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Alba Iulia
Wednesday, January 20, 2021

Cheating Spouses

Photo Gallery Cheating Spouses

People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing.

Signs of a cheating spouse

1. Find birth-control pills in her medicine cabinet, and you’ve had a vasectomy.
2. Mutual friends start acting strangely toward you. (They either know about the cheating or have been told stories about what a horrible wife or girlfriend you are.)
3. He stops confiding in you and seeking advice from you.
4. He leaves the house in the morning smelling of soap and returns in the evening smelling like deodorant.
5. He joins the gym and begins a rigorous workout program.
6. He buys a cell phone and doesn’t let you know.
7. He sets up a separate cell phone account that is billed to his office.
8. He carries condoms, and you are on the pill.
9. Begins to delete all incoming phone calls from the caller ID.
10. Deletes all incoming e-mails when they used to accumulate.
11. He becomes “accusatory,” asking if you are being true to him, usually out of guilt.
12. Raises hypothetical questions such as, “Do you think it’s possible to love more than one person at a time?”
13. He buys himself new underwear.
14. Has a sudden desire to be helpful with the laundry.
15. Has unexplained scratches or bruises on his or her neck or back.
16. Suddenly wants to try new love techniques.
17. He/she fairly suddenly stops having sex with you.
18. He/she suddenly wants more sex, more often.
19. Supposedly works a lot of overtime, but it never shows up on the pay check.
20. Picks fights in order to stomp out of the house.
21. You find out by accident he or she took personal time off from work – but supposedly worked on those days.
22. Spouse’s coworkers are uncomfortable in your presence.
23. Has a sudden preoccupation with his or her appearance.
24. You get calls where the caller hangs up when he or she hears your voice.
25. She sleeps with her purse by the bed.
26. He goes to the store for groceries and comes home 5 hours later.
27. He tells you can get hold of him at a different telephone number.

Causes of cheating

The root of unfaithfulness in marriage has absolutely nothing to do with who we are married to. It has to do with who we are as people.

What causes a spouse to cheat is lack of morals “ It takes a person of upright character to withstand the temptations of society.Sometimes a person will commit adultery even when they know it is wrong. It is a lifestyle thing. Monkey see, monkey do.

What to do if you are having problems

Firstly don’t try to make sense out of nonsense.In order to resolve your relationship, contact with “the other person” must be cut off 100%.Make the hard decision i.e either leave the marriage to free your partner, or commit to stay.
Maturity enables you to control your impulses. You must do whatever it takes UNTIL your partner finds the emotional closure.Time heals nothing. It is what you do with the time.
Healing can’t start until hurting stops.You can’t work on the affair while you’re still having it. Remember that it is better to be healthy alone than sick with someone else.

Affair proof your marriage

Your relationship must be based on a solid, underlying friendship. Friends talk, laugh, share, and do things they’re interested in together. Don’t stop being friends just because you’re each others spouse.

Your relationship has to meet the needs of the two people involved. Understand what your partner’s needs are so you can meet them. Figure out what your own needs are and communicate them. If your needs are not being met, communicate and negotiate. Don’t let resentment build.

You can’t control your partner’s behavior, but you don’t have to set yourself up to get hurt either. Inoculate yourself against infidelity by making sure you’re attentive, involved and plugged in to your marriage.

How to be plugged in

1. Turn toward your partner, not away. You absolutely cannot fix a problem inside a relationship by turning outward. All that does is create problems.
2. Don’t play games in your head. It is a short step from thought to action.
3. Don’t confuse reality with fantasy. We often forget that there’s a difference between falling in love and being in love. You can’t expect a love that grows to be like it was on the first date.
4. If you want to have a good partner, be a good partner. Put 100 percent into your marriage.
5. Is your marriage in a rut? “Bored people are boring,” Find a passion, get energized, find some time together to rediscover the love and commitment you have for one another.
6. Work on your marriage every single day not just during the bad times. Wake up each day and ask yourself, “What can I do today that will make my marriage better.”
7. Make a plan together to renegotiate your relationship. If you’ve gotten off track, it’s never too late to get back to a better place.
8. Take care of yourself. Eat healthy, exercise and look your best. Feeling good about yourself will radiate and your spouse will notice.

503 COMMENTS

  1. Thanks LT for bringing this topic.its true infedelity is on the increase.I,for one have been a victim of this and it really pains.I have been married for 12 yrs and God blessed us with 2 lovely daughters.All was well until i left for my PHD in England in September 2005 with a view of relocating my family as soon as i got settled.To my dismay,barely two months while i was there i started receiving disturbing reports abouts my wife’s extra marital affair. At first i couldnt believe it until i phoned the maid on our landline who actually explained to me everything that had been going on.Apparently my wife used to bring the boyfriend in my house-especially on Fridays.

  2. This actually forced me to make a secret visit to Zambia in April 2006.I arrived on Friday and to my dismay my wife arrived home around 22hrs with a man.I was seated in the sitting room and herself and the man enterred the bedroom.At that [point in time i rushed into the bedroom and upon seeing me the guy and my wife scampered.She rushed to police station and came back with the cops.when i told her where her lover had gone she vehemently refused saying the person was just her workmate and he wanted to repair somthing in my bedroom and up to now she has stuck to that story.But while i was searching through the bedroom i found a lot of empty condom packets,this also enhanced her guiltiness.

  3. My aim was not to divorce her all i wanted from her was to confess and apologise but she continued being adamant up to this time.Since i didnt have enough time left i went back to England without sorting out the issue ,so that i could reflect on what i should do.To date i have continued supporting her and my kids coz i didnt want my kids to suffer.but it seems her affair with that man has continued.I visted a cousellor who actually advised me not to travel to zambia again until my studies are over.Am due to return next month and i dont know what to do coz she is still staying in my house.Bloggers advise please.Should i kick her out or what.am kind of confused.

    • hi broken hearted your story is really hurting and to tell you the truth you are very good to keep quiet just for your children, but my man come on its not that you can not stay without her there are alot of fish in the sea,there is never a shortage of them may be you will even get some one much betther than her. when you come back take you children from her and get someone who you deserve for yourself and your children. like this i can see your children will get the habit of her mother in them as well.pray to god and ask god to guide you. it will be tuff for the first time but then everything will be sweet as never before. she is stupid and she will never get a caring husband like you not even the guy she is going out with.

  4. Broken hearted #2-4: You story makes sad reading. What is even more sad is your wife’s refusal to tell the truth, clean up the mess and move on. Since she doesn’t acknowledge her mistake, she will not act to make amends. Divorce should be the last thing we do BUT sometimes it may be inevitable. Since the trust appears to have been destroyed, both of you need to come to terms with reality and act from there. Although the Bible discourages divorce, adultery is one instance where divorce is allowed. Think of whether you will be able to forgive your wife and not use the infidelity against her. If you feel you can’t forgive and forget, it will be difficult for the two of you to live happily again

  5. The problem is the wrong things get in fashion pa Zed. Well, what can we do other than hope for the best. Good luck guys, I can trust my woman not to fool around. Question is, can I trust other men to leave her alone?

    NEXT TIME ON DYNASTY…

  6. I think your wife has watched too many movies to honestly think you would believe that the man she was with had only gone there to fix something – talk about timing, 22! Guess it’s all about love, try and sort it out and if you do decide not to divorce her, encourage her to test for HIV.

  7. #7 continued (Broken hearted #2-4): infidelity, from either spouse but especially from a woman, is damaging to a marriage. To make amends, both of you must face the truth no matter how painful. That means the woman owning up and confessing, assuring you that it is over, a mistake never to be repeated and you assuring her that it is over, a mistake never to be remembered. That is easier said than done! But not impossible.
    If you go back, check your HIV status and hers, and don’t let go of that guard.

  8. Broken Hearted, there is just one word – AIDS! Stop being the ‘modern one’. There is only one solution to such infidelity – DIVORCE or you shall really die. What more evidence do you need if you really saw for yourself. A friend of mine has a similar experience, went to Southampton for studies and the wife has New Year everyday. My friend refused to take action and ‘forgave’ his wife. 2001, my friend died – AIDS! and we all knew the source.

  9. Some women are just impossible to trust.The writting is on the wall bululu.just kick her out.ANYANDULE ABA no no no!

  10. This issue is quite saddening and disturbing at the same time more especially that you are even studying.Now to tackle this grave issue in a spiritual direction , i would advise that you become brave as a man and face this issue squrely as it as come. Finish off with what you are doing here in England then when you go back to zambia you can go and tackle the issue .You ve got the evidence and iam sure the bible will surely work out well for you here.Listen to God well and you will definately come up with a good decision from this .be blessed

  11. Sorry brokenheart but that is what almost every married Zambian woman has been endures most times.Amazingly everyone accepts that a Zambian man has the right to sleep around and no wife has the right to complain.If someone did a survey in Zambia on men it would be 9 out of 10 men have spare rib(s).Ask the womenfolk if they feel secure with their spouse and again 9 out of 10 will say they have had to deal with their husband infidelity .Is there a Zambian man out there who does not sleep around?
    Pity that a married woman can behave in that manner or even if she wasn’t married.Women are supposed to be guardians of morality in society but I guess that is now gone into the drain.SAD INDEED.

  12. These are my questions?
    How long were u away from home? If u were away for more than 2 years….come on people this is really looooooooong. I am not saying that she had to get some but lets face facts that was long time.

    Have you been abstaining since u were in london? If not that u guys are even in not then this forum is not the best to get advise coz this is a serious matter u need to seek God’s guidance.

    My 2 cents though Zed right now is hot with SIDA and u either get your wife tested and then give a boot coz even if u get back that guy will keeping doing her esp. he has a bigger thing or does it better than you (no offense but truth)

    But again dont get advice online see a specialis

  13. #17 We are here. Yes Zambian men happily married and not even thinking of sleeping around.

    All of us men need to ‘man up’ and do the right thing.

  14. My brother Broken Heart #2-4. The same thing happened to me too. This woman of yourse is in love with that man, if i was you i would not turn back. Especially that she is even annoyingly adamant when you cought her red handed. These days its a choice between menatining such a marriage or death.

  15. Brokenhearted, I am not even qualified to advise you. All I can say is, she has messed up big time, but she is too proud to acknowledge her mistake. Workmate coming to fix something outside working hours [22 hours?!]. If that was the truth why scamper? And what about the condoms all over the place? Are those balloon replacements for her birthday?
    You have a lot of heart dude, for you to even let her live in your house up to now. I guess you really love her. But she has shown no remorse.To me, forgiveness is conditional, there has to be confession and repetance.

  16. all these tuma theories about cheating are useless its simple, if ur spouse is tired of u let them try out someone else they will still love u, well that’s if they loved u in the first place and basically if u can’t screw then u can’t screw stop making utuma excuses ati purse by the bedside or buying groceries for 5 hours.

  17. tho out of context, I note with great sadness the political intorelance exhibited by some of the contributor IDs displayed here. Just because we do not gree with each other’s etandpoints does not mean we cannto show respect and maturity. who can you blame for calling you THIRD WORLD if we go on like this? by the way, I in support of neither two of those parties mentioned here.

  18. Has LT run out of topics? People know where to go when they need moral guidance. Why impose answers to questions that no one has raised?!

  19. If you want to hear my opinnion, I’ll give you the facts based on vivid reasearch because I’ve been there and done that already:

    African men are polygamous by nature. This is beacuse in the late 18 century and early 20th century, the number of African men in relation to women was greatly reduced due to tribal wars and (especially) slave trade. Polygamy was the only natural way to secure a man for every woman and uphold the population.
    That explains the so-called “cheating gene” embedded in the DNA of the African male. Any more questions?

  20. I strongly believe that once you cross that line of being faithful to another you open a new chapter in your life.There is more to sex than having a risky good time.Certain things can never be shared.Gentlemen when you sleep with a woman you actually get connected with her not just physically but mentally and spiritually.Men project or give,while women receive.Some of you men have got different women carrying your souls in different places India,America,Zambia or the US.No wonder you’ve lost your focus.Learn to keep your snake in its cage.

  21. I can’t you guys believe a hypothetical story such as #2-4 has present, so literally. But may be your comments can help someone whose real story tallies, only closely albeit, to this story. All the same though, infidelity should not be entertained in any shape or form that it manifests itself. I am encouraged by your general sphere as reflected here…may be there is hope in our Zambian culture after all. Take care everyone.

  22. I can’t you guys believe a hypothetical story such as #2-4 has presented, so literally. But may be your comments can help someone else whose real story tallies, only closely albeit, to this story. All the same though, infidelity should not be entertained in any shape or form that it manifests itself. I am encouraged by your general sphere as reflected here…may be there is hope in our Zambian culture after all. Take care everyone.

  23. Ladies as well need to change.Some of you have been carrying different species of men that’s why you cannot be satisfied.If he cannot move in a certain way then he is not good or he does not know how to do it.Learn the beauty of true love only reserved for your husband.

  24. interesting to read.
    Facts- for how long can a man abstain from sex? and a woman? sex in marriage is addictive because it’s usually over done. So if you go away for a long time espect cheating from either spause. “1 if you were really abstaining in london pliz tell your so called wife to leave b4 you are home because you may be attracted to her and indulge yourself in sex with her, my dear she is dirty not only in your eyes but even in the eyes of god.
    HIV AIDS is real and it kills.

  25. But if you had an affair! pliz do for others what you would like them to do for you. The forgive her because you are also the victim, no one either a man or woman should should have sex outside marriage. Mind you your concious! your children! your future is the most important. A stubborn fly followed a corpse into the grave!!!!

  26. Here where iam, married women have abandoned they husbands for black men. They say a black man has a good grip and knows how to do it. ‘Ati ala fika nakumu kolomino’. Ala twachula.

  27. #2-4: i would suggest divorce. even the bible says on such circumstances, u can divorce yo spouse. man, the diseases are just too many and deadly to take such a risk of keeping her. u never know how many she has been with. the final decision is yoz. good luck

  28. #2-4: My brother i feel really disturbed over what you have gone through. I cant imagine the traumer considering you are out here where you need some peace of mind to live.

    I would suggest divorce but before that, gather some evidence. someone should help you with evidence. This is important in case when disolving the marriage the courts may tell you to compensate her. You know it will be painful to start maintaining someone who has caused so much pain in your life. But if evidence suggest she is on the wrong side things may be much better. May God grant you strenghth. I have gone through the same while away for my MSc.

  29. #18 Have been away from Zambia for barely 2 months before she started having extra-marital affair.I still love my wife so much but her adamant and stuborness has made me to start thinking twice.My advise to all men and women out there is for you to pse stick to your partners and dont engage in extramarital affairs.Am a victim and am still experiencing how much it pains.Had it not been for the couselling i received I would have died or abandoned my studies coz of depresion but God has kept me going.MAY I THANK YOU ALL THE BLOGERS FOR THE ADVICE U HAVE GIVEN ME AND HAVE LEARNT ONE OR TWO THINGS.THANKS ONCE MORE.

  30. #35.Thanks very much for your advice my brother.You sound very mature indeed.I think its time i divorced her.I have been tormented indeed and teras keep on flowing from my eyes coz i still cant come to terms of what had happened.People say time heals but for me i have indeed failed to forget.

  31. That wife’s too dirty now. Another man’s semen now lays on top of yours in her body. Yours should’ve been the last layer. Fiko saana mwe. Have some pride. It’s not like you don’t know. You can forgive but don’t stay married to her. And you think she cares about your children. Find yourself another woman…if she behaves the same, get on the next bus.

  32. #18 Lets face it,when u get married u take vows of faithfulness and even the Bible says that if you can’t handle marriage better you stay single.Even if Brokenhearted was away for 2 years it doesn’t really matter and its no excuse for his wife to be having sex its called unfaithfulness,do u really know the meaning of marriage #18?Are you telling us that it will be okay for your wife to cheat on you if u where in Brokenhearted’s shoes?Are you saying its okay to cheat if either spouse is away for a long time?Well when you take those vows my dear mean them,its for better for worse marriage is a commitment period.

  33. #2-4 Brokenhearted am sorry to hear that i ask you to ask for guidance as you handle this matter.Don’t worry maybe its blessing in disguise however painful.Furthermore i wish u all the best of all life to come..

  34. 19 You are unique and I hope all the men who have visited this blog reads your contribution.If only Zambian men could be like you.
    Brokenheart – I don’t think that was the very first time she cheated on you.If she can have the guts of smuggling a man into her bed then she used to doing that.How was her behaviour before you married her?

  35. By the way has anyone got the same sympathy for our women who go through this all the time?It’s the same heart that gets broken or does it not matter for woman after all he is an African man-the man of the house.

  36. And where are the Chief Bloggers on Lt?Have you shunned the topic because you want to reserve your acquired rights to sleep around?Come on ba sankwa…

  37. Well! Sad story

    If my husband goes away more than 3 years no sex I will not wait while 1-2 years I can try to wait. However let me clarify before I am misunderstood….

    If he has gone to school or work and he is shagging someone else in the UK,US or SA why cant I do it?

    Enough is enough! The next question to broken heart is HAVE U CHEATED ON WIFE WHILE IF ZED? If YES then KARMA Baby!!!!

  38. #41 do you realise there are 12 months in a year? If he/she goes away for 2 years=24 months then I should sit and wait? meanwhile he/she used to do me every day?
    But if u come once or twice a year to take care of business that is different. olo allow me to visit if your visa cant allow other wise its on baba!

  39. First of all I thank God that am alive and well.
    Your situation is a really sad one.You are in the UK so that your family has a better future but what do you get in return?Its very unfair and like other bloggers have said that you may forgive but die which means that all you ever worked for is cast away.
    I think if a man wants live sex,they’ll get it no matter what.They’ll even say mutu chabe.
    You come back home and your wife says I missed you and you get infected.
    The whole point here is decide whether you live or die a premature death.

  40. Men have been fooled into thinking they’re the only ones who like sex. Let’s just face the sad facts, sex is the new currency. Women are the new men. I love Desperate Housewives … but not the TV show. They’re less baggage than a single mother or 26+ women whose marriage-clocks are ticking!

    All you jet-set chaps …mulimbe!!!

  41. While I sympathise with ‘broken hearted’, I want to remind all male bloggers on this site that what ‘broken hearted’ has gone thru is what most wives have been going thru all their married lives. Infidelity doesnt hurt any less for a wife than it does for a husband. Sad as it is that husbands are now the ones on the receiving end of this evil, l think its good that men are starting to feel what women have felt from day one of marriage. A woman needs love, just like you do; she can fool around, just like you do. Its high time men sat up and owned up to their resposniblities before they all become broken hearted.

  42. While husbands cheat just for the sake of cheating; most cheating wives cheat because of some circumstance in their marriage. Men usually behave like once they have married you they have done you a big favour. Wives are neglected by husbands who are too busy sleeping around. Thats is why wives have started sleeping around to. Though cheating is a terribly evil, l put the blame squarely on husband’s door steps. Even ba broken-hearted should tell us the truth about his marriage before we all rush to condemn his desparate wife

  43. #52 ba mercy naimwe getting married is the only thing that u women think about atleast us men think about sex which is constructive because we want babies, nomba imwe ba kabalwe u like occupying urself with thoughts of a white wedding utuma photos pa roundabout imyotoka nama hooter as u drive by manda hill for what?

  44. #2-4 I will borrow the late presenter of KABUSHA TAKOLOWE BOWA one Radio 1 words to advise you bwana! CHESI!CHESI!CHESI! CHILENWUKA, FINISH.

  45. The guy on the above picture looks like WILL SMITH, the american actor. I understand in american promiscuity is a profession, one need to take it as a career so that he can do it freely even when one is married.

  46. Infidelity has been one of humans’ mystery and very difficult to explain. Only God can deliver the evil who cheat on their partners.

    Man has offered so many theories leading to cheating and so many theories regarding the solutions to cheating but these theories have remained just that: theories and man and woman have continued cheating.

    No one can put reason to why people cheat because individuals are unique and therefore cheat because of unique reasons.

    Cheating therefore remains a mystery and only GOD can deliver the evil who cheat. So lets pray for them to be redeemed amen

  47. # you must be the most foolish person..my first advice is that you should take those monsters for DNA. 2. concentrate on your studies and contribute something to your family rather than that prostitute.
    otherwise if i can write my background you will collapse so the best way is to divorce immediatelly before you die of depression, and that prostitute will continue ticking. pliz my foolish brother cry for your life and realise that there is always a better life some where.

  48. #2you must be the most foolish person..my first advice is that you should take those monsters for DNA. 2. concentrate on your studies and contribute something to your family rather than that prostitute.
    otherwise if i can write my background you will collapse so the best way is to divorce immediatelly before you die of depression, and that prostitute will continue ticking. pliz my foolish brother cry for your life and realise that there is always a better life some where.if i tell you the guy who got mine was even a pastor.a well known pastor back in Zambia.so baba wish you good lucky

  49. PLEASE, YOUNG MAN, THERE ARE SO MANY FAITHFULL WOMEN WHO ARE PREPARED TO BE WITH YOU AND EVEN LOOK AFTER YOUR CHILDREN WELL AND BETTER. DEPART FROM THAT PLAYER STAR AND LEAVE HER IN THAT HOUSE ALONE, PICK THE KIDS. LEAVE ALL THE THINGS FOR HER AND HER BOYFRIEND, LEAVE EVEN YOUR CLOTHES. THE ONLY THING YOU HAVE TO PICK FROM THERE IS YOUR CHILDREN. TAKE THE CHILDREN FOR DNA AND SEE IF THEY ARE YOURS. IF NOT, LEAVE THEM WITH THE FOOL AND WALK OUT ALONE AND FREE FROM HIV AIDS. I PRONOUNCE YOUR MARRIAGE OVER. GET IN TOUCH. YOU HAVE YOUR BEATIFUL LIFE AHEAD.
    [email protected]

  50. olo balikulisha twapapata run to the nearest witch doctor.coz she will finish you before you realise.good lucky

  51. #2 Broken Hearted, I ll write as a Social Worker/Psychosocial counsellor and Christian. The situation you are in is a sad one. My prayer is that it does not affect you studies. Now coming to the issue, your wife has not apologized and has continued to flirt around. However,adultery is sin and calls for divorce. On the other hand, you appear to love your wife so much. The ball is in your court. My suggestion is seek services of a professional counselor as soon as you are back, but please do not make a mistake of having sex with your wife.I wish I could give you my details, we could communicate.

  52. #52 Dont try to make an excuses for women who cheat.They are as much as those men who.Life, even in marriage is a classroom.You can have everything you want in your spouse if you put your mind to it.

  53. #52 Dont try to make excuses for women who cheat.They are as much beasts as those men.Life, even in marriage is a classroom.You can have everything you want in your spouse if you put your mind to it.

  54. Broken hearted, leave this baggage, this is very unnecessary luggage you are carrying. I guess your daughters are over 5 years and I also believe that if she cannot prove that she is capable of looking after the children the court will rule in your favour for custody, this woman is killing you slowly, leave her and start afresh, I have never been divorced and I do not know how it feels but if something has to be done, it has to be done, this woman is counterproductive.

  55. it is entirely up to you heratbroken if you want you can divorce the Bible allows you to do so in this instance.If on the other hand you can forgive do so and wipe clean the past, but just one advise imputi isula……..

  56. I suppose there is no harm in having a spare wheel? After all, there are more women than men, with a ratio of 6 women per man. If you marry only one and get glued to her, who is going to keep the remaining 5 busy? Comrades, lets be humane and take the rest of the women on aboard. They need us more than we do.

  57. #70 Shallow minded thinking.Ur not fit to be a blogger.How dare you spit nonsense on this educative and sensitive topic.Stupid *****-Grow up-contribute like an adult,not like a todler.

  58. #2-4 having read all the submissions regarding this case i,Judge Nshipundu Nfwelakoko, using my powers invested into me by his exellency the president i declare this marriage null and void.I hereby award legal custody of the children to Broken-heartered.The marriage has been dissolved with no compensation from either parties.Court rise!!!!!!

  59. Ba Mwisho latest info is that there are more men than women now.Check your facts right.And even if there more men now we don’t have to abbundon our values.What sort of legacy in terms of morality do you intend to leave for your children as well as your children’s children.Life and death lie before you and I urge you to choose life.
    Let us separate the men from the boys as some have got a long way to go before reality comes in.

  60. Ooooops some women have no manners.I have been waiting for a serious man for some time now and here comes this lady not taking marriage seriously.where are we heading now.Mr Broken-heartered dont worry there are plenty of us waiting to be married.educated and beautiful.So just take ur time u will soon find one.I hope it will be me.

  61. no one knows the cure about this.it was there during bibilical times and it is still rampant now so.Most of us are innocent before we are cought.When we are caught we disappointmany even the whole congregation(jimmy Swaggart)For some of us that manage to stay faithful lets maintain the faith we are great

  62. 70 Ba Mwisho, for the wages of sin is death, with that attitude you shall surely die …. so says the Holy Book and the lwas of morality.

  63. Iyi nkhani ikali po kansi? Ka Shipundu naiwe #72, tawaishiba ifyo iya? #75 Getrude send me your photo (front & rear view). If it’s coca cola bottle shape you have then I’m already cleaning the barrel and loading my gun :))))

  64. 76 Gibby, like you more and more people realise that the answer lies in self respect. Introspection and love for self wil help, i chose to respect myself a long time ago and so will i respect my marriage bed no matter what.

  65. I guess satan lives in between womens legs.Ask ka chiluba what i mean.My wife kissed my friend ones in my presence and tells me more tham two times a minute that she loves me.The problem is that she is so builtifull that i get calm before she talks and the only thing i say is that its ok.Dont blame women its not their fault that they are builtifull.Just hope things dont happen to you ,because mixing semen is not good.It starts an exothermic explossive reaction which produces anger,depression,hiv,devorce,death and national debates like this one.
    Shakafuswa is still resarching on this topic.more infor when he publishes his findings.

  66. #78 your contribution is out of topic and if anything very misguided.My dear even though am desperate for marriage i cant fall for a rogue like you.try sololas not me.

  67. Broken hearted…..”uzafella wasamwali” I sure your wife only uses condoms during her unsafe days? my friend you have to realize that “we are responsible for our own lives.” Do not die for your wife’s sins? Your kids still need a father and forgot about your wife? there’s plenty of fish of out there?

  68. #2-4 Broken Hearted i feel but dont feel sorry for you ‘cos you are in denial brother!You want to believe that your wife, with the audacity to get laid in front of your daughters and maid only began the infidelity after you left for your studies. I think not.She never worried about consequences because she was at the the game for a while and knew what you are made of-CLAY. That is why she can openly throw lies right in your face. Man up and go screw her best friend or sister to give back the torment that you want us to share with you. She has been a B$$tch all the while man. Protect your kids via divorce ASAP!

  69. Deliverance needed. Recommended-Mountain of Fire and Miracles located all overi.e Nigeria, UK, Ireland, USA. Invite your wife to UK and discuss without interference. Confess each others sins to one another. Take HIV tests and seek deliverance together.
    The Blood of Jesus makes everything new.!!!!!!!!!!!
    Marriage is a covenant…get a prayer life together because love is not a feeling but a commitment. Build your friendship..forgive. On a practical note, it’s better to leave the kids with someone and go with your spouse for further education. The quest to be educated has become so costly yet even with all the degrees life isnt improved…spiritual wisdonm needed

  70. #s 32, 46,51,52,75 what would u say about this: I’ve cheated before because I could see my wife less beautiful, not obeying, not playing well in bed before and during sex. What do you think a man should do to prevent his wife cheating other than money and material? Is it big and long or small, long and strong or short big and strong dig? Or strong, not big or long but ensure she reaches climax

  71. Cont’d: I think answers to above questions will be very helpful for me and my wife (I don’t hide; I gave reasons for cheating on her). Some men think money, material and taking family out is happiness 4 a wife…comment?

    And men, what should women do not be cheated? My advice to # 2-4 don’t divorce, go 4 counselling, no sex with her, both take hiv test, follows answer to above questions, new start (if both –ve) and enjoy life anew. By the way, no woman is ugly if they sexually good.

  72. #70, I totally agree with #71 and the most stupid thing about men is they think women are dull. While men always get caught, it takes 1 out of 100 women to get caught. Don’t think your woman is not doing what you are doing. She probably has 4 spare wheels by her side. Wake up. Times are changing. If you can’t beat them, join them and thats what women are doing now.

  73. From the adverts, sangomas can help you marry a person not interested in you, help you pass exams, help you in court cases etc. Where is the world heading to. God forbid

  74. Brokenheart
    Don’t be a sucker, be strong and move on. There are beautiful women in Zambia desperate to make a good husband happy.
    Just work on collecting evidencs so she dosent take you to the cleaners and you end paying for the boyfriends beer habits with the maintenance you might have to give her.
    There is a old saying ”once a dog steals and eats chicken eggs, it will never stop”
    Sorry for the Dog bit in this saying, i am not saying women are dogs.

  75. Those things are real and only when you go thru the would you understand. It was only two months after I had left home for studies that my dear hubby started sleeping with my niece. I have lots of evidence coz the girl has since confessed. I am still out and my hubby denies and am confused about my next way forward. Extra marital is bad enough but when it is with a relative??????. That my horror story I need your advise.

  76. 93 Just take it nice and slow.You know women are wiser the men.Plan what you intend to do whether it is leaving or staying put and don’t announce anything yet.Weigh it properly and see which side will make you stronger and a better person.When it comes to divorce no one has the right to make a decision than the party involved.Everyone has a different pain/hurt threshhold.
    Your husband has a sexual/lust problem.For him to go to a niece could also be a sign that they could have started it way before you left.By the way how old is this niece?You might be married to a paedophile.

  77. 95 Thanx for you advice, I also tend to think it could have started while I was still in the house because I was out to work all day and him was at home coz he quit his job. This niece is actually above 20yrs. The fracas nearly disturbed my studies but I thank God for the stength and resilience. Otherwise it has killed my self esteem big time and fili okotuleya.

  78. men think they re very clever on this planet,to them if they cheat its ok but if a woman cheats its a sin.if they re some woman who feels aids is not on our shoulders teach this men a reason and let them know how it hurts coz we re sick and tired of some men in the closet.

  79. Mimi, My husband slept with my friend and cousin. So I moved out and decide to do the same thing. I feel much better and does not hurt as much. Just cheat on him as well and you will be a happier person. Don’t let anyone sit on your joy. Life is too short to live worrying and being hurt. You are too good a person to let anyone treat you like that.

  80. And to make matters worse, since he quit his job I have been supporting him and his mother who lives in our house. Those things happened right under her nose. Up to now he draws my salary and that is how he decides to pay me back. Its a shame.

  81. #100 Mimi,
    kindley let me take you for a meal and you can talk freely to some one who will listen and be supportive.
    You will be in safe hands and i am sure you will feel better and a stronger person.
    regards and god bless

  82. 101 I wish you could but am too far from you. Whatever the case I do not wish to do an eye for an eye business. I have children to look after and a God to serve. Don’t take me wrong though, I don’t mean to water down your olive branch.

  83. #70 You are sick.With such an attitude, you are doomed.But I realise it is a choice.Surely,you will reap what you sow.Except stay away from the innocent ones.

  84. #102. Mimi
    Don’t get me wrong, i am not after anything and was not asking you to do an eye for an eye, no. I too am Gods faithfull one.
    Simlpy being humanistic. Friendship can be found anywhere, even on a lonley ship.

  85. #99 What an advice!! Two wrongs do not make a right.By going out and squaring it up that way with your husband what do you achieve if not worsening your pain?Turn to JESUS.You will find real comfort and peace.

  86. 104 Yes I have beautiful children with him. Just to put icing on the cake, I fund him with two children when I married him. He told me about them and assured me that those were result of mistakes done while one is still growing up. I excused him and accepted those and now it has dawned on me that he has another two that he hid from me. One older than my first born and one younger. It looks like he was cheating n me in the very infancy of our marriage. When I say I am devasted, I am sure you understand. 106 I appreciate your sentiments.

  87. Mimi you need to move as you seem to be caught up in complex web.If you don’t deal with it it will deal with you.It is very hard to walk away from something you’ve been building for so long I do understand that.That house husband of your is not man enough as he feels that to prove his manhood is through spreading his seed.Girl he cannot even support his own family!The guy cannot find a job either.
    As far as the marriage covenant is concerned he has broken that already through neglect and infidelity.SORRY BUT I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH HOUSEHUSBANDs..

  88. LT, if we were to follow all those points, the majority of pipo will be suspect. Some one who does not fall under any of those points is leading a dull life, and will be dumped by the wife soon as being borring and predictable. Women seem to like rouges. If you are are too stright and predicatble mybrother you are in trouble.

  89. My husband was a womaniser though he never showed it. I thought getting involved with someone else was the solution, its the biggest mistake I made. It will always haunt me but thanks to the blood of Jesus that cleanses us. We are both born again christians now and very good friends. So Broken hearted and Mimi, not all is lost, focus on the Lord, there’s nothing He cannot do for you when you ask Him to. Stay blessed.

  90. 111 Ba shushushu bamudala
    It is all about performance. You can be shasha or what but if you as a lines man does not use his flag, which is always pointing down, the players rebel. Same with women as long as you perform you can be as borring as anything, she will never run away. So gentlemen seek tundambuzi if you want to hangon in there to your girl and you can do anything even have 2,3 .

  91. your life or you stay and forgive him and be a happy person. Why continue to stay when you are not happy. It seems men who are lokked after by their wives are more of a problem than those who look after thier wives. You hubby is probably a gold digger and believe me, the day that he finds a job and has enough money to sustain himself, he will definately leave you clearly. He has no respect for you and you certainly don’t deserve him. Mother in-laws unfortunately will always side with their sons so don’t even think or beleive you had someone to defend you. They are the last people you can even go to for support in such situations.

  92. I had accepted to live with him even without a job coz we were a happy family when he had his job. Now with his behaviour I am no longer keen. He indeed has disgraced me and we shll see when I get home. It is only a matter of a very short time.

  93. #109 Mimi.I really feel sorry for you my sister.It seems you have the same problem with mr Broken-heartered(2-4).why u should do is to leave that so-called husband ofyours.Infact he is not even fit to be called a husband coz he does not provide for you.I would urge u to link up with Broken-heartered and am sure you two can make a nice couple since both of you know how it feels to be cheated.

  94. Mpezeni my brother what a way to solve a problem. Any let me offer a piece of advice to my brothers. You are free to take it or leave it. In the majority of cases in which a woman becomes unfaithful to her husband, the real reason behind that is the man himself. Men whe you encounter such check yourself. You take it for granted that satisfy your wife when in the actual sense most women will agree with me that they rarely get to the pick. Men satisfying your wife is not about how big or long your manhood is but how patient and skilful you are. Some of you do not just take the time to make your wives happy but you are more concerned about your needs. Marriage is about exchanging, let your wife

  95. cont…needs while you take of hers. I am not at all supporting women who leave their matrimonial homes to seek comfort elsewhere but I am only stating facts. Most women are able to live with this and just accept the situation without a fuss but others go out. If I were a man I think I would gain satisfaction from the realisation that I have conquered my wife in bed. A well looked after woman has no problems even to submit to her hubby, it comes automatically its ‘yebo nkhosi’. To my sisters pls try to communicate your needs to your man and work ot something. God will not excuse the infidelity. Take care all. Cherio

  96. Broken-heartered(2-4,

    Acknowledge reading your tale with sadness.Sensitive as such an experience is, i feel you need a one-to-one spiritual and social counsel with people of outstanding credibility not one of the many street conmen dressing themselves Bishop titles when their own lives are a sham. You need the counsel beside self judgment which the blog cannot just provide.Any partner in marriage who breaks the marriage vows just like that has no self respect or fear for God.It defies logic that a self respecting person in a life time covenant could strip naked for another one out of marriage.

  97. In my opinion, your wife is a wrong person to have married. With such promiscuity, your marriage is at risk of being an HIV aids one which you you should be weary about. I doubt if you had any long and open courtship to learn of such behavioral shortcomings.It helps a lot to marry after being together in a long God fearing courtship where compromise has no place before the holy matrimony. Also, family background and lines of exposure as regards friends have some bearings in the success of a marriage. Some friends are just Bakapalanganya amayanda you don’t need to draw in your lives.Such have full of malice, wedge planting and without a background.Beware and cut them off.

  98. If there is no contrition and repentance despite your big heart for healing, divorce has a moral place.I for one would never have a place or day of accommodationists gambles in the era of HIV when partner breaks our covenant just like that.Bedroom repairs at such odd hours on Fridays?.I need deliverance or brain surgery to buy that traversing alibi.

  99. Lovestone Gal! Thanks for calling me a stupid. I am not speaking on behalf of any woman coz last time I checked everyone has a mouth. U said “uletufwisha insoni fwe ba nakashi.

    I still stand by comment Yokuuba izuna!.If u gat a problem with my free speech then jump over a cliff and please do me a favor say hi to the devil while there.

    Which part of those 2 words dont u understand? Yokuuba or izuna?

    What?

  100. Broken heart, either this story is hypothetical or ur wife is rotten.
    1. How did ur wife & her lover get into the bedroom when u were in the sitting room? Does ur bedroom oen straight to the outside? Most zediam houses open into the sitting room then 2 bedrooms.
    2. Why keep used condom covers in de bedroom? For decos? Most people throw away condoms after use. I cant c anyone keeping condom covers even prostituts.
    3. Why return with police after she ran away? How far is ur house from police station? Very few police stations near homes in zed. Did police have transport to come, cops in zed never have cars @ nite even 4 life or death cases. Was the lover a cop? Story doesnt tally.Idont follo

  101. You are married and Your wife is a nurse. You have a child of 2 years. A child gets sick and dies. Few years after that your wife starts being sickly and later she is diagonised to have HIV- AIDS. You are terribly shaken and afraid and you ask your wife how she thinks she got the disease. You are told from giving injections to patients, sometimes an injection could prick her after withdrawing from a sick patient. You go for HIV test yourself and you are told you are negative – you don’t have it. After six months you go for a test again and you are told you are negative – you don’t have the disease.

    This news excites you and you plan to divorse your wife. Is this right or wrong?

  102. 130 What happened to ‘in sickness and in health?’Anyway it is a bit risky but either you use protection or abstain.There have been a lot of cases like yours which is still Medical puzzle.You might just be one of those people immune to the virus.

  103. it cant be proved whether that woman was faithful hence they is no need to stick around ukupipa wat you do not know,if i was in that position i would ask him to leave just like i would leave him if he was found positive.there is no two way about it besides the issue of saying needles used to prick her is so lame i would ask him to leave and #132in ‘sickness and in health’ is conditional suspected infidelity is not to be entertained its painful to be a victim either way.

  104. Some banakazi aren’t serious with marriage; her husband works from about 8 to 17 and in between drives children from/to school. she wakes up late, puts things disorderly in the house, doesn’t help with children’s homeworks yet she’s young, educated and works part time max 4hrs/day. Is it necessary getting married to her? It’s not only sex that make us cheat on our wives. We know that romance is as good as penetration and a woman should enjoy sex as well as a man. So we let them reach climax/pick (note lady sue #124 & 125). But honestly marriage is more than sex; good parenting, wife obeying husband, parents doing together to educate their children academically, socially, behaviour wise etc

  105. Just got back home mwami…ukasende impili mpli and shove it ku things and close dat thing with superglue…akasambilila….*****

  106. #134, before you rash to condemn wives, take a look at your own life and analyse how much of the bad you are contributing to the marriage. The problem is that most husbands are semi-Gods who need to be honoured and obeyed even when they dont do anything to deserve this honour. Wake up and smell the coffee bro. Marriage is a two-way system, you get what you you put in: gabbage-in-gabbage-out. Most men who sleep around think they are very clever but more often than not, their wives are also cheating on them big time. Its take a lot to push a woman into opening her heart (and legs) to another man, and most (note most) wives who cheat are forced into that circumstance but their hubbies

  107. Everytime I sleep with my husband I end up being consumed by thoughts of sleeping with other men; WHY? Because my dear husband ejaculates exactly 17 seconds after penetration (I count the seconds each time and he’s never gone beyond 17 seconds). When I talked to him about it (nicely), he went and got drunk and threatened to rape me. So now I just open my legs and count the seconds, tik,tok,tik,tok…! I love my husband but I feel that the more we have sex the more I will ultimately end up cheating on him (I dont think about other men until I’ve had sex with hubby); so should l just suspend having sex so that I can remain faithful to hubby or what? Please help

  108. Confused wife #137 how do you expect to enjoy sex when you just concentrate on counting the seconds during the act?? Even if you come to me, I will take 10 minutes before I ejaculate, but you wont enjoy it beacuse your mind will be busy counting the minutes away.

  109. Only 21yrs and ma boyfrd keep on shouting at mi dat i wont grow up just bcoz i dont seem to enjoy sex all i feel is pain. i have done it 3 times in my life but there is no change.help mi.

  110. to all men i say,women are hard to impress,you have money no sex she will cheat.sex no education she will cheat.give her over dose of sex she will runaway and complain of abuse.if she is not educated send her to college,90% cheat.if you dont go to church with her,you are giving your pastor.oh before you marry she will pretend to be clean,after a year get ready to clean alone.lastly before marrying she will pretend to love your relatives,marry,she will only entertain hers.oh 99% of people in marriage are not happy,the only consolation is that it reduces HIV/AIDS.

  111. Been following comments from most of our women on this blog i.e Mercy and Maria and am surprised that they tend to condone ubucende.let me educate u little girls.There is a bemba saying which sates that ‘UBUCENDE MWAMWAUME TABONAULA iNGANDA’ and this is true.A man’s infidelity does not destroy a mariage unless when taken too much.But this is different for women-A woman can not marry two wives but a man can.It is easier for a promiscuous married woman to get HIV coz after all its men who decide whether to use a condom or ot period.So u so-called modern girls shut up and go back to the old god days when women used to kneel b4 there hubbys and mariages usd to last.

  112. 2-4 My son do the right thing now.Chase that prostitute from your house before its too late otherwise she is a contaminated lady with other men’s semen.

  113. A man ejaculates and sperms go out of men.A woman receives and sperms will remain in her pusy for a long time until monthly period so ladies remain contaminated while men are cleaned out of there messy by women.

  114. Iam proud to be a man and not a woman because women are naturally dirty no matter how many times they bath.

  115. Women are dirty and thats why every month they have periods to remove all the dirty stuff out.oooooh gosh

  116. Anyway but i love women and dont get me wrong its just that at times its better to tell the truth.

  117. Why cant the GOVT formulate laws so that those who wilfully infect other partners with HIV AIDS can be jailed.Most men and women have contracted HIV through marriages and i think the sooner these laws are passed the better.will also reduce the impact of HIV-AIDS

  118. Sorry blogers for my bad comments about women its only that am really annoyed with women of nowadays.I apologise unreservedly to all the women folk who may have been offended by my postings.

  119. Form two Failure, what were you thinking of when writing your comments? Think of your mother who brought you into this world, can you insult her like that honestly. Women are not the same, if you were dissappointed by one or two, then you dont have to generalize your insults. Please, lets make constuctive comments that will help those in need. This is not an insult palour.

  120. #134 shame on you, that’s why you don’t learn. Its the pomposity such as yours. What guarantee have you that you satisfy your wife. with your attitude am sure your wife is cursing inside her each time you abuse her. Take a closer look desparate man. Women know more than you do that there is more to marriage than sex and you know it. Grow up and be man enough.

  121. #150 you are not wise and the nae you use suits you. Cage your mouth before you become blasphemous and God will deal with. I thought a woman’s monthly cyle was taught to you b4 you dropped out of school. So your mother or your wife is a toilet coz those the closest women to you and you understand them better than any other woman. You are such a stupid *****.

  122. Form 2 Failure, no wonder you are a Form 2. Dont insult women like that jusr as #149 has said your mama is a woman so her included in your insults. That thing between your legs comes out with some dirt and even if you wash demons cannot be washed so watch what you say!

  123. #150 On behalf of mothers, you are forgiven my son bcoz we zed women have motherly heart. But let me give you a motherly advice, next time wash your mouth before opening it, bcoz it surely stinks.

  124. #152-154,The guy has apologised why are u insulting him.You have no maners even you young ladies.Learn to forgive.

  125. Why cant the GOVT formulate laws so that those who wilfully infect other partners with HIV AIDS can be jailed.Most men and women have contracted HIV through marriages and i think the sooner these laws are passed the better.will also reduce the pevalence of HIV-AIDS

  126. #157 WHY ARE REPEATING THE SAME THING WHICH YOU SAID IN #148 ABOVE? SIR WE HEARD YOU FIRST TIME DONT WASTE OUR PRECIOUS READING SAME MESG TWICE.

  127. #158 i supose my contribution is more important and needs some discussion.Why do u guys like discussing trivial issues other han what have tabulated in #157

  128. 156 We can only forgive geniune apologies not a mockery. No sane person can open their mouth like that and within a short while apologise unless he is mocking. Such insults hurt you know, eccept you men have a tendency of defending each other even when you know you re wrong.

  129. # 156. Nshimpundu and Form 2 Failure are one and the same person.
    On behalf of all Zambian men i appologize for his bad mouth, and he has since appologised.

  130. Anonymous, may be no one is interested in your comment. Just keep it to yourself I guess or worse still answer yourself. Don’t worry we’ll be watching you.

  131. Can you all concentrate on the issue at hand! Leave the guy alone thats what he thinks of women. May be he is gay!

  132. #157 The UK has such a law but people still infect others knowingly.You get 5 years for causing grievious bodily harm.
    Other people just do not have a conscious to use protection.Nowadays it is better to use protection if you cannot abstain and only go live after both of you have been given an all clear.

  133. we do not have fact whether this story is an assumption or a reality but we can believe that someone somewhere might be passing thru this similar situation.the presented issue focuses on a woman we have not heard on how a man conducts himself.the truth of the matter is we have men and woman in the same category.a man is a leader in the house.where he leads his house thats where it will go.if you lead you house in a faithful and lovable manner the house will folow it in that way.if a wife goes out with other men,it means there must be something wrong in that house with the husband and vice vesa.the way you treat your spouse matters.it can make you spouse stay with you or sleep with other men.

  134. cont…faithfulness and love is what marriage people needs.as an individaul you must ask yourself a question,’how will i feel if i found my wife or my husband sleeping with other men or women?’no one would want to see that happen to him or her.so if i would not be happy to see my wife or my husband to sleep around,same applies he/she will not be happy to see me sleeping around.feel for each other.give the best to your spouse and you will receive the best from him/her.finally,both universal and Biblical (religious)laws gives you a right to devorce an adulterous spouse. there is nothing like ubuchnde bwamwaume tabuto ng’anda.be commited to each other.reach me on [email protected]

  135. cont…yes point 9 must be pray together.for those who work from far places like me remember to be intouch with you spouse.communication is very important whether you are in the same house or you are studying or working far away.what your spouse needs is not degrees or millions of kwacha but she needs you.even if you cant see your faces at that moments let her feels that you are with her.let her feel that she is part of you.when you spouse feels s/he belongs to you and feel safe,your marriage will stay no matter how many miles or years you can be apart as long as you can reachout the heart of your partner.dont make your spouse feel that you have forgotten about him/her coz s/he will go away

  136. Form 2 I know what you are trying to do, bring up a hot debate. Its fine, only if you have nothing to do. Ivo vama Gay is big, and am sure now that you’ve started it I’ll find it tomorrow being discussed.

  137. Pse dont judge its my life and i enjoy to be gay.I hope sooon we shall be allowed to marry in Zambia like our colleagues in Europe.I mean Civil partnership.

  138. Married gays should also be given equal rights as man and woman.I hope our future generation will recognise this.

  139. If you are then you must have a big nose, big boobs, kinky hair, dark in complexion, and a deep voice. Cute ones don’t talk like you.

  140. 175 you are not only a brat but a tweet and bastard, what makes you think you have the right to insult the women and not want youself to be insulted. If it hurts you why did you start it. Stupid *****. You need to have your head examined and had your mother not produced you should have run mad. wecipunsya we shaa.

  141. what does the bible say about peodophilia and homosexuals asshole you are even in the for front propagating incest and immorality COZ UR HUSBAND NIMBWAFYE infact the government should ban all these NGO’s filled up with people who nt even sh#@t you are a disgrace pick careers were you no you will help people not balekweba problem ulelanda ifya busushifye mwefisushimwe u should be ashamed YOU WILL NEVER CROSS were are these people lair,max and ardonis they should be helping us here they seem to have an idea CHIHULE IWE ATASE muletontankaya PUSSYOLE.

  142. #2 sorry my brother that you are still with this woman.It happened to me also.

    I was in marriage for 11years and my wife had a boyfriend in Lusaka when I was working on the copperbelt in Zambia.

    She would ask for permission to visit her parents in Lusaka and Alas the whole period she would spend it with her married boyfriend.The solution is divorce and with time you will be healed of the pain.

  143. 130,the issue you have brought is real.some statistic shows that in the early days of HIV/AIDS alot of nurses got it.in europe alot of them got it when treating sick people.we have seen alot of zambian docs.and nurses going to uk when coming back home are HIV +ve some contracted it accedentally when giving injections or during surgical oper.when someone is sick thats the time they need care most.if the investigation shows that s/he got it while saving other lives,save her life too.if she is your wife then sick professional advise how you two can live.we have people getting HIV at accident scenes(blood contact).reaserch more about HIV cases…

  144. After divorce I have continued to support my 4 boys and thank God my first born is finishing secondary and my second born is in grade 9.

    I am happily married and working abroad. I now happy with my family abroad.

    my advise is a leopard whether soaked in water the spots will still be there. so forget about this woman.

  145. man learn to satisfy yo woman. dont just off u r done and expect this game to go on 4 years. Take take with foul ply, kissing, know y woman’s body otherwise when u come from abraod, workshop, trip, serminar, bar wherever ukasanga bakwaafwa

    brokenheart didnt tell us if he satisfied his wife???? did she reach orgasm all the time or at least once in a while?

  146. hey #187.women r difficult creatures man.they know hw to pretend so tht makes it difficult 4 one to tell whether her lady reaches orgasm wit him.otherwise hw wud u tell she does?tho sex involves much more than jus penetration i guess u need enough foreplay b4 u cn penetrate her.

  147. lets get this topic running. Ladies if u feel me lets tell these men what they have been missing all these years. Men u think sex is all about beads, small/tight V, hot body, dancing and lifting u up? Noooooooo brothas u need to lift your game up coz its more than a woman pleasing u. I have been with ‘some’ brothas who made me yawn yes I said it yawn plain boring and I sworn to my self never to get married to any of them. I dont care how big yo thing is….people dont get me started.

  148. Just what I said at #123. Its not about the size of your manhood coz your ladies womanhood will adjust to any size. Its patience and skill and interest in satisfying your woman.. That way she will be yours forever.

  149. ladies and gents it really pains me to note that the institution of marriage has been reduced to sex only.Marriage means more than sex.Sex is just a part of marriage.A marriage where there is no happiness,sex will also not be enjoyable.Therefore dont just rush into sex before examining how ur marriage has been.Nowonder why ifyupo tafilekokwela coz u chaps are marrying for wrong reasons.Watch the movie entitled (why did we get married by Tyler perry’s).

  150. May you please read this attentively. A blood covenant is the strongest covenant God has ever created. Thats why Jesus shed his blood for our salvation, redemption and deliverence. When a man erects, and a woman is ready for sex, its blood that flows to the penis and clitoris. Sex is a blood covenant, hence a strong covenant. When you have sex with a woman/man you have made a covenat with him/her. Many demons are passed through sexual intercorse. I see that many people rather fear AIDS not knowing that the demons that are passed through sex corrupts your destiny and lead you poverty, AIDS, disease etc. You are not cleaver
    Bretheran do not be deceived, God can not be mocked. See Continuatio

  151. I am here in the States and i saw a man casted out a demon from Japan and china. The demons spoke chinese and japanese, yet this guy is Zambian. The pastor asked him how many chinese/japanese girl friend that he had slept with and there were many. He thought he was cleaver to enjoy the Asians yet he had a good collection of demons from all over. Bretheren, cheating makes you misarable in your future. Stick to your wife, pray that everything will work out. You can even pray and fast for your marriage bed and see what happens when the Lord touches you….jito jito and your love increases and your destiny widens. Fear God and love your neighbour!

  152. You are married and Your wife is a nurse. You have a child of 2 years. A child gets sick and dies. Few years after that your wife starts being sickly and later she is diagonised to have HIV- AIDS. You are terribly shaken and afraid and you ask your wife how she thinks she got the disease. You are told from giving injections to patients, sometimes an injection could prick her after withdrawing from a sick patient. You go for HIV test yourself and you are told you are negative – you don’t have it. After six months you go for a test again and you are told you are negative – you don’t have the disease.

    You are afraid to catch this disease and you want to divorce. Is this right or wrong?

  153. I think sex is #1 in marriage coz u will leave with that person forever right? Well! U gats to do it good, when I say good as a woman I expect 2 reach cloud 9 every now & then. No skills required but a man needs to know all the contours of my body or aleast some. Most zed men just jump off & go, women don’t fake, tell him where 2 touch olo what 2 do. Muzambofela muvikwati no zuune!

  154. #195. You are the ONE!!!!!! Until people realise the covenants that they make each time they sleep with someone, marriages will forever be miserable, men will always think sex is better somewhere else and PA LAST…destinys are collapsed. Sex results in joining of souls and you become one in the spirit and share the good, bad and ugly! Many great men have altered their destinies because of spirits and demons they inherited. May the mercy of God open people to see beyond Mosi,shabeen and sharing the virus as if its about to go out of fashion. ladies wait till marriage, and pray and fast for your marriage bed with your spouse…do not be unequaly yoked. Know no man by the flesh

  155. Dear Friend,I’d like to ask you a few questions. Be open and honest with yourself as you answer them…Have you ever met a guy who seemed to be “Mr. Right”, but after getting to know him better you could tell that he just didn’t feel that same level of “connection” you felt?You were attracted to him, but he just wasn’t into you the same way you were into him?In your mind, you could sense what a great guy he was, and that, somewhere deep inside, you both shared this strong “chemistry” that made you feel close and comfortable. But for some reason he didn’t want to truly connect with you.

  156. Have you ever slept with a guy very quickly after meeting him, but as it started to happen you got that sinking feeling in your stomach? You knew it was a mistake, but you did it anyway. And then the thing you KNEW would happen actually happened: He unexplainably disappeared from your life. Honestly, have you ever had this happen?Of course, the worst part wasn’t that it happened, but that you KNEW you shouldn’t have done it in the first place,but you did it anyway.Have you ever dated a great guy for a long time.I’m talking about six months, twelve months, or even longer… and it was getting to the point where you needed to have “the talk” with him. But when you tried to bring up the topic o

  157. But when you tried to bring up the topic of having a relationship and making a bigger commitment, his eyes just glazed over.and then he became distant from you.and the relationship ended soon after?

  158. You were trying to get CLOSER to him, and somehow he kept moving farther AWAY from you.I’m guessing that when one of these things happened, your girlfriends said things like:”He’s just a jerk, forget about him”.Or they said: “He doesn’t see the mistake he’s making or what he’ll be missing”. But he never seemed to see these mistakes.or even miss you.And the worst part of all: You kept thinking about it.In fact, it really GOT TO YOU. And I’ll bet the REASON why it got to you is because you worried that it might have been something to do with YOU (and not just because he was a total jerk).In fact, TO THIS DAY you still have the feeling that YOU may have done something wrong, and that you may ha

  159. TO THIS DAY you still have the feeling that YOU may have done something wrong, and that you may have CAUSED some of the problems in the first place… and if you would have known the RIGHT thing to do, things would have turned out differently.Unfortunately, the bad news is that you’re probably right.Chances are you DID have something to do with it, and things probably WOULD have turned out differently if you would have known how to deal with the situation.You COULD have done something about it.if only you had known WHAT to do.

  160. be faithful,commited,torelant,understanding to each other and focus on buiding your relationship dont on negative issues consider the good side of your relationship and be happy all times

  161. #202-207…..I really dont get your point. I was expecting you to give a more detailed piece of advice. 207 does not answer the questions being asked in your postings 202-206.

  162. Ali one Zambia one nation…I tried to make sense in what u r trying to say and this is my 2 cents. I have been in similar situations as the ones u narrated and they were LOSERS.

  163. What do women want in a relationship? When you tell a girl/woman that you love her and you want her in a relationship and she agrees to that proposal, does that mean she loves you also or she is looking at the material things you have? How do girls fall in love to men?

  164. ooo by the way your so called BISHOP DAN PULE HAS MARRIED AGAIN GOD forgive us these pastors nowander there is a lot of chitting in today marrieges if pators are in the forfront commitind adultery the deffinately jesus is about to cime

  165. Ba BZM, Are you kidding me? do some typo and not make up words like chiTTing, no Wander, Forfront, deFFinately, Cime. This is outrageous for an adult to make simple mistakes over and over in one sentence.

  166. In my search to find a woman. I’ve been dating this lady for a year now. She’s a humble nurse. I would like to marry her. Now one thing that offends me alot is the smell from her vagina. Honestly speaking I haven’t told her about it for fear of offending her as you may be aware ladies are sensitive to such things. One wonders what could be the cause of such a smell. Is it dirty or disease? What should I do?

  167. #215, dont panic, it could be a very common bacterial infection treated easily with anti-bacterial medicines.

  168. #215 so it seems ur already commiting adultery before marriage.Nowonder baice bandi ifyupo tafilekokwela.Dont miuse the word dating.As long as u are engaged in a sexual relaionship with a girl ninshi chupo and not dating.Dating should noot involve sex.Wait until u get married then u shall enjoy her.But if u start sleeping with her before marriage then by the time u marry her u will startlooking for sex elsewhere.

  169. #216 Thanks for the advise. I thought her being a nurse by profession, could have already done that for herself. It’s putting me off. Sometimes I just think of quitting relationship.
    #217 I also hope you know the difference between adultery and fornication and I hope you didn’t commit neither of them before you married. Good day.

  170. 216 Ba shushushu bamudala
    r u a doctor now. I thought u said u were an economist. aslo an engineer.
    215 don’t listen to bamudala ba shushuhsu there is nothing that can be done with an infested swamp apart from draining it.

  171. Kwena umusebanya!!!!!!. #218 if you rally love this woman you should have found a way of letting her know. Who knows maybe you are the one who even infected her with that problem. There are certain infections that men give to women that do not manifest in a man but do in women. Be an honarable man and do the right thing. Also ask God to forgive your fornication regardless of whether the people advising you did it or not.It is still wrong and a sin to God. Take care.

  172. You KC #219,
    can you stop stalking me around LT. You seem to be attracted to my posts only. You do not know me to call me Mudala
    In anycase i will not engadge in an insult match with you.

  173. #220 Thanks for that ma’am. I hope you’re not trying to be sensitive. I remember from the very beginning this lady used to spray perfumes in her beddings until when I complained (I’m allergic to perfumes). Now comes the big masked thing which I can’t say out or handle. I was wondering what sort of lifestyle of perfumes or maybe I’m too primitive. Now what type of a disease that cant be cured. AIDS? The last time I checked my HIV status was -ve.

  174. 222 If you love her as you say you do and I tend to believe you coz you sound sober, try tho hard as it maybe to discuss it with her and support her in trying to get medical help. If she fails to appreciate your help then hard luck and in any case I think that dialogue and seeking medical attention is the only way forward becoz if not I do not see you living with that problem as it gets on your nerves.If all fails you may just have to say your painful goodbyes, but do your part.

  175. #217 give correct advice; what is adultery? Advise #215 that the Bible says no sex before marriage. That theory of “sleeping with her before marriage then by the time u marry her u will start looking for sex elsewhere” is man-made.

  176. You need to advise and not insulting each other.What are the solutions to these problems we have at the moment.so far no one has impressed me with your mails.Change people you are adults!!!!!..Trusting your partner maybe…

  177. I eat the similar APPLE, it’s cool…but you all know what happened later, it brought problems a none starter guys i even feel ashamed.I’m sorry to you all, i wish you listened from your parents as well.

  178. whats is this offensive smell with zambian ladies? somebady help please? is it the same smell other people refer to when they say that ladies from up north and countries like Somali have an alluring smell?

  179. there is an offensive smell that comes after the act. worse its so offensive that i have to use toilet paper to remove rubber. This is the third lady that have encountered with a similar odor.

  180. try changing the gearbox oil, ehh , go down and lick. you will always love it. Its Afrkan musk. The only way to love it is to lick.

  181. since Apostle and pastor pule is changing wives like clothes, he may be in the better position to give reasons for the smells.

  182. I think we are going off track a little bit. The main point of this thread is to identify why people cheat and how to avoid or fix it. Most of the women bloggers agreed that “we” are not really satisfied sexually. Let me para phase that line “I” feel sometimes men are in a hurry or are the only ones who reach cloud 9.

    About the odor, am not sure which shops in zed carry anti-fungal creams, feminine wash etc. The heat contributes too, panty liners are verrrry expensive. Some men force some women to extremes to make ‘Vajejes’ small so mulya mumiti side effects-smells! Alagizi should prep women to properly clean other than JUST HOW TO PLEASE MEN!

    Oh P.S
    Semen contributes too

  183. 235 we are here and just suprised at some nonsence some men can bring out. I don’t thin the person who brought this topic is even a man. I am sure its a boy whose been sleeping with young girls who do not know how to clean themselves or he has been targeting prostitutes who have no time to clean themselves and jump from one man to the next. It is the stale semen from the previous clients that stinks. My dear Mary I beg to differ with you over the use of feminine was and the like unless you have an infection. Our parents never had those things and they did not stink. Water is a remedy to so many things, the men who expect their ladies to have small vaginas are just failures becoz they do …

  184. …not have the skills to take a woman to cloud 9 so they find excuses. Why is it that we never force them to enlarge their manhoods. Men grow up and take responsibility. If some of your mothers had to see the kind of insults you subject them to, they would weep and curse the day you were born.

  185. Margie thanks girl for those wise vibes walasa! esp.”sleeping with young girls who do not know how to clean themselves or he has been targeting prostitutes who have no time to clean themselves and jump from one man to the next”

    However on the feminine wash…the traditional soap is ok though these days there are non harsh and natural intimate cleansing soaps which r alternative to traditional soap and water which remove odor causing bacteria. I agree with ya that our folks used water and soap but the world is changing just like we r blogging now to share ideas.

  186. To all those complaining of bad odor. Ever heard of Bacterial Vaginosis (BV). It is the disordering of the chemical and biological balance of the normal flora (germs) in the vagina. It is not an STI. Can also affect virgins. Symptoms are abnormal vaginal discharge especially after sex with a unpleasant fishy smell. Treatment is flagyl and other preparations mentioned above though it may reoccur. For more info check Wikipedia. I hope this helps.

  187. Bravo Clinician!

    Last time I heard about Wikipedia.com it was not a reliable source.

    I think webmd.com is better.

  188. Ba clinician. What u mean treatment is Flagyl? What is the dosage? Do u drink or insert it? dont prescribe things here

  189. Ladies,please don’t take this personal,it is true there are some women who smell so bad!,down there that it almost makes one want to puke.And some of them are beautiful,educated and decent too!If you reading this and you are a lady,just make it a point not to fall into this bracket.
    Any smell,either oral or of the privys is just not very attractive and it doesn’t enhance the desire to perfom the act to the fullest in some of us who understand well the need to fulfil this obligation.
    No hard feelings ladies,just mind.Love ya’

  190. Women need to have regular check ups i.e having High Vaginal Swabs(HVS) and Pap smears done.I think our sister need to go to the Hospital and have her checked thouroghly.She could be having cervical cancer.So a pap smear may be helpful in this case,thats if they have tried antifungal and antibiotics.

    Yeasts(candiasis)also occurs due to prolonged use of Pads.So women should ensure that Pads are changed regularly.

    Need also to put on well fitting pants and not too tight ones to allow free air circulation.

  191. Lusaka Times (LT), where is my advice to #2 that I posted in the early hours of today? LT, I think you need to edit and fine tune your website so that contributions people make get posted without disappearing. Remember that blog sites thrive on having dedicated visitors or bloggers like us.

  192. ok peeps enough of Vagina smells! What r we doing about our men failing to satisfy us? I have one tip, men take tiiiiiiiiiime to kiss your woman not biting.

  193. #250 lol….although I wonder what kind of men you have been kissing my sista that have been biting!

    To the men: I thought the ‘smell’ is an aphrodsiac, apparently some of you dont like your ladies smelling of perfumes, talcs etc

  194. DENVER – The evangelist forced out of his job after being caught up in a sex scandal involving a male prostitute has left a “spiritual restoration program” and no longer has any ties to the megachurch he founded, the congregation’s new pastor said Sunday.Under a severance deal that Ted Haggard reached with the church in 2006, he agreed to leave Colorado Springs and not talk about the scandal publicly. The deal expired at the end of 2007. New pastor Brady Boyd said Haggard was now free to live where he wanted and has returned to Colorado Springs.

  195. They have moved back and they live in the original house that they lived in for many years,” Boyd said of Haggard and his wife, Gayle.

    Haggard answered the telephone at his Colorado Springs telephone number on Sunday and confirmed he was in the city but said he couldn’t talk to reporters.
    He was fired in 2006 as pastor of the 14,000-member church he established, after a former male prostitute alleged they had a cash-for-sex relationship. The man also said he saw Haggard use methamphetamine.
    Haggard, who also stepped down as president of the National Association of Evangelicals, confessed to undisclosed “sexual immorality” and said he bought meth but didn’t use it.

  196. Haggard then moved to Phoenix with his family to begin what church leaders called a spiritual restoration program, which was expected to include counseling and prayer and last five years or longer. Boyd said Haggard asked to released from the restoration program in January and is no longer connected with New Life.
    Haggard and church officials clashed last summer after Haggard sent an e-mail to a Colorado Springs television station outlining his plans to work as a counselor at a Christian-run halfway house in Phoenix. The e-mail also solicited financial support.
    A four-pastor team of overseers said that those plans were unacceptable and that Haggard would seek secular employment instead

  197. Boyd said Haggard was in private business but didn’t have any further details. He said there were no plans for him to work again at New Life.

    The New Life Church was the site of a shooting in December in which two sisters were killed after a gunman fatally shot two people at a mission center in suburban Denver.

  198. thanks people. guess i will need to sit down with my woman and discusss the odor. hope she will be accomodating enough not to feel belittled or embarrassed about it. Thanks once more fellow zedians

  199. #259 You said all four women had the same odor. It would be your semen that produces that bad odor not the four women you slept with – impossible! BWANA HAVE YOUR SEMEN CHECKED!!

  200. 223 Woman
    Your just can’t minus saying thanks. Though it was quite a sensitive issue. Br mititi came in aggressive but now he has come to his senses. I think what was lucking was information on our part as men and secretiveness on our female folk. Thanks as well to the clinician, laboratory scientist and somewhat Maria for shading more light. I sit with my lady. Stay well.

  201. I have to tell you the truth my brothers and sisters in Christ.That is why i keep changing these women i could not with stand the strong smell.Maybe my newly dear will smell fresh…i have to pray for now…..

  202. Zambian men are failing to handle the fact that our women are cheating also!!Our women are now empowered,have great jobs,travel and have social lives outside of the yard!!This situation obtains in developed countries and that is why adultery is now so rife…in fact women in these countries are not looking to marriage for any sort of security and are doing rather well without it!Very soon Zambia will have more & more single successful women who “call the shots” Its so amusing to see how us men are coping with this natural evolution within the institution of marriage!!

  203. Cheating is a disease.I know of men and women who cheat and yet they have everything.It has nothing to do with what you are lacking.It has everything to do with what you believe.Yes,I need to satisfy my wife.But,if she is “sick” she needs a Doctor,period.

  204. its a known fact that men have more or less always “cheated”!the problem i have is the fact that women want to compete with the menfolk and feel they can do the same.The solution is not “getting even” but re-defining what we want in a relationship.I’ve always had problems with the myth that men should be monogamous as history shows they have NEVER been…the Bible provides the best examples of mens polygamous ways!Bonking outside marriage/relationships results in no prizes but results in heartache & pain! my view is that we need to involve our spouses in all that we do,use them as a deterrent

  205. when we go to the pub, find more family oriented activities.things like Friday “ndekelako” should stop..it should now be “weekend yaisa twalaya kwi BONSE!!”With the advent of diseases we really have to “calm down” stop trying to outdo each other and instead work together!!In the competition between men and women there are no winners…everybody loses!!I do not profess to have all the answers nor do i take a holier than thou stance…but i am as we should all be interested in a workable strategy…any comments/suggestions fellow bloggers??

  206. i fully concur wit yo suggestion #271.lets nt try to prove wat we r capable of doing to our patners.lets try to do everything togather and consult each other wen u r tek any stance.this way mayb things cn work out.

  207. I do concur with both #271 and 272. Indeed the bible is clear and straight forward about results of infidelity. The truth of the matter is that, those women who have joined the cheating business (not to say it is right) have done so in response to what their spouces have subjected them. It takes quite some doing to drive a woman into extra marital affairs. A well looked after and appreciated woman will always stick to her man and honor him. Ladies, pls those of you who resorted to joining the menfolk in this demeaning business take some time to critically look at yourselves and think whether it is really worth it. My opinion is that in a relationship where the man is perpetually cheasing …

  208. …other women, it is better to just pack you things and go due to the risk of disease than to join him. It is really devaluing oneself to go into such hedious activities. Men feel they have a right to have more than one woman and if you re married to such a one, its better to let go if all effort fails. For men (those who are in that category and they are the majority am afraid) we only pray to God who created you to recreate in you human hearts.

  209. men have flings on the side..even “chudren” but few ever intend to leave their wives…unfortunately our women are doing the same..they have no intention of leaving us & the children but only have flings becoz 1. they can & 2. absent husbands have made it easy!! we men have to counsel each other just as women need to as well…if we don’t do each other this favour the future is indeed bleak for us all!!there is nothing cool about having a squeeze on the side…its dangerous,selfish and downright irresponsible. Lets all just go back to the basics

  210. Broken Hearted…..! You are not the most man and surely you steps have not that “PERFECT” Therefore like the pipo advising you to ask her to Go for VCT supposing shez negative… Must he take her back? And if Today she admitted and asked for forgiveness Must he take her Back? Lets notv be Sex animals and destroy what we have built on for so long, something valueable “Family”( Children) all for a 5minutes pleasure or maybe 81/2 minutes in “Secretive sex……” I dare not attempt to condenm both your wife and you(Broken Hearted) as not until she hear your wife stroy if shez to share with us the bloggers what went wrong….. Maybe after……. all…. One Love and For Love we Live!!!

  211. Pardon, My grammer errors in my last comments….Shizungu can be hard to write…….Its about time we challenged the status quo..of giving permission to Men to violet the marriage prinicples of faithfulness and “a man of One wife”
    Its sad that Broken Hearted you are going through this but flip the pages and hear the voices of oour many mothers and young wives crying and praying secrectly that our fathers and their husdands come home. They have tried to change their hair styles, Cookiing habits, attended women conferences, blished their skills but still our fathers and their Husbands are not coming home. God Come down with Deliverance. Men and Fathers homes need u. huth u ROCK!!! 1luv

  212. Let me give you good advice broken hearted. Its simple, that woman has flouted the rules of the game. Women are divorced on suspicion and u? U caught her red handed. I will be frank with you, its not easy to divorce someone you love especially that that this is one person you always thot u wud spend the rest of your life with. Devorce her, it wont be easy yes. But sometimes we need to think with our heads and not hearts. It will take long to heal if at all it will heal but its the right thing to do. Divorce her with head not your heart. As for your wife am comming for her shortly…

  213. Dear Mrs Broken hearted,

    You stupid, ungrateful, shameful, dim, thick, brainless witch. If only you knew what you have done to this man. May your soul burn in hell. May you grow unripe grapes on your forehead.You are very lucky I have to go but am not finished with you am coming for you you promiscuous piece of flesh in a skirt mascaraing as a wife.

  214. MAN OF THE MONTH you are one in a million (make that 6million) zambian men. Its good to last long becoz that way you satisfy your women (which is what most men fail to do). But there is a limit to that too. If you go on for 2 hours you will only end up making your woman sore as she will have dried up. And for your own information, women are experts are faking it. But why are you sleeping with so many women? AIDS hellow??

  215. WHAT COULD BE AN AVERAGE TIME? I NORMALLY RANGE BETWEEN 15 TO 45 MINUTES NON STOP.IF ITS OVERNITE ON FRIDAY THIS TREND CAN REPEATED 2 TO 3 TIMES .OR MAYBE THE GIRLFRIENDSI I HAVE DATED ARE JUST WEAK.I DO NOT USE ANY HERBS OR DRUGS AND I HAVE NEVER USED THEM. I DELAYED IN HAVING SEX. MY FIRST DATE WAS WHEN I WAS 25 YEARS.282 ABOVE- I DONT SLEEP MANY BUT MY CURRENT ONE NORMALLY GET TOO TIRED THAT I AM SATISFIED. WHAT IS THE WAY FORWARD. MAY BE I NEED FAT AND TALL ONE TO EQUAL THIS?

  216. #283, 15-45 minutes is ok. But its also a matter of what exactly you are doing during that time. Its not all about bumping and grinding bro! If you keep the intimacy going during that whole time, like touching, kissing etc, then you should be on the right track. As for your current girlfriend, ask her to join a gym so she can up her stamina. And tell her shes lucky to have a man who can hold it for that long, most of us are wallowing in sex-poverty courtsey of one-minute husbands. Good luck

  217. Man of the month, that makes the two of us. Am just as good. I dont use herbs neither and I call myself a natural. I fail to believe that there are men who can fail to satisfy a woman. Thats the easiest thing in the world. By the way am circumcised. I am blessed with a titanic but unlike its for my woman only.

  218. Man of the month, that makes the two of us. Am just as good. I dont use herbs neither and I call myself a natural. I fail to believe that there are men who can fail to satisfy a woman. Thats the easiest thing in the world. By the way am circumcised. I am blessed with a titanic but unlike you its for my woman only.

  219. Man of the Month.

    Maybe what you can do is allow you girfriend to caress you longer before you start acting. That way you will not need to have direct contact as you move on youy journey to cloud 9.

    Try it.If you still fail tonight (hope your girfriend is around today). I give you more nints tomorrow.

  220. THANKS FOR THE ADVICE. I USE IT TODAY AND TAKE MY WIFE TO A GYM.
    TWO HEADS A BETTER THAN ONE. GOODYE

  221. Man of the Month…as per custom i won’t be as graphic as my more forward comrades on LT. My advice to you is sit down and have a serious chat with your partner.Find out EXACTLY what is expected of you and in turn, be gracious enough to reciprocate.Find some commonality of purpose and technique and you may find what you consider a problem is easily solved! Dialogue,dialogue,dialogue..you can’t go wrong with open hearted and genuine dialogue..especially when the issue involves the gymnastics of your intimacy with your partner!

  222. Very sad indeed.The same happened to me by then i was @ collage when my lover was busy dating someone.Iwas told of it by concerned guys but never beleived coz i loved her that much until such a time when i just caught her myself with this guy.Then we stopped seeing eachother till this year.Just take time girls are just the same every where.hope God ll help you in making up this.

  223. Well, it interesting how men have lamented this quite isolated case of a woman being so unfaithful. My point is do you now realise what the majority o us women go thru when the majority of you men cheat on us??? Men’s infidelity is common place wherever you and you have even coined such sayings as “ubucende bwa mwaume tabonaula n’ganda” or is a woman a less human being who is not supposed by what the man does? Men stop and think what pain you have been causing to women. Now that it seems to be happening to men all hell has broken loose. It also hurts us when we are cheated, we just have big hearts. To those of you who have cheated your wives before and now you find yourselves being cheated..

  224. Its sad that we have so many ignorant people regarding sexuality of the female. To you uneducated faggots and imbeciles a woman’s body discharges an astounding bodily aroma that some of you call smell, in order to attract males. Now if you cant stand the heat stay away from the kitchen and stop insulting god’s best gift to man. I Cannot live without that incredible scent and thats why i can have my cake and eat it too! Yammy!

  225. #137(tic toc tic) & 139( only 21) i saw your contribution too late but would like to chime in anyway. Making love is a 2-way street and takes two to tango. You cannot just lie down there like a robot counting away the seconds and daydreaming about the boy next door nor can you,only 21, just lie there being inflicted a painful humping. Be active participants and make attempts to read on the topic and educate your partners to become lovers the way you desire to be made love to. Sometimes just lie down or share baths and play and explore each other’s bodies.The rest will come naturally!

  226. men pliz be the great givers dont just mess up a woman and there u dress up ,2 seconds twakana thats why woman look out for 45min and more.

  227. I have noticed that when people talk about sex or be it love making from the point of view of satisfaction, the emphasis is on satisfying women. Do you women realize that in as much as you want to be satisfied, we also want the same satisfaction. I would like to believe that a situation where both are satisfied is the most sought after and I believe this is very simple to achieve if there is a lot of understanding and a consensus is reached between the two. Problems begin if one couple begins to be greedy. I will tell that I once had a girlfriend whom I could take my time kissing, touching her and taking her slowly until she climaxes. But immediately she climaxes she is no longer interested

  228. Cont..

    This can be so frustrating especially that you’ve gone all the way to please her. Now you ladies tell me why I should not be a 10 seconds man the next time I make love to her. After all a woman cannot compete with a man in as far as the record time to climax is concerned. So dont just mourn and lebel us all those names. We have a background.

  229. the greatest problem is that “intimate discussions” between husband and wife never take place…men are more at ease complaining to “the girl next door” as opposed to the wife!!Men and now women, are more at ease “exploring their sensuality” with everyone else but their partners.Until such a time as couples can freely discuss their wants and needs WITHIN the home “away games” will feature prominently on the fixtures list!!

  230. 296 Easy E, you are an amateur my dear. Climaxing should be done at the same time or just a few minutes difference. Just like you as men, when you ejeculate you want to resolve and rest the same happens to a woman. Who ever told you that you have to let your woman climax and then start your journey. Your lady is perfectly right to behave the way she does. Make sure as you drive her she also drives so you re at the same level. Do not justify the five seconds its wrong. In any case very few men get a raw deal as compared to women, your problem is self made.

  231. iam going out with this beautiful lady,i used to love her at first but now i dont love her simply becouse she started working at the lodge and i know what happens in most of the lodges bad things happens their so i have tried to tell her off she cant understand me and the other problem is in terms of sex she is the only lady who has satified me so immediately i see her i changes my mind simply becouse i want to have sex with her so i feel like iam not been matured but i fail to permanently leave her.what should i do people?

  232. Namayo, either am an amateur or you live in a utopia where you always climax at the same time with your partner. Fact-1: Climaxing at the same time is what every couple should aspire for YES and its the most ideal no doubt. Fact-2: Climaxing at the same time is not easy and its not always achievable and thats why women on this blog can complain of 10 seconds men. So what do you do if you climax earlier than your partner despite trying to climax at the same time? You dress up and try again next time?. Simple! Its possible to help your partner climax even if you are a 10 seconds man. Attend to her needs after your 10 seconds. Is that calculus for you Namayo?

  233. Ziko, you come to a blog discussing “Cheating spouses” and you find it strange that people are discussing sex. You could be on the wrong blog. Try the Sport one. What did you want people to talk about on this blog? Mugabe?

  234. 303, I agree with you that climaxing at the same time is not easy and not always achievable. It is unfortunate that you feel I live in an utopian world or that it seems to be calculus to me. But I can assure you that it has nothing to do with calculus at all. It is about understanding your mate and your body. I think I also mentioned that do not allow too much time btwn your partner’s and you climaxing because you are sure to experience problems of lack of interest on the climaxed partner. That should have been signal enough for you to realise that I know that climaxing does not necessarily occur at the same time. You definately know when your partner is hieghtening on her way to climax ….

  235. …,why don’t you join her at some point when you know your 5 seconds will match up than to wait for her to reach the height before you can start your journey, that way you reduce the time differences and am sure your woman can sustain you for a while. Well it was only a piece of advise I was offering from a woman’s point of view. Actually the calculus I have done is very different from the one you suggest, so probably you are right I don’t understand your version of culculus.

  236. I will be posting proffessional advice on how couples can enjoy sex together in so far as the art of Orgasm is concerned within the next 24 hours. So sharpen those tools and keep those P$$usies wet!

  237. check out this funny blog by searching Google.com, type zedsportlight then click on zeddywood. Its a Zambian ‘Hollywood’ blog that critiques zed celebrities.

  238. who’s up there, ba mba na ba mbe? Zedians new found freedom is to discuss SEX freely. With all the hustle and bustle going on around in the world, Zambians have just discovered that discussing sex is actually not a SIN. Most of the office workers using company computers has enrolled themselves on sexsites looking for kinky sex. Married men and women are busy cheating on their spouses with easy lays from the net!

  239. Its important to take time to know your partner’s body. Talk about what you want, how you want it and vice-versa. That way you work your way up to climax either together or just seconds apart.
    This relates to the topic at hand – Cheating Spouses; well some of you dont know what to do with your man/woman because of having several sexual partners which leave you confused because people’s sexual desires are not the same. So stick to one partner and learn to explore each other and over time your sex will get better and better.

  240. Namayo, you sound very knowledgeable and experienced. How can i get to learn something practical from you? Just reading your wisdom makes me know that there are still real women out there. Its an exciting feeling!

  241. Well 312 thanx for the compliment but I am not quite sure what you mean by learning something practical from me. Would you pls elaborate.

  242. Namayo, ordinarily Zed women are timid and unwilling to discuss sexual matters in an intelligent way. That is one of the biggest problems that leads to a lack of communication with partners and as such leading to loveless sex and then wonder why they cannot orgasm explosively.These people need to understand the value of openness and communication cos Orgasm begins in the mind and then manifests in the body. I read in you a complete and exciting woman from whom i can learn a lot more. Thats what i mean. Must i go on?

  243. I still am not sure what you are saying??? How do you want to learn more practically other than thru this medium. You must surely go on. Well it takes some courage for one to discuss sex openly like this but we need to get above this especially when you re with your partner.

  244. Todays woman suffers from the tyrany of the ‘too’s ‘.i.e. Too busy, too tired, too distracted,,too mad at him, too fat for sex etc.These complaints lead them to having trouble getting aroused and because of it compounds their Orgasming problems. How do you get to Orgasm if you have trouble getting arousal? Both men and women will encounter performance difficulties if their sex is interluded by anger, anxiety, depression, resentment, guilt, boredome or mere case of nerves. To avoid these pitfalls you need to be present in the moment without any distractions. Cos even if yo partner is the most good looking yo body will still refuse to ‘let go’ if yo thoughts are predominantly negative.

  245. Cont’d..Thus to enjoy great sexyou both need tobe in atotal mental and physical immersionwhen yo conscious mind suspends all activity and yu enter a state of seeming timelessness not just not just during the few fleeting moments of orgasm but during the entire durationof a sexual encounter from the the first caress to the final embrace. To be con’d

  246. Ok Namayo, i will go with your proposition that we need to get above this. May be i have not been thinking too clearly and i apologise for anything that may have come across in an offensive manner. I hope to continue enjoying reading your your very insightful, enjoyable contributions. Also hope that other Zed ladies can be inspired to remove their inhibitive cultural shackles and learn to discern sexuality issues both here and with their better halves. Good luck Namayo!

  247. Good luck to you too hopeful, Hope you will be a good man to your spouse. Life is a learning journey where graduation day is when we depart this earth. We shall continue discussing these issues as long as we pick some lessons from them. Thanx again for your compliments.

  248. Thanx for your views Namayo. I have learnt a thing at least. Now can this blog help me discuss this problem. What do you think causes men to cheat? I would like to believe there are reasons. My view is I think all of us men start on a very faithful path but along the way something causes us to cheat. Let me own up with regret that I have cheated on my girlfriend before and unfortunately I was caught before long. It was catastrophic, I was beaten to a pulp by my girlfriend and she really was enraged and even thogh after six months we are back together it seems I have left a scar on her that will never completely heel coz once in a while she gets mad when she remembers the ordeal.

  249. 301- Ziko. I support your concern about sex being a leading topic on contributions.Zedians, surely its not aways that you are dealing with sex.After all, we have more problems arising out of it.Hiv,Sti,Aids,etc.

    This is alarming.Discuss real issues affecting you.Congestion in Lusaka,Electricity blackouts,etc

    So I order all you on this site be mature.

  250. Cont.. However let me also mention that I strongly believe I was taught to cheat. I could find messages on my gal’s phone from guys, Some calling her “sweetheart” and others saying “I wish you were mine” just to mention a few. I made it clear to my gal friend that I was very cross with those messages which she labeled petty and just from persistent guys whom she had turned down. She would apologize but I would find other messages after some time. I feel my gal friend taught me to cheat because she claimed my concerns were petty. Believe me you women, sometimes you take us right onto the route to cheating. I have learnt it now and believe me its difficult giving up.

  251. Men you are used cheating on us, i think #322 you started cheating her first and it’s a revenge.TETI TULEFYILA MULI NO.

  252. FUNNY TO SEE SO MUCH UNCONSTRUCTIVE DISCUSSIONS ON ONE ISSUE. JUST SHOWS HOW SHALLOW A ZAMBIAN MIND IS. WHY NOT SHARE AND TALK ABOUT ISSUES THAT ARE PROGRESSIVE, DEVELOPMENTAL, EDUCATIVE THAN THIS NONSENSE.

  253. #324… BA FUNNY !!!!
    You must be a man. And a cheating husband for that matter. If not then you are not married…. Thats why you cant stand to hear the truth……. Cheating is a very serious issue….. Just like marriage….. dont you know a nation starts from a family….. Broken homes and families are ruining our society…..

  254. Zambians typical of avoiding real issues. Sex talk is very important that is why ubucheende will never reduce. Look at Alpha, Ncez, Zenon and all the other laces where underage reside. Noone cares if a 12, 14,16 year old goes there not even Hanif or SUKE care coz its all about MONEY. In Africa there are 7 countries that top with HIV and there are in this order:-
    1.South Africa
    2. Lesotho
    3.Bostwana 50% of the population
    4.Swaziland
    5.Namibia
    6.Zimbabwe
    7.Zambia

    Guess what? Cross border dating, kulya kuma workshop muya, kuma business and other zedians leaving there and they come home once in awhile with new Nikes and hipsters.

  255. All you men complaining of a perculiar smell from your wives need some lessons in Anatomy and Physiology.Not all smells are bad.Just because your Mbuyas told you that dry sex is perfect it does not make it right.If anything it leads to cancers.
    If you can learn something from animals e.g female dogs when they are on heat they secrete a substance which causes the male dog to get excited.Learn to accept the natural smell as being good.It does have an effect on your brain and can enhance your sexual appetite.Now a natural smell is ok but a foul smell needs to be investigated.It was never meant to be squeaky clean.

  256. A study shows that it is only Zambian men who prefer dry painful sex.Women go to lengths to satisfy them only to suffer the consequences themselves.
    One Dr friend actually told me that a sweaty smell from a man also has an effect on a woman’s brain.People need to accept nature and not mask everything.
    Personally I am obsessed with designer perfumes and can never go out without it.

  257. #301, 321, 324 Please go to the home page of Lusaka Times and choose a topic that you want to be part of. You are also interested otherwise you wouldnt be following this thread. Iam certain that someone has learnt a thing or two from this discussion….including yourselves.

  258. Easy E, it is unfrtunate that such should be happening in your relationship. But the truth is every woman has lots of admirers some of which can really be a thorn in the flesh. However if your lady was commited to your relationship she should have tried to to put a stop to some of those offensive sms. That said, I feel you are also wrong to resort to cheating coz two wrongs will never make a right. I also feel that you probably opted to cheat coz it was always at the back of your mind to try and have a feel of it. It is not easy to learn a thing like cheating if you really detest it. Next time find a better solution. When God judges this world there will be no finger pointing to say such….

  259. …and such caused me to sin so forgive me Lord. You should have opted to be the bigger person in your relationship and your lady would have learnt a thing or two. Now the way things are, you have just given her reason to justify her dubious ways.

  260. Easy E…” My view is I think all of us men start on a very faithful path but along the way something causes us to cheat”

    Men cheat because they think its okay to do so and society seems to have endorsed this. I think lack of serious commitment is the main problem.For instance, women go through all sorts of problems in marriages/relationships but very few will resort to cheating because they are committed.
    Easy E , you owned up (which I think was good) but came back blaming your girlfriend, thats so typical of men. Ask any man why they cheat, they’ll blame the wife/girlfriend. Take full responsibility for your actions.

  261. Pat I agree with you 100%. Until men start respecting their commitment, it will always be my drove me into another woman’s hands. They never think that they could also have done things that could have drove their wives into another man’s hands but alas as commited woman, God forbid I would never do it.

  262. When a man fully satisfies a woman, he frees her from harbouring negative feelings such as frustration and anger.Men should consider what it would be like to make love without ever being fully pleased or climaxing. When he fulfills her,her passion will be realeased and she will be naturally motivated to fulfill him. Ultimately both the man and woman benefit from increased for each other as they both enjoy satisfaction. Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

  263. I was a little playfull growing up but thank God the Aids was as rampant.By the time Aids was all over God had already gotten hold of me and so I got married to a virgin after Gods own heart.
    I have a wonderful wife and 2 kids now and I can gladly say no extra marital affair for me.
    God is Good mwe Bantu.

  264. As a man I take the blame coz come to think of it guys, what am I not getting from my wife which I can get from another STRANGE woman? Yes you heard me right, Strange Woman coz what ever reason/justification you will give she is not your wife and therefore remains a stranger to matters of the heart and whatever “name” you you will call her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Sex? Is that it?
    Laughter? Is that it?
    Friendship? Is that it?
    Squarely looking at this I think that its all a man’s fault, idiocy & folly to go out and get what he thinks he is not getting from his wife and marriage. MEN its all there for you in your marriage and in your wife!!!!!!!!!!! Get it straight in your head. There only 1 WAY!

  265. Pat and Mildred, I agree with you but only up to so much. I have a friend of mine who has a very beautiful, faithful and committed wife but he cheats on her anyway. So am under no illusions to think that there are no men out there who cheat just for fun. There are there and its a lot of them. But in my situation I still think I was taught to cheat. I came to a point where I thought why should I be the one to always complain. Why should someone who loves me promise they will never repeat a wrong and yet they do it once more. I remember complaining more than four times. The biggest tragedy is that she changed and decided to be faithful at a time I had already started cheating on her.

  266. You see Namayo, I am not endorsing unfaithfulness because its wrong in my own eyes before it even comes to God’s eyes. What am trying to do is to bring out the reasons why we men cheat be them justifiable or not. I agree with you two wrongs don’t a right and I will be the first one to admit that cheating brings about far reaching consequences. Right now I still think maybe my girlfriend hasn’t forgiven me and she will cheat on me one day to revenge. I will also tell you that its not easy giving up cheating if you are not a natural player. Because you feel for the other woman. You cannot switch her ON when you want her and OFF when you want her like a light bulb. She is human and has…

  267. … feelings. So don’t you think we should pile all the blame on the partner who starts the cheating because everything that follows after that is a product of a chain reaction of that cheating they started.

  268. Come on now Easy E. for how long are you going to continue living two lives. If you cannot trust your girlfriend let her go and stick to one you can trust. Don’t you think the more you hold on the thew two for whatever reason you are bound to hurt them thr more. The longer you stay in a relationship the more you get attached. Are you then planning to marry them both or you have no intention of ever commiting yourself into marriage? Be man enough and show some leadership. I know it is hard to let go but it is also impossible to love two women the same way at the same time. So search your heart and see what you really want.

  269. Ok, Namayo, I hear you. You will be happy to learn that am actually working on it though I must repeat, its not easy.

  270. Let me contribute to the issue of foul smells that is alleged to come from a woman as put across by some male folk on this blog. I have noticed that ladies have reacted sharply to this.I don’t think the mucus women secrete for lubrication during intercourse is a bad thing in itself.I for one cant imagine making love to a dry woman. What is bad and what is the source of the smell in my opinion is if this mucus is not thoroughly washed away after intercourse especially in women who are “fat” for lack of a better term because for them (fat women), air circulation is not as good down there compared to slim ones. Its actually an issue of hygiene for me. I stand to be corrected.

  271. That is Sad #2, That is very Sad. i don’t know what has actually gone wrong with these women. I have a fiancee in Lusaka and it’s my hope that she is not messing around with men.We are here breaking our backs, making sure they are fine and this is all we get? Hey men, just go ahead and kick that fool aout of your life. There is certainly no excuse for that.

  272. No.2, pliz do not listen to online advise, sit down with you wife once more and talk thing over, love is between 2 people but go for VCT both of you its a must that you did’t abstain as well. For you travel from London to come and prove yur wife’s rumours, its big love.

    Its a shame that she could go to such an extent of bring the boyfriend in the house were the children and maid lived. Are both families aware of this shameful conduct?

    Really am dissapointed that women are losing morals globally, women lets stand up and fight this, we can make it and it begins with you.

  273. Womans economic empowerment has actually made them to be arrogant.The have lost respect for men.

    I feel ladies should be restricted to Kitchens.That way the will be very submissive.At last those ladies of older generation were not like them.

    So you ladies between the ages of 21 to 45.Dont complain most of you dont even love you husbands but like thier money.

    Some Islamic law barring ladies are good.No hipster,trouser,mini,see through,

  274. Yaba, what money, we are independent my dear and in some cases earn a lot more than the men. It is unfortunate that you will never send us back to the kitchen to be trampled on by pipo such as yourself and no Islamic law will ever work in Zambia, sorry. Adjust your thinking or you will be redandant in this age. Mutual respect is what matters not slave master situ.

  275. 350- Exactly thats what I meant.Mind you ,a change can still be made.All what is required is a deliberate government policies.

    If the governement decides to equal the cutting point for a girl child and boy child,after 10 years the will be fewer ladies like you Mimi who feel they highly paid.

    Even for you to be what you are,its just that 10 or 20 years ago, govt had a deliberate policy to encourage girls to be educated. Otherwise even biologically a lady is reciever from man.A lady is a weaker and relatively dull.

  276. I am sorry for you. It seems you cannot accept facts. There are as many highly gifted women as there are men. Your thinking has been so corrupted by the society you live in. In other places women compete on an equal basis as men, it’s unfortunate that it looks like only Zambian or third world women are inferior to men. God created us equal and only varied our roles not intellectual ability. It is the environment you grow in that determines whether your full potential will be realised or not. Keep brooding and too bad that you mum, wife, sisters and daughter are dull because those are your closest case studies. Being highly paid is no feeling but reality.

  277. A man cheats when he wants to be “validated”, i.e, prove to himself that he’s capable of attracting other females, satisfy an ego, feel loved by others outside his marriage. Women cheat exactly for the same reasons!! 60% of men all over the world will cheat at least once in their life time. 40% of women will cheat. Interestingly, the reason why that number is low for females is because (do you know islam and other religions beliefs of keeping women down?)is because of “less exposure”. Recently females have gotten educated, have better jobs, well exposed to social freedoms..and the numbers of cheaters is climbing!! There, I SAID it, ba pumbwe ba mbushi!

  278. Cheating is about how free you are! If you have religious inhibitions, you will not cheat because you’re bound by the norms of a sect. If you’re free and follow your own heart, cheating is knocking on the door! The more freer people feel the more they cheat. And that “freer-ness” is induced by wealth, education, social liberty, overconfidence and leadership (think of politicians and others). So: cheating does not belong to the less confident, less money, no leadership qualities, and those with plenty of religion.

  279. Sally No. 326 talking too much sense, are you that decent and wise or you are talking from experience

    Reply to Lilly #348

    I have chilled now as I had fun back in the day, so all the places I mentioned above…been there and done all the 9 nine yards…decent NO! wiser YES! I am able to look back and say “what the hell was I thinking about?”. That is why ukwaangala before is better than later. Don’t get me wrong-all that is in the past though a leopard never loses its spots uuummm

  280. RUN NOW…..there’s AIDS in zambia
    good advice stay in england atleast you can sh*g two and not get it.

  281. # 328 “A study shows that it is only Zambian men who prefer dry painful sex”

    Really? Cite the source of the study, please.

  282. #356: “That is why ukwaangala before is better than later.”

    Utter nonsense. Absolutely no basis for this arguement.

  283. Mimi, dont be consumed by the ignorance being displayed by Yenom Saedi. Clue; he belittles his own islamic women and thinks thats a great thing1 hell nooo

  284. 360 & 361.In Africa a womens income is HER income whilst a man income is OUR family income.

    Even if you get more money you just spend it on your hair,make up,hipsters,etc

    You hubby man even if he gives 70% you still want to control how he spends the 30 %.

    Be real and face facts.Maybe you are just teenagers who are yet to experience married life.LONG LIVE ISLAM

  285. On my part I had managed to stay for 2 years without a girlfriend and sex not that I WAS NOT TEMPTED BUT I have seen my friends dying of AIDS , I do not wish to take that Route being a Doctor as well I will not sacrifice my hard work just to save my marriage.

    I am happily married to a 23 year old pretty woman, I USE CONDOMS IN MY MARRIAGE; Broken hearted #2-4 GET ANOTHER WOMAN ALWAYS USE CONDOMS GARDEN BOY WILL ALWAYS HELP YOU UNTIL YOU CATCH THEM,

  286. Broken hearted #2-4 , I was once in the similar situation , moved to Montreal Canada to study my Medical Degree , my wife was busy with another guy in Bulawayo , Zimbabwe trust me I did not think twice I left her .

    On my part I had managed to stay for 2 years without a girlfriend and sex not that I WAS NOT TEMPTED BUT I have seen my friends dying of AIDS , I do not wish to take that Route being a Doctor as well I will not sacrifice my hard work just to save my marriage.

    I am happily married to a 23 year old pretty woman, I USE CONDOMS IN MY MARRIAGE; Broken hearted #2-4 GET ANOTHER WOMAN ALWAYS USE CONDOMS GARDEN BOY WILL ALWAYS HELP YOU UNTIL YOU CATCH THEM,

  287. Khumalo, why did you marry your second wife if you do not trust her. That just shows that you married for sex a completely wrong reason. I wonder what you mean by being happily married while each time you move out you think the garden boy is feasting on her.

    I think you are not straight yourself, thats why you cannot trust anyone.

  288. To some extent I agree with Yenom Saedi not that am a male chauvinist no but to some extent I think Zambian women are losing the plot. Just look at today’s weddings. I thought a wedding is when the priest pronounces the couple husband and wife and the rest of all that activity is just supposed to be icing on the cake. But today emphasis is on the icing. I’ve seen couples getting loans just to wed, do you need to spend so much on a one day event? I have a friend of mine who was charged ZMK 11m for dowry. Come one people thats money laundering. Comments from ladies folk.

  289. #367 My comment as a Lady to you is in form of a question. Who charged your friend? was it the lady who was getting married or a man in the name of the bride’s father or uncle? Your question would have soicited better answers had you directed it to your fellow men coz you are the people who do the charging or have things changed in the one yr that I have been out???

  290. Please let God speak or probably he spoke to both of you before marrying each other, am sure if only you can pray for seven days to the Omnipotency God will give you the direction where to go. My brother the bible says ask it shall be given unto you, seek you shall be found and knock it shall be opened for you. Why i have said pray for seven days for directions, is because God has said so. Seven is divine…. please follow, i beg in jesus’ name it shall be well with you. I will remember you in my prayers….. God bless you my brother.

  291. Mimi, I can assure you that things haven’t changed a single bit. They are still exactly as you left them, that is the women (the mother to the bride and aunties) fix the amount and use the men( bride’s father or uncles) as spokespersons to announce the figure.If it were otherwise (without the women’s blessings) they would shoot the idea down but they are the ones who even make comments like “Our daughter has been to the university”. Dowry is supposed to be a TOKEN of appreciation not value placed on the woman. I thought women were invaluable. I wouldn’t be surprised if soon we start hearing of some men starting to demand for receipts and others marrying on lay-bye.

  292. Easy E I don’t believe you the slightest. Why do you always want to blame women for all the bad things even those done by men. Anyway maybe in you tradition since Zambia is made up of many ethnic groups. But where I come from in Southern Province Easy E women have got no say over their daughter’s dowry, it’s absolutely a man’s show.

  293. Khumalo #364. My dear brother you certainly cannot be serious about using a condom on your “23 yr old pretty wife” everytime you have sex? Whats wrong with you man? she is your wifie! Do you carry some kind of disease you dont want to infect her with? With your wife sex is meant to be as it should, plain and sweet.Does she not complain? Do you have spontaneous sex

  294. Take care of the farm before others take care of it for you Mr Khumalo! Wives want to experience the sensation of flesh to flesh coitus as they respond better, and enhance the chance of greater pleasure and easier path to orgasm! As long as you are not fooling around with other women unprotected.

  295. After all is said and done, the fact is that there are still a lot of loving, caring and faithful women in Zambia. unfaithful ones are there too, but in most cases they have been stretched beyond their elastic limit by their unfaithful spouses.If you go away: Is your wife integrated with your family, does she interact with your mother, aunties, sisters etc If not you could have left her in problems where she feels your family doesn’t like her.In your absence they will accuse her of abusing your finances and infidelity ,and of course she may feel insecure that after waiting for so long, you may go back home only to divorce her.

  296. Namayo are you still there. I beleive you provide the best counselling. I am more concerned with the issue of how you satisfy a woman. Lack of sexual satisfaction appears to be the main cause for infidelity. You get people bragging in the bar about how they go five rounds continously. when i think of my two rounds with the third one coming in the morning, i feel inadequate. How frequent are such performance levels. The first round is the 2 second business, doesnt the 2nd one cover for that poor performance? Does size matter ? would it help if men did a lot more sucking and licking – would you come quicker ?

  297. #326 What is ur point. Make urself clear please. We may take u out of context. Where did u get the figures for HIV prevalence in Botswana. Don’t try to annoy people from other countries. State the facts and be straight to the point. Don beat bout the bush

  298. My friend Kolokombwa don’t break your back. They say talk is cheap coz everyone can afford it. Bar talk is far from reality. Those guys who talk about five rounds are the same ones being labeled 10 seconds men on this blog. Maybe five is possible if you take Viagra but for naturals like me I think you are doing just fine. I dont believe its the number of rounds that counts but the quality in a round. I mean, 5 rounds of ten seconds is less than a minute still. My observation is this though, that women who crave more sex have 10 seconds men and those who have sex maniac husbands like me only want one round. Its a mismatch really. How about a comments from ladies?

  299. I have missed out sorry to learn this another tradged. Anyway we who have lived ku mayard like in Northmead we know these stories like from broken heart. Just to add suppe to this in the 1990s there was an intelligent man with a job of marketing manager. This meant alot of travel abroad. Now the wife became fond of misusing her rights as a wife in a decenty home where only happiness was known because nothing was missing the house. Unfortunately, the woman started misbehaving. She started bringing a boyfriend in the house. They had a four years boys and when this man came in the house the boy was curios and annoyed with the behaviour of her mama. She could ask who is this person mama?

  300. ctd…379 she could tell the little boy that this uncle John. But one day when the Dady came back from his usual trips the boys informed the father that uncle was here twice and bite mama on the mouth twice. So the husband asked who is this uncle John. The woman answer actually it was one of the brothers to the man who just passed by to see how we were doing you were away “said the woman”. The man believed the story. He continued his journeys abroad. But one after flying from International Airport Kenya the plane was travelling with developed a fault and returned to Lusaka. So this man, cancelled the trip and went home. Since there were no celluars yets he couldnot inform the wife about his

  301. ctd… coming back. So booked a Taxi around 0200 hrs drove home. Since he had a spare key he didnt bother to knock at the door he just opened because he had spare key and also he didnt want to disturb already sleeping people because outside there was a nice car parked. The husband thought there were some visitors. He opened the door quitely. Only to find that two people are sleeping deep in his bed naked. He tried to wake up the wife and the woman in her sleep she said saying ” Yes darling lets do it once more you are very sweet”. But unfortunately the light was on only to see that it was her husband. She cried and wanted to run away. But the husband blocked the door and the other man woke..

  302. ctd.. To his surprise only to find that the woman of the wife was standing right in front of him. The man cried and asked for giveness and he said he was ready to pay anything man was to ask from him. But this man just no please just put on your pants and leave us alone with my wife I love despite what she had done or being doing. Please leave my house! The man was full of fear such he was shivering. The owner of the house parked him on the hand and told him get his car and leave his premercies. The man just in his car and after driving 800 m he had terrible accident and he died on the spot. The next day the woman heard the news and asked her husband to forgive her for her sins. The husband.

  303. ctd… I will not do anything to you I am forgiving you. Please go and attend the funeral of your lover and pay your last respect. Unfortunately the woman could not take anymore because she expected to be beaten until she could be admitted at UTH but it didnt go that far. The man said Iam forgive you. This made this woman so guilty such that later she committeed suicide.

  304. #376 just as the other collegue has already said, do not believe those bar stories.Real men do not boast about how many rounds they perform but just concentrate on what works for them and their wives. As human beings we do vary in our libido therefore the bottom line is learning what works for you and your partner. A well done round is enough and better than several that are below standard. The other mistake that men often make is to think that violent strokes are what counts but the truth is that good love making is soft and slow with gentle movements. You need to give yourselves breathing space so that when you reunite as couple it is worthwhile. Too much of everthing is bad.

  305. Well Ba Easy E mukwai, how about woman caught redhanded but plans quickly to decive the husband. She is found in the house with another man. She refuses to open the door whilst she is planing how to solve this problem. Then she comes up with an idea. She tells the boyfriend to run away. The man but how? I will dress like a man and when come out of the house I know my husband will give a chase. So she dressed like a man and busts out the man gives a chase. The lover walks out of the house freely. The wife tells the husband I did that because I wanted to know if you trust me.

  306. Ba Easy those are real fictitious stories fit for kindergatten. On this blog we are mature people please spare us.

  307. Its very sad reading how both men and women can be unfaithful, despite saying those nice vows on the respective wedding days. More sad is the fact the blogger’s can support such behaviour. Just because my wife or my husband cheated on me does not give me a passport to sleep around. Not only am I sinning by trying to revenge, I am also committing more sin by adultery/fornication. The honorable thing for you is to accept that this has happened, forgive, then decide either to divorce or stay with your partner. Biblical teachings tell us that God hates divorce, (Malachi 2:16a). But due to hardness of humans, Mathew (5:32 /19:9) gives us the only reason which can lead to divorce.

  308. Divorce is bad, but with these times of diseases we are living in, its unavoidable. Its either you wake up and move on, or you die because someone else was unfaithful. Mimi, and all those who have evidence of spouses cheating on them, weigh you options, is it worth it? Do you think your spouses can change? If not move on, Sorry these things happened to you. If you can not make up your mind, church elders, close friends and counselors are there to help. All the best.

  309. The bible only allows divorce if there is adultery which is clearly evident in your case. Also look at other things i.e do you want to live with her again because of your childrens’ sake while hurting inside. we can only advise but the final decision must come from you. I say divorce her if you cannot live with her with no regrets (she could not control her libido for 2 months). congrats for coming out in the open with such a heavy heart. All the best!!

  310. As one who has been affected by infidelity, my advice to you would be, like most comments above,either divorce or stay in the marriage.However, the road to healing will be frought with many obstacles. You will need a lot of help. But do note, it takes one person to break a relationship, but it takes two people to heal it.If your wife is unrepentant, you stand no chance of healing. She will have to confess first, show remorse, ask for forgiveness and work damn hard to restore the marriage. All the best

  311. Namayo, everytime i read your contribution on this topic, its as though you are whispering into my ear with your enchanting wisdom on libido. I know am not the only one who is curious about who you are and how old you are. Are you married? I mean i read so much literature on sex and really have never had someone leave such a profound effect on my feelings as you do. I asked you before how i could get practical wisdom from you and your reply made me blush as if you were here! I’m trying again, can you explain more vividly how a woman must be pleased with real joy? The ball is in your court.

  312. #145 #146 grow up you *****s,so you mean your mother is dirty? learn to respect women.you are the ones who are dirty.if you don,t have something to say you are better off quiet.how can you insult women including your own mother, kaponya, ba kaponya started now using this blogg? it is a shame.wonder which party of the world you come from, no pa zed.as for brokenhearted,try to talk to your wife and let her know that you stil love even after what she has done, she will come to her sense and apologise.do not listen to what some of these sensless are telling on this blog. i pray that the LORD WILL HELP YOU TO AMEND YOUR marriage.courage et Dieu te benisse.chao

  313. please married couples do not stay away from your partner for so long.it is hard for some of married couples to stay away from each other.we are human being, if it is studying abroad make sure you go with your parter to avoid temtations, i beleive even yourself brokenhearted you were atemted some times.GOD created sex for a reason, why should i abstain when i,m married.

  314. Its interesting to read through blessing’s comments and one can not help but contribute. Forget #145 and #146, am talking about your advise to brokenhearted. If my memory serves me right, broken hearted tells us that his wife is still denying any wrong doing. Infact he says his wife’s relationship with the man is still on. Now how do you forgive such a person? she hasn’t asked for forgiveness and as far as she is concerned she hasn’t done anything wrong. This is simple, its straight divorce. Come on I know you still lover but she doesn’t. You are better off in a relationship where you are respected. Come on man, find someone else. Yes its easier said than done but its the only solution.

  315. #394 (Infatuated) please speak for yourself. As for blessings again, I agree with you that couples should try as much as possible to try and stick together. If I was to go for studies abroad I will find means and ways of my wife coming along. If am relocated at my place of work to work in another town or I find a job in another town, its simple, my wife has to quit her job and join me. There is more to married life than a job and its failure to make such bold decisions on the part of men that is causing such problems in marriages. Its a pity modernity is killing us. In the times of our fathers these were simple decisions. A man relocates, the wife quits her job and joins him. Certain rules..

  316. Cont.. just have to be followed, you cant jump out of a window and expect to drop upwards? Until such a time that we follow the simple rules rules and stop being “over modern” such issues will always haunt us. Good luck to all the couples!

  317. #394 I do appreciate that my humble contributions to this matter are making sense to some people. To answer you question however, yes I am married with three kids and I am in my mid thirties. My suggestions are just based on what I have experienced in my own married life and also from the little discussions that women have. There are no hard and fast rules about sexuality, it just about knowing each other. Another very cardinal thing is your relationship. Sex for you men is mostly physical while for us women it is purely psychological. Cultivate a loving relationship and other things will follow. If a woman has something on their mind, you can do anything in this world but in vain.

  318. I have read most comments and it’s apparent to me that women also want or wish to cheat as men do. The solution then is “swinging”. It’s been going on for years in the UK and other developed countries and the divorce rate is lower among swingers compared to non-swinging couples. There is no better feeling than a feeling of mutual infidelity. Like it or not, there will always be infidelity by both women and men. Guaranteed, 99%!

  319. It is better to be single than to have a husband. Tired of thinking of who is seening, checking his mobile phone for text messages from other girls, Face book girlfriends, the list is endless. Why stay with someoe who does not care or love me. He is the biggest flirt I have ever known.

  320. 403# Me! what has gone wrong can you enlighten us more. Does mean every SMS he receives is from other spoueses. I am behind can you let me know

  321. #402, Swinging is a better term for adultery/fornication which can not succeed in Zambia. My Encarta 2008 Dictionary defines it as often changing sexual partners: frequently changing or exchanging sexual partners. To start with, HIV/AIDS infection ratio in this sub-Saharan region is terribly high, compared to Europe. You stand a 70% higher rate of contracting HIV/AIDS in this region than in Europe. So it can not work with people who have information. Secondly, to prevent this type of in-human behavior, St. Paul 1st letter to the Corinthians 7:7-11 states that those who can not do with out it, marry. The bible Further states that when two people get married, they become one flesh(Ephes 5:31).

  322. Western world is great, but we CAN NOT adopt everything we see or hear. This is what has even caused us massive problems in our homes today. Unfortunately, for people studying for masters programs, scholarships are only for individuals not for families, making it tough to move with the family. However, if the husband/wife agrees that the partner can go & study, then they are saying they will FAST, till there partners come back or till they meet with there partners. So lets no deceive ourselves, Just think of it, can you allow someone to have sex with your wife? If so, do you love her? Do you respect God? Definitely NO!!!!!!!!!!! All the best.

  323. It is just a matter of understanding and agreeing with each other. The problem is that as human beings we have reduced ourselves to animals. It is possible to stay for one year without sex if you have agreed with your partner. Some of these separations that occur are for the good of the family. I have know families where one party may fall sick for prolonged periods of time, does it mean the party that is health should go on rampage??? Is that the true love that God teaches us about? Remember sex is made in the brain before it manifests in the physical. So there is no justification for unfaithfulness.

  324. no wonder some of us feel like never getting married though want to have kids and i bliv there is some loyal chap out there for me so its just time.if you are there and confident info us

  325. women should stop cheating on their husbands.My step mum cheated on my father when he was studying in England.She then decided to go and stay with him….guess what the poor man was infected with AIDS and he died.The woman is on ART and she is still sleeping around with different men

  326. Infidelity should not just be encouraged, be it husbands of wives. If you have someone who you call a good friend, and they are cheating on spouses, do the right thing, discourage them, tell them to stop. If you care as a friend, then definitely, you would tell them to do the right thing.

  327. Catching a wife cheating on you is painful. Mine was caught in ‘hard core’ adultery with a senior unionist who semed hell bent on making her pregnant! The guy must have tasted her &*£$y and made a resolve to go into it head first without caring about the consequences. He was MADLY in love with my wife!! How the hell does one go on with such a harlot and still call her wife?

    Now I own a gun!

  328. i arrived at the house of my partner without him knowing, he had a woman visitor there, her bra was on the floor and he asked me toi leave, now he wants us back and denies having sex-how do i get the truth, how can i make him be honest

  329. #412…you honestly need to be told to count your losses and move on ??? If you really must…just ask him what her bra was doing off her chest….please let us know the response!!!

  330. #411…mwisho, going around shooting “unionists” isn’t gonna solve much!! the most you’ll get is lengthy jail term most of which you will spend as wife to a fellow inmate!My advice….just stop calling her your wife and start legal proceedings to have your marriage annulled! After this is done you have the luck of “sampling” around for a new one!!By the way….. could have been your fault she found solace in the arms of another??? Us men are very quick to condemn our women folk even when our own actions are to blame!!!

  331. #402..swinging and dogging has indeed been around for quite a while!! however your linking of a lower divorce rate to these activities is way off the mark!!the chaps just don’t marry as much as they used to…they all have partners (in some cases of the same sex!!)this is why the Tories wants to introduce a tax benefit for being married!!!The falling numbers of marriages is especially worrying in the UK and indeed in other parts of the so-called Western world!The institution of marriage is under siege and radical measures are being called for!

  332. Nyele Ni Nyele bane. It’s difficault to keep away if one is obsessed with it. It happens day and night. I for one witnessed a lot when I was keeping up in the Kabwata Estates high rise flats, where married spouses especially women would have sex in the stairs when their men were away.

  333. Original Pundit, thanks for the advice, I will do like wise. Actually I suspect ‘the Unionist’ has invited ‘the harlot’ for another ‘sex bonanza’. She has been threatening to travel to Lusaka ‘to see a gynaecologist’ for the last two weeks now, ALONE!

    I’m told Tswanas are also just banging and moving on, no commitment! Maybe a better option to troubled marriages?

    What do you think?

  334. Wanyele #416. Those women you saw on those stair cases, were they having sex with fellow women???? Or you did not just have a contribution to make??

  335. #417 your language leaves much to be desired and not befitting one who has undergone the pain of being cheated. Are you sincere about that or it is just a made up story?? If it is a true story then check yourself, you could have driven her to doing that.

  336. #417..seeing a “gynaecologist” is an apt and hilarious euphemism for the true purpose of the travel to Lusaka!!!Bwana,confront her,establish beyond reasonable doubt an affair is indeed in progress and then take one of the 2 options available to you!Either try and save your relationship OR assist her with a bicycle to ride into the sunset with her “unionist”!!I would also get an AIDS test as well whilst your at it….the sooner you know the sooner sumthin’ can be done about it!Tapa shupile mwisho..these situations only have TWO courses of action!!

  337. Its amazing to see how people get excited when sex issues are discussed.Well,Remember sex should only be enjoyed within a marriage context(one man for one woman),anything outside this is punishable whether in this life or both now and in the life to come.As for the man who is being cheated by the wife,asking for advise on what you should do is like lighting a candle at mid-day.You know what to do,be careful you may not enjoy the labours of your PHd.Divorce and find someone more decent,there are many good ladies around,Good Luck.

  338. #421..the one man for one woman concept doesn’t have the blessings of many religions…Christianity too has stories of polygamous relationships.Monogamy is an ideal if not a utopian ideal, which over time, is fast becoming a standard.Man(as in men) was never created to be monogamous.The problem with polygamy is dividing ones self between the many partners EQUALLY.With this in mind & for the sake of longevity (given the diseases around)”man” is best advised to use monogamy as his default position!!#421..quote me a verse in a religious book of your choice that makes monogamy the hard and fast rule!