By Augustine Chisembele
Dear Mr Kasongo Supuni,
I assume you have changed your name to Tony Blair or Gordon Brown as I can imagine the English may have problems pronouncing your name like Mansa people. Anyway how is Britain? I thought the idea of our political independence was to chase away the white man …now following him all the way to Manchester is reversing our philosophy. Please assist me with a decent explanation. Don’t tell me you moved to Britain to cement your die-hard support for Man – U.
Are you still a rasta-man? . or you have changed the way of life. Maybe you are just playing one song from Bob Marley..survivor.
On my side, I’m learning Zulu in Jo’burg and contending with my white neighbors. If my boys accidentally kick the soccer ball into their yard, they don’t’ bother to go and knock at the gate to retrieve it. Instead they wait for my neighbors to ‘accidentally’ kick their rugby ball into my yard. At this stage, we just see our soccer ball flying back over the fence into our yard and we also return the favor. Some unwritten rules but works every time. Don’t me get wrong, I get along with all races except we all seem not to have time to socialize with neighbors. It is a complex issue but we have different languages, dietary requirements, religious inclination and the list goes on.
I have copied Kayenda on this email so that we can form our own ‘faceless’ book. As you have noticed, I have not yet jumped on face-book and twitter bandwagon. I eagerly await the next big ‘thing’. It might come from Kaputa or Malawi but that is a topic for futurists altogether.
How are you coping with snow in Britain with that Mansa kinky hairdo? My cousin always jokes that every country with some decent white population has snow…even here in RSA! I’m told with the shape of our noise and nature of our hair, snow conditions are always a health hazard. For one you may be taking in too much cold air besides the snow that collects on your head. God clearly created you to be in Africa. I suppose having stayed there for a while, you have now adapted. Thanks to God’s ingenuity.
Do you miss nshima, Kapenta, tute ne mbalala (Cassava and groundnut). And what about that Kafue bream. I’m sure there must be many substitutes for Kafue bream. You may go for prawns, calamari, shrimps or those headless fish they sell. Knowing you or should I say a man from Mansa prefer the head of the fish. I’m lucky I can access these home delicacies from Jo’burg markets. 
Have you now adjusted to fast foods? I have failed to adjust to McDonalds, KFCs and the pizzas. I’m still old ‘fashioned’ when it comes to food. But on the other hand, my boys who were born ‘abroad’ have opposite attraction when it comes to food. They prefer fast-foods. And you know me with nshima, I miss it for just one day, the next day I will be feeling weak regardless of pizzas or burgers on the table!
By the way, I have to take panadol every-day because I’m ‘forced’ to speak English every day. You know me. I think in Bemba and the brain does the translation. This puts my brain on full duty-cycle continuously. My other concern is that I’m teaching my kids limited Bemba and Lala due to this constant English. It is tough life
Let me assure you that I’m not complaining, but just highlighting the life in the Diaspora. I know you may be thinking, ‘what is wrong with my home-boy, Jo’burg has all the nice roads, hospitals, big shopping malls, casinos etc’, well; the problem is that I cannot take them to Mansa.
Enjoy your stay in Britain.
Mutende ba mfumu, nandi nko kosa nkuno kubulaya baini! I’m one of a kind compared to those kabovas from the “braindrain community”.. unlike them i spend my time cruising around in sports cars dancing away in niteclubs and jetting around the globe without sweating buckets! Was it you i thought i saw at the Emporers Palace in Jo’burg stuffing your kids with fast food at the food court? ………lol………………..:)>-
I hope this was meant to be a joke. We are free to live anywhere we feel like living.
deal with your inferiority complex on a low low…
I am sorry “Mr.Augustine Chisembele” but what is your point? :-??
Ba Augusting, what are you trying to put forward? There is no substance in your article.
Mwa amba ukupena nomba, efinshi fi?
Dont know exactly what the article is all about:-? but I think everybody has got the right to travel and live wherever they want as lonf as they know where home lies**==
Remove this scrap,its meant for patients in a menatal hospital.Iam sure augustine could just recuperating from the same institution.How do you wake up just to post something like this?You would have done well with a bibilical scripture than this rot.Dobo bane muleke iya ku soweto
The “idea” of independence was not to “chase the white man” but the “right” to manage or mismanage our own affairs. People of all races are welcome to stay in Zambia or even the in the diaspora. The whole world is now a “global village”.
The author of this article sounds like ifontini big time.=))=))=))=))=))
This article by Mr Augustine Chisembele is just another piece of crap by an ill-informed and brainless idler. What is he talking about?
My family and I have lived in London a cosmopolitan city for 21 years and we have not experienced any of the chaff this writer is talking about, We have bream here, mealie meal, cassava meal and all the foodstuffs found in Zambia are available anywhere in the UK. There are huge markets fully stocked with produce from around the globe. Your football going over your boer neighbours’ yard scenario and all the mistrust between you and them does not apply here. I do go home occasionally and in Lusaka there are now fast foods outlets all over the place, can you explain why this is so.
By the way, none of my fellow Zambians here in London have changed their…
The letter is addressed to Mr. Spoon, or is it Supuni. There is no need for LT to publish it. The content is meant for their personal consumption, and not for all of us. What a bore!
That is the reality of things as an expatriate. My brother work hard, make your money and send it back to Mansa. GOD has a purpose for you. Zambia will rise again, however we should kick out these MMD thugs first! I think most of these bloggers are young and cant see beyond KFC etc. wait until the’re in the afternoon of their lives, then their foreign wives will decide to go after their own kind and that is when they will think of home. “A phiri a nabwela”:)>-:)>-:)>-:)>-:)>-
Augustine – Good article I must say. I wonder whether some people know what it means to be a true Zambian with full knowledge of who we are (i.e our foods, cultural background etc)!! It is difficult to justify ones self if you copy other people’s culture which you do not fully understand!! Good stuff Augustine!!
‘Ignorance, Illiteracy and Poverty’ Surely Augustine Chisembele should have known that such foods mentioned can be found in most UK food stores. As for not getting on with his neighbours, there must be some problems on Augustine’s part. I do not have any problems with my white neighbours. Besides, we do meet up for a drink from time to time.
WAT IS YOUR POINT CANT GET IT BORING ACTICLE
Having grown up on a street in Zambia where all my neighbors were white, attended a school in Zambia where almost 50% of the kids were white, I am surprised this writer feels there is something special about the presence of white people and therefore is showing some kind of reverse pride in having a white neighbor he doesn’t even speak to! Most of the white kids I grew up with cannot relate to England which they have now abandoned to return home. Even funnier is the unspoken war between white Africans and their European counterparts as well as those of the West Indies who cannot understand how some white people are culturally blacker than they are. Teach your kids it’s good manners to politely ask 4 the ball and continue their game with no interruptions of ignorance!
This article has made me think twice about coming back home! Am in school but am staying on! Plus there is nothing to write home about with the coming elections, there will be total confusion.Will be here for security reasons!
THOSE OF YOU THAT CAN’T GRASP WHAT THIS ACTICLE IS SAYING ARE BULLSHIT HEADS, PRETENDING MUZONGUS! THE ACTICLE IS SO ENBEDED WITH MEANING! mafunde ba fikala! ONE OF THE PIONTS HERE IS THAT YOU WILL ALWAYS BE HOW YOU ARE, ZEDIAN!! ( we know loads of you here in the UK,born and bred Zedian, pretending.. oh no i can’t understand or speak no Zambian language, my asssy!)
Hahahaha…….funny..!
…..I think some people are too serious with life. This is just a light hearted look at things.
I agree that the article is somewhat ambigous – Augustine should get to the point. However, there are many ways of reflecting on one’s experiences in the diaspora – I personally like do it with poetry because I once tried to compile and present a serious article to LT about “The diasporic factor of Africans in Europe” but I found that it was not easy to say what I wanted to say without being misunderstood.
Qoute
“Let me assure you that I’m not complaining, but just highlighting the life in the Diaspora. I know you may be thinking, ‘what is wrong with my home-boy, Jo’burg has all the nice roads, hospitals, big shopping malls, casinos etc’, well; the problem is that I cannot take them to Mansa”.
Thanks for telling us that we must develop Zambia and not only admire other developed countries
go back to dozing mr writer, LT i hope you havent paid him for this form 2 c r a p or are you so short of contibuters that you accept anything ?
Flesi fisi natute nemblala simply rock. I live in dispora but you wont believe how my pantry is ever stocked with such.
Life in England is fun you can now get all the foods from Zambia or Africa as all in London i don’t know about other parts.There is nothing i miss about Zambia good life around here.Thank you.
i am forced to react because of the other comments above, i think this was meant to be an email between 2 friends, its not even news. i wonder why LT published it, but for whatever it is, it does not quite fit for this forum
IF YOU STAY IN A COLD COUNTRY LIKE ME…THEN YOU WILL AGREE WITH AUGUSTINE,MUCH IS COMMON HERE AS IS IN JO’BUG…THOUGH MOST OF ZEDIANS ARE COWARDS AND WALK WHILE HEADS HIDE INSIDE THEIR SHOULDERS…
I suppose the author meant to provoke reactions from Zeds on their experiences abroad. Positive or negative. I like the article though.
“ifya nyene ba nsumbi, ba mbwa ka ba loleshapo chabe”! Sorry ba Chisembele, but what are you on about?? Ba nfumu ba fishbone mwalabila bwino sana.
😕
This is crap. Seems the writer has only been to RSA. Is that the diaspora he knows?
Ignorance.
I eat nshima with the everday delicacies of an African. Kafue bream (tilapia) is sold freely (cheaply too) by the chinese. I buy rape from the local chain store, delele, tute, kalembula and bondwe from the chinese shops. Groundnuts? am spoilt for choice. There is a wide array on show. Game meat, uhmm, thats the only one I miss but am fine.
I don’t get what you bloggers are on about.This is a funny article perhaps it only makes sense if you live in RSA. The one about the football going over the wall to the neighbors is a reality.some people just won’t throw back your ball.So your boys are reduced to playing football only at school or watching TV.It doesn’t sound like much but its all about trying to adjust to life in a foreign land.Those of you who get zambian food-good for you but not all of us have that luxury except when a relative comes to visit.So give the author a break, he tried!:)>-
The Diaspora and the experience. Is this like ….. I bet you don’t see much of this where you come from. Hey blackie, go home. Hey no n g gers here! There goes the neighborhood. We don’t want your kind here. Sorry this school full, we cannot accept your children. Vacant flat? No, not here sorry (door bangs in your face). Can I touch your skin, does the colour come off? OMG, they are everywhere now. Stupid monkeys. My dog is better than you. Go back to the jungle boy. English teacher wanted: no blacks. Nanny wanted:no blacks. Is this seat taken? Yes. Your children make too much noise;we don’t live like that here, this is no jungle you know. Hey kunta kinte, go home.
#32 Nachale…its simple “if you are in Roma, do what the Romans do” am sure you will also feel offended if a foreigner comes into your country/suburb/house doing what you dont do or like:)>-
LT, why don’t you introducee a column for jokes or better still a garbage/ recycle bin for such rubbish?
#34, sorry meant ‘introduce’
Laugh a little! I think some Zambians complaining about this article are so caught up in their 7-5 jobs, or they are caught up in the “because I am staying abroad all is okay” matrix they cant comprehend this article! Visit Zambia once in a while maybe just a bit of sitting outside in the shade, enjoying a mosi with genuine friends you may just learn to comprehend and laugh a little!
ha ha ha ! …keep them coming u chap :d:)):d/ ..don’t worry about some comments here .they obviously cannot appreciate the funny side .really sad peps around …. just so miserable ???>:p>:p>:p
Its just a joke i thot you all know better,but looks like you are offended.dont take life too serious mu ka fwa na BP ba Diaspora think out of the box
What is this pathetic excuse of a human being trying to put across?Give your backside a break!
I think its a great article with lots of substance. its all about reality.
Another example of a black man not accepting reality! This man Augustine lives in Soweto I think.
Ba Chisembele mu bwelele ku Chinsali. Your inferiority complex is toxic for your children and please stop feeding them burgers at the food court.
#32 Where are you? Where did you live? Germany? Russia? That never happened in the UK. Could it reason why you miserable?
Its not “life in THE diaspora” its “life in diaspora”!!!!!!!
The writer has a terrible complex he needs therapy. To be honest I enjoyed the fish from Peckham than the fish from Kafue. Why not talk about that stuff called sausage, bacon, etc in Zambia? Pathetic!
:d:d:d Well,personally as someone in the diaspora am not angry with LT for this satirical kind of story,it made me laugh because some of the stuff contained in it is reality.
I expected more in the article but maybe those of us in the diapora can also teach those at home that being here where we are does not mean we are any better,we also struggle to make ends meet.Those in good jobs in Zed should not even think of quitting and coming here expecting to come and become big people in offices etc unless they are highly skilled and get a job prior to coming because the situation when you get here is different! lol
Chisembele has a point. Take your investments to Z!! Don’t just be complaining about Z’s status when you are capable of doing something to improve. He’s clearly said it that – the streets you admire in U.K can not be shifted to our poor towns without your much needed contributions. The guy is a genius!!
Sad lives with no sense of humour at all, this is meant to loosen you a bit. Because of too much politics your daggers are almost forever drawn out and forever on the look out for someone to slaughter. LT how about publishing a string of serious articles on topics such as AIDS and global warming(no politics) we see how many of these serious characters will be commenting. Spice up your lives please variety variety variety in everything. you shouldn’t’ be on top every time, try being under or sideways or from behind sometimes.
Very inspiring message, unfortunately not all the bloggers can see the whole picture of the article. I guess this is true African way of communicating to the masses but only intended for the wise to decode the real message. Keep it up Augustine, yours is a GIFT!!!
🙂 Why are people losing their minds Over this article? It was a breath of fresh air from the usual political nonsense. No# 32 Na Chale I don’t know what cave dwelling europeans are in that country, but if it was possible I would have found a job for you in the US fitting your credentials. Helping each other like the Nigerians do, the helped me aquire work like we were family. Brought tears to my eyes because out of Niraland our brothers and sisters are united like red ants or impashi.
Most bloggers seem to have failed to decode the message, and have resorted to ridiculing the article or casting apersions of inferiority complex or ineptitude on the author.
The key point in this article is:
” I know you may be thinking, ‘what is wrong with my home-boy, Jo’burg has all the nice roads, hospitals, big shopping malls, casinos etc’, well; the problem is that I cannot take them to Mansa.”
In other words – nothing beats home! AND All these nice things in the diaspora would have more meaning back home! The article is satirically written and readers should not lose focus. The point is well taken.
🙂 Vision well said, well said.
Whatever your point mate, this sucks!!! (“££$$%%^”$%^&*()
I enjoyed reading this article not that it was educational ( which it wasnt) but because it was satirical, which in my opinion was the auther’s intent.
Now to those that plan to go back home, God bless your souls! I know its a personal choice, and a bad one for that matter. I for one have made my mind up; I am not going back to live in Zambia. I can go and visit my family once in a while. Just like my parents left Nchelenge for Lusaka to seek a better life, and once a while they went to visit their parents back in Nchelenge and when they made some money they never went back to Nchelenge. For the same reason I am not coming to live in Zambia. There is nothing really to come back for.
I have already changed my citizenship. It wasnt easy but I had to do it and now I am loving it.
Labbish…. y waste so much time writting a lot of nothing Zambians pls lets change our mind sets
This articles is not about them. It is a satire on life for those who have left home. It’s a light joke too.
Citwe Nsobo when singing for KK would start, “Nshileti KK afilwa ukuteka, Ndeti KK filwa ukuteka, … Epomunkonke” meaning understand the true meaning and not the surface meaning of the words. You need to have lived in good old days to understand this gentleman’s words. The meaning are so deeply embedded that only the those with roots in Zambian history will see the jokes therein. Mansa , ubwali, Mcdonald are all comparatively used. Umusungu is mentioned just to show how people endure even in places very contrary to home. Politics are rubbish so this was to change to something of light nature and a joke on life. Please appreciate and contribute your light jokes too.
Jibber jabber from a person who can`t fit in. However you want to see this, it`s tosh!
I don’t understand what message the writer was trying to put across. The article is so hard to understand.
In short he was saying vote MMD & RBB for modern development and prosperity. LOL!
Umu boys uyu wa flesi fisi fye. If we were like him, this world would never have seen Barrack! Feeble mental strength. Typical of abena Zambia. Mulebako nga aba nainai!
#42, the lie in you is big, yeah? Either that or you are in denial big time…
I like it man, those that don’t understand simply can’t read between the lines. You must always see both sides on the coin before commenting…just some of you guys ofcourse.. Its like you can wait to dis somethings. In the real world, not everything is straight forward, no wonder some people have cracked the code of success and some haven’t. I really liked your way of discribing just on little pin points on the life of being abroad in funny form of art .. in the case a letter!! 😡
Good job keep it up. This is a great article packed with reality.
gave up a few to have what i have
some thoughts like this do cross my mind but atleast i have almost anything i want, dont work for coins, hav food on my table day in and out
I love the article, for the simple fact that it is thought provocative…the writer hit a nerve for some us.
But I will only speak for myself .
If you want to gauge how much you have progressed in the diaspora, or there lackof, find out how your counterparts back home are doing today, then you will know most of us are wasting our time and potential in these back breaking jobs here..
The worst thing is watching Zambians who act more westernized than the western folks themselves.=))
When you have a family and kids, you want much more than the lame desire for designer clothes, buzz, partying, flashy cars etc, and yet have nothing to show for bank savings, owned property and a peace of mind….I better have a plan or surely I will be singing ” ahh Phili anabwela kuchoka kuwalele”=d>
Thanks Chisembele… I have enjoyed reading the article and the brought good memories and of cousrse confirmed some of my own dreams. Glad that I am not alone in this game. man, home is home! Go North, East, West, South the centre remains ku nganda. No matter the humble beginnings.
the other day I found frozen Katapa (Cassava leaves) ku Manchester, nati fye…what a blessing! I might have eaten itambula ka! mealie meal is in plenty…my madam knows that I need ‘food’ and I am glad my offsprings enjoy it too.
My children speak good English. Akantu is that our own language is almost non existant in the house. When on holiday in Zambia it is fun to see grandparents and their grand children converse in limited Bemba/English but it can also be embarrassing….Please help me on this one.
#42 Nachale, which jungle are you from? you are the same zambians that are so fake not forgeting shameless, we all cant be in london or UK. these things happen everywhere where one is a foreigner. even in the UK all white thieves are politish, romanian or balgerian thats where you find poor muzugus, but they forget the white british kids who break in peoples houses for quick cash.everyone on welfare in some poor african immigrant but forget the high number of teen mothers without even basic education that sit at home waiting for my poor zambian relative to pay taxes,every drug dealers is jamaican/ from west indies…. all yes they forget or the things the british do but point a finger on the immigrant. so dont pretend to know what you dont….this happenes everywhere.
home is where the heart is……..
I lived in Jo’Burg and Cape Town in the early nineties, spent time in Durban and Grahamstown, Mbabane in Swaziland and Maputo,Mozambique. Before this I was in Hamburg and Berlin in Germany and also 5 years in London in which time i went all around the UK. Am back in the UK now for 10 years.Super Girl is right, these foreigner issues happen everywhere……the stupid kawalala’s have broken into my place 9 times in 2 years……racists or burglars or both? The police have been next to useless, even with seemingly advanced ‘forensic’ techniques. Life is basically ‘similar’ wherever you go. Mr Chisembele, in trying to be ‘funny’,ought you learn to write with style, verve, precision and a hint of acerbic wit for picquancy? By the way,i tend to think in english and curse in nyanja!
People cheer up, what the author has written is not supposed to be offensive. I have taken it as a joke and it has made my day. Add HUMMOUR to your everyday life. I am a student here in the uk and i have taken no offence. I am sure the author was just being creative and just adding some humour to his everyday life. good article Augustine.
#31 Nico – you mean you cannot just go buy another football for a few quid?
Mr. Chisembele you are a good writer. You have come in with a different style. like you are addressing your friend resident in Britain. I would argue our people who are away to be Original. The Mother language thing is dying away. all people are speaking English. Only the English, French, Germans,Spainish, Chinese and a few others have kept their languages wherever they go. The Lozi, Bemba, Nyanja, Tonga ,Luvale keep their language while in Zambia… The Mambwe, Lungu loose their language even when they go to Lusaka. BE ALIVE MOTHER LANGUAGE