Dear Womba,

It was really nice to hear from you. My family and I are fine. I’m so sorry you are having a hard time adjusting to life abroad.These things take time. Just love your husband and stroke his EGO every so often. Whether you married a muzungu, mwenye or Zambian, you would still have problems.

My twin sister Sara is really having a tough time in her marriage. Her husband Oscar is drinking beer like it will be outlawed tomorrow. He comes home no earlier than midnight most days. Sara comes to me for money for food. Their son was admitted at UTH for malnutrition. Can you believe it! You wouldn’t recognize Oscar if you met him now. When he enters a room its his pot belly that enters first followed by him. We even suspect he is sleeping around. Honestly in this day and age how can an educated man sink so low. Just because anti retrovirals are now available in the country should we throw caution to the wind? I want my sister to leave him but where will she and her 3 malnourished kids go?

So my friend when life seems bad just be grateful for the blessings you have because there are people out there who are worse of than you.

yours forever,

Jelita

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83 COMMENTS

  1. These things of drankeness and belly rearing are now a major problem in Zed. Alcoholism has been on the upswing for years now, while keeping a pot-belly is misconcevably viewed as a sign of good health and riches.

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  2. Life is really boring abroad im very home sick most of the time but what can i do. i need the good cash im paid as an engineer. Home can not pay me a decent salary

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  3. Zedian men are very good at keeping pot belly through heavily drinking for the sake of looking healthy and rich to attract undernourished women of the bars.

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  4. I’m afraid it doesnt matter where a Zambian is ‘Home and Away’, it seems like we carry our drinking habits whereever we go. And as a result this leads to pot bellies for women and men (only they fart more). Its about time we stopped thinking that this cliche of a pot belly meaning that one is rich/healthy or even a ‘ka manager’, is in fact a sign of unhealthy diets and excessive alcohol consumption – which leads to other diseases – Heart problems, Impotence…. and more importantly hurting those around u, due to alcohol abuse….the list is endless.

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  5. Mwana i have a pot belly and it’s a sign of ‘kudya bwino’. When I was poor you could see my spinal cord from the front. You chaps that are obsessed with healthy eating think you will live forever? Muntu na muntu akufa so just because you eat ‘properly’ don’t think you will escape the other 5 million ways people die. The pot belly is like a camels hump it’s storing reserves for the next famine which is inevitable since mwanawasa government is mekaling

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  6. #5 Mr John White is your pot belly same as chuchu’s? Kudya bwino kulaletelela. Take example of chuchu who is obsessed with healthy eating and in the process ILENDA comes out and he thinks he will live forever after spending K48b on medicals!!!

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  7. Am really thrilled by the obove acknowledgements/confessions that BEER and WOMEN problematic among the vast majority or zambian MEN in diapora and within/local

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  8. CENTRAL OBESITY can be a feature of lipodystrophies, a group of diseases which is either inherited, or due to SECONDARY causes (often protease inhibitors (KALETRA-LOPINAVIR/rotinavir, a group of medications against HIV AIDS). Central obesity is one of the primary symptoms of Cushing’s syndrome.

    There is little scientific evidence that beer drinkers are more prone to abdominal obesity, despite it being known colloquially as BEER BELLY, BEER GUT, or POT BELLY.

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  9. CENTRAL OBESITY/BEER BELLY/BEER GUT/POT BELLY is common in polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) and metabolic syndrome, and it is associated with a statistically higher risk of HEART DISEASES,HYPERTENSION , INSULIN resistance, and DIABETES mellitus TYPE 2 or ADULT ON-SET DIABETES.

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  10. Bro ABDU what do you mean (DRY SEX)? No foreplay or what?

    The Pot belly thing here as you know MAWANU sana, the Dr will never stop advicing you to join the GYM.
    U.S.A.

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  11. FOREPLAY? COREPLAY? MOREPLAY? my neighbour was like ‘are you kidding me!!!!!!’not with a bibulous fellow. Anyway he was like.. its something to with being zambian

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  12. # 5 usiye vimbombo na soup ya mbuzi.Pot belly ezakuletelela u will no longer have good view of yo other “member”

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  13. Abdulaziz if you are so worried about dry sex am sure your wife or girlfriend has some vimbombo mafuta somewhere behind the stove. If that fails tazama pipelines have leaking pipes use your imagination. People are too obsessed with living forever and whats on the outside instead of the inside. I am only worried about my spiritual health not physical because death is shall come when my name is called

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  14. #13 stop worrying about me I am wealthy enough to feed everyone on your family tree that resembles mutengo wa kandolo because you are all on the ground. Worry about yourself not what others do , if you are so obsessed with how men look joing the gays in Lusaka . They are the ones so picky about men looking good

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  15. A pot belly is alright if you are eating good food. but, if it’s as a result of chibuku sad! pot belly or no pot belly you have to lead a health life by going to the GYM… burning the extra fats and you will live longer. stick to one sex partner also that could be to your advantage!

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  16. BROTHERS.. as on weather black or white or yellow blue? its a CHOICE. but one thing i know is, No relationship BLACK or WHITE or whtaever color is free from failure

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  17. an the RACE doesn’t guarantee happiness but it does give you a different CHOICE. if you chose to love another race or marry it then don’t expect peaches and cream because the simple reasons mentioned above!!!!! as for ME my HANIF YULIYAH IS THE BEAUTIFUL AFRICAN QUEEN ALLAH HAS GIVEN ME…..GOOD LUCK SISTER WOMBA

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  18. [14] John White, I picked up one line “…death shall come when my name is called…”. Unfortunately, in most cases, death comes prematurely. Compared to other countries, Zambia’s mortality rates are far higher, are we as Zambians “called” much more often than others? I sometimes get upset when I attend the never-ending funerals in Lusaka and the preacher delivering a sermon at the funeral says “It is God’s will”, when that person was reckless with his health, or died from preventable diseases like malaria

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  19. Life is eternal, the angel of death may visit me early but that in no way precludes me from paradise which comes afterwards. If you hadn’t noticed life on earth sucks matumbo. In my opinion there is no such thing as premature death, Our creator decides whn to call and there is a purpose to that. If he calls people early thats not because of their eating habits or volume of the abdomen. There are a lot of healthy people dieing in fact i don’t remember the last time i heard a fat person dieing.

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  20. How many coffins at UTH or any other mortuary are full of healthy eaters? Last i heard UTH mortuary is full of people that look healthy. Stop being obsessed with living forever when death is promised to all. The same ones pointing fingers and calling themselves healthy eaters will go to sleep before the pot bellied ones

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  21. Hi Abdullaziz Walid. I would like to commend you for your very positive contributions to these pages.Your sound analyses and opinions shed a lot of light on issues that would othrwise be difficult to comprehend for most of us beer guzzling, women chasing, career priority deficient Zambians.We will be remiss if we do not take in your faith based wisdom.Those of us who have failed you in this endevour by mocking your serious contributions ought to apologise to you in the most possible way. I Look forward to your highly valuable and resourceful opinions which have always been in the best inerests of all of us. I also hope i will continue to be allowed to participate .

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  22. This is the best website in the world!! Who is behind Lusaka Times, I am a journalist, I want to contribute stuff on Z from Nam. You guys on this forum are crazy. Lusaka Times is even better than the Post. Abdullaziz Walid, I guess we just have to live with you. You guyz make my day.

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  23. #22#23 John White, you’re a good debator. I bet you can argue you way in any less favoured opinion on anything.

    #24 and Abdullaziz, you’re one and the same individual.

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  24. It is saddening to learn of the relationship gone sour, even more so that someone,s behaviour is putting the life of an infant, who did not come into this world by their own choice in in a lot of struggles. I am sure one of the biggest thing for lack of better term, is participating in acts that can potentially bring about a new life on earth and not be able to take care of it. I guess it goes to speak to the fact that any ‘physical contact’ needs to have responsibility attached to it. I feel sorry for the lady that she cannot live for the worry of where she takes the kids…or survive after leaving the abusive relationship.

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  25. It is sad for the lady that she cant leave for fear of where to go and what to do with the kids. I hope this comes as a remind to every one hearing the story to encourage our young ladies to try by all means to attain some level career training where possible, so that some atleast has some where to star.

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  26. The guy drinking so much and possibly being unfaithfull is sad. I know it is one thing that we can intellectualise as to what causes it in the most logical sense or way, but just goes to tell that that “we need God now more than ever”. All marriages are fixable. But since marriages involve two partners, that is only possible when the people involved are ‘teacheable’ and willing to make reasonable compromises for the betterment of relationship. “Teacheability equates to fixability”. And often times things work well when God is part of the picture. To the lady, keep taking care of the kid, you probably the greatest blessing to the child. Do that is reasonable to help you survive, keep praying.

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  27. Wow there are quite some interesting comments.For now I’ll reserve my comments,I have enough trouble overcoming my own limitations without fretting over the fact that God has not seen it fit to distribute the gift of intelligence evenly.

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  28. To all the friends abroad, life can be “boring” as some one indicated. One os the most basic emotional needs is a sense of belonging, may be finding people that you can talk in your language while away from zed, listening zed music more especially traditioanl tunes, making zed food etc may prove to be of help, and where possible, come home, stepping on to zed soil may just later prove to be the most healing experience for you. My prayer that you find peoples that genuinely, connect care about, so that the effects of missing zed are not too bad. Always rememeber your purposes” and remember to stay on the sunside of life”.

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  29. #26, you failed to detect the sarcasm in Nonname’s blog in praise of Walid Abdulla.Noname is not Abdullaziz and he is a patriotic Zedian living in the US. If his two original responses had not been rejected for posting you would not have read the praises of abdulla

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  30. #34 is Nonname and just ran out of time to sign off appropriately. Apologies to the authentic ‘Anonymous’.I have no explaination for my failed/rejected postings except to assume that someone was not enthused with some of my criticisms of certain elements on this site. At the same time icould be wrong because there certainly a lot more volatile posts.I would hope that the site continues to maintain a hands-free yet mature and intellectual site of discourse.

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  31. John White, the point in healthy leaving is not about living forever. Its about quality of life and prolonging it. I wonder why you haven’t allowed a car to bash you to death since you know you will die anyway. We all know we will die some someday but whats the point in leaving the remaining ten years of your life in pain, in and out of hospital – leaving a patched up life? You also say you are only concerned about your Spiritual life? Well God is interested in how you look after your physical body as well. That too will be considered in the judgement.

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  32. John White and Jelita’s hubby.. think about your poor wives and kids too my BROTHERS. WIDOWED AT A TENDER AGE AND LEAVING BEHIND ORPHANS AND EXPECTING THE GOVT TO BE FEEDING THEM AND RAISING THEM FOR YOU. WE ARE DEALING WITHS SERIOUS EGOCENTRIC FELLAS HERE…. SHAME INDEED.

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  33. Jelita’s twin sister cannot leave the father of her three malnourished children -the bread winner- because she has not developed any survival skills. While being a stay-at-home is noble, most of our young women get married early without developing a career mostly for financial security, or to escape the poverty in their parents’ homes. Then they end up with womanising and perpetually drinking hubbies. Three kids later, it is too late to leave him. She’d be too ashamed to go back to her parents’ home, and then there are her friends to contend with. She is trapped!

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  34. we are not pretty sure of the condition SARA’s son is experiencing here. MALNUTRITION or FAILURE TO THRIVE(FTT)

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  35. While the kid is admitted to UTH, Sarah goes to borrow money from her sister, her husband couldn’t careless. He’s probably doing ‘dopes’ at Times cafe with his up-market girlfriend, and they will spend the night at a lodge in Kalundu, before going home in the early hours of the morning to his long suffering wife. Well, such is life. Goodnight, Abdulaziz.

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  36. JOHN WHITE AND SARA’S HUSBAND NEED TO ASK THEM WOMEN WHO HAVE EXPERIENCED VIDUITY AND HAVING A COMPROMISED IMMUNITY SIMULTANEOUSLY AND WORSE KIDS IN IN A SUBSAHARAN COUNTRY LIKE ZAMBIA

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  37. BROTHERS, under normal circumstances and with proper malnutrition protocols of which am pretty sure they have at UTH/hospital, the child should pick up/recover by day three and probably be discharged within ten days. failure to which i can guarantee you that 99.97% the child is experencing what they call FAILURE TO THRIVE

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  38. for FTT to occcur there should an underlying medical/physical that maybe inhibiting the baby/infant/child take in, digest, or process food. the commonest causes in SUB SAHARAN AFRICA…. zambia inclusive is IMMUNOSUPPRESSION

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  39. am sure Sara’s husband and JOHN WHITE…and the MAJORITY OF ZAMBIAN MEN WOULD EXHIBIT THEIR COWARDICE BY OBJECTING THEIR KIDS TO HAVE AN HIV HIV HIV HIV TEST

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  40. IT took a short period of time to understand guys like JOHN WHITE…….franly speaking ZAMBIAN MEN ARE HEROS WHEN IT COMES TO ISSUES INVOLVING WOMANIZING AND BEER. TALK TO THEM ABOUT HAVING MANDATORY/COMPULSARY HIV TESTS IN BOTH OUTPATIENT AND INPATIENT PATIENTS DEPT. YOU WILL SEE THE REAL COWARDICE THAT AM TALKING ABOUT. guys like john white and his family would rather die at home

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  41. ZAMBIAN PEOPLE ARE GENERALLY GOOD AND KIND. THEY HAVE BEEN SO GOOD MORE ESPECIALLY HERE IN SOUTH PRONVINCE. GOOD NIGHT FELLOW BLOGGERS

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  42. #19 It depends where you get your chick,pantu nali sendamo impopo elo kalikwata umutwe nefima loving over size,thats why nalibutuka

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  43. It is interesting to see how DIFFERENT the SAME things are when there is a CHANGE in PERSPECTIVE.

    Your life Just IS. Neither Good Nor Bad. Just IS. It is what you KNOW it IS. Whether you think in your heart that it is good or bad, You are right.

    “What you are, so is your world.Everything in the world is resolved into your own inward experience”. Your lot in life is a reflection of Your own state of conciousness. Not your govt, Not your poor country. Infact your country is poor because you are poor. You are not poor because your country is poor. There is a world of difference between the two.

    …..read on

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  44. Mwebantu, Abdulaziz in #8 brought up the issue of dry sex and zambian men. Why are all the men on this site playing this issue down? I hear zed men prefer dry sex because they are not well endowed? Is this true?? I thought the only way you can manage to have dry sex is if your woman is not aroused enough? Is that why most of you forego foreplay??? Im sure a lot of women would like to know why our men are so obsessed with dry sex. Please tell…

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  45. jelita I don’t think our bodies were designed for weird things like dry sex.Those natural lubricants we have were made for a reason.
    adulaziz malnutrition and failure to thrive are different entities.A wide variety of conditions can cause FTT.
    I do agree that HIV/AIDS does cause FTT but lets not suspect every malnourished child to have HIV.

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  46. My husband told me to ask my relatives to find me medicine for reducing my “water”. For a long time I thought there was something wrong with me and l was desparate for a solution to dry myself up. But when I went for studies abroad, I met a man who didnt feel like he was in swimming pool when we had sex. Now I know that there is nothing wrong with my waters; its just my husband who cant held swimming in it..he’s the one who needs medicine….

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  47. maybe thats why malepelepe are there to counterbalance nkani yamanzi manzi. gentlemen ba kazi sibanveka munshe water ika paka nayo

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  48. The issue of dry sex is absurd. Speaking for myself, it is not possible for me to have sex with a woman who is not well lubricated – I have my reasons. To me lubrication and size matters. Dry sex may cause wear and tear, and vaginal inflamation, and that’s where you become susceptible to STDs. You want to risk that just to generate friction and sensation while you are ‘damaging’ your sexual partner? Fellas, let’s get real. Let the juices flow…

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  49. Unless #8 Abdullaziz is privy to every sexual encounter, or he is a faggot, or his so called girlfriend cues him in to her experiences with Zambian men, he has no basis to condemn Zed men in blanket fashion for perceived so called preference for dry sex.In my lifetime i have enjoyed women of varying sexual appetites, various shapes and sizes, as well as different lubrication levels, yet nothing beats a well oiled woman.Almost every friend i know shares this sentiment.Bodily sexual responses are a natural biological component of our sexuality Abdullaziz, not a preference.I know i speak for most Zambian men, it is an insult to question our libido abilities!

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  50. It is sad #59 that it took you infidelity to know and appreciate your sexual self.Unfortunately this form of ignorance including your husband’s ignorance about female sexuality is universal and not just typical to Zambia.There is a fervent not to overcome ignorance about sexual issues by dispelling certain myths. Both men and women need to educate ourselves about our sexuality with no reservations.It is all too common for men to freak out at a woman ‘Gushing’ or ‘Squirting’ with cum because you think she is peeing in bed!Female ejaculation and Orgasm are normal outcomes of a truly satisfying performance! Viva Foreplay!

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  51. Mulenga #60, point well put.Lubrication of the valley of joy can be accomplished in many ways.Now Natasha have you taken your poor husband to school to show him what he’s been missing? What is his attitude now? There are too many of us out there always longing for what he is rejecting.

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  52. It is sad #59 that it took you infidelity to know and appreciate your sexual self.Unfortunately this form of ignorance including your husband’s ignorance about female sexuality is universal and not just typical to Zambia.There is a fervent not to overcome ignorance about sexual issues by dispelling certain myths. Both men and women need to educate ourselves about our sexuality with no reservations.It is all too common for men to freak out at a woman ‘Gushing’ or ‘Squirting’ with cum because you think she is peeing in bed!Female ejaculation and Orgasm are normal outcomes of a truly satisfying performance! Viva Foreplay! This actually is responding to Natasha, not #59.

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  53. All Zambian men and women who practices “dry sex” will contract HIV/Aids. A NORMAL WOMAN gets *WET* when she is aroused by her sex partner just as men get *STIFF* When women insert certain leaves and powders to avoid the juices, the sex act is usually uncomfortable for the woman and causes cuts, bruises and blisters on both sexual partners that makes them prey to the viruses and STD infections. Men who prefers “dry sex” should look for women with amputated clitoris outside Zambia as they dont have any sexual feelings whatsoever; therefore are VERY DRY AND COLD. Women who “dry themselves” dont know what there are worth! The more she gets wet the more she appreciates your Willy, boy!!!!!!!!!!

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  54. Under the apple tree i roused you
    there your mother conceived you
    We have a young sister
    And her breasts are not yet grown
    What shall we do for our sister
    for the day she is spoken for
    I have eaten my honeycomb and my honey
    I have drunk my wine and my milk
    Eat, O friends, and drink your fill O lovers.
    Song of Solomon 6, 8

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  55. Iwe swine…uletila kuno nikumushi kumyenu???anyway,what are we talking about here….oh,amalepelepe..efinshi???sounds like a fruit…lol

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  56. #57. Born Rich,

    The philosophy you added to the blog was very interesting to read. We are enlightened by such displays of intellect. There’s no place like home but I think experiencing other people’s cultures is beneficial. Adjusting to a new culture can take some time but it’s rewarding.
    It all comes from within, so if we “think wealthily” then our country can become wealthy. Not all hope is lost.

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  57. LabiaPlasty(extreme surgery:cost$5000 and up) This proceduresculpts and reduces your vaginal lips and it typically involves a scapel(cue millions of women wincing and crossing their legs).It can be medically necessary in very rare cases, but experts say many women get it so their genitals will look more perfect. After surgery you cant have sex for 4 weeks and your genitals will be tender and swollen for several months!
    From Glamour Magazine:april 2008. When did female genital mutilation become cosmetic surgery (Labiaplasty)?

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  58. those guys who like Dry sex are just rapist and its actually hurting when entering the vagina.

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  59. Its sad to know that people are just out there sleeping around. Mnay Zambians do not look beyond beer and Japan Direct cars. No ambition, no desire to be more educated, no desire to have money to go on vacations no family life ,no mind to run legit businesses, no respect for marriage…everyone is just living in fear of dying from a “long illness” at UTH……….what a waste. We need Jesus. Ladies, before you marry pray like crazy and be sure you marry in perfect will not permissive will…marriage can be hard but better to be with a God given spouse tha with the wrong one!!!!Lesa fye

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  60. Because of Jesus, I never carried my sins from Zambia. Because of Jesus I cannot touch liquor. Because of Jesus I watch my life and not all Zambians in the diaspora are reckless! Jesus makes the difference!

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  61. Amen #82…thats what I’m talking about!!!! I am a Jesus girl through and through. No American life ,education or money can corrupt me. The fire of the living God has put a hedge of protection around me and my hubby. You see people, the reckless,macho wanna-be , ladies-man, life is empty and useless.It is sad that pre-marital sex is such a NORM nowadays….there is just no sense of respect and we are quick to say that we are traditional people and Christains. ANyway, you reap what you sow so even when no one sees you sneaking in and out of peoples bed…the wrath of the Lord shall be your portion and when you are married and can’t enjoy it….remember your life ,there is a price to pay

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