The Couple during happier times

By Pastor Chanda

The nation of Zambia is reeling at the unprecedented numbers of husbands who are going to early graves because of being murdered by their wives. This was very rare news once upon a time, but now, it is becoming regular headline news.

Men are no longer feeling safe and are wondering what has happened to their wives.

Once upon a time, when we heard of domestic violence, we assumed that it was a wife being physically abused by her husband. These recent incidents seem to suggest that the era for that assumption is now over. Those were wives of the old school. This is now another lot.

It is wrong to fight. It is wrong to physically harm anyone—whether that person is a man or woman, child or adult, mad or normal. God has commanded, “You shall not commit murder” (Exodus 20). It does not specify who is being murdered. Murder is always wrong.

It does not matter how much love you have between the two of you, you are still different personalities with different cultural backgrounds and experiences.

So, as we ask the question, “Why are wives killing their husbands?” we must realise that we are really asking the question, “Why is the rate of domestic violence escalating in this country?” If we do not answer this question we may find ourselves exterminated.

Lack of Conflict Management Skills

Looking at the recent situations, it is evident that one of the major causes of domestic violence is the failure by married couples to know how to handle their differences. Many couples do not have conflict management skills at all. So, they resort to fists of fury.

We have an adage in our language that says, “Imiti ipalamene taibula kukwesana” [“Trees that are near each other cannot help but rub against each other”]. In other words, as long as two human beings get close to each other they will have disagreements.

It does not matter how much love you have between the two of you, you are still different personalities with different cultural backgrounds and experiences. These are going to affect the way you view life and react or respond to your spouse’s choices and decisions.

Isolation from Support Structures

Once upon a time, society provided social support to couples going through a difficult time, especially if one person in the marriage was misbehaving arrogantly. The wider family would often come in quite early because they lived in close proximity to the couple.

However, these days we tend to be scattered right across the country and live very far away from kith and kin. Some go to live abroad in order to get better economic opportunities. The isolation makes couples very vulnerable because they have no one to turn to.

Lack of Pre-Marital Counselling

Too many young people get into marriage without pre-marital counselling. Even those who go to church tend to concentrate on the dancing rehearsals. They have very little time left to sit down and learn about the challenges awaiting them in marriage.

As a result, when problems begin in the marriage they do not know what to do. They sit on them like a person sitting on a boiling kettle, until it explodes. They go from fists to blunt objects, to knives, and whatever they can lay their hands on. That is the result.

Women have Learnt to Hit Back

Once upon a time, women used to allow themselves to be objects of such physical abuse. With the women’s liberation movement in full throttle, they have learned to hit back. Instead of women only being victims of domestic violence, men are becoming victims too.

This is the answer to the question, “Why are wives killing their husbands?” But what can we do to arrest this worrying trend of domestic violence? Good question. Let me think about it and come back with the answer next week, hoping it will not be too late for someone!

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49 COMMENTS

  1. Don’t even go very far there are a lot of potent sex boosters and sellers on every corner . Where do you think men are using them on their wives? Think again!

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    • An angry Chinese woman in Xiaoxian, Jiangxi province, China, sliced off her husband’s testicles while he was sleeping, in order to protect her marriage.

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    • “Religion has actually convinced people that there’s an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever ’til the end of time!

      But He loves you. He loves you, and He needs money! He always needs money! He’s all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just can’t handle money!”
      – George Carlin

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    • Well pastor Chanda, you will be next considering all those women congregants you are busy f$&king behind your wife’s back. It was and is okay to wantonly kill women by their partners while everyone looks on including you the so called clergy.
      Zambians where about to put a serial wife batterer as the Vice President of the nation and I didn’t see you pastor Chanda or the Zambian clergy protesting against HH pick for vice presidency. Have a good day and enjoy your tithe that you wrestle from the poor!

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    • Some one please answer my question: What has Zambia gained from the declaration of “Christian Nation”?

      Nothing about Zambia is Christian except marginalization of other faiths.

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    • Because contemporary Zambian women won’t be their husband’s doormats like previous generations.

      Also the trend of immature couples getting married for facebook’s sake will produce more fatal consequences.

      Additionally, Men stay single if you can’t sheath your bikala or you will be next! Bye cheater!

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    • Because contemporary Zambian women won’t be their husband’s doormats like previous generations.

      Also the trend of immature couples getting married for facebook’s sake will produce more fatal consequences.

      Additionally, Men stay single if you can’t sheath your vi.ka.la or you will be next! Bye cheater!

      Ladies, am offering free karate lessons and self defense. A kick in the right place is cleaner and less detectable as homicide. Make sure there’s life insurance though! Call 1 800 killhubbie

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    • Because contemporary Zambian women won’t be their husband’s doormats like previous generations.

      Also the trend of immature couples getting married for facebook’s sake will produce more fatal consequences.

      Additionally, Men stay single if you can’t sheath your vi.ka.la or you will be next! Bye cheater!

      Ladies, am offering free karate lessons and self defense. A kick in the right place is cleaner and less detectable as homicide. Make sure there’s life insurance though! Call 1 800 libula

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    • @Nubian Princess and Olivia Pope: if women do not want to be formats, why are they so obsessed with being married? Why do Zambian girls dream of being married once puberty hits, even intelligent women? All day long it is about marriage. In Western societies, marriage is becoming less and less popular and divorce more common. Instead here marriage is an obsession. Every [email protected] must result in marriage. Why? Marriage is not what it is cracked up to be.

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    • The truth is that men want to [email protected] as many women as possible, even if they die from sexual diseases. Men do that with booze and guns, too – it is about variety and excitement, whether at war or bar or football pitch. Men want to [email protected] interesting women, not boring wives who want it in missionary position every day because that is what the Bible says. Men don’t want to stay home with boring, talkative wives who just want to gossip. And it is not true that wives are killing husbands all of a sudden. Wives have been poisoning their husbands since Eve did it to Adam. That’s why husbands live shorter lives than their wives. Those who don’t get poisoned or shot, die from boredom!

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    • Buck Teeth what makes you think women don’t want have all those fantasies you have? The truth is that most men are uncaring and selfish but expect their wives to be at their beck and call. A woman is an emotional creature and when you don’t satisfy her in that area, she will either go seeking elsewhere or give you attitude at home because she wants your attention. Most of you men out there are very rude, uncultured 21st century males who think women should remain s.ex slaves just because you have a bit of pocket change. If you loathe women that much, why even consider [email protected] them when you can give yourself a hand job? You will talk all you want but 2000 years from now, people will still be marrying. There are a handful of good men in society who understand what it takes to be a husband…

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    • Buck Teeth Lungu is one of those men who will talk ill about decent women and praise who.res yet deep down wants to settles down with most innocent and pure woman he can find. People like this person are very misleading. These are stories from the bars and taverns, you will divorce your decent wife to find an interesting one and end up marrying a materialistic woman who leave you when hard times hit. Men, you can teach your your wives what works for you, what makes you happy. It’s possible to have a blissful marriage but it requires effort from both parties.

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  2. That’s correct, they have learned to hit back and a bullet, knife or some blunt object sorts the problem more efficiently. Men must learn to love and respect their wives and avoid coming to such ugly confrontations. Most of these violent scenes are a result of the man forcing sex when the wife isn’t in the mood.

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  3. Premarital counselling is a load of bull crap if you ask me …..we are by the time we are marrying formed by our life experiences and how we interprete them to resolve our own situations.. and a 2 week premarital bla bla will only serve symbolism and will not influence behavioural change in the long run….my major contention is the existence of ongoing counselling facilities and the stigmatisation of very few existing ones….churches to some extent provide this but by their very nature can be very judgemental ….establishment of professional ones is key. We have to accept traditional support structures are mostly dead

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    • Mariage background matters also,but pliz women spare us from this useless killings, tuchuleko mukufwaya money again coming home we fear you stupi………….. d lionesses for wat!!!!!!!!!!!!

      To hell

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    • hello junza, I have already commented below. But for you, I will reiterate what I said. This is simply a case of unemployment and poverty under pf, women are forced to kill their husbands as a quick way to inherit and have a better life. If i were lungu, i would start sleeping with a panga because it wont take long for esther to become frustrated with the PF policies and seek independence through automatic inheritance of assets stolen by lungu. Why do you think kambwili has ensure that his wife lives in UK? The guy knows that it is safer to keep sending her some money than for her to live with him and kill the chap.

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    • And wives know the real net worth of the guys. Look at Vera Chiluba and what she thought FTJ was worth, at least $800m. I hope FTJ left the security PINs for his Swiss accounts to somebody. Otherwise all that money would have gone up into smoke without anybody being able to access it.

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  4. Stop with the non.sense of “till death do us part” already. That is the first point. Let the kids divorce each other if things are not working; it is also healthy for the children in such a union. Make it easy for custody or visitation by either party so that it does not become a dispute of human shields (the shields always are the children in such use.less senarios). Lastly, when marriage sparks wane, it is not a hunting spree; give each other space or get the hell out of there. The itch always happens. The weak will never survive it no matter how hard you try – that is when guys fart openly in front of their wives and women get to make breakfast without washing their faces and brushing their teeth…

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  5. Women are just too jealousy. They can’t just mind their own business when they discover the hubby has a drop dead gorgeous girl somewhere. Instead of them supporting their hubby they are resorting to killing them. That’s fullish. Help your hubby enjoy their lives if you are tired to give them love. Women once they get married forget about love including xex making their hubbies lives miserable.

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    • Your comment does not make sense at all. Give your wife space to enjoy her boyfriend too and please encourage her to keep her body clean so he can continue enjoying himself when they are intimate. Lastly, drop her off early everytime he calls on her.
      Most men also lose their mojo with time but is the solution adultery? No wonder domestic violence has escalated. It is due to such “quick fix” solutions without considering the consequences. Where there are children involved, they are the biggest victims in this endless dance of madness.
      On the other hand if you can’t bear it, divorce or just don’t marry in the first place.

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  6. It’s normal e.g Kafupi. mhsrip…Ba muna bafuna kumvelako ya different…all time right from fun.king maule namtoto goes home it fails kunjamuka…bakazi bayamba kupasa ka young John with big one…..result peace in hell

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    • There’s no marriage when there’s a dead spouse. Nobody wins, especially the kids when one parent is dead and the other in Mukobeko.

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  7. Don’t forget that our culture has been overtaken by the western culture through gender equality, human rights and the likes. There is total indespline in our homes now than ever before. Women no longer listen to their husbands…so are the children..! Everyone is a boss in the home..! Total confusion….! Expect whatever happens in the western world to happen to us because we have abandoned our well respected culture and embraced the confused western culture..! We are to blame…!

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  8. I am not supporting women by killing husbands,but also us men we cause it upon ourselves. Most of us men are very unfaithful to our spouses. Why marry if you know you will have other mistresses causing congestion in the marriage? It is even better to be a polygamist than to pretend. Men learn to respect your wives. This is number one reason for wife killing husbands.

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  9. Ba Pastor Chanda,
    For goodness sake STOP USING PHOTOS OF UNDER AGE CHILDREN in a story like this!. Normal people have raised this lack of sensitivity for the long-term damaging effects this will have on minors caught up in this. But now, as a Pastor you are compounding the problem. Bushe muli ba Pastor ba bamusango shani?

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  10. you just wasted your time with that analysis. The real reason is the Nigerian movies which makes it easy to kill a spouse as well as Crime Investigation and IDx channels on DSTV with shows like Women Who Kill, Crimes of Passion, I will kill for you, Deadly Affairs, etc giving hints on how to get rid of a spouse

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  11. Due to unemployment and poverty under pf, women are forced to kill their husbands as a quick way to inherit and have a better life.

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  12. Most married women are the most adulterous people often with a ‘workmate” so why they kill when the tide is turned am not sure….every Friday the lodges are full with married men and women doing their thing weekends are worse….its sodi and gormoz out there….y do u think there is an increase in hiv/aids and the women will the ones refusing to test, saying as long as you are negative so am I…even these pastors you go to them for help they end up chewing in our town of ndola we had a pastor like that he finished marriages….

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  13. Really laughable a Pastor writing about “Why are Zambian wives killing their husbands”…he even garnishes his article with a few verses from his master’s book.

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  14. If it’s not the self same atheist again referring to the Masters book. Really laughable. Stay off the weed, it’s not for kids.

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  15. Marriage is the only course you first get a certificate before the lessons. Its job on training. May be the reason for too many accidents. Lol.

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  16. I was once married each time I bought anytHing like tV/stove my wiefe would say write it in ur son’s name or her name I got sick some how. An became disabled 3months down she took me to CourT 4 divorce and zambian courts the way they pass jugements thy sAid out of th 2 houses we built while together sh must geT th first house to herself the second house we sell and shre tH money it could not work sh got all the 2 houses. I hav vowEd never eveR to marry agai I pray for ur mArriegs not to break like me

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    • Oh no sorry bro jm. It sounds like juju was at work in your situation because you were supposed to share your properties equally. But it also depends on the real cause of the divorce. I was also granted a divorce last week and I was very pleased with the verdict. The court ordered us to share our properties equally. What I would advise young men who are yet to marry is that when you start building put the property in your children’s’ name so that in case of a breakup the children do not lose out. After building a mansion together then issues of divorce come in you end up losing everything you sweated for.

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  17. Am sorry brother jm,tht was a very bad setback
    But happy for you coz you came out with your full set untempered.

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  18. don’t forget – “Bring back lost lover in one week”, “get promotion in seven days”. There are many people using this channel, and sorry to say, it works. Many people get results and then lose their minds or end up confusing the same person they have worked hard to get. Zambia needs to wake up to this invasion by dark powers. Bosses at work are losing their minds because so many juniors are taking their photos to witchdoctors for promotions. Chiluba came in 1991 sober, then he lost his mind, fired many of the good guys, how many ministers bewitched him? the likes of invisible laptop user etc. We quickly forget these things

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