Dear G.P
I am a 19year old girl in grade 11.I just found out I’m pregnant and I’m terrified of what my mother will do.When I told my boyfriend I was pregnant he said this baby will mess things up for us and my future education.My boyfriend hasn’t been returning my calls and I really feel alone.I don’t want to lose him.
My mother has raised me up herself since she and my dad split when I was a kid.She has sacrificed so much for me and I really don’t want to burden her further.I’m really scared of her finding out.Abortion seems the only way out for me.But will I be able to have children in future if I have an abortion now?
Please help.
yours
Desperate
Dear Desperate,
I am sorry to hear of your dilemma.I would encourage you to seek counselling from an older woman you can trust.However,the ultimate decision on whether you choose to have an abortion or not is yours and you will have to live with the consequences of whatever decision you make for the rest of your life.
I will outline the risks and complications involved in having an abortion so you can make an informed decision.
Most commonly, abortion involves elective surgery. As with all forms of surgery, there are risks associated with the procedure. For abortion, these risks increase dramatically the later in the pregnancy the procedure is performed. Possible physical risks of abortion are listed below.
Immediate health risks
Death –
Laceration of the cervix – About 1 out of 20 women suffer this during an abortion. This causes you to have nearly a 50/50 chance of miscarrying in your next pregnancy if it is not treated properly during that pregnancy. A high incidence of cervical damage from the abortion procedure has raised the incidence of miscarriage 30-40% in women who have had abortions.
Uterine perforation – About 2% of all abortion patients may suffer perforation of their uterus, yet most of these injuries will remain undiagnosed and untreated unless laparoscopic visualization is performed.
Pelvic Inflammatory Disease (PID) – 23% of patients who have a chlamydia infection at the time of the abortion will develop PID within 4 weeks. About 20 to 27% of patients seeking abortion have a chlamydia infection. Approximately 5% of patients who are not infected by chlamydia develop PID within 4 weeks after a first trimester abortion.
Endometritis (Infection) – Occurrence of genital tract infection following elective abortion is up to 5% for first trimester abortions and up to 18% in midtrimester. Endometritis is a post-abortion risk for all women, but especially for teenagers, who are 2.5 times more likely than women 20-29 to acquire endometritis following abortion.
Risks to future pregnancies
Pre-term delivery – Women who had one, two, or more previous induced abortions are, respectively, 1.89, 2.66, or 2.03 times more likely to have a subsequent pre-term delivery, compared to women who carry to term.
Placenta previa – Abortion increases the risk of placenta previa in later pregnancies (a life threatening condition for both the mother and her baby) by seven to fifteen fold. Abnormal development of the placenta due to uterine damage increases the risk of fetal malformation, perinatal death, and excessive bleeding during labor.
Ectopic pregnancy – Abortion is significantly related to an increased risk of subsequent ectopic pregnancies. Ectopic pregnancies, in turn, are life threatening and may result in reduced fertility.
Long-term health risks
Breast Cancer – The risk of breast cancer almost doubles after one abortion, and rises even further with two or more abortions.
Cervical, ovarian, and liver cancer – Women with one abortion face a 2.3 relative risk of cervical cancer, compared to non-aborted women, and women with two or more abortions face a 4.92 relative risk. Similar elevated risks of ovarian and liver cancer have also been linked to single and multiple abortions.
The Psychological effects of Abortion
There is only one positive emotion reported: relief. This emotion is understandable, especially in light of the fact that the majority of aborting women report feeling under intense pressure to “get it over with.”
Temporary feelings of relief are frequently followed by a period psychiatrists identify as emotional “paralysis,” or post-abortion “numbness. Like shell-shocked soldiers, these aborted women are unable to express or even feel their own emotions. Their focus is primarily on having survived the ordeal, and they are at least temporarily out of touch with their feelings.
Some of the psychological effects after an abortion in women in your age group are include
-self-reproach
-depression
-social regression
– withdrawal
– obsession with need to become pregnant again in order to “make up” for the lost pregnancy.(Unfortunately, many women who succeed at obtaining their “wanted” replacement pregnancies discover that the same problems which pressured them into having their first abortion still exist, and so they end up feeling “forced” into yet another abortion.)
-hasty marriages
A survey of post-abortive women found that:
28% attempted suicide
31% experienced suicidal feelings
60% commented that the decision to abort made their lives worse
94% regretted the decision to abort
(Survey of Reaction to Abortion,” The Post Abortion Review, Fall 1994, pp. 6-8)
Over 50% of women experienced one or more of the following feelings after they had abortions: depression, guilt, regret, nervousness, insomnia.
30%- 50% of aborted women report experiencing sexual dysfunctions, of both short and long duration, beginning immediately after their abortions. These problems may include one or more of the following: loss of pleasure from intercourse, increased pain, an aversion to sex and/or males in general, or the development of a promiscuous life-style.
Some data indicates that on average there is a 5-10 year period of denial during which a woman who was traumatized by her abortion will repress her feelings. During this time, the woman may go to great lengths to avoid people, situations, or events which she associates with her abortion and she may even become vocally defensive of abortion in order to convince others, and herself, that she made the right choice and is satisfied with the outcome. In reality, these women who are subsequently identified as having been severely traumatized, have failed to reach a true state of “closure” with regard to their experiences.
Repressed feelings of any sort can result in psychological and behavioral difficulties which exhibit themselves in other areas of one’s life.
Some women who would otherwise appear to have been satisfied with their abortion experience, are reported to enter into emotional crisis decades later with the onset of menopause or after their youngest child leaves home.
Lusaka Times, this is very educative indeed keep it up
Educative to who? The girl needed a simple explanation which she can understand. The article is full of medical jardon and does not explain the core reason why the girl wrote to seek help. It seems more like an academic paper than advice you can give to a 19 year old grade 11 who is concerned more about the social ramifications (losing boyfriend and offending the mother) than the medical issues.
Hey Desperate , don’t do it! Leave that loser that impregnated you.He is not worth killing your baby for.Your mum loves you and will stand by you no matter what,she will be angry ofcourse but trust me she is your best ally.
i feel sorry for you my dear . sometimes its not good to be a woman . look at this boy bf is running away . he shouldnt do that and dont even say that you dont want to lose him . he is not a good boy Â
Interesting. Aborting your child because you dont want to lose uour boyfriend. Fearing your mother not HIV. Enjoyed what you dif and not the outcome.
sex goes with a cost. just have a baby the way you were born also. ‘A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush’…the complications listed above might deny you another pregnancy if u abort.
Get the baby gal.That is the benefit of being screwed…..screwing is for making babies so why do you want to kill an innocent product of the law of procreation……Next time use a condom unless you want to have a child or HIV and other related complications until you are married.Good luck you can always go back to school after giving birth…….kukondo onyengana bana bamasikuano….
Do what you feel is right for you. Whilst some people play the high moral ground, there are many women (both single and indeed married ones) who opt for abortion, as the time was just not right to have a child. Abortions can be done safely in a hospital environment – the earlier the termination the safer. So please, make up your mind as soon as possible, as complications arise when one leaves it too late. At the end of the day, it is up to you to decide – and do NOT feel guilty if you conclude that abortion is the best option for you at this stage in your life. Think about it – there are so many street kids nowadays – sometimes (not always) due to the fact that ppl have children from an unwanted preganancy.
hopeless,at 19 yu get involved in unprotected sex!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! how many times are we going to counsel pipo like yu and yo ka yo BF OF YOS? keep the baby yu chap,atleast the baby is innocent compared to yu and yu BF.KILLING A BABY IS NOT ONLY SINFUL BUT CRIMINAL,AND BOTH PIPO AND GOD MIGHT NOT TAKE IT LIGHTLY.
like a colleague has written,yu better FEAR HIV than yo mum.will pause there!!
As for LT and the guy who provided response,stop copy and pasting.the ka girl won’t get that mediocal twist…..placenta previa,fimofimo,that is RUSANGU UNIVERSITY if at they can even attempt to read it,hahahhhahahah!!!.
keep the baby,Dora S will find a sch fo yun later,and if tend to be HIV negative,PF kaponyas will marry yu fo second wife.
Fellow readers, let’s learn to balance things; in the same way that the Girl is devastated and desperate, the boy may be in a much worse situation. Let us first ask miss desperate how old is the Boy Friend? He also may need counseling, being a father at a young age, is not easy, let alone pear pressure from his family and friends. Hence being confused and not returning the girls calls.
What we can take from this is to have a much better system that can help and counsel such young partners. Pregnancy should not be end of life for the younger boys and girls but something to guide them become more responsible and support one another.
PLEASE USE CONDOMS? You can also have oral sex in absence of condoms than always wanting to have full sweat.
Fellow readers, let’s learn to balance things; in the same way that the Girl is devastated and desperate, the boy may be in a much worse situation. Let us first ask miss desperate how old is the Boy Friend? He also may need counseling, being a father at a young age, is not easy, let alone pear pressure from his family and friends. Hence being confused and not returning the girls calls.
What we can take from this is that Pregnancy should not be end of career future for young boys and girls but to have a system that should address such issues.
A lesion for young brothers and sisters out there. PLEASE USE CONDOMS? You can also have oral sex in absence of condoms than always wanting to have full sweet, which would lead you to sweat and desperation.
#19,oral s..,yayayayayayayy maloza!!! ka young man to fyompa ka young girl ku wujeni,my foot!!
bafana bayiziba jakuzi aba,iyo nkani yifunika mwasamba baba ,kuli tuma genital herps ka{tu doyo toyipa anso} natuma hepatitis B,also to nunkeable.BABA naine nachitako copy and paste,i will go to RUSANGU UNI. to do medicine,thenwill come back,naya!!
Give a baby the chance.u are not the first to be pregnant.zambia need people.we have enough land.sex is go but costly.
The girl needs help. The advice given is not too helpful to a 19 year grade 11 girl. It is full of medical jargon way too advanced for the girl. The social issues needed to be addressed also. Since abortion is still illegal in Zambia, the girl could be contemplating traditional means????
When they said swine flu is here ,you never even wanted to go out in the streets ,when it rains you hav enever forgoten or left the umbrella behind,why are we so stuuupd that we love live sex..do you know how much stress ,depression ,you are likely to induce on your mum .What if she dies,do you know you would be the causer .How much more education do you need,,,,,,,,Ladda mercy
@ 13, I think we need to be honest with ourselves – abortion is performed at UTH – only it is not called abortion, it is termed Termination of Preganancy (TOP) within the first 3 months!!!
Yes, though you are forgetting that it is performed only upon satisfying certain medical conditions e.g. if the pregnance MEDICALLY posses a danger to either the child or mother. It is not done just because the lady wants to abort.
Is this how you can reward your mum after all that she has sacrificed for you? You have really broken you mum’s heart.
Advice:
If you indulge you will bulge
LT nice piece of script. Keep it up
I feel sorry for you young lady. having a pregnancy is not the end of the world my dear. Don`t abort or terminate your pregnancy. Yes your mother will upset with you it won`t be permanent, just think of the risk involved by abortion as they have been listed above. For the guy better forget about him he is not there for you.
wether to abort or not…simple answer can u provide for the child ,and give them a decent future no offense bt it’s sad seeing young homeless kids beggin on the streets or doing worse
there is always a third option that doesn’t seem to be brought up much…..adoption
To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.In the first place before you had sex you should have realised the consqences.So do not abort just keep the pregnancy.What you are planing to do is pure and 100% murder and is criminal and will be answerable to God for your actions.Young lady you do not know what God has prepared for you and the unborn child.In the un born child there is a breath of God no one has the authority to terminate somebdoy s life
Keep the pregnancy if you deliver you will go back to school. My only daughter did the same I was angry with her, but when she delivered I was very happy.My granddaughter is a beautiful intelligent and aloved girl The father of the boy aliingila pachani no where to be seen up to date. Your mum will be angry with you but she will recover and accept
This reminds of the song “wamona wa ndowa no kulowa kobe”. you are assuming too much among others, that your mother will kill you! your boyfriend is not returning calls because he is dead scared as you are!
let your mom know about it, she may be rather more reasonable than you assume.
It is the Boy who is silly how can he force this nieve,inocent girl with his cheap sweet talk and lingal,young lady expose the mambala,He should also face the consequences Sha,shameless immoral being
It is sad to hear that you betrayed your mom’s trust over a boyfriend who is irresponsible. Don’t you fear GOD?? ABORTION IS A SIN IN THE EYES OF GOD!!! The world have been corrupted in so many ways. DO NOT BE CONFORMED BY IT. What you have in you is a GOD given miracle. Mother knows best. Seek for her forgiveness and then seek for GOD’S forgiveness for your own sake. DO NOT repeat the same mistake again. Trust in God and He shall guide your way.
Don’t abort dear. Your mother will be angry and will scream but she will NOT harm you. Eventually she will calm down and you will have a healthy bouncy baby who will grow up to refresh your life in future. This baby will be great and you will NEVER regret keeping her alive. You made ONE mistake dont make another one. God bless you.
someone should tell these kids to use protection and when that fails, teach them to count their days, should it happen when they are likely to get pregnant, then tell them about the morning after pill or emergency contraception… yeah yeah i know this amounts or tantamount to teaching and encouiraging promiscuity, but what choice do we have?…. abortion is drastic and too late.
Stop reproaching this young girl. Some of you had children mufyani while you were still school boys. You have even too ashamed now to admit that you had those kids. We’ve all made mistakes in our teens
Listen to me young lady, I hope you read my response. Life begins at inception, so you are carrying a life inside of you right now. Terminating your pregnace in other words, I repeat, other words is indeed, ‘murder’, of your own child. Nowadays in Zambia you can give birth and go back to school. You will suffer a temperal set back but can rebound. Save that life girl, save that life. Remember, your mum might never know the storm thats under the bridge, but God know and He sees all you do and knows all you thought. Confide in a wise woman, perhaps a friend to you mum or your grand mother who can tell her on your behalf and in your presence.
My dear, there are people out there having sleepless nights and paying a lot of money just trying to have a baby.Consider yourself blessed that you can even concive, despite that u r still in school. I advise that u keep the baby. Like the other sensible bloggers said ur mom will be disappointed but she will 4give you. The best you can do is to tell her (ur mom) urself that u r expecting a baby.be strong.Every decision you make in this world has consequencies….just dont do it..I mean abort.
why didnt you use a condom you chaps? This time and age you are still having unprotected sex? oops..,you are risk takers.
iwe lintu wale isula amolu walemona kwati fileya kwisa??? now on top of your carelessness you want to add murder?? I am not being self righteous here, I had my son when I was not working, and totally not ready, it was not easy but now 7 years down the road he’s the most adorable little man in my life. Do not play God with human life. take responsibility for your actions.. PERIOD
in addition, the first step ever you should take is to inform your mother that is the right thing you should do.
There are thousands of couples/people in the U.S. that are waiting years to be able to adopt a baby, who are not blessed with being able to conceive…not to mention how many others around the world are waiting. My husband and I are one of them, we have been waiting over 3 years to adopt a baby. There is a quote about not bringing an unwanted baby into the world, but this isn’t true….every baby is wanted, just maybe not by the biological parent(s). Placing your baby for adoption helps your child, helps the adopting family, and it is 9 months of your life to care for this baby and then they can have a lifetime out of your womb. Every child truly is loved.
excellent!
I will adopt your child if you promise to give up full custord and contact within 72hrs of giving birth! Now you see lesbrians don’t get pregnant even with live sex, join the safe choice
ati “custord”, “lesbrians” lmao!!!
THe advice is not helpful at all! you list several conditions but do not go into what they all entail. You’ve probably made her more scared than comfortated. I think she will be able to weigh her options better if she reads the comments. Good luck girl.
Yes gal read the following chapters and then make a decision no 1 can decide 4 u
Jeremaih1 v5,psalms 139vs13 that child is in Gods plan
fake
Sorry girl, that is the way it goes. Before this happened, I am sure you were deaf to all the AIDS warnings, about staying away from sex or having un protected sex. Face the problem head on……no turning back.
Many developing nations suffer from growing populations that they can’t afford to feed or provide adequate health-care and schooling for. There are more people across the globe in extreme poverty now than ever before, simply because people won’t stop having babies! Zambians need to be taught about the benefits of contraception. We also need to empower and educate our young girls, teach them to be proud of their bodies and that they don’t have to spend the rest of their lives being some mans’ piece of meat. For all you know her boyfriend forced her, and now she’s literally left holding the baby. This girl needs reassurance, not a long winded article on the ‘horrors’ of abortion. Ask Madonna to come get your baby, African babies are in vogue atm lol.
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