Dr Canisius Banda
Dr Canisius Banda


By Dr Canisius BANDA

In a healthy relationship founded on pure love, when one partner farts, the other quickly laughs and such shared and infectious mirth further cements the bond.

However, when love is lost and hatred takes its place and reigns, it is the smell that takes eminence above all else, and could soon lead to violence and separation.

It is a given, for obscure reasons, that some people strongly hate our Republican President His Excellency Mr Edgar Lungu, the person.

Quite unfortunate, I should say. Pitiable really.

It follows therefore that whatever he says or does will always excite the most macabre and diabolical of feelings in them.

The noise that has affronted our ears days on end this past week about President Lungu’s reference to cockroaches and thieves is really laughable at best.

It is NOT a basis for removing or unseating a Republican President anywhere in the world as some seem to think.

It is clear that instead of focusing on issues such as challenging Zambia’s debt management strategy, the promotion of the amerioration of taxes to save our mines, and addressing the high cost of living in the midst of low credit flows in our economy, some political parties have now run out of worthy material to survive upon.

They have now degenerated into platforms for non-issues and purveyors of divisive hate speech.

Anyone who begrudges the healthy relationship between two or more tribes is guilty of tribalism and represents a veritable danger to our united nation.

One of them is the Chairman of our Socialist Party Dr Fred M’membe, a man I respect for his intellect and literary acumen but NOT for his political ambitions and practice.

I cite Dr M’membe in this treatise because his is a curious and interesting case for interrogation and study on matters of hateful speech.

You see, ignoring the fact that Dr Levy MWANAWASA had suffered post-trauma complications following a road traffic accident, Dr M’membe elevated his unbridled mockery of this citizen to national and global proportions by labelling him a cabbage, a degenerate.

But then the degenerate, this odious cabbage, ruled and today, many edifices are named after him.

It is Dr M’membe that ridiculed Mr Michael Chilufya SATA by calling him ‘the Ukwa of Zambia,’ a joke, a tag which was meant to tarnish the image of this citizen and diminish the political fortunes of this man by making Zambians laugh at him and NOT treat it seriously.

Now tell me who the joke is on now?

The PF is now the one laughing. See?

From the foregoing, you will note that this current Chairman of the Socialist Party of Zambia has neither the moral ground nor authority to lecture us about speaking.

But then if he is now born again, that is a matter for another day.

Noteworthy is that President Lungu’s speech was devoid of malice and ill–will.

But as I earlier stated, haters see no good in those they hate even when good is exhibited by the ones they hate.

First, President Lungu did NOT say that the Chinese were cockroaches. He didn’t say that.

Students of the English language who are conversant with similes in speech will attest to the value of this grammatical vehicle.

President Lungu only likened the Chinese to cockroaches to illustrate their omnipresence in the world and their resilience.

Nonetheless, worth mentioning is that whereas Chinatowns exists in many Eastern and Western countries, they do NOT in Africa.

I am sure President Xi JINPING of the People’s Republic of China finds this flattering because it is a compliment and was said as such.

However, it is clear that the Chinese unstopabble match to global economic dominance will not be without its drama.

President Lungu did NOT end there.

But typical of haters, they tend to have selective memory.

They have chosen to ignore President Lungu’s timely advice that, unlike cockroaches, we must NOT employ Doom/Target and exterminate the Chinese but instead, he guided, we must emulate them [their resilience] and engage them in a mutually beneficial manner.

To liken his simile to that of the pre-genocide hate speech that pervaded Rwanda in the early 90s, as some commentators are now doing, is to stretch and play with facts and reality a bit. This is excessive and wrong.

President Lungu loves to joke.

But then seeing a man you hate happy and joking is one of the most hurtful and painful sights on Earth. It really hurts.

Furtger, a funny joke isn’t funny when it is told by someone you hate.

President Lungu should note this.

In addition, anyone that seeks to drive a wedge between Zambia’s Easterners and Northerners will fail, and might only be guilty of national sabotage, a criminal offence under our penal code.

Joking amongst these peoples is as common as farting itself. Ask me.

As has now been cleverly handled by the Bemba Royal Establishment [BRE], a collective comprising very smart chaps, the Kanyanta Mangas, this is what keeps the two peoples happy, together and living in harmony.

It must and will continue.

Northerners and Easterners are like a key and a lock viewed interchangeably, two aspects of one thing. The two will always live in harmony.

Even the marriages between the two groups of people are such a bunch of fun.

It follows then that any one that seeks to derive political capital from such healthy cultural exchanges is either losing focus, begrudging of this relationship or is just devoid of the required depth of human attitude and thought.

Spindoctors par excellence that they are, the BRE has therefore recast the joke, and the laughter now goes on.

Through their defusing this fake political bomb which was not there in the first place, let all serious patriots and nationalists now get back to our national chief war, which is fighting poverty, hunger, ignorance, backwardness and disease.

Never must we see molehills as mountains. It is a mental disorder.

President Lungu should not stop joking whenever he can. Joking is good. It excites laughter, and laughter is the world’s greatest medicine as we are told.

Therefore he must NOT be distracted.

Amenso ku cibale, boss! Ifupumbu fimbi tafifundwa! I am now smiling, about to laugh. Join me.

Whether you do good or not, some people will always hate you. I guess it has something to do with a creature I hear exists called Satan. But then that is their business. I have not seen this this.

Beware, hate consumes or decimates only those that harbour it.

Let us premise our politics on love, each seeking not only his own survival and wellbeing but the survival and wellbeing of others as well.

Farting must never lead to conflict. Instead, we must see it only as a healthy indulgence that keeps all of us alive.

Napwisha, mukwai!

Dr Canisius BANDA
Development Activist

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67 COMMENTS

    • Northerners and Easterners are like a key and a lock viewed interchangeably, two aspects of one thing. The two will always live in harmony.
      Ok tell me who is the key or lock here. I would rather be a key. Kikik ecl will come out more lovable after this. Its true indeed that hate decimates or consumes those that harbours it. Look at GBM today.

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    • You are right on point Dr. This is the difference with real Drs, not the fake ones we are seeing these days. Mmembe is a failed project

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    • Lungu is not presidential material and his utterances (mumbling) speaks to that. The EAZ meeting is not a funeral or matebeto for the fo.olish chimbuya jokes. International media covered the meeting and what will people who so not know of the chimbuya think about Bembas? I come from Mporokoso and was deeply offended by the remarks from Edgar

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    • UPND and HH in particular has always been jealous of Norrherners and Easterners chimbuyaship. In his delusional mind, he thinks if the chimbuyaship is decimated then he will get the split votes. Zambians don’t vote for HH because he is Tonga. It’s because he is not likable, can’t take a joke and has a personality of a boiled egg!

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    • There is nothing like JOKES Dr Banda about this matter. Do you know that most bembas are finding it difficult to find a job from indians and other foreigners because easterners tell them that bembas are thieves and only them are honest? The president only made it worse because he is the most highest post in the land and sad part it was like hewas confirming. I would not like such jokes where you make you cousins to suffer in the name of chimbuya. By the way the presidend has never said it was a joke but has they say when a rich man falls there are many to lift him up.

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    • Dr Banda, so who “farted” in the case of President Lungu calling Bembas thieves. Should you writing be interpreted to mean it was Edgar Lungu who “farted” ( niwamene anashula or ewasulile)? This Banda and his love for figurative language will never cease to amaze me. Now it is like he is telling us instead of Bembas taking issue with Ba Lungu “farting” in the public and polluting the air, we should all just laugh at the man. Ala balasala no kwakusulila. Better fart where there is one or two people close to you noti pachintubwingi. Kuti wasekwa bane ba Banda.

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    • Matthew 12:35-37 (KJV) A good man out of the good treasure of the heart bringeth forth good things: and an evil man out of the evil treasure bringeth forth evil things.
      But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment.
      For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned.

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    • Another guy who needs to shave like Habazoka, as we go towards 2021 you will see more and more emerging to lick the sole of the boot. The boot lickers team will grow, you will see Habazoka, Peter Chanda, Dan Pule, Self confessed boot licker Bowman Lusambo, Cancious and many others. This vice has been there since the beginning of time, ine nili pano nionekoni

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    • I don’t support President Lungu, but I agree with Daniel is. People have blown this thing way out of proportion. granted it was in bad taste, but to try and make this the defining issue of how we pecieve a man is just silly. There was no malice in what the president said. It’s only our hatred and disdain that for a person that assigns more evil to his motives than is displayed by his actions or words.

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    • As a Tonga, I can safely speak for many of us that we don’t care about your chimbuya. We are perfectly happy with our non thieving mbuyas.

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    • Is there a law against writing in plain English?

      This man smokes way too much strong weed.

      However, I do not care what Lungu says.

      I only care about what he does.

      And the problem is he does very little.

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    • Check the observer. E C LUNGU was also involved in the privatisation process. He actually helped sell off Zambia cold storage facilities. He acted as part of the MMD in government while working in the government prosecutors office.

      Those having a beef with HH s involvement in privatisation process should hang their heads in shame after these revelations.

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    • Some Zambians are just….let me not just say it. ECL gives true statistics and some Zambians are already jumping to conclusions saying its chimbuya. The other day a foreign radio station kept referring to him as Zambias dictator and mentioned Police state. By the way why are opposition parties not allowed to assemble and propagate their messages in Zambia. Isnt it what the funny doctor should be focusing on, helping to grow democracy

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  1. Cockroaches are resilient and tough they are even found in underground mines.It puzzled me the first time I saw them and couldn’t believe it

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  2. Cockroaches are resilient and tough they are even found in underground mines.It puzzled me the first time I saw them and couldn’t believe it.

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  3. We forgive you Dr Canisius Banda because you speak the language of president Lungu that is insulting to the bembas. You can say anything to justify Lungu’s insults because you need nshima on the table.Tell Lungu he has to apologise otherwise no vote from ine shi Mutale mwaume nabamulupwa lwesu from bemba land. Akulyenifye ba Dr Banda.

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  4. PREVIOUS UPND VP KINDLY ASKS, TILEKE KUSHULA?

    IM BREAKER IM TRANSCENDENT IM ZAMBIAN AND I HAVE THE AUTHORITY TO APPROVE THIS MESSAGE

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  5. I vividly remember how Mwanawasa referred to the UPND as buttocks that are always behind and will never be in front. And I vividly remember how Mutale Nalumango tried to justify what Mwanawasa said, a justification that didn’t sit well with many citizens. Some people began to refer to her as Mama Matako. I will remember how Canisius wants to justify the unjustifiable. It’s better not to say anything especially that today’s conduct of politics by the PF can’t justify such a crude comment as a joke

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    • @AYATOLLAH, it was not Mwanawasa but Sata who said those words and he never said them to UPND but the people of Northwestern province

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  6. “Never must we see molehills as mountains. It is a mental disorder.”
    It’s a trib.al disorder, you could add. For example, Has any Zambian non-trib.al ever understood Trib.al Hacks or what he stands for or what he wants? None, he has no message but he wants Zambians to vote for him.

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  7. Ba Punabantu, stop criticising for the sake of criticising just because you hate Lungu. You know very well that Dr Banda is totally right but you choose to feign ignorance just because of your pathological hatred for the current president. And let me tell you. Tribal cousinship between the Northerners and the Easterners is deep-rooted . No amount of divisive propaganda will change that. Just brace yourself for yet another crushing defeat in 2021 at the hands of the man you love to hate, ECL.

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  8. upnd, Fred and the cartel have failed again. Its not working as ECL is increasingly looking like he will go up to 2026. By then Fred will be finished, GBM will be weighing 70kg, CK will have spent some jail time.

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  9. It would have been better if you wrote this after resigning from UPND not after being ignored by UPND . Whilst you were in the opposition if you said good things and defended ECL then I would think more highly of your words but the way it is now. Its because you want to hit back at the opposition, possibly hoping that ECL may take you in to say the former VP of UPND .. I think you are not a factor otherwise he would have taken you already. But try your luck he can pick you during campaign period in 2021

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  10. BEMBAS call easterners SAKALANYONGOS because of one SAKALA NGIRONGO who used to terrorize villagers by stealing their crops.

    CHEBESA (Bemba) in his song calls easterners as ‘abantu abasha kwata mano’ because they use names of modern gadgets and machinery parts to name their kids.

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  11. ECL mentioned and the word which should be highlighted is STATISTICS which is factual. This is not ichimbuya when statistic is applied.

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  12. President Lungu in saying we have more bemba thieves never said he was doing chimbuya. Why are spineless little beings guessing and speaking for him. I have looked at the statistics myself and they are real, so why are some people saying the President was doing chimbuya. This damage control you are invoking can not work because these are true statitsctics. Wanting to be seen to be on the side of the President. Wooooooo

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  13. Dr Banda you are right on this one; the cousin-ship between Northerners and Easterners, it the most interesting and enviable and it cannot be destroyed. I mean these people never get angry at each other no matter insults or jokes that they hail at each be at Funerals, Weddings, parties, etc. But for the Chinese people it just a matter of choice of words. God bless Zambia1

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  14. Dr. you have looking for a job from Lungu from time immemorial, alas nothing seems to be forthcoming. Why should you talk on behalf of Lungu? Are you his spokesperson? He said what he said and we are head, if he was playing cimbuya by calling Bembas thieves and Chinese cockroaches, let him elaborate what he meant. He may have take some Jameson and was so hipped that he could not fathom what was coming from his mouth. You talk about hatred, but you forget your own hatred for HH that you spin day in day out. Why cant you treat HH the same way you treat Lungu? A doctor like you failing to look after yourself begging for a job from politicians like Chanda sure? Get a life.

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  15. Ba Dr. Banda muli ba mano, We thank you for adding clarity to this matter. It’s true seeing people we hate happy and laugh is painful. I equally wandered why at a time like this, sober patriotic politicians would ignore the real issue we are confronted with but maliciously focus non childish squabbles. Real patriotic politicians the likes of Sinkamba are busy providing progressive and workable ideas to save Zambia, them it always Lungu this, Lungu that court this, court that…

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  16. I can see how haters behave. Look here there are two issue one cockroaches and thieves but people have just concentrated on Bembas are thieves why? They want to gain political mileage out of it so that Bembas can turn against Lungu and vote against him in 2021. cockroaches issue has been avoided now because people who learned English advised them or let me say Lectured them what Lungu meant and there is no reaction from Chines People not that the Chine did not hear they say………………….Ok I stopped there hater will never say good thing about you no matter what.

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  17. FAIR TRUTH HURTS.
    Bembas let us focus on productivity and results and HIGH MORALS like other ethnic Groups in Zambia.
    Chinese are like cockroaches, simple. They can leave, over-stayed their welcome.

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  18. The issue of thieves is between easterners & Northerners. Why are you bringing in UPND who have said nothing. How can HH get offended when he is not Bemba. The reactions have come from Nevers Mumba, GBM, Kambwili ect. Why are you bringing innocent people into this. Hate?

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  19. Building castles in the air. Cousinship has not started now. It is historical. Those who want to break it should go back to history and abolish this tribal cousinship. Something that has historical roots is difficult to break it. Those who are opposing this tribal cousinship are becoming more f00lish in the sight of the nation. Political ascendancy to higher office should not be based on trivial and cheap rhetoric. Empty sacks will not stand upright in a political arena. Neither do putting of flies in an ointment, propel you to the apex of politics. Empty political tins will always be loudest because they have run out of ideas. The nation is oozing with blood of backwardness, ignorance, diseases and poverty which need to be bandaged than spending a lot of energy on tribal issues which…

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  20. Ok guys lungu never said bembas are thieves.He said bembas are alot nowonder if there 10 thieves u can find 6 of them.Therefore u can’t say bembas are thieves it’s just the population of them is high.Sometimes bembas names are common.Anyway lungu nimbuya wesu we don’t care.The problem here is bantustan who have lebbeled bembas thieves but now want to gain political millage through their usual tribe politics.I have been to southern n was labelled a thief by some unschooled chaps but the chaps were stealing .So our friends should change they way treat other pipo.I c some hatred in them but we can conquer this tribalism through one Zambia one nation..Tulekeni icimbuya cesu bane.Elo imwe ba Kambwil stop talking about it pantu u gonna lose my support.These chaps are using u period

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  21. I have lots of tonga friends. They always tell me bemba are thieves and we laugh about it. But the get emotional to suggest Tongas are tribalist.

    WHY?

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    • Speaking your mother tongue in public is not been tribal. If you speak English the official language and your mother tongue only its not a criminal offense in Zambia. Usually when someone is speaking another language and not yours you get offended.
      WHY?

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    • One who does not want to hear other Zambians speak their own mother tongues. Does that sound familiar to you?

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  22. Anti development activist. Since when? This is a failed medical doctor who was evicted for not paying rent. By now should have built a house. The debate on what Lungu said is not worth it for really worth people. Period.

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  23. Ask me, “Ntolelefye” is like cousin-ship one has lost the other is smiling – life goes on. NO, where we come from THEFT is condemned left, right, centre – a scourge not to be friend with or glorify it. A thief will always be reviled and not be in bed with love. Bembas are thieves (6 of 10). CHAPWA.

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  24. Forgive me, but I really do not understand how what President Lungu said about Chinese and Bembas becomes about HH. It shows, in those bloggers, the inability to stay on topic. The Bembas say, Ichikalipa chumfwa uwine. If we, as Bembas (and maybe not all of us) choose to take offense by what President Lungu said, then it is our prerogative. It is not for Dr. Banda to decide concerning our offense. A British friend once told me that if both of us don’t laugh at a joke, then it is not funny. I think President Lungu should “man-up” and apologise, because this Bemba girl is not laughing at his joke.

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  25. Disaster recovery are simply plans ,process,and procedures that are put in place in order to recover from a system failure or attack that has been experienced.So Dr Chisushi your RECOVERY PLAN is very childish and usless as your qualification.I wonder how you found your self to be a doctor with such retrogressive thinking…. i think leakage originated during your school and university times in zambia.

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