LADIES AND PUBLIC TOILETS
-When you have to visit a public toilet, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place.
-Once it’s your turn, you check for feet under the cubicle doors. Every cubicle is occupied.
-Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the cubicle. You get in to find the door won’t latch. It doesn’t matter, the wait has been so long you are about to
wet your pants! nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
-The dispenser for the modern ‘seat covers’ (invented by someone’s Mum, no doubt) is handy, but empty.
-You would hang your bag on the door hook, if there was one, so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mum would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!) down with your pants and assume “The Stance‘
-In this position, your aging, toneless, thigh muscles begin to shake. You’d love to sit down, but having not taken time to wipe the seat or to lay toilet paper on it, you hold ‘The Stance.‘
– To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother’s voice saying, ‘Dear, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!’ Your thighs shake more.
-You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday – the one that’s still in your bag (the bag around your neck, that now you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That would have to do, so you crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It’s still smaller than your thumbnail.
-Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn’t work. The door hits your bag, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest and you and your bag topple backward against the tank of the toilet.
-‘Occupied!’ you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, while losing your footing altogether and sliding down directly onto the TOILET SEAT.
-It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it’s too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet
paper – not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try. You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because you’re certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, ‘You just don’t KNOW what kind of diseases you could get.
– By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl and spraying a fine mist of water that covers your bum and runs down your legs and into your shoes. The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force and you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.
-At this point, you give up. You’re soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You’re exhausted. You try to wipe with a sweet wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.
-You can’t figure out how to operate the taps with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting. You are no longer able to smile politely to them.
-A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it?) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman’s hand and tell her warmly, ‘Here, you just might need this.
-As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used and left the men’s toilet. Annoyed, he asks, ‘What took you so long and why is your bag hanging around your neck?
This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with any public rest rooms/toilets (rest??? you’ve GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers that other commonly asked question about why women go to the toilets in pairs. It’s so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your bag and hand you Kleenex under the door.
LT, I think you should be indicating the source of your stories. This article is from womensfunnyvideos.com and there’s many more similar funny stories for those ladies who would like a good laugh
I recieved this in a foward like a month ago!
something should be done about public toilets in zed
Why is it that women find it hard to support each other? Theres always an underlying competition? For what?
#1 You are very right. LT should consider another category for jokes other than putting this joke in life style category. This is not a real story though we can learn from it but strongly feel should be put under jokes.
And if this shluod be so, then LT will need to be creating their own jokes and not copying from others. Ba LT can even ask people to be sending their joskis (jokes according to bikkiloni).
The story is not even funny afterole!
Maybe some clever woman should redesign Mr Crapper’s contraption for women. Do you need to sit down? I saw lots of ladies in the rural Zambia do this very discreetly, legs astride, with chitenge providing a screen.
That is why you should vote for Sata if possible. Wake up Zed!
No comment
It actually funny if its happened to you.Like waiting desperately to get to the loo only to find the freaking latch is broken. And my hubby’s always done before me and never understands what took me so long.I think malls should have twice as many female loos than male loos.That will shorten the queues.
COME ON THINGS ARE NOT THAT BAD ATALL.LETS ALL WORK TOGATHER TO IMPROVE OUR COUNTRY.
BORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG.
BORING.
VERY BORING.
Ili telyashi awee…. can do beter
LT if you want real ethnic jokes with a Zambian feel, I can write them for you … not this westernised nonsense!
If it is true we need to work hard to provide better facililities for mother Zambia and HH can make things turn around. Vote wisely
I didnt know that Anonymous was a woman. infact most of you are guys..simple instruction: For Women only!!
boring………………..
am scared. so those bums we handle at pubs go through this procedure. i will from now on be putting on gloves. why cant some ladies invent something more acceptable.
So boooring….
NEVER EXPERIENCED THIS,WOULDNT EVEN KNOW WERE TO START COMMENTING FROM…NEXT TIME JUST BRING A TOPIC WHICH WIL INTEREST BOTH MALE AND FEMALE.
Somewhere on this globe,
every ten seconds,
there is a woman giving birth to a child.
She must be found and stopped
How far can you trust a friend?
Mutua left to go help in the Crusades and decided that his wife Mueni should wear a chastity belt. (Steel underwear) So he locks her up and gives the key to his best friend, Mogaka. He tells him, “If I’m not back in four years, unlock my wife and set her free to live a normal life.”
So,Mutua leaves on horseback and about a half hour later, he sees a cloud of dust behind him. He waits for it to come closer and sees Mogaka.
“What’s wrong?” He asks. Mogaka replies. “You gave me the wrong key!”,,,
I thought we needed to descipline ourselves and do our ablutions at home before going to public places.
# 22 ha ha ha
# 18 I hope your hands are not the only things that will be gloved!
The essence of the story is for women to seriouly arm themselves when on the move. That is, instead of carrying a photo album/journal in your handbag relace it with a toilet bag. to ensure you dont expose your botton to the numerous germs in the girls toilet
ba lubuto you’re some funny guy huh,nice one
#22 osama bin zed….now thats a real cracker..lol..youre nuts !!!!
not making sense at all,,if u need stories come over to me ok
boring
is anybody able to get QFM loud and clear?
A man walked thru his front door after knocking off late from work just to find a naked man in his house.the owner of the house asked what he was doing and he replied: ndine mfwiti. The owner of the house now fuming with anger replied….iwe chi@#@$@ mfwiti inayamba liti kuvala condom?
LOL good one number 22
#31/22 very funny keep them coming nice one
A black man died and went to heaven.he was received by the angel Gabriel, before him was a white man.as the white man entered Gabriel said to him “welcome angel” and handed him a pair of wings. When the black guy was handed his wings he turned to Gabriel and asked “so am I also an angel?”, Gabriel posed for a while,turned to the black man and said “nigger you’re a bat”
bin zed, waba icimona cobe!!!!!!!!!
texas liv bin zed alone nichani boss?
Whats with the flags? Long time no see.
Howz Zambia
#22 osama bin zed Excellent one…..the later ones are no as good…dont say ‘nigger’ remember we are not Americans
Comment on the story: the moral of the story is that women’s toilet paper must be subsidised.
Here is one: I married Miss Right – I just didnt know her first name was Always
In a movie this will a naked scene,for adult only.
For man only :Get on the urinal and take out the lizard , discahrge, shake it and you are done.
This one had me in tears of laughter, thanks K. A comedy break is always welcome.
Anakazi ngaongao akunya no tunda chopeneme. Come for lessons
this story is not meant to be funny, it just shows you what a woman has to go through in life.
So so Boring………
Zed Gelo. R we supposed 2 care what a woman goes thru…PLIZ.
#44 u don’t need to since you were not born of a woman.
Women get to respect and tolerate each other’s opinion or line of thought. If a story is not appealling or applying to you why not tolerate it by keeping quiet coz it might do so to villagers, oh! sorry to others. Like this story was writen for women only then what am I doing here anyway?
#37.
Zed chimwela!
lets vote for sata, things will change for as women ,we are the ones who suffer mostly.
#43 LEE, U CAN SAY THAT AGAIN………
Ba Osama bin Zed mulibakali zona those are jokes and am telling you are the best.You have made my day and hope you are PF because only PF contains pipo who can make pipo laugh and not the so called fresh blood because for me i have never seen him smile.Mulesmilako nangu namwishiba ati mulelusa kusekako.Ba HH pliz learn to smile it’s for your own good ka
Bonse abume mwachumfwa fye ati for ladies only and thot that palifye fimbi fimbi, mwaomwa nomba.
Vbx0o5 comment2 ,
Perfect work!
Excellent site. It was pleasant to me.