LET YOUR BODY DO THE TALKING
We all hunt for the perfect chat-up line, but in reality, our body gives away a great deal before we open our mouth. It is estimated that when you meet a stranger, their impression of you is based 55 per cent on your appearance and body language, 38 per cent on your style of speaking and a mere 7 per cent on what you actually say.
So what can we learn from the experts? There are a number of actions that signal “I like you” to another person. Adopting an open posture (no folded arms), and mirroring another’s posture help create a feeling of affinity. Most people are not conscious of being mirrored, but evaluate those who do it more favorably. And it is worth adopting stances that enhance your masculinity or femininity, such as placing hands in pockets with elbows out to enlarge the chest.
You could also indulge in a “gestural dance”, synchronising your gestures and body movements with those of the object of your desire, such as taking a sip of your drinks at the same time.
EXPERIENCE FEAR TOGETHER
A dramatic setting can kick-start your love life. Meeting a stranger when physiologically aroused increases the chance of having romantic feelings towards them.It’s all because of a strong connection between anxiety, arousal and attraction. In the “shaky bridge study” carried out by psychologists Arthur Aron and Don Dutton in the 1970s, men who met a woman on a high, rickety bridge found the encounter sexier and more romantic than those who met her on a low, stable one. A visit to the funfair works wonders too. Photos of members of the opposite sex were more attractive to people who had just got off a roller coaster, compared with those who were waiting to get on. And couples were more loved-up after watching a suspense-filled thriller than a calmer film. Why? No one is sure, but the adrenaline rush from the danger might be misattributed to the thrill of attraction. But beware: while someone attractive becomes more so in a tense setting, the unattractive appear even less appealing.
SHARE A JOKE
An experience that makes you laugh creates feelings of closeness between strangers. A classic example comes from experiments carried out by US psychologists Arthur Aron and Barbara Fraley, in which strangers cooperated on playful activities such as learning dance steps, but with one partner wearing a blindfold and the other holding a drinking straw in their mouth to distort speech. Sounds stupid, but love and laughter really did go together.
GET THE SOUNDTRACK RIGHT
It is thought that Shakespeare suggested that music is the food of love. Well, rock music, at least. Women evaluating photos of men rated them more attractive while listening to soft-rock music, compared with avant-garde jazz or no music at all.
USE LOVE POTIONS?
Can you short-cut all the hard work of relationship-building by artificial means? People have been trying to crack this one for thousands of years. A nasal spray containing the hormone oxytocin can make people trust you – an important part of any relationship – though there’s no evidence yet to suggest it can make someone fall in love. And while we wouldn’t suggest you try this at home, studies on prairie voles show that injecting the hormone vasopressin into the brain makes males bond strongly to females. Dopamine levels can also be increased legally by exercising. Another neurotransmitter, phenylethylamine (PEA), is tagged the “love molecule” because it induces feelings of excitement and apprehension. PEA is found in chocolate and it, too, is linked to the feel-good effects of exercise. Overall, a swift jog could be more conducive to love than anything you might find in a bottle.
GAZE INTO THEIR EYES
Any flirt knows that making eye contact is an emotionally loaded act. Now psychologists have shown just how powerful it can be. When pairs of strangers were asked to gaze into each other’s eyes, it was perhaps not surprising that their feelings of closeness and attraction rocketed compared with, say, gazing at each other’s hands. More surprising was that a couple in one such experiment ended up getting married. Neuroscientists have shed some light on what’s going on: meeting another person’s gaze lights up brain regions associated with rewards. The bottom line is that eye contact can work wonders, but make sure you get your technique right: if your gaze isn’t reciprocated, you risk coming across as a stalker.
Here are my ways of wooing; marketing like.
1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party.. You go up to her and say: “I am very rich. Marry me!” – That’s Direct Marketing
2. You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: “He’s very rich.. Marry him.” – That’s Advertising
3.You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say: “Hi, I’m very rich. Marry me.” – That’s Telemarketing (cntd)
4. You’re at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car) for her, pick up her bag after
she drops it, offer her ride and then say: By the way, I’m rich. Will you marry me?” – That’s Public Relations
5. You’re at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says: You are very rich! Can you marry me?” – That’s Brand Recognition
6.You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: I am very rich. Marry me!” She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. – That’s Customer Feedback (cntd)
7 .You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and
say: “I am very rich. Marry me!” And she introduces you to her husband. – That’s demand and supply gap
8.You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another person comes and tells her: “I’m rich. Will you marry me?” and she goes with him – That’s competition eating into your market share
9.You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say: “I’m rich, Marry me!” your wife arrives. – That’s restriction for entering new markets.
Better know these 9 points as well, coz we live in a competitive market.
mwilalemba ifima article ifitalisana, I have failed to read it all!!! its boring!!
an article about love should be short, to the point & interesting!!!!!!
this one is like a book on History of six different areas!!!!!!!
next time, write a short one or don’t write at all!!!!!!!!!!!
#4 .Translate the three words in vernacular to English for easy transmission of your point.Thanx!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Above all You are right concerning long messages, usually we ought to be as brief as we can.
Here is one that is not from any pick-up book,which I effectively used once. It is sure to work if & when you establish eye contact.I was seated with a good friend of mine and we were both eyeing this stunner of a woman who was with 3 other women. I asked my friend to walk over there with his phone and hand it to her. As he walked over there, I called my friend’s number who handed it to this gorgeous woman by saying ‘You’ve a phone call’. Surprised at first,she took the call, and I waved to signal that I was the one talking to her. After a chit-chat I asked her to save her number in my friend’s phone..we had a date 2 days later.This is one story I will live to tell my kids about their mum!
How boring.
Boring indeed, and they are all foreign ways of wooing a lover.
Mwebo bamwisho that is western culture, fwebo muchimbuya tulabele kulanda pando patu.
What has become of our traditional middlemen/women’Bashi bukombe or Bana Bukombe ? All your rumblings about cellphones and the like are fake ways .And….. don’t tell me I am old fashioned, it really really works things out in the end.Thakyou.
This is a well-intended article about romance. The problem with y’all is that when someone mentions the word ‘romance’ then it is western culture and it is a bad thing. I guess all the rampant divorces, cheating on spouses, children being born out of wedlock,high rates of HIV infections -which are a direct result of lack of romance – are a good thing! What can bashi bukombe advise you when he is equally cheating on his wife? And you only go to these people when your marriage is irretrievably broken. The family unit is the backbone of society. A broken family translates into a broken society as is the case in this country. Get a life, fellow Zambians.
Why waste time, just 2mosi,4castle and some takeaway(Michopo) then home.
#12 your idea would not woo me for sure. it takes more than 20pin to woo an accomplished lady. thats if u are getting a girl from misisi compound or something.
ladies are abit desperate. they say yes before you ask. so why worry
What’s with this self-righteous humour deficient criticism of other people’s writings? If you don’t like it skip it. You can’t expect everyone to share your taste. If you are so smart, why don’t you write something on the subject?
I think Muntuza’s post was a good piece of humour. I wish it was longer. Landeni tumfwe!!!
And, if you have a comment on someone else’s post, nothing wrong with that. That is debate. Present a sensible argument or shaddafuccup!!! No need to get personal.
Yes the article itself is from a western point of view but nevertheless interesting.
Surely how can one adopt the western way of attracting the opposite sex. For instance the usa has one of the highest divorce rates in the world. Aba sungu bali pena? even little things such as a mere proposal are blown out of context. they will wait for the right moment ( full or half moon whatever), buy a diamond, take a long walk on the beach, hide the ring in some cake or box, invite family members for a surprise proposal? it just shows you that they have enough time …..bala ikuta…! our needs/priorities are so different. my philosophy is simple….give the people what they want/what you can afford? if she wants beer…get her beer, she wants love give her love, if she wants marriage..
…marry her when you are ready? youngmen never marry a woman just because she carrying your baby….i have lived to regret this decision. otherwise as human we need the opposite sex in our lives? the late paul ngozi…a nyambe kwatilani sopano mwakula..! youngmen if you are over 28 …do not be “nyambe” do the right thing….find someone…..cheers.
number 17…? how are doing? still hot….the truce still stands. cheers
number 18-20,
yeah still cool,
the truce is not forgotten.
Indeed, one just has to apply our own traditional methods in winning over our valuable African women, using our availible resources. How many of us will wait to go to a beach in Zambia?
The second point “Experience Fear Together” would probably leave her thinking you are a man of bad luck, you won’t win her. There’s even a word for it like “uwama shamu” or something lik that.
Aba sungu…? “gaze into their eyes.” women will look at what you have to offer interms of security (future financial prospects). that explains why some educated ugly fellas wind up with pretty women ( not to say that I am good looking)…. Still hot..sue me…. which part of the USA are you located?
#4 & 9 please, be reminded that Bemba is not official language. Use English on this blog for the benefit of others. If you want to use vernacular, introduce your vernacular blog, pleeeseeeee!!
Has your marriage broken up irretrivably ?What do you know about Zambian marriage culture ? I guess NOT a clue.May be you are not even married ??Romance is there in our Culture but you have to be desciplined to have a feel of it.
Mwilatukanya ukubomfwa ifitundu tulefwaya. Whats the problem with adding a little Zambian id? You chaps out there are never proud of where you hell from. I advise you to check out South African blogs and you’ll have a clue to what it should be to have a blog with the local feel.
On the current topic. I dont believe all the nice trickery and wits people advise really work as far as finding a good woman is concerned. It happens so natural that at times you dont need to make much efforts to start, just happens and with time you find how perfectly muched for each other. So if you are not good at talking don’t worry, she’ll come your well (or you’ll be pulled to her).
#23 Mr Lee-Canada to hell with you, its none of ur business which language we use at this zedian blog, you are free to use ur language at the Canadian blog and your fellow Canadians will hear u and us zedian are free to use our languages. Period.
Lee-Canada,
1. We don’t care where you at
2. This blog is for Zambians (more than 72 languages)
3. You don’t have to read everything (choose posts you want to respond to)
4. Speak for your ass.
Lee has a point. I speak Bemba and Njanja although I Tumbubuka, I don’t mind pipo using proverbs or slang in whatever Zambian language. I think Lee is trying to say, he can’t get some of the comments. You must remember that it is not only Zambians who are interested in this blog, some lived in Zambia or were born in Zambia or have visited Zambia, or parents were born in Zambia etc. I see comments in Tonga, Lozi although I want to follow they guys, I can’t understand. May Njanja or Bemba can be used because they are the most spoken langueges in Z.
Shidada and Lee, you have one thing in common. You are both egoistic brats! Why do you have your localities to your names? I for one am not interested. If you are hoping to get attention by your localities tough lack coz the places you chose to click much. Shame on you!
If I where you I would even pretend to be in Chilubi Island coz am just too proud to Zedian. Am not in Zed but I love the place and I’ll never be proud of something foreign.
Make it here! What is your point? Sorry I don’t get what u are saying.
Cum on guys. Its as eazy as 123. Stop the local language nonsense on this blog. Use English. repeat after me: We shall use English!
I agree. You can use common slang in whatever, we all know. What the point of me blogging in Tumbuka, when 95% of the forum do not understand. Although I speak and understand Bemba, Nyanja and Tumbuka, I don’t see the point of blogging in these languages when some don’t understand.
make it here is a villager. U can blog in yo tumbuka in hell not here. We mean serious business you wizards!
I dont believe in love portions, because i hav too much pride, why sholud i apply herbs on my body or smoke stuff to bring a man into my life or my hubby back home? I see them in and i know its not love that has brought them to me but the stuff i used! Women where is your pride?
34 I need you pliz. u r real
29 why r u in a foriegn country if u don’t like anything
foriegn? get on a plane and don’t write nuffin on this blog
until u reach zed mate.stop chatting abt hw u hate other countries wen u live in 1.
funny how people can just complain.i hope they can do a better job.don’t just criticize,at least if you do next time give suggestions on how the article can be improved.
In Zambia, you don’t need any of these techniques. Just show interest in the lady and she’ll definitely come to you. These techniques are probably only needed if you’re trying to woo somebody else’s lover.
Friendly advice: No need to dis anybody just because they use their language here. After all Bemba is well understood by most Zambians.
Coming to the main story: I agree with others who dismiss it as western approach. We are Africans, we have our own way of expressing love – more natural and less egoistic. Even white women know that, that’s why they swarm us like bees, especially kuno ku Germany.
what we need is african ways on how things can work out, not western.
lets not throw insults on each other..
we are one..
one zambia one nation.
#40 Twitwi,
There is no “African Way” or “Western Way” or “Indian Way” or “Zambian Way”. There is Just The Way.
#41 Born Rich or Born Ignorant? There’s a significant difference between the western culture and the African one. Ask your grandmother if you’re Zambian. If not, no need to read further. The Western Way of acquiring and passing on knowledge is mainly through research and then writing books.
The African way, which is unfortunately being abandoned is through observing and oral teaching. Waumfwa? That’s why we have story-telling pa nsaka: that’s our University!
#42 YO THE ONE!!!BORN RICH, NEEDS TO BE TAKEN KU NSAKA.
Strange comments you guys have
WHy so much adrenaline and emotion on a blog…ah! are you serious???? If you want a woman, just be real, pursue her and let her see if you are worth her time. Wanna marry her? Send your people to her dad..AND don’t try to get her into bed WAIT TILL AFTER THE WEDDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Romance is not a western concept…you will never enjoy marriage without it….thats why cheating has become acceptable coz you all bored in your marriages where you want wife to be an old hag and slave while you run after “home breakers”. Let your woman stay attractive and looking fly like when you met her…
Got carried away with “Amused’s comments. Any way I can get in touch with “Amused”?
This is interesting I must say but since am only passing by it with the arguinging while I feast on them. Shallom!!!!!!!!!!
Gather enough courage ane tell her what you want depending on where you find her.
1.In the Bar, Tell her straight you want sex.
2. Your cousin, Mulamu, tell them you want incest, you will see how fast they open their legs.
3. In the office, tell her you have never done it from behind, you will be amazed how she will bend over the table for you to enter her wild!
POINT, DONT BE SHY, SAY WHAT YOU WANT coz women usually wait for sex requests.
You guys are wild,
As women we have some pride, mind you wat do you tell the women you find in the church??
Guys be serious and give us sexual satisifaction, or else!!
so this is all about sex? I thought we were trying to have a serious discussion about dating and courtship that could lead to marriage???? I guess I am wrong. I rest my case…..good luck to you all
#50 , stop acting like you don’t know! What good is a perfect romance without sex? Nature planned it, don’t deny it.
# 49 which dream world do you live in? Your advice, if followed, will lead to a lot of men getting slapped in the face! I’ve been around the world and I never met a woman who enjoys a “slide-tackle” to lure her into bed.
My experience is that Zambian men don’t waste time with romance but since every woman needs to feel she is the only one before she says “yes”, which just flatter them as long we get “landing permission” in the end.
#52 Umwaume Wampali I guess your last sentence should read “…since every woman needs to feel she is the only one before she says “yes”, WE just flatter them as long we get “landing permission” in the end.
If what you say is true, then no wonder so many “friendly” relationships break after having sex.
well it is all this over-rated sex-before-marriage vibe that has messed up all of you who do it. When you sleep with anyone its a spiritual and blood covenant. It is no wonder no one seems to enjoy marriage coz technically, many are spiritually married to so many others that they cannot “settle” once they get hitched. If sex could really be the bomb and glue of a relationship we would not have such high infidelity But because it has been reduced to a passtime , like drinking beer, everyone has so many soul-ties……..and thats why it seems like some can’t be satisied whether with a wife, girlfriend or prostitute…the devil is doing a good job of hoodwinking you all..he wins,you lose
Kinite…. with all yo
Amused! You are very spiritual!
Knowledge is power. It is precisely what you don’t know that will hurt you. If we knew the spriritual implication of premarital sex we would resist the temptation and flee. My heart bleeds for young men and women who are in so much bondage. My mandate is to pass on this knowledge..we just need Jesus….it is evident that all the gimmicks and tricks don’t work…….97% of people are in unhappy relationships/marriages
Am a zambian and GAY, my partner is zambian too.
How can I contact “Amused” privately?
Interested, I am not sure why you want to contact me. If you have clear good motives we can get in touch. I am an intercessor and counsellor. I am married and my husband is a man of God. I am asuming you are male. If you need counsel I will refer you to my husband. If you are a lady I will be happy to help you. We are based in the U.S. and I don’t know where you are to determine how to communicate.
#57 you contradict yourself – how can you be “shi Chilufya?” You’re certainly nuts!!! You need therapy, & certainly a woman. Desensitizing therapy exists if you problem was brought about by some bad experience.
#60 am sorry I was just bored thats why I just typed that line. Otherwise forgive me
Why shud pipo be hyper sensintive with local dialects. I believe #31 does andastand BEMBA and NYANJA, these are the mostly or rather widely used dialects in zed closer to official dialects. DONT BE A TRIBALIST. WE KNOW WHICH PROVINCE YOU COME FROM WHERE THEY HATE BEMBA AND NYANJA. I COME FROM NWEST PROV but am not offended with anyone using local dialects. you can use lozi if you want mwata!!!
i hate self righteous individuals. let people give their opinions freely and their opinions dont have to match yours.
No 57. You really don,t know what yu are missing. A natural apple. Yu reall need therapy.
Probably on the fisrt start yu went straight in the wrong area and liked that way. Pliz be corrected, A WOMAN IS GOD MADE AND HER SPECIFIC BODY AREA IS UNIQUE. CHANGE YO MIND AND TASTE ONE AND YU WILL REALISE WHAT YU ARE MISSING IN LIFE.For yo partner I say SHAME! SHAME! SHAME. Refuse.
Using of local language is no a problem,in fact i enjoy it.come to countries like South Africa,Kenya,Tanzania etc they all use there languages. Language also plays a part to define who we are.Thanks
Just be nice to anybody you fancy and they will drop onto your open palm.
#66, the last time I trie being nice to somebody I fancy, her open palm dropped hard onto my face!
There are just too many “consultants” offering love portion etc services one wonders does love still exist. Maybe for a few, but for most being controlled by something we are yet to identify. it is happening everyday