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Zambia’s celebrity couple reveal wife-beating past

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One of Zambia’s most famous singers has revealed how she was badly beaten by her husband. She now hopes to lift the lid on the country’s ingrained acceptance of domestic violence.

“My husband will kill me,” giggles Saboi Imboela nervously. “But, yes, he once beat me up so badly I reported him to the police.”

The 32-year old is one of Zambia’s top vocalists. Her husband is a popular actor, Owas Ray Mwape. This is the first time she has spoken publicly about the beating she received at his hands, and she wriggles uncomfortably at the memory.

The majority of women enjoy a beating, because they are made to believe it is part of our tradition

“It was the police who begged me not to take it further,” she recalls, revealing some of the engrained attitudes she is now taking on.

“They told me: ‘We know how you women are. We’ll lock him up and in a minute or two, you’ll change your mind and want him released.'”

Her doctor also dissuaded her from reporting the assault, as did some of her friends.

Campaigners believe more than half of Zambian women have suffered domestic abuse but cases rarely come to light because of the stigma attached to speaking out.

Young women are taught by their elders to accept punishment from their husbands when they are disobedient. Even cooking a bad meal warrants a smack.

Many women fear divorce would leave them in penury.”That’s how you grow up in Africa,” explains Mr Mwape.

“To be a man, you need to discipline a woman, give her a slap or two. You know, in our culture, it’s OK because that’s how we feel we love our women.”

It is a message driven home at boys’ initiation ceremonies – chastisement is a sign of affection and a woman never achieves the status of an adult. Like a child she needs to be “trained” to behave well.

In some parts of the country tradition allows a man to beat his wife if he survives a crocodile attack.

In others, a wife’s infidelity is revealed when her newborn baby coughs. She must take the consequences.

“Tradition is used as a cover for domestic violence,” complains Johnson Tembo.

As chairman of the Men’s Network, he tries to persuade his peers to alter their behaviour.

But he believes women’s attitudes need to change too.

“Some women are foolish enough to think that if they are not beaten by their husbands, they’re not loved,” he says.

ZANIS

editor
editorhttp://www.lusakatimes.com

85 COMMENTS

  1. I’m glad that a well known person has come forward and admitted that they were a victim of domestic violence. On one hand, I find it disgusting that, at least in this article, her husband doesn’t show any signs of remorse and merely states that men batter their wives because of traditional influences. On the other, it is encouraging that he has agreed to go public, at the risk of great embarrassment, and talk about his own shameful behaviour to dissuade other men from beating their wives. 

    The police and doctor’s attitudes were shameful and I’m only glad that she was not killed. Our country continues to lose many women to domestic violence. I hope the man has changed because many others just pretend to have stopped only for the violence to return tenfold. 

  2. Ala! What is the point she is trying to put across? She didnt press charges and she expects sympathy from me? Kapuba ka gelo aka. I think thats why she was beaten!!

  5. Men if a woman denies you sex for one week, r u going to hug her on Friday night? You beat not so? As women, we need constant beatings to shape us!!

  6. Men if a woman denies you say-kiss for one week, r u going to hug her on Friday night? You beat not so? As women, we need constant beatings to shape us!!

  12. Husband snatchers deserve to be beaten ! this woman is a pfool. she grabbed somebody’s husband and she expects peace? pfool indeed!

  13. i doubt that #4,5,6 is a woman,how otherwise could you possibly agree that beteating is love.How on earth does physical pain be seen as love?there are definately issues going on in the minds of our people that need to be changed.why can’t men stand up as men to protect and love their wives not beat them.if you don’t protect and treasure your wife who will.Even Jesus summons men to be the Protecter of his wife.Shame on society for encouragin such actions but it’s time to have our minds renewed,it’s time to put away foolish traditional practices , hold on to those that are beneficial.In this day and age what a pity that abuse and violence is tolerated,it’s no wonder there is fast spread of AIDS,maternal deaths and even cervical cancers cause so many women have no say over their bodies

  15. 1st lady, if u r not a guy thn u r a woman who has bin beaten so much tht u find it to be so normal…
    i will pray for you

  16. Pipo Say no to domestic violence” learn from this example, Chris Brown has been sent to correctional prison to reform and do hard labour over the deadly beating of his former girl friend Rhiana. And Rhiana has openly regreted falling in love with such a person like chris Brown who could beat her almost to death, hence she is now an activist against domestic violence. gentlemen lets learn to love our wive’s and learn how to correct a mistake rather than beating.

  18. #4, 5, 6 It is people like you who turn blogging into a joke. If you have nothing constructive to say or add to the matter, just keep quiet and maintain some sort of dignity.

  19. #9, but kwena walisasa mukanwa. Ukutukana kwati ni Satana!
    But you make a good point. There’s no other way you can get through to a person like #4,5,6

  20. It seems like they are a lot of spineless simps on there , Women sometimes need to be put in check when they forget their roles. I am not talking about severe WWE beatings(which is the wrong way to do it) I am talking about shaking them or subduing them. The problem is some men is how they beat their women leaving them scars and boils, If I am ever to ‘subdue my woman theres always no evidence anywhere on her. Some of these women will never admit it but if they challenge your position and you react like a coward they will never respect you and will probably leave you for being a spineless man

  21. ama rubish why not go ku police then writing about it no wonder you are beaten daily do something abt it ,and for men who beat women you havent meet the right one come to me i will teach you manners where your mother left

  22. awe mwandini ba Woods u hve a rotten lunguage boi,aaaaaaaaahhhhhh am sure SATAN is yo real biological father o thoz insults bloggers hve u read wht this chap haz written on # 9,anyway u need deliverence from GOD

  26. Woods mwana, wachita ova. She is merely stating how she feels. she isnt your mother or your wife so please take it easy man. mwati wadya lunch boi, kapena ninjala iyi.

  27. I tend to think that wifey battery is one of those things that is here to stay (like prostitution) and the situation cant be changed much. Most men will not hit their woman for no reason and those of us who are married know that sometimes they really drive us up the wall. e.g sending me to buy mealie meal when Arsenal is playing when the whole day i was just sitting at home. then when i say i will go after the match, she accusses me of loving football more than my family. Pa last makofi mudala. Kuchiponona nga tachileumfwa.

  29. I think women sometimes bring this type of situation upon themselves. Lack of timing for instatnce, as observed by #27 Ghostrider. Also, too much nagging, like a tap which has not being closed properly and is dropping water one drop at a time every six seconds in the night! Over Loving us too can be very irritating. Its hot and she wants ntwenu! I dont condon violence and i am not violent, but lets face it, in some homes violence, of wife beating has created so much harmony that it has become a must-happen ritual when the love is fading. So, i ask again, what do women want kanshi?

  31. No 27 There is no excuse for wife battering. Whether Arsenal or Man Utd playing you just have to come to an agreement. Are you going to eat Arsenal?

  32. #27 Ghost… You have cracked my ribs.

    Women and mealie meal. They would know that mealie meal is about to finish but they dont tell you. As you said, you were at home all morning and she never mentioned that she needs mealie meal. Only when the football starts. Women.

    But dont beat her. All of us husbands go thru that. Yoru wife is just normal.

    Gentlemen, what do we do about the traditional teachings mentioned in the article? Some are just weird – like hammering your wife after surviving a crocodile attack.

    As for the police, I think they were right in a way. A lot of wives would report but they will withdraw the case. Women are so sympathetic. The police are not the best to deal with these, may be some elders like uncles and grandpas.

    But let us bear with our wives.

  33. you ave to be understanding men,how can you expect your wife to be doing nothing else but looking at the level of mealie meal.did you stop to think maybe she just realised when it was football time that it was out.you as a perceptive husband can check how much food is available from time to time so that you aviod shopping during an arsenal match.nd man atleast she was cooking for you!you say she was nagging,like you would not be the one nagging if there was no food cooked!men give your wives some credit,you say she’s nagging,but that’s just maybe because you are not listening and even more not doing what she’s asking of you.Make your wives Happy,it’s not a crime!!!

  34. Zed-Obsever, can you be specific when you use the word hammering. Wanisekesa maningi. That is definately weired in whichever context!! Yaba. Women indeed!

  35. #33 Taly, believe me when i say women can nag! Even when there is food in the house, they will want, seek and find something to nag about. Kaya ni matenda olo bwanji. I get your point but nagging yeve, bayesako. And do you know that some begin nagging in the middle of ntwenu? Its just their nature and we love them still…hopefully.

  36. The whole culture is pathetic and disgusting it makes me stay in the west were men and women are equal when it comes to human rights. it’s ridiculous and uncalled for. only a woman with 4 accepts a beating. We are 2000 years behind in everything it annoys me

  37. #33 Taly. LOL. You have flooded my eyes with tears of laughter. If you the man starts checking the level of mealie meal, your wife would get worried. Imagine every morning, you take your measuring stick and dip it in the bag. She will think you are being stingy.

    #34 Ba Moze. That’s the language of elderly people. Young men would think they meant beating up the wife – no wonder the wives are complaining, instead of being thankful. They are being beaten, literary. But aba kalamba know these things. They know “how to beat” after a croc attack. It’s celebration. Ask miners who work under ground. Some believe everyday can be their last day as the mine can collapse on them. So they take time to give their wives a few “last words” before going to work. In case they never come back. LOL

  40. #37 and #35 well i’m glad i could make u laugh,but you know sometimes what’s viewed as nagging is when the woman has been home the whole day with maybe only kids and household problems to deal with and all she’d like is for her husband to come home and talk.cause honestly women feel loved when being talked to and listened to that feeds her emotinal side while men feel feed sexually .so now lets weigh it.the same way you feel sexually deprived if you wife abstans from you for a period of time is the same way deprivation she feels when her emotinal needs(conversation and communication)are not met.e.g (women and communication=men and sex).so maybe this might help you be more linient.good day

  41. I dont suport beating of a woman but Abakashana sometimes they are to blame for this nonsense simply because they have lost respect of both their partners and themselves and its just not funny anymore. This 50/50 thing should have bounderies. if taken out of contest it has actually got a bigger disadvantage to woman than too men if you closely look at it and not only in the short term but more especially long term. Women be careful what you wish for!

  42. #40 Taly. There’s a lot of wisdom in what you are saying. I have learnt something. Thanks.

    I dont know which country you are in but where I am in the UK, family domestic dynamics are such that we men are doing quite a lot of house work to support wives. In Zambia you easily get help from servants and relatives. But here, oh no. So the men are closer to their wives and spend more time with them.

    But of course when it comes to TV and football, ha ha ha. Wives complain. And your children also want a share of the TV.

    #39 Ba Moze. Eh, efyo iya. Bash maini bwafya. So these young women need to be properly counselled. The young men too. They are beating up their wives over nothing. Get some crocs to Lusaka. LOL.

  43. #39 Ba Moze

    Ebola ya ku maini. When you report for shift work, your shift boss asks you, bushe namulya?

    These city dweller young men would bark “Yes boss, I have eaten”. But that is not what he meant. LOL.

    Counsel these young chaps. Too much Western education.

  45. Imwe guys is this article about beating women or domestic violence? I believe its baout domestic violence and that includes men being beaten too. There lots of examples of men who are beaten by their wives but no one talks, why, because women get away with anything by virtue of having a pu$$y!
    The other thing is that most women who are battered end up in such a situation beacuase of their own stupidity. Do you guys remember that dude who clobbered his wife and these tuma useless women lobby groups started to talk only to find out that the woman was having an affair even planning on getting pregnant with her boyfriend? I would like to hear what these women rights advocates on this blog have to say about that. Did you want the guy to just go there and hug the wife and tell her its ok?

  46. What would you have done ladies if you found text messages on your husbands phone talking about how he plans on having a baby with his mistress? Am sure a pot of boiling water mixed with oil would end up on his face! Lets not pretend just because it a guy beating a woman, the rules should be the same even for a woman who beats a guy (like chi ester Phiri ) or a woman whose promiscuous, or a woman who doesn’t know how to run the home even the bedroom ..lol. But the bottom line is that husbands and wives should respect their marriage in all corners. A man should provide for and love his family and the woman should have deep love for her husband and take care of the home, above all women be considerate don’t just act like you would do things better even when your husband is trying hard.

  47. Pipo I think the doctor and the police who told the girl not to proceed with the case were told the whole story.I think the girl has not stoped the shatel thing of going mukuchilisha and boozing with other men while the man is busy working hard her and the family.Ati uwakalema takaleka

  48. A man should provide for and love his family and the woman should have deep love for her husband and take care of the home.True!!!!!

  49. I remember once on a minibus a woman was beaten and was being taken to hospital by her sister in law. It was not a pretty site she was holding her wound together with a cloth drenched in blood n according to the sister in law she had been beaten all over then FINALLY HIT WITH WITH A BRICK ON HER FOREHEAD. THE LADY WAS IN SOOOOO MUCH PAIN SHE WAS WAILING ALL THE WAY. BUT EVEN THE SISTER IN LAW SAID SHE WOULD GO BACK TO THE MAN.EVEN THOUGH SHE MAY NOT HAVE RETURNED FROM THE HOSPITAL CONSIDERING THE EXTENT OF HER INJURIES…BAKASHYANA CHENJELENI

  50. some Men like beating too much as well mwe u think u r the only onez who get frustrated wait till some of ya marry someone who can do some serious KUNGFU HA….MUKADABWA SANA, FIRST SHE WILL DODGE ALL YOU BLOWS N THEN DEMOLISH U WITH THE HIT OF HER PINKY FINGER!

  51. but owas…still ule ule ule. even shatel..ule
    ati u are beaten ati love
    my father married my mum for almost 40 years he was bemba traditionalist but not even aday did he beat her to show love
    for your info – dad loved mum more than mum loved him
    so what is this u l e owas talking about

  52. All those guys advocating violence towards women, so when your sister, daughter or niece is dead in the mortuary you will go to the husband and congratulate him for a job well done? Kumenya mukazi chifukwa afunsa ufa yodyesa bana bako?

  53. Some of the comments made on this blog makes you wonder what IQs some of you have. First of all your wife is not your property-you dont own her. Out of all the million people she could have chosen to be with,whether married to them or not, she chose you. Second of all domestic abuse is not a laughing matter. Its not about the pysical pain you inflinct on your patner and think it is going to ‘put her in her place’. There is the humiliation you inflict on another human who you claim to care about, the emotional damage you do to your patner is untold of. Your patner fears you and leaves in fear(what some bloggers have referd to as harmony!). Can any of you woman and children batterers imagine living in enviroment like that? Can you imagine walking on egg shells all your life…contd

  54. punched, brusied? I bet you are only a man when it comes to hitting women and can never pick a fight with your own size. Abusers have the same charecteristics: low self esteem-they live in constant fear of been alone and losing control the only way to overcome this is by controling their patner. So think, by lifting you hand today, your not only leaving a mark or bruise but you are slowly but surely destroying your wife inside-until she becomes a shadow of herself, no personality no life nothing. Then you Mr abuser are going to go out galavanting the streets looking for some love cus your home is not what it used to be. But who created that? Did someone come into your home, abuse your wife, leave her in that state where she is not free to do anything for fear of been beaten?And you wonder.

  55. why she doesnt love you anymore.
    And as for Kaponyas-If you think your woman is cheating on you or indeed you find she is cheating on you, act civilised about it. She is not your property. Leave her if you have to. Talk things out if you can. you dont beat her and leave her looking like she was attacked by a lion. What have you achieved? You make her stay with you in fear? And if she doesnt love you what makes you think she wont go out and cheat on you again? Dont gt me wrong, I donot have regard for people who cheat on there spouse man or woman but thats not the way to go about it. How would you feel if your sister or mother was treated like that? Would you shake her abusers hands and give him a pat on the shoulder? You would kill the “$%*er! So please, your wives are not your property

  56. Thats someone’s daughter, sister, mother etc. Have respect for your fellow human being. And remember you too came from a woman, please learn to respect women.
    And for the LOSERS on about punching the wife cus she asked you to do something in a middle of a football game-whats wrong with telling her you will do it at half time or when the game is over? You clober her and when the game is over you go to the kitchen, find no food clober her again. Waste of space, pathetic excuse for men. You are not real men, insult me if you want. You are little boys who should not have a wife to start with! Nag you? Bet you sit on you a s s th whole day and expect your wife to be loving and not complain about what is wrong with your home? Grow up and learn to communicate or just stay of marriage! Useless!

  57. My fellow woman, it’s OK to turn the cards around. If your husbands don’t stop beating you can join and kick the crap out of them. Take classes. Lol
    Never been beat before, but if it hard to happen I am so ready to punch back. Lol We can all become Esther Phiri’s.
    Ba Woods you are very funny.

  58. #55 Sharp. First of all i must say that you are one of the most sensible people i have come across on this blog. I do not support violence in any form, what am trying to say here is that, why is domestic violence only domestic violence when a woman is beaten? Women are fighting for equal rights, equal rights dont just mean the good parts, they also mean women going into mines and digging for minerals. So society should also be vocals about men who are clobbered/assaulted by their wives. Whether they are wrong or not. Coming to the example i gave earlier in one of my posts about the lady who was beaten by her husband for cheating, do you think people and society at large would have been as vocal about it as they were if the situation was reversed? I dont think so. ..contd

  59. So lets be fair when talking about violence whether in the home or outside. The problem i have with women’s right advocates is that they are mostly hypocrites. They emphasize on women being treated in human way but forget to teach women to treat their husbands with respect and understanding. When a woman does something wrong they remain mute, insinuating that women are supposed to get away with anything, but when a man does something wrong even when he just comes home late, you will see them rushing to the media just to get their 15 min of fame! which is not supposed to be the case. To cut the long story short, all am saying is that we need fairness when handling the issue of violence, lets give the same energy in condemning women as we would give in condemning men.

  61. The men who beat their wives or girlfriends grew up in an abusive home, suffered rejection, emotional abuse etc in their childhood. They do not love their selves so they seek in pouring out their frustrations on a person they perceive as weak. There are still little children in themselves who are wounded deeply. It’s high time men went for counselling classes, deliverance or received emotional healing from Jesus who heals the broken hearts.

  62. Owas you are a fool my brother. I remember you in my class at Kasempa Boys. You were a womaniser even then (chasing around girls from Mukinge) but I didnt not think you would sink so low as to beat up your wife. You are a disgrace to the human race. Didnt your parents teach you any better? And to Saboi, you are even a bigger fool. You should have left him the first time he hit you. You deserve each other I guess! Shame on you both!

  65. Your wife is very precious. Beating her is not the best way to show your love for her. My fatther used to beat my mum. That was not love , it was STUPIDITY!

  66. @sharp…..thank you!you are one of the few pipo who z seein the real issues here.you and a considerable numbr of pipo atlist…i usually dnt post comments on lt bcoz pipo here jes tek evrythn as a joke…no matr hw serious the issue is…u pipo post jokes and insults…DID U REALISE THAT THS OWAS GUY JES SED…THATS HW U GROW UP IN AFRICA!!I CERTAINLY DDNT GROW UP LYK THAT!!THS GUY Z TRYN 2 JUSTIFY HIMSELF…WAT NONSENSE!!who in here has bn taught to be beatn their wives…

  67. You i first saw ths article 2 days ago on bbc…u guys nid 2 go read it 4rm ther and see sensible comments 4rm sensible pipo…am glad none of y’all postd ur comments on bbc bcoz if the world got to see wat gts 2 postd here…they wud definetly believe thats hw we grow up…lyk sum backwards wife beatn thugs…no *****s even…honestly,hw do u beat ur wife jes coz she mentionz that u r out of mealie??bcoz of arsenal??thats very retardd!!am only 22,nt married…call it disrespectfulnes if u wish bt whoevr beats his wife ovr silly thngs lyk that is jes a retard!!

  70. limo limo mwandini banamayo aba balachilamo zoona!pa last we just give them a beating.I personally regard as crazy a person who beats the person he claims to love.I love my wife but I have beaten her twice before and am not crazy OK.I really hate doing it,but on both occasions I was forced.I aint trying to justify it,but mostly you women force us,dare us,challenge us to beat you….in most cases I said.NAGGERS!

  71. Number 9 wood ur an alien, you should write those evile insults to satans reference books for his childrens’characteristics TEKANYA WECHIBUMBWA CHE SONDE WE!!. Number 36 you are INFERIOR. who told you in the west such things dont happen.I went abroad in 2006 and so alot of happens there that we here in Africa think they dont exist there. Gender violence must be condemed at all costs. ALA MWEBAUME ARE YOU NOT CLOBBERED IN MARRIAGES ALSO?i witnessed a man reporting the wife for assault at UTH police years back and everyone laughed including me that NOMBA ICHALO CHAPA APO NA BALUME BALEPUMWA. i CONDEM IT EITHER TO FEMALES OR MALES

  72. # 9 woods…kwena ulimukali !wantinya saana mune,insele isho reminds me of a fights between mini bus-conductors,callboys,bus-drivers  pa-KMB during the “Goliatti” era…..EXACT vulgar vibes they use,without any regard for ANY ear within range.

  75. # 9 woods..
    You are right in critizing #4,5,6 cos of your geographical location. I support your point of view. Men must learn to show love and be thankful. Violence breeds violence. Where is love when u subject your wife to beatings. You treat her live an enemy, why u married her??
    Marriage should be ruled by love not only freshly appetites ..But in Zam even Police officers battle their wives = lawlesness

  76. Kaponyas
    I get your point but we have a long way to go as a society on that issue. Men need to be able to come out and be open about such problems and women need to understand abuse is abuse, whether shes the one kicking and tormenting the husband or hes the one tormenting her. I have witnessed a man reporting a case where his wife was subjecting to vicious beatings everyday and he couldnt take it anymore and he was not going to start fighting her back-the whole police station started rolling around with laughter and they were still laughing long after he had left. So you see where does a man come out with a problem like that and how do you address a problem that has not been laid bare on the table. Although I do agree with you and see your point

  77. Ba Zescolo
    Thanks-
    It is true th man in the article does not seem to be remorseful of anything he did, as far as he is concerned culture is to blame not him. And a lot of some of the bloggers are passing comments in the same context ‘we are forced to beat women cus they ask us to do things in the middle of something’ That is a sign of immaturity and you hav no business calling yourself someone’s husband, go back to live with your mother. An abuser will always try and justify his actions and maniuplate his victim to believing they get what they deserve and if they do things right they wont get beat up or that it is their fault they get beaten. That is a typical abusive characteristic worldwide.
    Bashi mutale-there is no such thing as been forced to beat some one up. Did someone hold a…

  78. gun to your head and tell you to manhandle your wife? Forced to use brutal force on some one way smaller and weaker than you and you are trying to justify yourself that you were forced not that you are a crazy savage tht abuses women. If that is your excuse for beating the person you love then you are indeed crazy. A husband is meant to provide security, love and protection. If a woman cant feel that in her own home with her husband where is she going to ever feel safe and loved? Dont forget, you treat your women like trash but one man’s scrap is another man’s treasure. Treat your women with the respect and love they deserve and you will be treated like a king in return, respect is a two way street-you earn it its not ur birth right just cus you r a man-a lame excuse for one too!

  79. yes domestic violence is an issue we have to deal with but my problem is the way this story makes zambia look , this same article is on the bbc just as it appears here if i am someone who has never been to zambia and read this article what impression would i get?all the people interviewed in this report paint a bad picture of zambia and indeed Africa!! lets learn to be careful what we say to these international tabloid newspapers who are hell bent on making africa look backwards!!

  80. Iwe ka Owas, how would you feel if someone beat up your little sister (can’t remember her name)? Or worse still kill her. Saboi is someone’s sister. If I were you, I would be sleeping with my eyes open.

  82. Tekanyeni mwe bantu ba kwa lesa ,i said tht on # 9 coz i waz affected,my relative sister died som few months ago in kanyama,the one who waz burnt by petrol by the so called loving husband,so thts y i feel vry bad wen pipo are encouraging such manners nd animalic behaviours

  84. This is obviously a very touchy subject depending on a number of issues.please do not call it “wife beating” as though it is some kind of a simple habit,like “beer drinking” i would seriously call it “domestic violence in homes” LT should put a poll to some of these topics and articles so we gauge the mind set of these men who are involved in domestic violence.A wife is a partner in a home, who should be cherished,loved, just like a business partner.Because you are in the business for one common goal-to make a profit.In marriage,you in it for raising a family ad it also makes economic sense-you share bills and all..You don’t beat your business partner when he has made some economic misdeeds.why then should you beat a spouse?for whatever reason it is not right.be empathy-ngani webo…

  85. #27 walanda bwino sana!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    my lecturer once told me he now gets up every morning next to this woman thinking “why can’t i just kill this b****”
    man u understand this shit!!!!!!
    if only women could be and behave like a human being.
    today she is this mood, tomorrow another, the other day she is just total shit. ****!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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