesnt love her son.Give him some love dude!!!!!!!!!Its all about love! Soon your woman will stop calling her ex if you show her you can be a loving father to her son too.
at ten, your step son knows very well that you are not married to his mother and you are not his real father, and as such you have no real authority over either him and his mother too since you are not able to stop her calling the father. am also tempted to assume that there are things said behind your back by your woman and her bululus in the presence of the boy. Else where does the boy get courage to stand up to you? if i were you, i would move out of the house and work “properly” towards the marriage.
Simple anyone living in your house should abide by your rules. if they don’t they should pack and go.
#2 gave u advise, so take it and stop scratching your head.
Bwana Cimbusa and Kafwanti, please let’s communicate via e-mail and may be we can come together for some few cans of castle. My e-mail address is [email protected].
its tricky, especially if you have an out door type of work. when you are out he will pretend to come and see his son meamwhile nokulimako ibala lyakale briefly as you know si ivuta lima.
ili ko bad whats wrong with the women i think their brains dont work well,leave her younger man ex akudia.
i think NICE u are being rude by your remarks about women ,,,when you comment something like that do you have an idea that you are also talking about your own mother her being a woman.I think guys before we comment we should think first and we should give advise that are pointing to the issue at hand .
We cinangwa we, how can you say she is your fiancee when you have already given her a child, 3 yrs for that matter?? You have eroded morals and that is why you shall pay for your sins and crime against women. Your insatiable desire to ‘eat before cooking’ will keep your mind away from peace. You should have known about this, and probably you were an interference in their relationship. You cannot eat your cake and have it! Come to your sense, confess and abandon your greediness! Remember, those that rule by the sword shall also die by the sword; you interfered with their relationship and now it is your turn to feel the pain. Keep quiet and swallow your pride mwaice!
why would you be with a woman for 3 years and not marry her? think this through and then decide whether to leave or stay.But if you stay,then you have to show your authority.A woman will only act like that when she has lost respect for her man.
The biological father will always have a link with his son.Live with it.
However ,discipline in any house is cardinal for the kids to grow up respecting the rules of life.Your fiancee needs to understand this.
If you feel this will be problem in the future,end it now and cut your losses.
hahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
such things happen especially when a step child is involved.that woman shouldnt be so soft to the child even when he is wrong, remember when u spare the rod u spoil the child. why should she involve a third party who left her to raise the son all alone.the father to that child must give full support to that child if he wants to be part of the childs life making decisions, otherwise the step father has the right to control the child.men do not usually have a problem in raising step childern its women who do.so woman think twice or u will lose that good man who has accepted ur child.he is the head of the house so talk and sort out your differences.
buying a truck and trailer is owez very expensive,imagine how much zra charges you on duty! thats the price ur paying my brotha, neva go 4 truck n trailer,difcot 2drive too
but pa zed muliko bad, sure you been blogging on here and i dont Know? nyway 🙂 i found you now muzalema chabe. Let me catch up first. LOL respect my people!!!
OK-Ba Jeff, Listen to yourself and ask me if there is something wrong… “she claims she is doing so because I do not love HER SON like I do MINE. THE BOY is 11 years and OUR son is 3 years”
Try to start refering to THE BOY as OUR older son and trat him like one and see how that goes. Be the father your older son is missing then you might just rid the other man out of your lives. Good luck!
thats why it advisable for a man not to marry a woman who has a child with another man so thats the result
I cant believe the advice some of you people out here are giving this guy,The woman has a child by a man like you.She did not conceive all by her self,so as much as it is her responsibility to protect herself it is his too,and yes I agree it is more hers than his.Dont sit here and bad mouth the woman.Many of you hipocrites out here have empregnated a woman and left her to dry,can you imagine.If you dont marry her who do you expect to marry her?Who do you expect to raise your child if you are not man enough.Atleast it is clear that Jeff Knows that he loves her and he is picking up the slack where another man like yourselve has failed and he trying to be a father to his child.
Im not saying she is right in bringing the ex into their home,but advice him accordingly,without degrading and disrespecting the woman,after all this is the woman he loves,you people should try to learn a thing or two from him.As for you Jeff,thank God you are not my brother coz I would deal with you very well,since when has it become okay for you to allow people to call your son,yes even if it is your step child,a devil?Accepting this woman means accepting partial responsibility for her child.Never let another man degrade the mother of your child.Neva!!!!!!
for u to come out in public ninshi yakosa.what is it that you are not doing that is making her go back…remember munda wakudala suvuta kulima esp if it was well tamed..be open.women are easy to keep at home if you do your part examplary.just being frank
Thats how us women are. I also used to see both my Ex and my Fiancee but I lost it out. LEAVE HER. [email protected]
One big problem is that you’re living with this lady you are calling your fiance Youre not married to her!If she was your wife she will respect you as her husband and the reules you make for house. What are you waiting for for three years you are staying with the lady and have a son and not married. Put the house in order then set rules and everyone shall abide.
no 148 is 101% correct in my humble view. i was in teh same sitchu but once wew got married i set up or we set up rule and lived to them. all tis nonse stopped because the girl had to choose between the rule and the ex. good drug to try.
109 Ba jack namu voka bakalamba. Salaula yakale. I wish i was near yo church to get a brand new girl as i think this is the best for every man
#147,I beg you,if it is at all possible please speak for yourself,That is not how we women are,That is how you are.Thats something you did,Be a woman and take responsibility for your actions and stop trying to take the rest of us down with you.
#148 and #149 You guys rock!!!
When you make your bed you lie in it. If you love the woman love her progeny as well. You cannot have your cake and eat it both ways. All you gotta do is accept the child besides its not the kids fault just imagine if it were you.
She wants a little competition here and a little attention there. She wants to get it across to her ex. sometime about what he misses. To the hubby she wants him to realise that ‘wamene alinaye enze wa somebody before’. Like in the song by MC Wabwino. Note that the child is bait here. It feels good to have men tiff over you. Means you are in control. At least I feel that way. The man had better learn to live with it by not showing characteristics of jealousy or he better come up with counter issues to put the wife in similar shoes. then they will be even.
i sympathise, because you are torn between your love for her, but your hate for the situation
although unlikely to change any time soon, it will as the child gets older
the question is, can you hack it meantime?
if, after talking to her you cannot make the situation any better, you are going to have to find a way to deal with it yourself
– or tell her to p*ss off… 🙂
i sympathise, because you are torn between your love for her, but your hate for the situation
although unlikely to change any time soon, it will as the child gets older
the question is, can you hack it meantime?
if, after talking to her you cannot make the situation any better, you are going to have to find a way to deal with it yourself
– or tell her to p*ss off… 🙂
Ba ‘Lusaka Guy’ No. (110)/(111) I wish there were more like you, then this world would be a better place for women and children.
#:-s