MARRIAGE

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wedding.jpgCan two walk together unless they are agreed?. The rate of divorce in Zambia is going up. Divorce rates are also high in the church. People who should be setting the moral examples are now seen to be falling short.

This world is governed by laws. Just as everyone succumbs to the law of gravity whether rich or poor, politician or cadre, preacher or atheist, so there are laws that govern a successful marriage. One such law is every couple should have a clear vision of what they want their marriage to be. The word vision means ” mental sight – the ability to see a goal or destination. If you do not have a clear vision of where you are going, how will you know when you have arrived? How will you know when you are on the wrong path?

When you have a vision of success before you, you will naturally behave in such a way that causes success to happen. Every couple goes through difficult times but a vision encourages you in those difficult times. Lets honor our marriages for good marriages breed good families which in turn breed good, strong societies.

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84 COMMENTS

  1. I believe that marriages between man and woman is ordained of God.If we prepare our people effectively to lve the commitment of marrige not the pleasure of marriages, then such a sacred institution will be be more ideal to keep.

    Eternal life also means working to help our families to gain the same life that we seek and marriage is a school for eternity.

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  2. Marriage should be an institution enjoyed once entered. Unfaithfulness in marriage has actually brought about divorce even in young couple of only months old. This is so because one of the spouses could be in many relationships even before marriage and when they marry they choose one woman but not forsaking the other many girlfriends they had before marriage. One thing people should know is that marriage is holy and a blessing from Heaven, and that God is not happy with what is happening in this fast world.

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  3. Marriage results into a family. A family is the smallest unit of society and therefore a happy marriage leads to a happy society. The rate of divorce, therefore has more to do with the decay of the moral fibre and the departure from the godly principles. Ill prepared selection of suitor, courtship, counselling and unfaithfulness are among the main reasons for divorces.
    We may need to deal with our religious values before we find where we have lost it.

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  4. The truth is people are especially young women are put under so much pressure to get married and have babies. I’m 22 and on my recent visit to zambia the second thing people asked after inquiring on my health was whether i had found a man to marry me. I stand on the belief that i am not ready for such a commitment and i was told that i am too westernised for thnking that. Truth is people go into marriage for the wrong reasons. Not only do i want a man that can love me and respect me but i need one i too. People need to stop settling for second best:)

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  5. I agree that people should not get married for the sake of being called Mrs somebody. One reason people divorceis that they realise that they married for the wrong reason, unhappiness creeps in and they now find ways of getting out. I do comend women that beleive that they deserve better and not second best and that people should only marry when they are ready to marry and not being forced by society or peers to marry or get married

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  6. Everyone should go into marriage for the right reasons. First of all they need to search their hearts and make sure they are happy with themselves, before they can be happy with another person.All people should go into marriage knowing they are ‘whole’ coz alot of times people go in not really knowing who they are and hoping to be complete when they get married. unfortunately they end up getting more confused because they hardly know who they are and another person comes in their lives which becomes too much to deal with and that makes situations worse. if only everyone can learn to deal with themselves before committing to marriage we would not have such high divorce rates in Zambia.

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  7. I agree with you anonymous Ive seen that happening to someone I know
    I’m always guilty of telliing people that there is no such thing as being ready for marriage but lately I.ve witnesses a scenario where a person just isnt ready. He displays actions that are contrary to the human norms and that spooks me
    An Example is getting your wife pregnant blaming it all on her and refusing to spend a ngwee on medical bills becuase you say the child was not budgeted for, how lame is that
    Your wife has morning sickness and he says she is lazy

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  8. I think the marriage contract should have an ‘exit clause’ so that when one party can not bear it anymore u are free to return to your original status.

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  9. My name is Pegy aged 24years old single looking for a man who is also unmarried between the ages of 30 and 40. Please leave your email address and i will contact you.

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  10. Good luck to you ladies seeking heart throbs from this Site. Better watchout for their ex spouses. Because at the age of 30 and 40, surely they have skeletons in their cudboards waiting to snatch and abduct new spouses who are madly in love with the men who have rejected them. So do not close your eyes once they begin to whisper sweet nothings into your lovely ears. Always remember they are taking a break from their longterm partners. They always crawl back – trust me. Good day.

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  11. Good lucky to all ladies trying on cyber love or is it e-love. It is a world of opportunities. Find yours any which way.

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  12. Why is it that there are so many single women out there seeking men. Is it because the number of homosexual men is rising thereby rendering women compete for men with men.

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  13. come on easyE,isn’t it common knowledge that the ratio of women to men in some populations is high.However,this homo business may be killing us.Its already hard enough to find a good guy among straight men.tell me are all the good guys taken?Why are you guys so intimidated by highly educated women?

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  14. Inonge my dear, We are not intimidated by highly educated women. Its their attitude once they are educated that we dont like.

    How would you feel if u are going out with this rich guy and everyday he reminds you of how much he spends on you.

    As for good guys they are plenty. Just like business opportunities. Unfortunately you have to invest something to have a good guy.

    The problem with you women is u want to reap where you did not sow. There are plenty of good guys in colleges and universities desperately looking for women but u would rather go for this guy with a good job and driving.

    I met my girlfrind when i was a nobody at university but she saw the potential in me. Here am now doing fine and driving . Any woman who comes now stands no chance.

    If u want a man who is driving chances are that he is already taken.

    Get a man with potential and help him nature that potential. The only investment on your part is time.

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  15. easyE I’m not looking for a rich guy who drives.I drive so its no big deal for me.I think as soon as guys see my car and hear my tittle they get intimidated.I just want someone intellectually stimulating.Indeed someone with potential.I guess I made a mistake rejecting advances from my colleeges at university.All thats left are players,showing off in borrowed or inherited mercedes benz!Anyway c’est la vie as the french say.

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  16. Tell u what Inonge, us men are proud beings by nature. We want to be on top of a relationship. We want to be providers. If this is not the case we fall short of self esteem.

    I personally wouldnt have a problem going out with a woman like u (highly educated and driving) if thats all there is to it. The problems comes in when u want to make me feel inferior by making your education and car an issue.

    I work with a lady who is more educated than her husband and owns a car. This car is driven by the husband. He brings her for work and picks her up after work. At one stage her husband was jobless for two years.

    This man is enjoying his marriage not because he is more educated than his wife, but because his wife makes him feel he is ‘The man’ of the house. Dont get me wrong, am not saying women need to surrender their cars to their husbands if they dont have.

    All am saying is show us some respect and humility.You will be surprised how many of us would relish educated women.

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  17. I hear you EasyE.So tell me,do guys find it intimidating dating an older woman? I don’t mean those guys who want sugar mummies.I’m obviously not interested in buying love.I’m talking about a decent guy.Would you date someone who makes more money than you do and is also a few years older than you.Lets say 2 to 3 years older?

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  18. It all depends on an individual Inonge. Just as we have different faces, we also have different preferences in as far women are concerned.

    But if you want a personal view, I will tell u that to me a woman is a woman. Age in itself is not an issue. I’d rather date a woman who is 3 years older than me and we look a match than one who is five years younger than me but she looks like my mother.

    As for a woman who makes more money than me, well that depends. Usually the feeling among us men is that maybe she is getting the money from some other guy.

    If you genuinely earn your money thru yo pay check and any other noble business you do I will have no problem with that even if its more that what I earn.

    I will definately have a problem with unexplainable and suspicious sources of income coz the first thing that will come to my mind is some other guy is giving u that moeny.

    Now tell me also, would u feel comforatble dating a man younger than u and earns less?

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  19. Ha ha so you prefer a classy woman.Beauty is fleeting.So you can’t deal with stretch marks,cellulite a pot belly etc? Inner beauty is unmatched.We can all hide our flaws with make up but will you accept us once the makeup is off? truthfully easyE,because of my dominating personality I think I would have a problem with a younger guy.As for his earnings kutangila tekufika.Just because he earns less now doesn’t mean he will earn less tomorrow! However,since the biological clock is ticking perhaps,age should not be an issue.A strong willed,confident younger guy could be fine.

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  20. Inonge, @ least you have tried to be honest, you being uncomfortable with a younger guy. But let me tell you this, a guy slightly taller than you, well built,handsome with a dominating character, how would you ever know his age if he didn’t want to tell you – my dear, age is only a number. SOME ONE IS ONLY AS OLD AS THEY WANT TO FEEL! Do you think those men in their middleage crisis going out with young girls feel old? You must be joking! They have “libido drive” which makes them lose it a bit. Age is all in the head! Wish I wasn’t thousands of miles away, would have popped around for a drink!!

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  21. bauze,so are you that tall,well built,handsome young man with a dominating character?when people are in their 20s and 30s they get excited with this “age is just a number” idea.However when they hit the 40s and 50s and their wives start looking like their mothers,they start faking midlife crises and start chasing younger women.In order to avoid that I think its better to go for an older guy.

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  22. Sori Inonge, am not that tall, but of medium height.

    Now you are revealing a bit about your fears, you seem not to want to be the wife that looks like ones mother!! Well, well, this is someting that you have to get over, evrey one ages, but, if you keep yourself healthy & fit & are proud of who you are, you will still look as young as the ageing filmstars that never seem to age. Remember , being in Z you are exposed mostly to “organic foods”, so make the most of your opportunities; Go on, go out and have an enjoyable life, just be careful, it may be a jungle out there, but there are some green pastures too!

    If you seem to be too daunting for the guys out there, not to worry, puts you in a position to really check them out, when you find your guy, you will know!! Best of luck!

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  23. Inonge, it nothing to do with being sweet, it’s all about being pragmatic in life. Taking the challenges that are thrown ones way, by the horns, and dealing with them. It’s nice to dream and wish certain things would happen for one, but one has to work to make these dreams become a reality, but always remember to maintain some flexibility becoz not everything may work to plan. Though as you mentioned earlier, the biological clock ticking for women, one needs to consider seriously that they are getting into a particular relationship for the right reasons rather than simply a time factor, or simply becoz people talk, or becoz all your friends are married.

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  24. People will tell u marriage is good thing. But I dont think so. If marriage were a gold mine very few people would tell u to marry because they would want to enjoy it alone.

    Now, because everyone tells you to get married, its enough evidence that its not so good afterall. All marriage has are problems. But because those who are married have become so acustomed to these problems, they begin to enjoy them. I know of a husband who wont sleep until his wife nags atleast once.

    Not so long ago I used to go home anytime I want. I wouldnt be worried if there is no food in the house. But now look at me. Nineteen hours I have to be answerable about my Whereabouts. I need to run arround if there is no food in the house.

    And you call this a good thing? Oh Please.

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  25. couldnt help but join in this discussion…hmmm EasyE…Iam single and loving it but I think there is more to marriage than you are telling us…yes you have to run around when there is no food in the house because remember? You said you like to be ‘The Man’ and that is definately part of being The Man…a provider and if you fail to do so…then you have failed and your self esteem should be in crumbles at this point…I belive to be in a marriage you must love the other person so much that you would do anything…this should not grieve you but it should be joyous 24/7….if its not like that for you Easy then you need to check a few screws here and there just to see if all is well. C’mon give me some hope here..surely you must have more good days than depressing one??

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  26. Hey Tutu, I didnt mean to discourage you but to give you my view. There is no golden rule.

    Of course there are more joyous moments in marriage and they out number the bad ones in some cases even by far.

    But I will tell u this, the only common thing in all marriages is problems. Even what you used to think would not be a problem, in marriage it is.

    You see, men are very mathematical,logical and simple beings. But unfortunately you cant use mathematics or logic to a woman. They have their own complex if not cryptic language they understand. 2+2=4 today and forever for a man. For a woman 2+2=4 today, tomorrow its equal 6, the other day its equal to 1, dont ask me about next week coz i wouldnt know. As to when and why it changes no one knows but themselves. They try to explain it but it so complex u wouldnt understand.

    No wonder they say marriage is like a bath tab. Once you get used to it, u find its not so hot afterall. Get married and join the confusion Tutu.

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  27. Br Easy E, y are so negative about marriage? My conclusion to all the contributions you have made is that your experience in marriage/relation has been horrible.

    But always remember, that it takes two tangle. Us guys are very quick to point at women’s weaknesses whilst ignoring ours. You might be married to Miss RIGHT whilst your Mr WRONG.

    DONT! DONT! confuse the young lady( Tutu). Marriage is a very nice, enjoyabe, splendid institution on earth. I have enjoyed my marriage life and I dont have any problems. The problem with us guys is that we want to marry, yet retain our freedom( coming home at any time, communication with our ex girl friends etc.)

    As for Inonge, I am married to a woman 4 years my senior and we have no problems. She is a CIMA holder and holds a big position in one of the multi national organisations, she drives, owns a house. So you can marry a guy whose your junior as long as he’s got self confidence, has no complex and dorminant character like me.

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  28. #29 Inonge sorry dear I made a mistake my mail address is [email protected] not the one on 35, you I fancy your way of doing things and there will be alot of chemistry between the two of us.Drop a couple of mails and you will be laughing all the way to the…….

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  29. anonymous #36 I’m still single but not willing to mingle with any Jim or Jack!You don’t seem to be a person who puts much thought to his actions.You don’t even know your own email address!Nothing personal…..

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  30. #37Inonge that was the slip of the hands even though the mind meant well, please Inonge dont get upset,it was just an error.Please drop me a couple of mails

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  31. Anonymous,when I said the guys in cyberspace were sweet,I was referring to the conversations I’d been having with easy e and bauze.For some reason,I’m attracted to men who don’t show an interest in me!So…..try MBA #64 in cheating spouses.she says shes available.

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  32. Mariage is not something to rush into. Otherwise nowerdays,to find the write person its not easy.The other thing is that true love has no bounderies, it doesnt look at age,beauty en other things you may think of.My dear Inonge,if you are seeing some body you better stick to him no matter how much you may be earning.Stand for SOMETHING, or you ill fall for ANYTHING.Beauty that catches the eye will fade away.But beauty that catches the HEART, will always stay!!!

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  33. #39,its a pity you tramp on wrong chaps, I hope you wont grow old like that, but if you feel there is need to chat with a more humourous person, full of zeal please feel free to connect its free of charge.I have seen #64, these are vicious type of women, from the tone of her writing she sounds sophisticated for me, she needs gurus from this blog.
    Ingonge enjoy your lovely evening,Iam camped in Kasama.

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  34. howz kasama anonymous? So you think mba is vicious?don’t you think you men sometimes drive women to such extremes.Shes probably fed up of just cooking nshima for some unromantic zambian dude.What do african men have against being romantic.Once the chase is over its just the bar,football,nshima that you guys seem to have energy for.So,in some respects its okey for me to be single.(except in June damn!)

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  35. MBA I would like to let you know that am in the exact situation as you are except am a husband. Feel free to contact me at [email protected] You never know we might be meant for each other.

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  36. #42 Inonge, in life you need to have a scorecard against which you measure your progression both spiritually , physically,intellectually and morally.What is happening today is that, a lady is nearing graduation and has not settled for any Jim or Jack and as for you ‘anonymous’, then once they are offloeaded onto the market bracket competition is quite stiff from the freshers in the world so there is this rush to get married irrespective of one background.Its against this back drop that ladies who have not done their cards right have ended up marrying wrong blokes either thru links or leads from friends.Its not that they go into marriage whole heartedly they go in with the cup half empty hoping to fill up the difference as time goes.But once they discover that they are two different people, there is no alternative but to continue pretending especially for ladies like you ‘abasungapo’you go more than a mile sponsoring the weedding , buying the guy the car…., its a long story

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  37. #45 , let us share your concerns, your i.d is scary can you find a more moderate i.d if you are a lady? But if not then proceed with mind.Inonge I will invite to you Kasama on a no strings visit so that next time It will be me doing cross country to Mongu, or are you a Lusaka girl?

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  38. iam a young man aged 27 graduate from unza, looking for a beautiful young lady aged betweek 23 and 25 to seriusly consider for a serious relationship.send me your email or cell.Am in lsk.

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  39. There are a number of things that make marriage such a nice institution and most of you will agree with me that these definately out number the bad things.

    I am not here to talk about the nice things because those are obvious.

    Marriage has been designed in such a way that once you are in there should be no way out. No wonder they say its only in marriage where those who are in wish they were out and those who are out whish they were in. There comes a time you just become too familiar with you wife. Not that you dont like her any more but just that you’ve seen too much of her. They say farmiliarity breeds contept and its true.

    At this stage those who are stronger remain focused and wait for that time when things start making sense again, Others resort to finding the solution outside marriage and you dont blame them really because we all react diffrently.

    Its not easy if at all possible, I stand to be corrected, to love this person the same way for 25, 30 , 50 years.

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  40. #48 EasyE are you the one we interact with on the otherside of blogging?I have just stumbled on this blog and find it interesting.#48 Love is dynamic and doesnot remain static ,it changes as you grow older and the bonding becomes more firmer than before why?Because at some stage for those who are blessed with kids these bring unique happiness that you have not experienced before and this in itself changes everything.Being a father and mother takes a different inclination and adds life to your feelings.Its more than possible to love your partner endlessly, unless you went in with half leg and not full throttle then you will find this institution worrisome but where you are compatible its an exciting epitome.It becomes if you are a mathematician like an exponetial function e^x

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  41. To answer # 50.Yes its true that Dan got himself hitched with a sweet young lass, from whom he has since been separated.In short he’s suffering from what we can only call a midlife crisis. Two divorces in the space of a year, could that be a record?

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  42. inonge, just wondering if you are my long lost friend. If you drop a hint, i will figure if it is you and leave my e-mail here.

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  43. Here is a case study! i am getting married next month . Apparently my wife to be has a kid and i have agreed to father the child as a step dad.I pay his school fees and give child support. The kid knows me to be the real Dad and i am happy about it. The only problem is that the Biological father keeps on insulting my wife to be and has started sending her e-mails saying his daughter will soon know who the real father is.

    Let me give you a bit of history, my madam and the said guy X did hit out some 5 years ago. when she got PREGNANT the guy run away from her and went to the copperbelt. The girl had a baby girl , with no support at all from X. She went back to school (University)and raised the kid without X support.Later on the parents decided to summon the guy. X in the presence of his relatives he denied being the father to the child.He wrote her letters before she concieved that he never even wanted to be held accountable about the child. Now his sending mails and Phones what do

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  44. #55; You should be applauded for taking such a bold step as to raise your step daughter. Most men run at the first sign of ‘excess buggage’. Please ask yo madam’s family to have a civilised talk with Mr X so that you dont start you marriage with this problem. Trust be, it may seem like ‘love will conquer all’ right now, but after you have been married for a while, you will be the one even using this problem caused by X as a tool during marital quarrels. So let it be sorted out before you get married.But dont get involved in it yourself. Let madam take it up with her elders

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  45. #9. PAUL
    Wonders will never end. How can someone be single and married at the same time?

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  46. #55 ever hear of a phrase ‘MUNDA WAKALE SI UVUTA KULIMA’, there is alot of precaution you must excercise before commiting to one another ,otherwise you end up much the same way as MBA above.My questions to you :How does you wife take this supposedly baby come back scenario? Look at her posture when they are conversing dont you see any irregulaties and if she means well why has she not told that man to stop?Is she already undermining your authority as a man?Of course there are more question than answers but prevention is better than cure, it could be a one sided love affair for obvious reason’economic empowerment’.Princess Diana love Prince Charles not for love but title so be care ful and start watching every step you take, women have become sophsiticated in today’s world, open your eyes, ears and above all be alert,not when she kisses you after talking to her ex you even melt be a man chap.

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  47. # 55 you be careful.The biological father has every right to have access to his daughter.I’m told its a mans pride to be able to provide for his offspring so you have probably hurt his pride by providing for his daughter even though he has never been there for her.Its an ‘ego’ thing I suppose.On the other hand he could just be trying to wreck your relationship.How come he knows your fiancees email address?Why doesn’t she spam him if she doesn’t want contact.Like the americans do not negotiate with terrorists you shouldn’t either.Boundaries should be set as to how he can access his daughter but he should not be allowed to have easy access to your wife.

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  48. double m I doubt if you are my long lost friend.Are you looking at my profile or name?Anyway I have long hair,I’m about 1.7metres and I’m an introvert.I have been known to be sarcastic at times.I spent about 4 years abroad.

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  49. # 55 Ever heard of the saying,”Shrewd is the one who sees the calamity and proceeds to conceal himself”. I was dating a single mom a couple of months back & she had a similar heart-wrenching story of a brother abadoning her & not supporting the kid, but that was only half of the story. To cut the long story short, I learnt one lesson brothers, NEVER SETTLE FOR OTHER PIPO’S LEFTOVERS. THERE A LOT OF GOOD GIRLS OUT THERE WHO COME WITHOUT ANY BAGGAGE OR SKELETONS IN THEIR CLOSETS. You feel me !

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  50. Thanks for your comments! Thasha that the way, guys i am wise enough to tell a lady will still go back to her vomit! so i know what i am doing . To allow myself to settle Lobola is not a Joke…. Whether the world can give me a single woman is not the issue its the person my heart is going for and the one i know i will love to die with as my wife…Sorry guys but u will say i am too much in love but with wisdom of solomon. The guy is not in any picture of my woman. she has actually told me to sue him for marriage interferance…which am planning to do once we wed if he continues sending e-mails.

    Thanks for your concern all…..

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  51. Good luck pal ! You need it. Don’t come crying on this blog when it all falls apart.

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  52. #62. Ndife
    I am happy with the position you have taken. There are NO ‘hard and fast’ rules to these matters.
    Your wife is not a ‘LEFT OVER’ as someone is trying to insinuate. The very fact that you knew about the child before the marriage is a plus for you. I made to believe that she has not hidden the relationship from you.

    It does not matter whether someone has had a child be4, as long as there is MUTUAL love between the 2 of you.

    What is BORN RICH trying to say? Go ahead big brother and marry the woman of your love. Because you each other, she is much better than 101 virgins!!! And that is what is important here!

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  53. #63.Ghostface Killah
    I understand the background u’re coming from in when giving your advice. But it is sad that you have made a Golden Rule out of your experience. Believe me, there are many people out there who married single moms and are doing far much better than marriages of two
    virgins!!!Having said that, it is also true that there a good number of such marriages which have failed. But this should not make us put this in a wrong perspective.

    And just in case things go wrong (God forbid), the brother has every right to come back to this blog for any help he thinks he can get from here. The blog will not be short of compassionate people who understand human struggles.

    I will end by quoting Theodore Roosevelt:

    “It is not the critic that counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, and comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement. And at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.”

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  54. Born Rich, I feel you and there maybe some truth in what you’re saying and maybe my own traumatic experience has left my heart somewhat numb. But you got to understand where i’ve been, to hell and back and I don’t mean that literally. Bottomline is that I wouldn’t want another person to go through what I went through. I was simply trying to say, “A little caution is better than a greater regret”. Storms may pass but the scars remind us of the past.

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  55. #66. Ghostface Killah, Thank you. I get your point. There is need for balance in these matters. Great caution must be exercised.

    Through observation of similar issues witnessed in others, i get a picture of where you have been. And it is good to know that you have “come back”.

    Big bro, I wish you all the best, BECAUSE THE BEST IS WHAT YOU DESERVE.

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  56. Life is an unexplored ocean, just waiting to be explored. You may ask questions, & answers you may get, but I can assure you they are only half the truth. Breaking up is one hard thing to get over, becoz there is a part of you that doesn’t want to let go, whilst the other half is probably more in tune with the reality. The sooner the former tunes in with the latter, the sooner will you get over the experience, and I bet you when you meet someone genuine enough to love you, you will laugh to no end as why you initially thought you had come to world’s end!!

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  57. I thought children were a blessing to a marriage but the more kids I have the more distant my husband becomes.we live abroad so I have no-one to help me with the kids and can never get time alone with my already distant husband.Any suggestions?

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  58. That’s a common mistake that is incalcated into ladies back home. They are told , come on give him another child & he will love you more. Sori, but the world we live in is changing, after too many “blessings”, they could turn into burdens with today’s cost of living, & that won’t make one close to you becoz they have to go out & work harder to cover the costs am afraid. What you need is to spice up that love life,that could just excite him into spending more time with you. Plan the numbers in the family, that will reduce the burden on his shoulders too!

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  59. 4 kids,the last borns are twins.Hes the one who wanted more,I was happy with one or two.however,the twins are adorable and we both love them to bits but its a strain on our relationship.My bedroom fantasy is to get some SLEEP.and ofcourse after 4 babies have blasted through me I’m not “the same” but thats not my fault perhaps I was foolish not to have caesers.okey I’m beginning to boil I end here.

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  60. Who told you caesars were the solution? If you see a good gynaecologist & tell them about your pelvic problems, they could probably sort out your problems.
    Just wanting to get some sleep, isn’t necessarily the best way of being romantic, if both of you are that tired at night, try some “dawn maneuvers!!”

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  61. Cece, I am one person who doesnt believe in talking about ‘What would have been’. To me its a shear waste of time. Its in ‘What is’ where the solution lies. Therefore lets not talk about why you didnt heve two because the fact is you have four wonderful kids and that wont change.

    In my opinion I think you should get your husband to help you as much as he can. Though this can be a steep learning curve for us African men because we grow up thinking child care and upbringng is solely a woman’s responsibility.

    He can help by playing with the kids evrytime he is home so you have some time too. He can help by providing extra finances so you could hire a baby sitter and a maid so you dont always do the kids laundry yoursef. He can also help by sending and picking the older kids who go to school.

    And you say so you were almost boiling, I think thats what I want to hear. I want you to boil so we could get other issues affecting you.

    In my small way thats my suggestion.

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  62. Can we discuss the situation which was given on the radio QFM to be specific….Situation..a lady doesnt have any form of sex before marriage! they were following church regulations . But when they finally get married the went out for thier honey moon.Unfortunetly the huband failed to perform, his penis can not raise at all and he confessed that he had never felt it before. So they actually came back not having sex at all. They went to UTH and been to traditional healers and unfortunely no avail. Should the husband let the lady to divorce him…or should they continue because of for better for worse????

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  63. well the ‘for worse’ part came very fast for the young lady.What makes her sure if she remaries the next guy also won’t be able to “rise to the occasion”.I’m sure its a medical or psychological condition that can be treated.What do our doctors say about this?

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  64. Most common reason for “Failure to Launch” on the first time out is usually secondary to high expectations from self by trying to impress, thus overburdening the neural tracts that participate in facilitating the “launch”, but usually during the subsequent meets & by reassuring each other, things do resolve(in plain language – cold feet!). one needs to relax & put the thought of disappointing the partner at the back of their mind, be positive,& enjoy the experience, the rest will come naturally.
    Mind you, the whole process is initiated by the right chemistry.
    I take it the honeymoon was more than a few days, one would have expected some resolution, if not, there could be some genuine underlying condition, am sure the able Urologists should be able to help.

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  65. Divorce is ok. Some people just can’t get along. But its men like Duncan Mushala and his secretive Christine that put shame on divorce. And it is sad that many divorce in a manner so deplorable. Know the peopl you marry people.

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  66. Ino I agree with number 19. Men are not intimidated by highly educated women. It is there attitude.

    women these days want to wear trousers and not keep to their skirts. Just because they are heads in their work places they also want to be heads at home. It cannot work. One has to wear trousers and the other skirts. Let men be heads of the household and women be necks. You know what a neck can do? It can turn that head everywhere it wants.
    It is true no.19 women need to find men with potential. It is most likely that when you meet a man with everything there is a babe somewhere or babes around.

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  67. Ino I agree with number 19. Men are not intimidated by highly educated women. It is their attitude.

    women these days want to wear trousers and not keep to their skirts. Just because they are heads in their work places they also want to be heads at home. It cannot work. One has to wear trousers and the other skirts. Let men be heads of the household and women be necks. You know what a neck can do? It can turn that head everywhere it wants.
    It is true no.19 women need to find men with potential. It is most likely that when you meet a man with everything there is a babe somewhere or babes around.

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  68. My name is Umar Saeed Shah I am a beautifil Male of 20 year old from Pakistan. I
    am looking to meet the right match for me,some one who is very similar to
    me,some one who understand me and love me.I don,t need time waster. I would like a Girl who is Trustworthy,Caring,Loving,Hardworking, Responsible and Faithful.
    i im a very down to earth guy, generally like to go out and experience new things. But having a good chat with close friends can be just as satisfying, it usually ends up in laughter anyway. keeping my mind and body in good shape is essential and generally making the most out of opportunities in
    life and very sporty when im not injured.

    im just at university right now,i

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  69. Its true men get too used to their wives, but what if a child is born out of the other woman. Doesnt it make it worse?

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