Dear bloggers,

I have been happily married for 5 years.We have a two kids, one 3 years and the other just born 3weeks ago. I had a difficult pregnancy with my last child. I had to be admitted in hospital for the last two months of my pregnancy.Thank God everything went well and I delivered a bouncy baby girl though premature.

Now, the time I was in hospital I got my young sister to live with us so she could take care of my older child and generally look after the house.

When I came back home I noticed my sister was vomiting alot and spitting alot. I told her to go to the hospital and she came and told me it was just malaria.I wondered how a person can have malaria with no fever.It then clicked to me that she was pregnant. I confronted her and she started crying.I was not prepared for what she then revealed.She said my husband was responsible!I slapped her and said a lot of things to her and chased her from my home.

When my husband came home from work I confronted him and he reacted with anger towards me.He said had it not been for our premature baby he would have chased me from home!

I could not believe  this was happening. I am so hurt.My husband  did appologise later for saying the things he did.But he has neither confirmed nor denied that he made my sister pregnant whilst I was in hospital. My relatives are furious and they want to bring my sister to my house saying he(my husband) is responsible for her now.I am stuck in the middle.Should I leave or stay.What kind of a household will we have with my sister living with us? On the other hand the area and house we stay in is ideal for my prem baby. I do not want to move her around as yet. I am so confused.

Confused mother

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87 COMMENTS

  1. Go to the doctors when you sister gives birth and test your husband’s DNA to see if he is the dad. If you have this proof then your husband can not deny anything. Otherwise he will keep on saying “it wasn’t me” . Good luck. What a terrible situation.

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  2. i feel for you
    i guess you have be really strong my sister and pray about your situation
    another thing you have to do to ask your parents to keep your sister for a while to let you rest and take care of the baby
    then after the your sister has given birth test the DNA. if you find out thats it your hubby. it has happened you have to live with it. to conlude the matter you have to sit with the family and thoughly discus the way forward. but if your hubby is not responsible, then u have to apologise and find the man/men who preasured with your sister. in the mean time rest and pray for God’s strength. sorry this happened to you

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  3. Mmm … quite alright, a mistake was made and it can NOT be undone. One thing you should do is to separate your husband and your sister; not to say you are vowing never to take her as your sister. You’ll need to bite the bullet if you are to learn. Do NOT make a mistake of fighting evil with evil.

    Make your sister know that you LOVE her despite what happened and that you are ready to forgive her if she is ready to get rid of that thing she’s carrying. This child is likely to bring a lot of divisions in your family in the near future. Tell your husband to choose between your marriage, and fathering another child; meaning let him facilitate for the clinical abortion.

    Learn a Lesson…

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  4. Confused mother,
    I feel pity for you though I can say you are lucky as some husbands impregnant the maids/servants who are there to help you look after that premature baby. It really sucks to hear such stories, one would hope that this would be fiction buit this is always true. Just pray to God that a similar case should not happen again. Lack of commitment and partnership in some relationships always result into such scenarios..

    Be strong my sis……

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    • #7 better to impregnant the maid than my sister,hey i can’t stand the disappointment

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  5. I tend not to believe stories such as this one because my first instinct tells me thats its just a made-up story. But anyway, ultimately the decision will be yours whether to stay with your husband or not.
    That your sister should come and join you is not a good thing either, because that condoning promiscuity and the situation will be uncomfortable. Like [email protected] said consider a DNA test after birth, although that does not rule out the fact that your husband is exposing you to disease. Good lucky dealing with this…i am out!

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  6. Sista -in-law ni mpokeleshi, according to our tradition and culture. there is nothing wrong with knocking up your sister in law. this is the same blog that was advocating for going back to our our roots! that’s our roots baby! if iam married to you and you bring another woman in my house, you know she is gonna get it. i dont care if you like it or not its my opinion and you have yours. After all its just s.ex

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  7. Dear L.T. (out of topic)…..THIS SCENARIO OF THE WEBPAGE LOOKS DULL and outdated.. We are not able to converse with the bloggers we want to either..

    Its your house , but you made us get used to the L.T.. upgrade, only to revert to the old model. To me, this is treason of the highest degree…..lol….. if you can.

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  8. #9 Ba Input, you are very hard hearted and wicked. Which tradition allows one to sleep with a sister inlaw?? Benifye bwino. So your wife is allowed to sleep with your brother if he comes to live with you???

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  9. #11 thenjiwe stevens, if you are of zambian extraction you would know what iam talking about. such stories in villages do not make news because they are considered normal. hence the term IMPOKELESHI, my wife can sleep with whoever comes to live with us as long as they come with their own cunts!

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  10. sounds fake but well if it’s true, leave! if he’s doing your sister he’s probably been with other women too. if it is within your means, leave him

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  11. Men are very, very sophisticated beings who wont resist any opportunity to lnd their jet on the runway if the time and the weather is right. What am I trying to say? Why must the dog chase the cat? Why can a man read a woman’s heart by gazing deep into her eyes? If you can’t answer these questions then you can’t help our sister above. Nothing but the dog in man.

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  12. hahahaha#9 so true about traditions , this is why I always say they are archaic and useless because they bring more trouble than good. On a serious note anyone thats been cheated on and still questioning whether to stay or leave deserves what they get afterwards. Count yourself lucky because next time your husband will raw dog a prostitute and bring HIV back into the marital home. It’s really up to you to decide because none of us can give you a correct answer, it’s up to you to weigh up the cons and pro’s and whether you are up for the risk.

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  13. It is a bitter pill to swallow my sister. Keep it as a family secret. The deserves an abortion. How old it your sister and the pregnance? Only God will help you. Your hubby is a green snake in the green grass. How could he be enjoying himself while you are in hospital? Was he counting you died? He deserved to be punished for his evil. Shameless man.

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  14. Nine Chale we know that men pretty much think using the snake (ichisoka) Whenever or where ever they find ubwendo, kwingila. Men pls stop ukuposa ichisoka in any hole you come across, lol, haa! think using your brain and not your snake.

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  15. Why do your relatives want to bring your sister to your house? Impali? I bet your hubby will be pleased! lol.

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  16. You married women always surprise me. You have been leaving with your husband for a while now and you know how he behaves. He is promiscuous and despite him being so you left your sister alone with him? Are you normal? I think you don’t love your sister do you? Now he has done what you well knew he could do to your sister, and you come to us for advice…be serious mama. Why have chased her from home? Who is going to take care of the pregnancy? Mama, think before acting. Bring back your sister and let him take care of the pregnancy coz that’s what you wanted to happen. In these days don’t trust even your father or uncle they are all dangerous.

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  17. Caution is called for in the way ladies and girls interact with the so called uncles and mulamus. I am advising your sister to report you husband to police for defilement immediately. Your husband is a devil who should be jailed period.

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  18. kambongolo, the man can’t be jailed. its just unfortunate that he didn’t use condoms but believe you me, it happens everywhere and this is a normal situation.

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  19. Have we run out of elders and extended family members in Zambia? Why would one resort to asking strangers on a blogging forum for advice on such matters?

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  20. #25 Jaro. Don’t you worry bro. This story is FAKE!! Someone is just trying to make bloggers have something to comment on. If this were true do you think this chap would have find time and strength to consult unknown bloggers?? (some of whom are always funny)

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  21. I don’t think this story is fake. I know of a family where exactly the same situation occurred not so long ago. Every story seems fake until you become a victim.

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  22. Lusaka time- this is a cooked up story. It does not sound real at all……heheheheheheheh

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  23. though these things happens, this one sounds like a scene from a nigerian movie i watched the other day

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  24. This is a wake up call for you. You will live a miserable life with this man. When the dust settles he will continue doing it with other women so find a way of leaving him so that you leave a peaceful life. If you ready to accomodate another woman as a second wife or contract some diseases, then continue with him. Gud lucky.

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  25. this story actually happened among my sisters, they are all dead now leaving me with the care of they children. The man also dead I know he infected both my sisters with HIV

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  26. Sorry. Just kick your hubby out of the house and anyone who reminds you of him and start a new life with your kids. Couples are staying togther for the wrong reasons even if it clear that you should divorce just because of the credit crunch.

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  27. This is a lesson to all married women. Just because you think it is not allowed for a man to sleep with your sister does not not mean you should tempt him into doing it by letting him stay with your younger sister while you are away. If you are a real thinker, you should have asked for a blood relative of his (his sister or the like) to live with him while you were away. But presumably because of you own greed of wanting only your relatives in your house, this is what you get. For instance, though I trust my wife because she has never done anything sinister, I still can not leave her living with my unmarried young brother while I’m away. Do you get the point; you simply asked for it!!

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  28. Iwe chi Zambia, thats why mukufa na sida…talking crazy as if what you are saying is justified. Pray that i do not get to know your wife or girlfriend otherwise i will do some kachepe on you..lol…i know that you did not mean what you said.

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  29. Stripper, they say prevention is better than cure. If this lady had made sure that the hubby was not left to live with her younger sister while she was away, she would not be in the mess she is in now. Now, if you think I would be such a buffoon as to ever let you lay your dirty hands on my love, you are dead wrong my friend!!

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  30. My mother used to say, “no matter how well you treat a dog, he will always be a dog”, the choice is yours if you want to stay with this imbecile or divorce. He done it once, he will do it again.

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  31. there is no problem here, i wonder what tribe this guy is, if he is one of those i know, getting your wife’s sister is allowed, no wonder the relatives are asking him to keep the girl at his house. It ssound a fake story yes, but these are real life events. May be this was just a chance to have time together, they may have been adoring each other for some time. Next time ba LT remove such stories, these are personal issues, this lady should have an audience where she would be told what to do. This is a wrong forum for you lady. Ifyabufi muleke.

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  32. Ba #40,
    mwansekesha sana, ne filamba fyafuma/fyapona.
    –Ati no ubufi muleke. Kale naumfwilepo ishiwi iyi .
    Awee mwandi…

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  33. Such stories were being aired on radio phoenix on a programme called “ways and means” by Danny Peddle. Even then, they did not make sense. Jaro, your question about whether we no longer have elders to consult is what should be answered by this fictitious lady. If she is a real one then tafundwa atemwa bana chimbusa bakwe finkuula. Equally, her family yalibako kokayi and she might be the only one with a bit of grey matter.

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  34. The once famous aunty Josephine should be brought back on Radio Phoenix to help desperate and confused ladies like this one.
    This impregnanted sister of yours was enjoying every bit of this chi gololo because she would told you the moment the man made his goatee appetite known to her and this whole outcome could have been avoided. Her hope was to enjoy your hubby before you got back.

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  35. But as Prof PK sang, Lesa tabepwa ilingi line ala sebanya pamenso ya bantu. So what she had meant to keep a secret turned out otherwise. If your sister had not fallen pregnant , i am sure the guy would have continued ukulya chisabo. Its not only the man to blame here, the young sister as well. Ladies are also to blame in chi gololo issues. Watch out for lustful women as well. ULUNKUMBWA PLIZ

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  36. My cousin was impregnated by her brother in law but wasn’t let to live with him (or them). Five yrs later her brother in law and sister died of aids. She’s alive, would she have been alive if she stayed with them,? NO , NO, NO. So be ware of HIV !!!!

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  37. This is what makes life….. story with a twist, made for Nollywood. Relatives to the couple have know idea what wisdom is, they cant let the girl go back and live with the sister and the alleged offender unless culturally it is permissible, serve for the era we are living in. They must be a level of maturity from the people directly involved in this debacle.

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  38. i join those who feel this story is artificial.things are not adding up e.g she is happily married fo 5yrs..happily married,hmm?…has the second child,bouncy baby girl tho premature…..bouncy prem,hmmm? thirdly, her parents have chased her sis so she stays with couple,… not know what to do,..in the middle,hmmmm?
    well,if it is true,then yo sis has a very big problem in that she has no heart,she could not accept to flirt with this confused man when u were in hospital,she shud have reported to u at once.secondly,yo hubby is very irresponsible and am afraid yo sis is just one of the many out there,so redefine yo “happily marriage”.about yo sis current situ,don’t take her in yo home or…

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  39. Confused mother,sort out that issue with your relatives,we hav other important issues

    to attend to.Discipline your husband and deal with your sister maturely.

    Lekeni tulandepo ifya mano!

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  40. 1.Premature but bouncy baby 2. happily married but cheating hubby 3. girl less than two months pregnant but showing such vivd signs of the progrnancy :- just some of the pointers that makes this story sound fake. What is not fake is the scenario as Iv seen it and heard it time and time again of men sleeping with or atleast attempting to sleep with their wive’s sisters, cousins etc. The isssue of the DNA test is irrelevant as the guy hs not denied responisibility. If her family are not too prunish I strongy suggest the girl has an abortion and that this woman seriously considers leaving her husband; though I know that is not likely to happen. Be rest assured that if u stay with him ur…

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  41. hubby, you are the man my man. its bad manners to deny a lady what she wants. she wanted to be banged and i bet u hadnt had it for long. we are africans man, lets enjoy the culture built by our fore fathers.

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  42. Tricky & sad too.Very difficult to tell you whether to leave or not. I am obviously addressing the matter in the context of our culture. Since you are still there,may be wait for your relatives to formally establish and get your husband to confirm responsibility. If he won’t be remorseful which am sure he is tho you may never have the privelage to see. At that stage follow your instints my sister. Here am assuming you are econically independent,practically that is a factor too.To other sisters,to a large extent, you need to assess sisters.If they are the type that are loose, it is highly recommended not to live with them.Every now & then men are vulnerable in the home setting.

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  43. Too bad it happen this way, but the way forward is to accept that the situation happened and can not be reserved. However, let the law take it course so that the culprits will be punished by the courts of law if need be.

    The best way to behave just as normal in your marriage and home for now until compelling evidence proves that the courts of law needs to be taken up.

    On the other hand, forgiving but not forgetting will definitely help to resolve the fluid situation amicably.

    Let your family keep your sister and allow her to deliver a human being in due course. Let there be no in-fighting between you and your sister for strong forces led her into this sad development.

    Peace.

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  44. For all of you advocating abortion,God is the alpha and the omega…only he has the right to end any life. Secondly this woman should be talking with her God,elders and family not us that is if this story is real

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  45. Tell your sister to please have an abortion, this is an abormination and after she does that. forgive her , then disown her and after your child is bigger. move out of the house…i promise you , you will never be happy with this man again unless maybe he becomes born again. Ask God to show you what to do, i know my advice sounds cruel but thats just my opinion if you wanna be happy and free again. Good luck

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  46. #25…Thats why shes annonymous, are you thick? Have you ever heard of a third party independent observer??…we dont know her so we cant unfairly side on either one of them….her, sis or hubby…..And you men saying this is normal, may the lord deliver you!

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  47. Well, i have stayed with my sister and my brother in law for 2 years now. He is the worlds best brother in law….i respect him dearly and hes not sick in the head like most men…i have stayed with him for months when my sister is away for school and he treats me with utermost respect. There need to be more men like him if this world has to be a better place…..

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  48. Hey lady;
    Continue stying wih your crazy hubby and let you sissy in. Make sure that you show them that you care for them both. Ill treat them with love and you will be amazed at the results. Mind you, you need both of them, but if you fail, make sure the next pregnacy is from a house boy or your neighbour, and let your hubby know!!!!

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  49. Sorry mama. I guess hubby’s tank was on full! Important to ensure that it is on ‘E’ all the time. Sorry again!

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  50. sorry my sister for what has happened to you. It is only you who can make a descion. this is about you and ur happiness.

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  51. It is the man’s fault. He probably overpowered the lil’ sister in law. The woman should not divorce her silly husband. She should be supportive with her little sister. Then send her far away from them. Men have become wild (You know uncontrollable) They pounce on maids, grandmothers, children etc., God help us!

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  52. Be strong my sister,put everything in God’s hands,He will surely see u thru.Pray for all those who are making fun of your problem.They will understand better wen there turn comes,as students we are praying for u

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  53. That is a really hard situation to deal with. I have been through it so i know what i am talking about. In my case, there was no pregnancy or sister involved but my best friend . In my opinion, a married or any committed couple are together because at one time there was love,friendship,loyalty and respect between them.When something like that happens it only shows how much desrespect and lack of loyalty your husband has towards you. He should be your best friend. A true friend will not intentionally do anything that brings you grief. Deep down in your heart you know this to be true. How is your relationship with your sister has she shown jealousy and competition towards you in the past.? She should have stood up for you and said no. She too is to blame.

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  54. What makes you think that your sister is not a victim of sexual abuse/manipulation by this obviously sick man who cant seem to keep his Pants zipped. Do you know how many women die because they decided to stay with a cheater?
    Did you even think about how disrespectful he was to you? There is no question here.. you know exactly what to do… Get to the bottom of this coz you might end up being a very miserable married woman who didn’t stop to find out how much of a sick person her husband is. Right now the most important person is you ans your kids, noone else.

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  55. #9 Tradition cam be broken. Why should we as women share our man. I refuse to share my man with another women. If I am not enough for that man he need to move on.
    To you my sister you need to pray and ask for direction from God

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  56. all i can say is am sorry this happned but most important thing is to pray for God’s guidance, that is why it is good to find a God fearing person unlike these smokers, if a person fears and respects God, he will definately respect you but if he doesnt then i dont think he can fear his wife. Men please respect your wives and also sisters respect your inlaws

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  57. Watch Eastenders, the answer is there. Roxy is Ronnie’s sister and slept with Jack who is Ronnie’s partner. Roxy now has Amy by Jack and Roxy is dealing with her well well well

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  58. next time the guy should use condoms, otherwise he will be finding himself in such messes whenever you bring him your tu ma sisters

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  59. I know how you are feeling … as i am going though the same thing … its not as complicated as yours as my sister is not pregnant.

    how do we face such a thing. my husband denies most of it. i saw them kissing and went ballistic … he after a month sent her an sms saying that h cnt stop thinking about her. i left my home for 1 month he cried and asked me to cum back , now 2 weeks ago he was caught at a frends flat wid her… what do we do in situations like this

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  60. Im in a simalar situwation n im sorry 4 u. My husband cheated on me with my 16 yr old sister she didnt get pregnant but i caught them in the kitchen 2gether her hand on him 2 make it short she got caught and didnt want me mad at her so she lied n said it waz rape n she hade no part! I no its a lie the family nos it a lie but she refuses 2 tell the truth i cant stand looking at her i take my daughter 2 see him in jail wel he waits 4 the sentenceing 4 immagration becuz they droped the rape charges so now i take my 7 mnth old daughter 2 c him he addmited 2 haven sex with her n told me everything and it makes sence but ma sister has changed her story a few times so yea. But i feel ya it hurts and its like no1 undr stands n just sits n judges the situwation but get a dna tezt thats all u can…

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  61. Sissy talk to your parents to keep your sister for some time.Also discuss withyour husband to support your sister while she is at your parents home.Let this pass,though it is painful.Let God deal with this problem.It has already happened.You can only change the situation by forgiving your sister and forget.Take your time to forgive,don’t make a decision you might regret later.Be strong my sister.

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  62. If the situation is true,Leave right now my sister, otherwise u will end up invected and frustrated, am talking from first hand witness, a sister was impregnated, she told her older sister and they aborted, that was 1998, wat they didnt know was she was already infected with H>I>V and two agos she died.(MHSRIP). She couldnt believe she had aids and died of depression leaving two kids(she had latergoten married). her older sister is H.I.V positive too and has even divorced her husband because of his cheating which had extended to even her nieces. so leave, u cant hide his wrongs, hes going to continue cheating and u will eventually be fade-up but with a disease,

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  63. i relly feel for you madam,this man is really heartless,how can he do that to you?however you are stuck in the middle an your sister is also to blame.the best solution will be for your sister to go elsewhere and leave you with your husband.if you can manage to forgive him then do it.but i know pipo always say kosa fye,sometimes it just doesn’t work,you end up suffering more.so ask God for guidance and talk to the elders in your family for guidance aswell.otherwise shame to such men who abuse there wives sisters.it’s simply digusting!!

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  64. Hi, I have been in a similar situation. My husband impregnanted my sister that I was keeping in my house. Naturally, I chased my sister away. It was necessary that she goes and stays with other relatives because I was revving and beating her everyday. My husband, up to today denies. But I know he was responsible because my own sisiter cannot make such a telling revelation if it were not true. Besides, I was keeping two other male nephews whom she could have blamed the pregnancy on but she pointed at my husband. For the sake of my children and our future I stayed. Its now been 18 years. My husband and I went on two have two more chidren after this. My sisiter’s son has now grown and is at University. . So just give it time, pray, dont do anything rash. Time heals all wounds

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  65. You should not have hit your sister. She was pregnant and needed you. I’m sure she was sorry and family is always family so after calming down you should have let her back in. Besides, your husband is the father of the baby so it would be best if she could have stayed with you two. That way she can be close to her family (you) and the father (your husband) and you could all help each other out.

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  66. Dear friend in Uganda we have a saying -when you put butter too near fire, it will melt. So solve the issue by accepting the current situation. Later encourage your sister to get herself another man. Talk to your husband and accept to look after your sisters kid . Or he should get her another house now that she is your co-wife.

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  67. Do you think your boyfriend or husband is cheating on you? Let the country’s best female PIs help you get to the bottom of it. We are shooting a new TV pilot for and are looking to help. Please email [email protected] for further details.

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