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Wednesday, August 5, 2020

Cheating spouses

Headlines Cheating spouses

People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing.

Signs of a cheating spouse

  1. Find birth-control pills in her medicine cabinet, and you’ve had a vasectomy.
  2. Mutual friends start acting strangely toward you. (They either know about the cheating or have been told stories about what a horrible wife or girlfriend you are.)
  3. He stops confiding in you and seeking advice from you.
  4. He leaves the house in the morning smelling like Irish Spring and returns in the evening smelling like Safeguard.
  5. He joins the gym and begins a rigorous workout program.
  6. He buys a cell phone and doesn’t let you know.
  7. He sets up a separate cell phone account that is billed to his office.
  8. He carries condoms, and you are on the pill.
  9. Begins to delete all incoming phone calls from the caller ID.
  10. Deletes all incoming e-mails when they used to accumulate.
  11. He becomes “accusatory,” asking if you are being true to him, usually out of guilt.
  12. Raises hypothetical questions such as, “Do you think it’s possible to love more than one person at a time?”
  13. He buys himself new underwear.
  14. Has a sudden desire to be helpful with the laundry.
  15. Has unexplained scratches or bruises on his or her neck or back.
  16. Suddenly wants to try new love techniques.
  17. He/she fairly suddenly stops having sex with you.
  18. He/she suddenly wants more sex, more often.
  19. Supposedly works a lot of overtime, but it never shows up on the pay check.
  20. Picks fights in order to stomp out of the house.
  21. You find out by accident he or she took personal time off from work – but supposedly worked on those days.
  22. Spouse’s coworkers are uncomfortable in your presence.
  23. Has a sudden preoccupation with his or her appearance.
  24. You get calls where the caller hangs up when he or she hears your voice.
  25. She sleeps with her purse by the bed.
  26. He goes to the store for groceries and comes home 5 hours later.
  27. He tells you can get hold of him at a different telephone number.

Causes of cheating

The root of unfaithfulness in marriage has absolutely nothing to do with who we are married to. It has to do with who we are as people.

What causes a spouse to cheat is lack of morals – It takes a person of upright character to withstand the temptations of society.Sometimes a person will commit adultery even when they know it is wrong. It is a lifestyle thing. Monkey see, monkey do.

What to do if you are having problems

Firstly don’t try to make sense out of nonsense.In order to resolve your relationship, contact with “the other person” must be cut off 100%.Make the hard decision i.e either leave the marriage to free your partner, or commit to stay.
Maturity enables you to control your impulses. You must do whatever it takes UNTIL your partner finds the emotional closure.Time heals nothing. It is what you do with the time.
Healing can’t start until hurting stops.You can’t work on the affair while you’re still having it. Remember that it is better to be healthy alone than sick with someone else.
Affair proof your marriage

Your relationship must be based on a solid, underlying friendship. Friends talk, laugh, share, and do things they’re interested in together. Don’t stop being friends just because you’re each other’s spouse.

Your relationship has to meet the needs of the two people involved. Understand what your partner’s needs are so you can meet them. Figure out what your own needs are and communicate them. If your needs are not being met, communicate and negotiate. Don’t let resentment build.

You can’t control your partner’s behavior, but you don’t have to set yourself up to get hurt either. Inoculate yourself against infidelity by making sure you’re attentive, involved and plugged in to your marriage.

How to be plugged in

  1. Turn toward your partner — not away. You absolutely cannot fix a problem inside a relationship by turning outward. All that does is create problems.
  2. Don’t play games in your head. It is a short step from thought to action.
  3. Don’t confuse reality with fantasy. We often forget that there’s a difference between falling in love and being in love. You can’t expect a love that grows to be like it was on the first date.
  4. If you want to have a good partner, be a good partner. Put 100 percent into your marriage.
  5. Is your marriage in a rut? “Bored people are boring,” Find a passion, get energized, find some time together to rediscover the love and commitment you have for one another.
  6. Work on your marriage every single day — not just during the bad times. Wake up each day and ask yourself, “What can I do today that will make my marriage better.”
  7. Make a plan together to renegotiate your relationship. If you’ve gotten off track, it’s never too late to get back to a better place.
  8. Take care of yourself. Eat healthy, exercise and look your best. Feeling good about yourself will radiate and your spouse will notice.


  1. What can someone do if a wife doesnt know how to dance in bed, please you ladies who are married help me before i devorce.My friends tell me that when a woman dances in bed a man enjoys sex so much.

  2. Hi Peter.
    Am a married guy.Look here Peter,You seem not to be knowing your wife so well.You just change the way you do approach life.Why can’t teach her how to dance ?Do you want her to guess?
    Why don’t you discuss your feelings after you have sex with her?
    Just teach her dear friend,shez gonna be your whole world.
    Or maybe you need this,,Go to to the street,find a bitch who was already trained by other men how to dance,get her and put your life at risk.
    I think you are one of the luckiest men on this Earth dear.
    You seem t have married a very innocent woman.hahahahaha
    Just based upon my feelings

  3. hey peter,marriage is more than just sex.A you going to wreck your childrens lives over their mothers poor technique?maybe you are not worth dancing for in the first place!If you were to contract HIV and get all red and swollen do you think a womans technique will matter then?

  4. Im glad to note that this article points out that being unfaithful has got nothing to do with who you are married to but who you are as a person. I know that most men try to justify their cheating but the finding faults in their wives (I wouldnt be surprised if Peter used the ‘non-dancing wife’ as an excuse for sleeping around. The moral decay in this so-called christian nation has reached alarming levels. Married men are now ashamed if they dont have a girlfriend and the amount of time they spend away from home gives their wives the opportunity to seek solace in other men. Currently in Lusaka, 1 in every 3 married women is cheating on her husband. Most of them blame it on their husbands being too busy with girlfriends; which is such a shame because most of these husbands are now looking after children who are not biologically theirs. What can be done to stop this rot?

  5. Am a married guy and this is a very enlightening and informative thread to say the least

    I think people cheat for various reasons some valid and some not

    Peter talk to your wife so that you can spice up your sex life or you’ll be doomed. Be fair and subjective coz u might find that what works for you does not work for her

  6. sex is about how you express youself to your spouse not how you dance.we respond differently to things and if your partner is not dancing maybe she feels you are not doing much of a good job so why try to pretend when you not getting any from him..you get much as much as you give and hey dude dont listen to what crap pipo say they might be trying to do you bad,you can teach her if you know rather than someone else doing it for you who knows what might happen during lessons.

  7. Tru dat!!! I toyally agree with that.Peter let me ask you,how did you know that women dance in bed?Are you talking about what you have experienced or what you hear from pipo?Well to me I strongly feel that you are not “doing” your wife rightly coz a woman normally responds to good things very much.Foreplay before the act and you will tell…

  8. I have a concern in my life. My friends tell me that they do enjoy sex so much and they even reach the climax.But to my surprise i dont reach climax when am having sex with my hasbund.Before i got married i had a boy friend who was a married man and i used to enjoy sex so much i even used to shade tears because it used to be so nice and good.Now with my man i dont enjoy sex at all.It was last week when my former man came to lusaka for a business and i made sure i slept with him and he gave me four good ones and i was done.Fwebanakashi tulachula kubanalume abo tabachitabwino mu bed. Please advise me my fellow ladies.

  9. my dear Rose,firstly you are not going to solve your problem by looking for solutions outside your marriage.Talk with your hubby,tell him how you want things done.He can’t guess what you want.Us ladies need to be fine emotionally before we can connect with our husbands on a sexual level.Maybe you resent him or you don’t feel like he loves you as he should.Spend more time in foreplay then perhaps you will be relaxed enough to enjoy sex.Please don’t compare him with your experienced lover.Lastly go for an HIV test and stop sleeping around!

  10. Am a man aged 34 years and married for 4 years now,to my surprise of late my wife wants to suck me each time we finish making love.I have always advised her not to do that but she still insist, she tells me that she feels done when doing that.Please can balangizi come to my aid because i dont want it at all.

  11. I don’t have a comment but a problem and my problem is that I have been married for 3 yrs and the last one yr of my marriage has been sexless. I have talked to my husband about it and all he says is that it’s his blood pressure that’s causing him to have no desire.
    I am now so lonely and miserable and don’t know what to do. I have suggested that we go together to see a doctor and he refuses to do that. What can the problem be? Please help me A.S.A.P!! I have never thought of cheating on him but now I am getting the urge to do so.

  12. dear sheeba44,I understand your frustration.The bible is actually against spouses with holding sex from each other.If your hubby is hypertensive it is true it has a negative effect on sex as it decreases blood flow to the penis and most drugs used to treat BP cause impotence.The dose of the drugs can be adjusted if they are causing problems.He could also try exercises to help control his BP and eat less salt,red meat,alcohol etc.talk with him,perhaps while the problem persists you guys can explore other ways he can satisfy you sexually.I do not advise you turning outside your marriage for a solution.Its dificult for men to pump up the courage to see a doctor.Understand his frustration.I’m ofcourse assuming he really has high blood pressure!

  13. Mable,perhaps, it would be wise for you tell the world if at all you have done any experiment to proof your hypothesis. If so tell us how many uncircumcised men and how many circumcised men have you slept with. Without this data I will take it that you are just speculating which makes it difficult to give a meaningful answer to your question. However,be aware that changing sex partners like underwears can be dangerous because AIDS is real and kill prematurely.

  14. ROSE: I think most married women can understand and relate to your concern. Me and my girlfriends have discussed issues similar to the one you raised here and my conclusion is that overtime men give better sex to their girlfriends than to their wives. All my girlfriends complain about how their husbands just climb on top of them without prior stimulation and climax within 30 seconds, and start snoring 2 minutes after the sexual act started. This is very frustrating and talking about it with your hubby doesnt seem to help because of the way men’s egos and attached to their libido. One of my friends tried to talk with her hubby about this 30 seconds-sex and he was very upset about it; Instead of saying anything, he abstained from sex for 1 whole month. Seriously these men are frustrating us sexually. I had a married boyfriend back in the day; we had great sex but he always told me that his wife was forever complaining about their poor sex life. So husbands need to get their act together

  15. MABLE: Circumcised men are prefered by most women because the removal of their foreskin makes them take long before they climax. Its not like they are anymore romantic than uncircumcised men; its just that since they take so long, women are able to reach orgasm during the prolonged sexual act

  16. ladies! Remember you teach people how to treat you.If your hubby thinks sex is a 30second affair show him in no uncertain terms that thats a no no!move off him after 25seconds if you think he is going to climax soon!Besides these men should know that we need foreplay first and then we take longer to climax.If he gets upset he is being very childish and selfish.Indeed MEN get your acts together and don’t make a sister look elsewhere for gratification!

  17. Zambian men should also startgoing through initiation and traditional lessons before they get married; very few tribes do teach prospective husbands.Thats why men are not bothered about satisfying their wives in the bedroom; most of them think as long as they buy mealie meal, thats enough. In uganda, husbands who dont satisfy their wives are summoned to a court of elders! Women, stop suffering in silence; ask for what is due to you. Dont go through life wondering what an orgasm feels like; tell your husband to give you one!

  18. l wish to contribute to this topic which has been under discussion since biblical times.Women have a different hormonal makeup which takes long to climax and so for any husband willing to satify their partner should first,start by changing the frame of mind of the wife early in the morning by saying things in her ears that will make her feel nice later add a text message and then evening when you or she gets home give her something she would adore,then the sexual act.So what am l saying,women take small things to their hearts and whatmatters to them is not how well you look,if you can’t perform in bed you are just as useless as a begger.Secondly for premature ejeculation men can learn not to do that and that really helps.Most imorptantly is communication and l guess no matter how beautiful or handsome someone maybe without communication the two will never be happy in marriage or any union.

  19. Circumcised men take long to ejaculate because nerve sensations to the male organ are lost with time after circumcision hence taking long to climax and in so doing the woman by chance climax.Uncircumcised men can also perform as much as the circumcised all that is needed is to train on how to hold and by so doing the man can get as much orgasms as possible and the final one upon ejaculation.This will come at a cost,their has to be rigorous training and will surely make.I used to have such a problem and my wife complained that l was weak,but now she says that l am very and she enjoys sex coz she orgamses maybe 2,3 times in one sexual act.So it is possible and anyone out there can do it!!!!

  20. Guys,I gat an issue down here-am heavily built,weigh large,but in gud shape coz i do weight lifting ,so i gat a shape.Issue is dat my diva doesn’t like it that i don’t wear pants.Ok,I can’t stand underpants,tho,somtimes,but very rarely I get into boxers..I’ve dated gals,i don’t even know how many,n they all liked it dat I gat nuttin down,as they say its damn sexy..Ofcourse i shave use cologne n,like it like this.Wat shud i do-start wearing dem boxers?My diva really insistin!

  21. I totally support the position that the wife batterer took. The wife needs to be taught a lesson at all cost. Honest how can a wife tell a boy friend to assist in fathering a child of her choice, its very sad. Mr Bemba you are great man because if it was myself i could have killed my wife. She should thank God that she is still living. These people who are against Mr Bemba are they married?. This lady was cheating on him is it right you people.Mr Bemba just devorce that lady she will just give you Amatenda like AIDS.

  22. HJ, ONLY your last sentence to Bemba seemed sensible. I do pity your wife, she might actually take heed of that last advice as well, I mean, on what grounds do you feel you have the right to take her life? Think b4 acting at all times, you’d end up becoming a murderer and orphaning your kids, nothing to be proud of, even in anger!!

    The lead article, though to be commended for initiating this thread, seems to trip over itself, it CONTRADICTS itself on so many points,so obvious, won’t repeat.

    I’m happy to have observed that people have taken the opportunity to educate each other, both men & women, lots of praise for Peter for being this brave and not misguided by what he has heard. Sex isn’t just about copulation, it’s about the two of you discovering each others body, like tickling, it’s which area stimulates your partner the most, use that knowledge to get reach higher heights, you will soon regret having asked how to get her satisfied, becoz you won’t!!

  23. No wife beating, its an old old outdated thing nowadays its known as assault and it carries a minium sentece of 15 years. The same goes for husband batters who fail to satisfy their spouses in various ways – if you kick and slap your hubby you will be locked up. Communication is Key to everything. Ask your partner to touch you where you want and they will respond, but yes when they are having an illicit affair they will find it hard to do as asked – then smell a rat but dont butcher your partner because you have no right to. Cry yourself to sleep, what else can you do if he is limp?

    Lillian and Bwalya you have given very good advice. Its true initiations are effective for both men and women. 30 seconds is a nightmare and then he rolls off and begins to snore – how terrible.

  24. I was engaged to marry ths girl, and i paid half of the lobola. But b4 we could get married i had to go for further education so our rship became distant. my girl woud visit me & i’ll do the same.we would talk on phone and thot all was fine so we started preparing for our wedding. Then the an expected happened.someone annonymous who claimed to know and know my girl too,just emailed all the details of my girl’s ashemed unfaithful with her boyfriend apparently she had introduced this guy to me before that he was a family friend but he’s bn trying to propose her she’s bn refusing.i confronted my girl with all the evidence at my disposal and asked her what she was saying about all that.instead of defending herslf she wanted to know who the informer was which was not necessary.i found out for myslf that all the allegation were true. I called off the wedding, but i must admit i love this girl and i’m finding it hard to move on.i fear 2 go back too coz she might do the same.

  25. Please the man how old are because am also looking for a man to marry me am 26 years old am working as secretary in a very reputable organisation. You just forget about this lady and she just was cheating on you.

  26. Please the man how old are because am also looking for a man to marry me am 26 years old am working as secretary in a very reputable organisation. You just forget about this lady and she was just cheating on you.

  27. Mable please, if you are looking for a man to marry and you are 26 then come to me, Now back to the Cheating spouses, ba Ethel Konji dont lie OK, a woman need to be bitten if she is cheating on you, because she is not, she is going to leave and thats the best way you can tell if she cheated or not, but that comes with consiquences, but also the best and most efficient way to treat a wife

  28. Mable where have you been and what are you still waiting for?The Mr.Right of your life is here.Try me babe..

  29. Hi Mable, i’m 29yrs old, currently i live and work outside zambia. I dont if you like to relocate, but no to raise so much hope let meet and discuss. i planning to travel to zambia in june. hope to meet you.

  30. Is there any man out there who found out about their partner cheating on them but decided to go ahead and marry them

  31. A bena “Mule, The man and Tru Zedian” guys you need to calm down. Mable is mine, Oh ya, By the way “Mule” there is no man who can marry a woman who had cheated on him. The only time when you are forced to marry her is if you made her belly very big (pregnant) other wise you are retarded.

  32. Mr Kasonde says, I hope you do not beat up your lovely wife whenever she makes a slight mistake. Marble you better be really careful and make no mistakes because Mr Kasonde is a no nonsense man he is strict and he believes in battering the wife. Good luck to you and your choice.

  33. yes mule,I fell in love with a beautiful girl from Kitwe 7 years ago.A few months into our relationship I found out she was communicating with an ex,even meeting for chicken and chips at nandos.Anyway after much talk and tears she promised it would never happen again.3 years later I married her.What a nightmare she turned out to be.Her boss was giving her lifts to work and they soon started dating.She had no time for me,wouldn’t cook or wash for me.Just putting on make up and wigs.Anyway I finally divorced her.Keep away from people who cheat.I had all the signs before we married but her beauty and crocodile tears blinded me.Now I’m 34years old and have to start chasing girls again.

  34. Ba Jimmy sorry about your past though you could have seen the signs in the first stages when she was doing the nandos with the x or was he really the x? Ichi chi gelo she doesnt just listen and you did well to disconnect her. Just one advise, even when you are chassing these girls (hope u meant ladies consdering yo age), pls take care especially when tasting or is it testing, its a rough world we are living in mudala wandi, wish u all the best in your search and hope you find one to make you happy.

  35. Reading tories about ladies complaining about sexual unsatisification from their partners makes me realise that my woman is a very lucky woman. To start with, I am circumcised and it takes me long to ejaculate. I can control my ejaculation and prolong my orgasim. I always ensure my woman comes first then me last. I always play foreplay to ensure I stimulate my woman. I encourage her to wear sexy underwear like G-strings and lingerie to help me get sexually attracted to her. Am always of the opinion that we vary the positions and the environment to make sex interesting because I believe sex is not in the “willy” but in the brain.

    My complaint is that my woman only enjoys sex in the missionary position and says the other positions are painful. She wants it in the bedroom and on the bed always. She cant go more than one round.

    The strange thing is that despite all this she enjoys sex with me though i think am being starved.

    Can ladies out there tell my woman how lucky she is.

  36. yourdreamman,indeed your wife is blessed and you are too.It seems you are compassionate and have a great sex life I don’t see why you are complaining that you are starving.Come on,one round per night is enough! Your wife will start faking it if you start pushing for more rounds.its tiring.After a hard days work, one round and a good nights sleep is all a woman could ask for! keep up the good work though!

  37. When we look at Cheating spouses from the point of view of men cheating I feel women play a major role in their partners starting to cheat.

    The problem with women is that they find the truth too easy and plain to believe. For example telling your woman that youve come home late because you were with friends wouldnt suffice because they expect to hear something nasty.

    This is why men have resorted to not lying perse but rather being economical with the truth because women fail to handle the truth in its entirety.

    I have even learnt the skill of deleting my “Recent calls register” from my mobile, something i didnt even know i would learn , all because my woman is unnecessarily suspicious. Most of these calls would be normal calls from ladies but to avoid acrymony men find themselves lying.

    Ladies hear me out and hear me good, after a hard day’s work, a man deserves to go to a home that is peacefull and quiet. Not to be castigated about his wereabouts.

  38. Mr EasyE pliz check yourself than blaming your woman and labelling her like other women. Problems in a home will always be there coz we come from different home and backgrounds. Foundation of your marriage matters just like a house. Communication is important in marriage. If you are able to communicate with your wife maybe she would not be behaving in the way she behaves. She will be occupied find ways of pleasing you. Yes there are differences in marriage but that should not hinder you from enjoying your marriage. Please Mr EasyE enjoy your wife of your youth coz whereever you run to there will be problems. Solve the problems that you know than the ones you dont know. Free advice, I dont frown immediately when my husband has hurt or he is annoyed. I wait until he has I ve or he has cooled down to discuss the issue i.e. at bed time and make over love making.

  39. Mr EasyE pliz check yourself than blaming your woman and labelling her like other women. Problems in a home will always be there coz we come from different home and backgrounds. Foundation of your marriage matters just like a house. Communication is important in marriage. If you are able to communicate with your wife maybe she would not be behaving in the way she behaves. She will be occupied find ways of pleasing you. Yes there are differences in marriage but that should not hinder you from enjoying your marriage. Please Mr EasyE enjoy your wife of your youth coz whereever you run to there will be problems. Solve the problems that you know than the ones you dont know. Free advice, I dont frown immediately when my husband has hurt or he is annoyed. I wait until he has I ve or he has cooled down to discuss the issue i.e. at bed time and make over love making.

  40. Muku you sound very mature.How did you manage to get your husband to talk(communicate).Mine just keeps quiet even if I’ve done something wrong because he says he’s too tired to argue and whats to maintain the peace in the home.I usually find out days later that I did something wrong.

  41. My dear mukuka, communication is not the issue here. The issue is trust. What is communication without trust.

    I expect my wife to believe me when I tell her that am late because I knocked off late as opposed to suspecting infidelity just because of the general idea that if a man comes home late then he was womanising. This world can be full of imorality but believe it or not there are still few men like me who can come home genuinely late.

    There is nothing irritating like being accused of things you are not doing especially when you are trying your level best to please your wife.

    This is why in my previous response, I said, and still belives so, that women play a major role in their husbands starting to cheat on them.

    Even a pastor who always preaches about the devil should not be suprised if some of his members start worshiping the devil.

    So to all married women, make us miss home when we are away instead of that tribunal you make us sit before.

  42. My dear mukuka, communication is not the issue here. The issue is trust. What is communication without trust.

    I expect my wife to believe me when I tell her that am late because I knocked off late as opposed to suspecting infidelity just because of the general idea that if a man comes home late then he was womanising. This world can be full of imorality but believe it or not there are still few men like me who can come home genuinely late.

    There is nothing irritating like being accused of things you are not doing.

    This is why in my previous response, I said, and still belives so, that women play a major role in their husbands starting to cheat on them.

    Even a pastor who always preaches about the devil should not be suprised if some of his members start worshiping the devil.

    So to all married women, make us miss home when we are away instead of that tribunal you make us sit before. You might just be driviing your man into an affair.

  43. My dear mukuka, communication is not the issue here. The issue is trust. What is communication without trust.

    I expect my wife to believe me when I tell her that am late because I knocked off late as opposed to suspecting infidelity just because of the general idea that if a man comes home late then he was womanising. This world can be full of imorality but believe it or not there are still few men like me who can come home genuinely late.

    There is nothing irritating like being accused of things you are not doing.

    This is why in my previous response, I said, and still belive so, that women play a major role in their husbands starting to cheat on them.

    Even a pastor who always preaches about the devil should not be suprised if some of his members start worshiping the devil.

    So to all married women, make us miss home when we are away instead of that tribunal you make us sit before. You might just be driviing your man into an affair.

  44. mr.easyE they say theres no smoke without fire,maybe you did something in the past that has put your wife on edge. she will however drive you into the arms of another woman if she doesn’t stop.You could help the situation by calling her when you are going to be late and calling when you’re in the car about to start off from work etc.Perhaps instead of working late you can go to work very early in the morning.Hope this helps.

  45. EasyE (#39); your point may be looked at by many on this blog to be in the negative, but i think i get what you are trying to say.

    Suspicions must have their limits. The Bible says that “to the pure all things are pure”. It is not my intention to misuse the Holy Scriptures; all i am trying to say is that those whose lives are NOT straight will easily be suspicious of their partners even when their partners are in fact faithful to them.

    To put it in other words “We usually see what we are, not necessarily what is there”. What we see in other people is mostly a reflection of WHO we are. A prostitute, for example will usually see a prostitute in every woman.

    Relationships must be built on love and trust, among other things. These MUST be MUTUAL if the relationship is to last.

    TO THE MEN OUT THERE; YOU MUST NOT ONLY BE TRUST WEATHY, YOU MUST ALSO BE SEEM TO BE TRUST-WEATHY. These are two different things!! The sooner you learn the difference the better for you and your mate. The women are not an exception to this rule.

    A nice day to you all.

  46. The problem of cheating in our culture has been made worse by the fact that we have accepted poligamy (3, 6, 10, 20 wives/boyfriends/girlfriends surelly we are not dogs). Poligamist makes it look like it is normal for a man to have girlfriends and a woman to have a boyfriends. Cheating is something that has been going on for years in Zambia and if it were not for AIDS not many people would have put their ama tako panshi. I see it even here in Denmark amoung Zambian women who are married to Danish men, 90 % have boyfriends (OK most of them were prostitutes in Zambia, mate a white and off to Europe)and not only one but many and all over. I have seen it with my own naked eyes. I do not know what sex is in our minds, we think with the bottom instead of the brian. If this trend continues we shall all perish and Zambia will be a desert to say it straight out

  47. Oh, so you call us cheating spouses ha?. We prefer being called starved spouses. Because thats what we are. If we cant get what is duly ours in our own homes we will certainly look elsewhere. How many things are we going to beg for?

    We only after a little fun which unfortunately we cant get where we are supposed to get it under normal circumstances. Is that too much to ask for?

    We accept, we have oversized appetites and understand that we cant lamp all this appetite on our beloved partners. it would be cruel. So to help the situation we find it a better solution to distribute the appetite. If u cant handle our appetite, why should you complain.

    I await your stinging response. After all thats the only thing you are good at.

    • long sex is not cutting off the skin of penis,
      me iam married but i dont go more than 4times no ,for me if a lady handles me well-well
      i take 3hrs b 4 coming..to my suprise many ladies want men who stay long but my lady blame me for taking too much time.she says she looses much energy

  48. easyE you are a frustrated man.I think you should read what Mukuka comment 40 said.Its plain to see you are so angry with your wife and I guess all women on the planet.Theres no way you will even listen to us even if we were to talk sense.Well enjoy your oversized appetite and the consequences that come with it.I guess thats the legacy you want to leave.

  49. Ok. Ok. Bwalya I give up. You will be suprised to learn am not even married. The truth? Am engaged to a loving and beautiful woman who is no where near the hypothetical woman I have been refering to.

    However its important to take opposing views of an issue if you want to get the best of other people’s views. Its important to get into the shoes of people like Rose who complained about sexual dissatisfaction. The idea behind a blog like this one is to exchange views. If we all agreed this blog would not have had 53 responses and would therefore be boring.

  50. easy E you are chickening out of the debate.Defend your oversized appetite.I think you are married.You’ve complained like a married man.If not you are a good actor or a chauvinist.

  51. Born rich (#48); yes the scriptures say ‘to the pure all things are pure’; I used to think so too until my eyes were opened to reality early this year. For 7 year I thought I was a happily married woman with 2 beautiful kids and a God-fearing and loving husband, who never gave me any reason at all to suspect any wrongdoing on his party. It wasnt until new year’s day this year that I mistakenly (yes mistakenly) read an sms on his phone which said “honey the kids’ jumping castle is not yet here”. You cant even begin to imagine the shock and utter disbelief I was in. After much confrantation, he finally admitted that he had a 4 year old child with another woman, who by the tone of the sms, was still his girlfriend. Anyway its now close to 5 months and the pain is still the same, but suprisingly Im still with my husband. The only difference now is that something inside me died, for the first time in my life, I understand why wives cheat; and if Im ever tempted, I know I will….

  52. Ouch Mercy,that was painful.Are there any warning signs you think you missed along the way?I wish you well.

  53. Mercy you sound to be a devoted christian, i’m man and a christian too but i found out that my woman was cheating on too. We’re divorced now. As hard as it be to come to terms with it, dont even try to cheat on him, leave him and find another love. Two wrongs wont make right.

  54. Mercy, that sounds serious; unfortunately these things are quite common. Yeah, situations like those cant be imagined, you have to experience it. Wish you well.
    In general, apart from what I’ve read from EasyE and others above, what do anthropologists, sociologists tell us about what’s happening to family life in Zambia? Am assuming that these things are on the increase. maybe not..
    My theory though is that the increasing need for women to engage in economic activity to support families has reduced their vigilance (loosely speaking) on spouses particularly on quality of time availed to husbands. Not at all an excuse for men, rather to point out that the men’s attitudes have lagged behind these socio-economic dynamics. All sensible people know that our women in Zambia do it all.

  55. Bwalya, there were no warning signs at all. I spent sleepless nights trying to figure out if there were any tale-tell signs I might have missed and couldnt come up with any. I just concluded that he must have gone to extra lengths to be very careful.But I think he also took advantage of the fact that I trusted him so much; buts thats only becoz he has never given me any reason not to trust him, none at all. He’s always been a loving husband and father and son-in-law, and more importantly, a very devout christian; the type I’d call ‘every woman’s dream man’. I guess its true that “if something seems too good to be true, it probably is good to be true”. Why am I still with him? Honestly I also dont know; I think most of it has to do with external pressure to stay. My best friend told me “if you leave him, you’ll just end up being some married man’s girlfriend, so you wont be solving anything”. Worse, we built a house together

  56. There is nothing as trustworthy as the first trust.

    The saddest thing is to be betrayed when you are putting in 100%.In such a situation the only thing you deserve is 100% reciprocation. I will therefore not blame Mercy for whatever course of action she takes because she will have had been forced to do so. We all react differently.

    So Mercy, your options are as follows

    1. Forgive him and move on (The problem here is that he has not confessed because he has seen wrong in his deeds but because you found out, so chances are he still loves this girlfriend and is still seeing her)

    2.Leave him and move on (The problem here is you still love him and leaving will obviously be out of frustration, you will miss him and chances are that you will come back to him)

    Cheating on him might feel the best revenge at the moment but believe me if you are not a player, you will never be and you will end up being more frustrated and risk your life.

  57. #56. Mercy
    I greatly sympathize with u. Obviously, no well meaning person wants something like that to happen to anyone. And you have the right to feel angry about what your husband did to you ( and your kids!).

    The difficulty thing about Trust is that unlike Love, Trust must be earned. Ofcourse, some would say that love is also earned in a way. That may be true. However, i think at most times, it is easier to be “love worthy” than to be “trust worthy”. This may be subject to debate.

    And i can easily justify this. I am sure you still love your husband. That is one of the reasons you are hurt. But you nolonger trust him!! This is normal after such an experience.

    I can only advise that you find help from women you respect and trust. Probably, those who have had similar experience. Above all, Choose a course of action which is consistent with your highest aspirations.

    I wish you well.

  58. #56 Mercy,What ‘Born rich’ is saying is the most plausible and obvious alternative.You see the biggest crime you husband committed was to hide about the child.Children are innocent souls and Am even your husbands girlfriend is always at pain to explain to the kid why ‘his dad never stays with them (plot2)’.This guilt will forever haunt your hubby but again on the flip side this man loves, treasures and adores you and put your interest first,he did not want to break your heart based on your mutual existence.Now that things have come out,the bazungus say ‘once beaten twice shy’ that concubine has nothing to lose and will conceive again because of her selfish motives.What you do, put this matter before the elders(his Bashi bukombe and your bana bukombe) you need to chart the way forward.What you dont know doesnot hurt but that you know it hurts and more is yet to happen as long as these two people are ever in contact.

  59. am married but available and am not ashemed to say so. You men nowadays dont have time for your wives and families. just because you provide food u think thats enough. wake up. i left my parents home for love and sex not food

  60. MBA, give me yo email I see how I can help. I can give you for free what you husband is not giving you.

  61. Hurray to MBA,#64, I know the ‘holier than thou’ will condemn you over your sentiments, but believe you me, (almost)every lusaka wife will secretly agree with you about that MBA. Someone needs to do a refreshner course for lusaka husbands before they all become fathers to children that are not biologically theirs. Most of them treat their wives like “maids with privileges”. Can you blame the wives if they look elsewhere for what their husbands knowinngly fail to provide? So much for “two wrongs dont make a right”, its high time the men did ‘right’ for a change

  62. Some few years ago i had to fall in love wit my child hood gal friend.But as years go by we started facing problems in our relationship, just as any other relationship.Though we managed to pull through and solved everything.This gal travelled to lsk and for one year without communication.Where i was left,i lost pecience en i had look some where else,coz i needed to be reminded that am loved.Then after i had fallen in love wit some other gal,here comes my first girl,en she claims she is still in love with me.I feel,i love both girls but i dont want to have two girls in my life. SO WHAT SHOULD I DO TO REMAIN WITH ONLY ONE GIRL FRIEND? Help me pliz ,coz i dont wanna cheat on these beautiful girls

  63. Cheating spouses do not start cheating only when they are in Marriage. Most of the people who do so normally have had a history of frequent change of partners. A lady that has so many boyfriends before getting married will normally not be able to stay faiful to her husband.

    Unfaithfulness is normally character trait. Some ladies despite being given everything by their husbands will still be promiscious. They say it is adventure. The danger involved gives them an extra thrill

  64. #68 It time for you take a very wise decision man,ask yourself whom you love most of the two then you can make a choice,dont tell me you love both.I know you love one of them wholeheartedly,thats the one to go for.

  65. Is there a zambian site/chat room where people can go and share experiences about life, marriage, advise each other, etc? The fact that this one topic has been running since March 2007 is proof that people need somewhere to share grown-up ideas while at work (or wherever). the only sites I have seen so far are for teenagers and immediate-past teenagers. Anyone out there know of a site for mature zambians?

  66. hi Citizen 69. i beg to disagree with you. i was very faithful. the first years i filled drums of tears but the day i stopped crying i joined in his mishief. If you dont beat them join them. soft i will communicate we could start something.

  67. I concur with #73. I took my wedding vows very seriously but after years of pain and hurt as a result of his wayward ways, I found solace in another man. Since then I have been happy, and more importantly, I condomise both at home and abroad. his infidelity dont bother me much any more because Im doing the same to him too.

  68. #73 MBA-member of bonking associates, you are very determined at your mischief.You wont achieve anything through this and more over you women are so vulnerable to infections.You are taking a risk business that will make you regret the rest of your days.If marriage cant work quit and move on than sticking to someone you very well know that you dont love.The law these days is protective of women who are found to be abused.Seek the services of Women clinic in villa and you will be helped, not ubuule ubo ulecita ukepayisha abengi

  69. I agree with you Pelete,these are not days to show off how you bitch around with men or women. Its better to quit marriage rather than putting your own life and other people’s lives at risk.Those hopeless men you ill be hunging around with,are probably married to innocent wives. Remember, players come and go but the game remains.So,my dear MBA think of your children if you have any, before making taking up that step you want to take

  70. MBA The root of cheating in marriages has nothing to do with the actions of the other person it is simply who you are. Once you got married you for a few yers suppressed your miscief but after a few years the trait simply resurfaced and you began using your husbands infidelity as an exercuse. If we are to check your C.V. we will find that from the time you were a teen to the time you got married you must have changed several men and each change must have been with according to you a Justifiable reason.
    Even amongst our own female Children deep down our ourselves as parents we are able to know who most likely will end up in devorce and who will stay in a marriage. By character, habits and behaviour.

    A girl who has had the least partners before marriage normally has high chances of a lasting marriage.

  71. 75,77 and 76. i indeed appreciate your advice. Have you heard of condoms, that what i use. I only have one life and i have to leave it to the fullest. Tell me how many marriages could break today if people had to leave because they are unhappy. SO YOU ARE BETTER OFF USING AN INITIATIVE TO SURVIVE. Dont we all hung around for our children who in the end suffer because of the experiences they have with the lack of love between parents. I know most people would want to pretend but the trend is that many married women are MBA( married but available) . I attend kitchen parties and usually these kitchen parties start at 14hrs and and many women leave their matrimonial homes earlier than the stated times but only arrive at the kitchen parties to 17. Do you ever ask yourselves where they go. Nowander we have the mashrooming of Guest houses in Lusaka .CITIZEN, PELETE AND DESIRE. STOP LEAVING IN THE DARK. IF YOU ARE MARRIED MEN, BE SURE YOUR WIVES COULD BE BUSY WITH SOME OTHER GUY.

  72. Hi sweet MBA,i gree with you i think ihave what somebody has been depriving of.Lets be in touch,iam ready for you.How can i get in touch with you?

  73. MBA dont start intimidating us. Some of us have got good loving and caring wives. More so we even give them everything love, care and we are good in bed so they have nothing to look for in other men. Infact we are so good in bed that when we are away its time for them to rest.

  74. #78,this must have been you profession, its not by coincidence that you are doing this.Bad habits die hard.Do you know the meaning of the word RISK?You could be using condoms quite alright but when people are using their mouths and fingers do they use condoms?HIV can be taken in so many forms, cuts ,bruises and in rare cases the condom breaking especially these cheap ones from China.So its not about you fulfilling your desires the whole thing is still not safe.Just as a matter of curiosity how many men do you bed per month?I would like to do a research with you incognito.

  75. I have one stable shoulder to cry on. i dont change partners and will surely not do so. we dont kiss. we know the risks involved. EasyE (80) do not be sure about your so called princess. you will have a shock of your life to find your best friend on top better worse yr servant.

  76. Lets be honest people cheating feels good, but if feels bad when your wife does it to you; thats why I make sure that my wife dosent cheat on me but I cheat on her. Hornesly its much easier for a woman to avoid cheating than for a man. Imaging you and your wife live with her young sister or relative whose about 16 shes beautiful, short skurt, tight shirt, big ass, I mean what would you do? please tell me what would you do?

  77. #82 MBA if you are frustrated in your marriage pls dont discourage pipo who are happyily married and want to keep their marriage vows till dead do them part. It seems to me you dont want to listern to any advice. Why dont you just take ur husband to bashinganga babe (Blusters), so that he start satifying u and u leave someone’s husband.

  78. My Dear MBA I think you are just suffering. You better of having having one quality night with your husband in a year than making love without kissing.

    There must be a reason your husband is running away. We men meet a lot of sexy women whereever we go so married women should pull your socks in as far as looks are concerned. Tips

    1.Control your weight. Dont be so fat with shoes looking like they are baking bread inside.

    2.There is nothing as good as sharing a bed with a fresh smelling woman so take a shower before sleeping and smell good.

    3. Sex is an art. Be willing to learn new positions that make your man stimulated. Dont insist on the ordinary ways. It becomes boring.

    4. Learn to initiate love making. Its not a rule that men should.

    5.Wear Sexually enticing clothing like lingerie and g-strings, tight fitting and transparent dresses atleast indoors. Dont insit on “ifikwesa”

    I challange you if you do this tonight, I wil never c your name on this blog again.


  80. #86 EasyE wansekesha sana, I agree with you on 4 except 5,there is no need for all those lingeries, the emphasis must be on self looks,a naked body looks more appetising than with all those cosmetic clothes.MBA is preoccupied with competing with the hubby and no matter what the hubby tries she is already at speed 33 she has completely switched off, she needs to rejuvinate herself, sit herself down and work top -down from the adulterer affair she is having and bring in the experience she has gained and share with the hubby.I dont believe the hubby is at fault,MBA must be at fault, men are not difficult to tame, good meals,smart appearance(not ifikwesa fyalilepuka napakati), a nice cologne, lovely smiles, responsiveness and above all calmness.You should not always be yelling at kids all the time, love is so broad and different men appreciate it in different ways.Stop flirting with that shoulder,you are wasting his resources(sperms) which are meant for the dear wife.Ushumfwa patunono..

  81. well hilarious tips and observations from #86.In the same vein married men should also know that their wives meet sexy men everyday and here are some tips for you to keep your wives.
    1.pamper your wife daily and treat her like the queen she is. eg put water in the tub for her and lay out that sexy lingerie you want her to wear.
    2.Be romantic,write her love notes,tell her you love her and tell her how beautifil she is and how much you appreciate her.
    3.keep in shape.we would rather look at a six pack than that beer pot belly drooping over your belt.
    4.take your wife for walks once in a while
    5.spend a considerable amount of time in foreplay(length of time varies per individual)
    6.after sex don’t just start snoring,cuddle your wife and whisper sweet nothings even for 2minutes.
    7.help around the house more than often.
    8.spend more time at home

    men do these 8 tips and you will be surely worth us losing weight and being sexy for!

  82. RESPONSE TO Pelete

    Yangu!!, Pelete uli shilu, I thought nali ponta sana, kanshi there was room for improvement. Ati ifikwesa fyalilepuka napakati. Yangu. I tell you these wives take us for granted. Some even wear bombasa (bemuda)can you imagine. With ichilusokoshi kumutwe when sleeping. Teti walota.

    As for lingeries ba pelete, you are the only man I have heard who doesnt like them. A friend of mine confessed that he cant make love to a woman who is not in g-strings. He would rather rush to the nearest botique and buy her a g-string before they continue.

    As for a naked body being more appetising, well it depends on the woman. Some of these shapes look nice in cloths but when they strip you can run away.

    Its meat all over. You women, we men dont own butcheries for you to offer us all that meat.

  83. It is interesting to read #91 and #86

    Most of the tips are true…….

    But tell me what six pack has Mpondela got, to keep being followed by all those married man.
    I don’t know what type of a Hunk FTJ is, to make Gorgious Regina defect from Handsome Mr Mwanza.

    It is mostly to do with attraction to money and poor morals.

    Most MP’S who look like beasts are always swamped by a coteries of beautiful girls including orther mens wives.


    Ba disire muli ba bufi. The fact that you recognise that the sister to your wife or the servent has a beautiful face, cone shape and big ass is reason enough to tell us that you plot evil on them. Poor girls.

    They dont know there is lion near pretending to be a sheep. Elyo mili ba bufi sana bamudala. Am sure you are a zima ndola. How can you notice a big ass and a cone shape on a sister. It doesnt tie up. Iye utu baiche. Nasakamana.

    Am sure you even encourage your wife to bring in as many as she can so that you back, relax and enyoy yourself.

    You are eeeeevilllll.


    Bwalya mwaiche wandi you watch too much movies.

    1. What about some of us who dont have tubs or shower rooms. Us who go to the river for a bath?

    2.You already know I love you. Why should I write you notes. Its easy, if I dont love you, you wouldnt be here. You are my wife therefore you are beautiful, if you werent you wouldnt be my wife. So I see no reason why I should remind you on how beautiful you are. Moreover its makes you big headed.

    3. Dont call that a pot belly. Its a sign of wealth.

    4. We dont have a car. Everyday we walk to the bus stop. What more walking do you want.

    5. We men are bread winners. We have no time to waste. That is why a quick one is always the case. Moreover why delay the inevitable.

    6.Whispering sweet nothings? After lifting all those heavy thighs dont u think we deserve some rest.

    7.I put food on the table and help with chores? are you serious?

    8. Spend more time at home doing what?

  86. Tell them easyE #94 didnt say sister i meant wifes sister thats different I dont know which planet Desire #89 comes from Bwalya mwaiche you are too complicated okey EasyE is right, to summerise all this I think all you need is to spend more time with your wife. Although some of us cant, its too much if she knows everything Bwalya i think you watched TITANIC

  87. Just kidding bwalya, You know we love you and we will try our best to adhere to the tips you have given us. Where we fail am sure we can do better next time. Tell us about what we need to do for you women to fell appreciated, otherwise we cant know, we are not women remember.

    So we depend on you telling us where we go wrong. That is why we expect you to submitt when we tell you we want to try that position where you do like you are chaniging the bulb.

    MBA communicate with your man in bed, tell him where you want to touched and at what speed you want him to be moving. Love making should not be a sacrid and solemn moment.

  88. #92 EasyE, iyo taumfwa, lingerie is cosmetic,imagine in atown like shangombo where there are no boutiques what can your friend do?He is just brainwashed, it should not be so much of a bother but the looks must be the ones to add spice to the whole thing, if you find that your woman is becoming plump, shape her man, take time with her in the fitness centre,even before the g- strings people used to wear ‘mother care ‘ and they looked sexier as long as blubber is not overflowing, some women take it for granted that because they are married to you ,you cant lust,they must keep up appearance.And for you Bwalya,all your suggestions are mills and booms based,where there is love things just flow dont work like you are a in a board room with steps to follow otherwise that dellusion.EasyE as for lingerie I do appreciate them but they are not so much of a spice,dont concetrate on them so much put empahasis on the curves and firmness of the flesh. MBA where are you?Go back to your bedroom

  89. mr pelete when women tell you what they need you accuse them of reading mills and boon.yet after toiling all day looking after your kids,sweeping the house,cooking,taking a conctraceptive pill that makes her fat etc you still expect your wife to be sexy for you and despite being tired to have sex with you,at which you don’t even foreplay and in 2minutes you are done. shame on you! You are the ones creating people like MBA.As for easy e ha ha ha you are really funny.I like #6.Those heavy thighs come from those pills we take.but point taken! zcome on guys I never read mills and boon and I hate soap operas.I must have missed the love scene in titanic…didn’t they all drown?

  90. Bwalya the problem with you is that you want to argue, you see. If I trusted my wife I wouldnt be bothering writing this stuff at the moment, you see I respect my Bemba wife but in #91 I tried all those rules and even others before. THEY JUST DONT WORK. Afterwards she will know you were faking afterall after sex everyday you cant keep whespering sweat things in her ear you know. SHE KNOWS ME. I just eat, sex the go to bed she knows the deal, I dont think shes going to believe I have changed, she will think its just something temporaty. Bemba women are too smart

  91. #99 bwalya that is why I said where love is things just flow, unless one is an ***** to appreciate what mothers do, that is why even sex life must be treated with due care, times to know that my friend is tired or my friend needs a pat for good things done,all these should be done without being reminded, the trouble comes when you women sit and gossip with others even those that are not enlightened will pretend they never say the truth unlike us men we discuss real issues and come up with solutions that is why men have fewer marital problems than women becoz of openess.what Am I saying,communication is key to a successful sex life,there is no need to tell you wife that she looks great when she wears ifikwesa just because you avoidning a cost of lingerie, you spouse must be your confidant 100%,say anything up your sleeve and things will just flow stop making assumptions that Mr bwalya will guess what you need say it out if it is bothering cos you are 2 different persons with different

  92. up bringing trying to co exist.So joint effort is required.where did you learn that people whisper sweet things in the ears after sex?All those a movie dreams and they cannot be practical.Just enjoy sex spontaneously and things will be said along the way not waiting at the end of the game.So Bwalya pacibwanse tepakukonkelela especially with people like MBA around you will just be misled, cos MBA is not cultured and can offer any credible solution to your problems but will just worsen them by saying ‘naine wine lumolwine’ meaning even me its the same thing which same thing?Pasopo Bwalya

  93. IN RESPONSPONSE TO EASYE #94, Easy E i dont know how my comments offended you. you have to respect other people’s opinions,dont take this blog too person and trying to comfront other people’s comments. We are tired of your hopeles,senseless comfrontations.Be responsible and have self respect,then you ill learn to respect others. This is an open flow,i can comment on what i have experienced, and there is no point for me to cheat.why should i hide the truth if am having an afair with my inlaw.And correct you am not a Ndola fellow,you are just insulting people who live in Ndola. So my dear friend am warning you,if you want to go on participating on this blog refrain from your harsh comfrontations.Due to self respect i have reserved my hard side,but if you persist am raedy to face you on war of words.

  94. #94,Remember for good or ill your writing is your advertisement.Every time you comment you let the world look into your mind.Lastly,put your true identity,you are trying to be EasyE wanna be.He is an American and his behaviour is by far from the way you are trying to emulate him. You are very far from being Easy E. Am sure if he heard to day that there is a ka person from Zambia claiming to be him,he can commit suicide.Learn from other people’s reasonable comments.

  95. Desire, If you cant stand criticism then this is no place for you. This is no place for the faint hearted like you. This is a place for mature, thick skinned people who stand stinging criticism.

    And you want a war of words? Bring it on son, Daddy is ready for you.

    Who the devil on earth are you that we should take everything you say as gospel truth?

    I am actually very suprised that you take offense of my reponse to you. I expected the exact opposite. I expected you to laugh and respond positevely. If you dont appreciate humor there is nothing I can do to help you.

    If you missed your English lesson on expressive writting, take this as an opportunity to make up.

    Example. If someone says they want to hear something from from the horse’s mouth, they dont mean you are a horse, they mean they want to hear something from the original source. In the same vain, When I said you are a zima ndola, I didnt mean you come from Ndola, I meant you are clever because people…..

  96. from the copperbelt are generally said to be clever. Moreover even if I meant that you come from ndola, what will be wrong with that. Ndola is a nice town that only you has a problem being associated with it. My workmates sometimes call me a zima ndola because I come from the copperbelt and its something we laugh about. Learn this now and come for your certificate later.

    I asked a simple question and you decide to take offense and attack me carelessly. Grow up son.

    There is nothing like a correct and wrong contribution to this blog. And as you said I would like to agree with you, this is a free flow blog.

    Can you honestly tell me what was so offensive about my response to you? Learn to read articles in perspective and context rather than taking the literal meaning of words and reading responses in isolation. I can assure you that if this is your style of reading, it wont be long before you sue someone for character assasination……

  97. I simply challanged you to tell us how possible it is that you can notice a cone shape, cute face and big ass on someone you consider as sister. It doesnt hold water. And when I said you plot evil on these girls, that was just an expressive way of saying you admire them.

    And you want to threaten me for a war of words. Am not afraid of text like you son. I dont have qualms taking you head on.

    This is just round one of 15 rounds. I am comming for you. Run.

  98. MBA is not here anymore. It seems she has taken heed to people’s advice to SIT DOWN and re-evaluate her life.

    Not to expect alot from her so soon, she might just be on an errand in Siavonga to hook up with the Cabinet ministers and MPs who have gone on an HIV/AIDS Prevention Seminar!!!

  99. EasyE take it Easy you talk too much sense OK, Remember this is about ‘cheating spouses’ were all trying to find out why out wifes cheat on us.*****DESIRE, he dosent know what its like to be cheated on by the woman you love. Lets be honest people from copperbelt are not smarter than us from Lusaka, maybe the women, but guys are Dum. Now back to ‘cheating’ what would you do if your mother in law found you cheating on her daughter (your wife), she knows it but you wife dosent. How do you explain yourself?


  101. Desire you are just a *******, you are just here to make comments on other people, because you are so ***** retarded you dont know what the ***** to say. Let me tell something *******, if you have a problem with me then do it like a ****** man, dont include the street vendors I have love for those people at least they have a ***** job. Would a street vendor waste his money on the internet, would he even go to the internet? you see this is how you can tell that the person DESIRE is just ****, now ******with easyE am sure he wants a fight, did you even read #108? hahahahhahaha


  103. #110. Desire
    You must learn to respect:

    1. Those born out of wedlock.
    They are not less any human than you are.

    2. Street Vendors
    Because they are honourable members of our

    3. People who come from ‘broken homes’

    4. The People of Lusaka.

    Reading you comment in #110 makes me think that you are a person with a ‘small mind’. Your attitude towards the above listed groups of people attests to this fact.

    Take this as brotherly advice.

  104. What? thats it what about me, you didnt say anything about me. SCARED? I understand, anyway ***** desire



  107. Come on people, I thought there were only adults on this site? have we been invaded by teenagers? Please stick to the topic at hand and take your egoistic fights else where. You are the people who make us believe that men never really mature. Grow up

  108. Desire, I want this to be my last response to you and then we move on. Forget my email address, its not neccessary.

    My advice to you is, and I repeat, dont take the literal meaning of words otherwise you will misinterprate what someone is trying to say. Have you heard of Idioms and irony speech. I can speak ironically and say that the ground is so wet to mean that its so dry.

    When someone tells you that a girl is evil, they mean she’s so cute and sexy. When I said you are eeeevilll I was just trying to emphasise the point that you are too clever. Am sorry if this eluded you. Its only I expected that most people who have access to this blog could read thru the lines. I have called bwalya ‘mwaiche wandi’ when I dont even know whether she is older than me. I have called Pelete ‘Ishilu’ to mean he is very funny and both did no react like you did because they understood what I was trying to put accross.

    If this does not suffice forget my response and we move on. Whats next?

  109. DESIRE thats not me #109, thats Born Rich, but anywhere Its over. #119 is right lets no behave like Teenagers, because were are not unless you are, which i think you are not, right? The only people that dont family problems in this world are Indians and Villagers, The indian can marry his wife for over 40 years without cheating, I wish i was Indian. Although I wouldnt want to be called Chi Mwenye

  110. Sometimes I wonder where the pride and self-respect women had for them selves has gone to. Women are supposed to be the cornerstones of any family not the reason for it’s near extinction. Brothers to you I say their many ways to prove you’re a man other than by how many girls you bang. You heard!

  111. #109 Ba kasonde! what statistics do u have to show that guys from Lsk are smarter than those from CB. I’m an Engineer by professional & most of my classmates at UNZA where from the CB & this trend has continued for every intake. look at most pipo in authority now, successful sports men in zambia where did they come from? The zambian national team that perished in gabon consisted of most players from the CB. I now live & work in joburg & i tell u most of Z friends living & working here are from the CB. Argue with statistics not just bcoz lsk’s economy seems to b doing well than other towns from CB. Mind u, most of the money in lsk come from CB mines & industries not bcoz lsk are smart but bcoz of political admin & lsk been the capital city.

  112. #121 BaMwanawasa, how can you comment on something you have not read? Amnesia yatampa? elo twalemba #123 bola panshi?Namufulungana na ma ba Desire

  113. #109 kasonde there are no statistics to show people for LSK are smarter than people from CopperB, no body knows and Mr #109 nobody wants to know what you do. #123 I only said that because i want whats best for this nation.

  114. Born rich( 108) i dont just sit on the blog to make contributions. i have better things in my life to do. some of you take this blog like its full time employment. I dosent matter where iam but definately am not as stupid as you sound, just spending your entire day reading the blog. I also dont go round looking for men . Iam not embarrassed to say i have a husband who does not satify me and a boyfriend who fills up the gap. And Easy E(86)I WANT TO SEE YOU IN PERSON. If i was a prostitute i was going to hook any man i want. i have the looks, a perfect body and very good in bed. If your brother is dull in bed and i get the pleasures somewhere Im to blame?

  115. MBA I feel you. I would like to bring out something that maybe many of us have taken forgranted on this blog. There are people who genuinely come to this blog seeking solutions to the problems that they are currently experiencing in their marriages or relationships.

    Therefore I think It wont do for us to make fun of their problems.

    MBA has been attacked left right and center but I think this wont help her.

    On the other hand, let me be quick to point out that there is nothing wrong with joking or laughing about each other’s problems because I think doing so makes them lighter but I think the ultimate goal should be to give alternative views and perhaps solutins to people who seek them.

    Naturally I find solace in people like MBA, Rose and Kasonde who will call a spade a spade and not a big spoon than those full of theories and pretence.

    As for us meeting in person I would have reservations because I think doing so will spoil the fun.

  116. #126 Ba Easy how can you chicken out from an invitation?MBA I would like to meet you in person, give me your details.Your experience will help me write a book for others because I enjoy writing.

  117. I hate the word concur coz it does tell people what you are agreeing with. But in this situation i beg to use the word concur. I agree with Easy E (126) i believe the blog should be used to express feelings and peopls should respect other peoples feeling and advice positively where neccesary. Why should people attack MBA. she is just expressing her feelings and peopls should respect them. The problem with us Zambians is that we are never real.

  118. There used to be a time I would look at an infidel and say they are the worst sinner, but not any more. You see, there are a number of reasons why people cheat in marriage but let me speak about men. I know other men would dispute this but most men either have cheated on their wife or came close to doing so.

    There are men who are naturally players and show no remorse towards cheating. These are not my concern at the moment.

    I want to talk about those who start on a very good note but later start cheating on their wives. A typical senario: A man comes home from work tired and stressed looking forward to a good rest. Now a good rest does not just mean a nap, it also means, and most importantly an environment where there is peace and tranquility.

    Now, women fail to provide us with this environment and instead start talking and talking. Asking about this and that, complaining, mention them. and mostly this is where problems start.

    Because I need peace so much,……….

  119. I will go and visit a friend because atleast my friend will give me the peace am looking for. To cut the cackle, this is how I will end up meeting this girl and maybe a relationship starts. Mostly its just for that moment but of course this girl is also human. You cannot just get her when you need her and dump her when you dont.

    In short what am saying is, women need to be more sensitive to our needs as men. We are very simple beings and its very easy to satisfy us. Give us peace when we need peace, talk when we need to talk. Their is nothing as irritating as a talkative woman when you are so tired and need peace.

    As the saying goes: A woman whos stops arguing when she is wrong, is HONEST.

    A woman who stops arguing when she is not sure, is WISE. But

    A woman who stops arguing when she is right is a WIFE.

  120. well I’ve heard most men including preachers say the same thing.You see women use the part of the brain where the speech centres are located.I think a woman uses an average of 250 000 words per day while men 25 000(aproximately can’t recall exactly) so when the man knocks off from work and the wife asks how was work? and the guy says fine.she is expecting a more detailed explanation while the guy has exhausted all his words.If you look at people who have been married for 20- 30years+ they know how to communicate without words.Its a learning curve and its unfortunate if a spouse ends up cheating before their partner learns this truth.

  121. #126. EasyE
    The problem with MBA is that she as far as she is concerned “She Has No Problem. It Is Her Husband who has a problem!”.

    She is therefore not seeking any solutions here. As a matter of fact, She is here to boast of how she is cheating on her “un performing” husband.

    She is here to convince all the men on this blog that their wives are also cheating on them just as she is cheating on her husband.

    So as far as mama MBA is concerned, there is nothing like making fun of her problems because she does’nt have any!!!

  122. #125.MBA
    I may sound like i am condemning you. That is not my intention because we all fail at one time ore another.

    Having said that i wish to say the following:

    1. I think that YOU have a problem which only YOU can

    Forexample, You say that you cheat on your husband
    because he does not satisfy you therefore you have
    gotten yourself a boyfriend who fills the gap. te?

    But it seems that you now want to start cheating
    this boyfriend of yours who satisfies you!! Why Do
    i say so? See comment #71 and your comments in #73

    2. You now want to start up something with ‘Soft’.
    You are free to do so but i thought you are now
    satisfied becoz of your boyfriend? Just how many
    men are you going to start up something with?

    MBA, i am not asking you to be truthful to everyone, but atleast be truthful to yourselve. Something is not right with you. How long are you going to be Married But Available, and to how many men?

    Divorce your husband, marry your boyfriend and get settled in your own home where you will be proud with your own man. You will be doing yourselve a big favour that way. The choice is yours my dear.

  123. As far as Im concerned, there is no difference between what MBA and EasyE (#129). Both of them are advocating for solutions outside the isntitution of marriage. I will no condemn MBA much because I think she has received her fair share of condemnation already. So I’ll address EasyE. If God wanted wives and husbands to be so similar that they both keep quite at the same time, he would have created us all to be homosexuals. But we complement each other as men and women. So its not just a matter of a man wanting peace; what of a woman wanting someone to talk to? Ever heard of compromising? Thats why your wives cheat on you; the same way you look for ‘peace’ elsewhere is the same way she’ll look for someone to talk to elsewhere. And since when did a man looking for peace go looking for a girlfriend?? What type of peace are you after ninshi? Becoz even yo girlfriend will want to talk, not just to be climned on.

  124. Nachimbusa, you women dont know compromise. And to you comprise means listening to you talk, talk, talk.

    There are certain times that talking wont do us any good but just frustrate me further. I come from work very tired, stressed and maybe even frustrated and all you want is talk? Honestly is this a time to talk?This is no time for talk. This a time for me to recollect put my mind off work and get into home gear. In computers we call this ‘rebooting’. And when a computer is rebooting you dont talk (communicate)with it. You have to wait for it to finish rebooting.

    As a matter of fact, I hate nagging so much that I wouldnt mind my wife going out to find someone to talk to if thats what it takes for me to enyoy some peace and quite.

    I hate nagging.It drives me insane.I will do anything it takes to avoid it.Its so irritating.

    Oh please someone out there protect me from these nagging women. I tried to run away but I have even found them on this blog.


  125. The one that is done on the Internet is call e-nagging (electronic nagging). Computers have really penetrated our world. Even the world of nagging!!

  126. Look at today’s women. You will shudder. Sometimes I ask myself:

    What happened to the type of women our fathers were previlaged to marry.

    The kind of women who would wake up early in the morning, clean the house and prepare the husband breakfast and warm him water to bath.

    Women who would prepare a full course meal even out of stringent resources.

    Women who not only cared about their bodly cleaniliness but that of the house as well.

    Women who would hold on to marriage as if their life depended on it.

    Women who respected their husbands and their marriages so much so that they would even lie by saying they fell when they were actually beaten.

    Women with big hearts to accommodate their relatives and their husbands’s.

    Women with very humble education but who would cook like they have a phd in cookery.

    And you want me to love you? Spend time with you at home? What is there to love? What is there to stay home for.

    I shudder.

  127. EasyE that’s what puts us brothers off committing these days. Nowadays you’re more likely to marry a knife rather than a wife. It would be nice to find a girl whose slow to get & quick to give, whose quick to support & slow to criticise. Instead we get these gold-digging tramps who show up on our door-steps when our magrims start spinning. Jesus save us!

  128. Oh so sorry that you guys were born in the wrong generation.If only you were born 30 years earlier when the women with the qualities you are looking for lived.You know what happened those women made sure their daughters went to school and got an education,they made sure their daughters developed confidence and a good self esteem so they wouldn’t tolerate the crap from men.However they still taught their daughters to clean,cook and care for their family.oh where are the men who will love us for who we are.The men with vision.The men who are busy striving to attain financial freedom instead of wasting time and money in bars.Where are the men of integrity,the men with sober habits who are not going to bring home the dreaded virus and kill their wives and new born baby with AIDS.All because I can’t cook like grandma and I had the audasity to get a phd in Economics.

  129. Men are selfish for the most part. They want a woman who they can turn “ON” and “OFF” like a light bulb whenever it pleases them. But so are women!!

  130. I think women are the worst in my opinion. Someone once told me if you really love a girl ask yourself one question, Are you ready to be financially destroyed by her ?

  131. It doesnt matter whether you have a phd, dhp or hpd, in my house you are my wife and as my wife I expect you to do as the wives do.

    That phd you got in economics is meant to help you cook for me better and quicker, help you calculate what time you should wake up to warm me water and the like. Its not a weapon you should use against me.

    That time we spend in bars is not wasted. We call it socialising and we socialise after we have made a little extra out of our hard work . We are the ones that knock off the rent remember, the ones that put food on your table, pay for your children’s school fees.

    And for that, that only we deserve a little bit of respect and affection

    And for that we desrve some affection and respect.

    And you want men of vision, we are here. its only you cant see us because you are so preoccupied with the never making sense gender equality.

    Why should I love you for who you are when you love me for what I am?

  132. It doesnt matter whether you have a phd, dhp or hpd, in my house you are my wife and as my wife I expect you to do as the wives do.

    That phd you got in economics is meant to help you cook for me better and quicker, help you calculate what time you should wake up to warm me water and the like. Its not a weapon you should use against me.

    And you want men of vision, we are here its only you cant see us because you are so preoccupied with the never making sense gender equality.

    That time we spend in bars is not wasted. We call it socialising and we socialise after we have made a little extra out of our hard work . We are the ones that knock off the rent remember, the ones that put food on your table, pay for your children’s school fees.

    And for that, that only, we deserve a little bit of respect and affection

  133. where are the men of vision.In the year 2007 you are content with paying rent? I want my own house.Even my granfather had his own hut why should I be staying in a rented house? You surely are wasting time in the bar.Take of your shirt and start building your own house.
    I thought you would be proud of your wifes academic achievements.They are not a weapon only to help you put more food on the table!

  134. 2007 am still paying rent yes. But guess what else am still doing? Am still paying your children’s school fees. Am still putting food on your table so you can eat 24/7 and have that energy to call me non visionary. Am still helping your relatives with their never ending problems. Am still hoping that one day you will become financially independent so I could redirect my enegies to building you a house.

    But since that is not fourth coming am forced to still pay rent so you can have somewhere to sleep.

    And now you compare me to your grandpa,yes he had a hut but its because to build it, he didnt buy any building materials. He used free soil for cement, he used trees he cut for pillars for free, he cut grass for free for the roof and he was done. Besides, behind his success was the woman I talked about in #138.

    Now tell me where I will get chilanga cement for free, Roofing sheets for free, elctrical fittings for free to build you that house? ….

  135. Yes am proud of your phd in economics but not when it doesnt add value to our lives. Not when you are going to use it as an issue in the house. Not when it makes you big headed. Infact its not your phd I have a problem with but your attitude after you aquired that phd.

    Have you heard me talk about my academic qualifications in the house? Have you heard me talk about the difficulties I go thru to make sure you and your children eat?

    I may not have a house now but if you look at what I have been thru, what I have achieved in these difficulty circumstances a house is surely on the horizon.

    And when that house comes, you will shelter and eat from it but you will still find something I havent done for you, afterall all you are good at is talk.

    But I understand you. Maybe that is why you are still my wife.

  136. This blog has been quiet for some time, why? Is it because the cheating spouses have stopped and have listened to the advice or they are busy at it again. Bwalya! where are u? You’ve had enough with advising cheating spouses?

  137. A few simple words for all to think about. One this new thing called a pre-naptual agreement(screw it if it goes against our culture because most of us dont value it any more), and two dna testing for assuarance on who is the actual fathering individual. You might say this takes away the element of trust but with all the infidelity going on around us i seriously dont give a damn any more. Hey been a few relationships and you know what, the ones that i really did care about i ended up being cheated on. The problem we have i our society today is that everyone is too much of a coward to either confront a problem in their relationship or just move on. they feel cheating gives them some sort of

  138. coolness amoung their peer groups. Its stupid and utterly selfish. If you are not happy move on dont stick around and make the issue worse. Also every one thinks this westernised culture of a care free sexual revolution is how it all should go. well what you forget is that usually the ones that suffer at the end of the day are the innocent lives that ar in the middle of it all, yes the children. you are all too busy think of what to stick yourself into or what to have stuck in you that you forget the whole plot of being married in the first place. its meant to be till death do you part, nomatter what remember. if it does not work leave because all that will happen is either you getting hiv/

  139. aids or being labled a whore. in either case you will most surely end up living and dying a lonely and painful death. Remember, people are only interested in things for so long and one day you will be yesterdays hot news if you decide to play around. No excuse justifies cheating because once that happens the bond will never be the same and trust me on this it sucks to live regreting having thrown away something so special for a few moments of passion. True love is a thing that one rarely seldom finds, because today everyone is just looking to survive in this world. if your partner cheats move on, it will hurt and there is no escaping that but usually what you find is a million times better.

  140. so to all of you who feel that sticking your penis or opening your vaginas to any jim and jack can be justified, grow up. you ahve probably been like this all you lives and are just looking for a way back into sleeping around. problems happen in relationships and will always happen its how you handle them that matters. sex is a very important part of marriage but dont base your marriage relationship on it. it should be something that must be used to show your commitment and willingness to give your all to your partner. enjoy it dont make it a chore. explore yourselves to the fullest of you capabilities, you know men like foreplay before sex. you might not know this but your tongue can be a

  141. miracle worker in the bedroom(not the only place to have sex). my wife goes absolutely wild when i use it on her clitoris. satisfying your wife should give you a thrill like no other as it does for me. it makes me feel that extra sense of belonging to her. one other thing stay away from things like porn, exagerated sexual encounters from friends or things like over hyped sexual literature, it rarely is true and never discus your sexual relationship with your wife with friends. thats your private life keep it that way. it makes it that more special. for example, doesnt it feel great when you just snile too yourself when you remember that special thing you did the night before and no one else

  142. can figure out what you are smilling about so happily like a ten year old kid who has done something naughty? and women dont treat your husbands like all they are good for is providing for you and your family. be that best friend they want you to be, be wild sometimes and suprise them and never fail compromise with them. also we love when you give us a good round of fellatio( head as you call it). have fun with each other.
    bottom line is even though peole will always cheat never tolarate it. put your foot down. if it where me that happened to i would not hesitate stepping out that door because i know i would be better of alone.

  143. Because if that is the case then I see why you have so much anger. All the best. See what the want to always be with mr popular gets you into

  144. I believe this is among the so much vital info for me. And i’m glad reading your article. However want to remark on few general issues, The website taste is perfect, the articles is really great : D. Good activity, cheers

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