“I was like a little wife to him each time his wife (step mum) wasn’t home he could be on me “
As a result of the him forcing himself on me I still suffer from a severe back pain for over 22 years, 29 years old Karen Kaluba in pain explains and edges women not hide their pain of sexual abuse it’s time to break the silence she says “when you open up you save lives “I feel terrible many times because my silence costed my little cousin’s life. She was 10 years old when she was defiled and when I thought I could open up and talk to her about my past it was too late she had committed suicide
The abuse all started when my dad had a fight with my step mother that fight started in the morning till evening, my dad use to be too violent and that day when they had a fight my step mum went to sleep at my uncle’s place and left me at home alone, It was late at night I couldn’t sleep alone so I went to our neighbors place then around midnight daddy came back to pick me up , I remember I was putting on a green skirt and a red t-shirt when we went back home I went to sleep then he came to my room shortly after and took of my clothes and forced himself on me , I tried to scream but he covered my mouth, and threatened to kill me if I scream or tell anyone about what had happened. I was in so much pain when he was doing it and after he was done he asked me to go and bath,I had developed sores on my private parts. The abuse continued for over 3 years and he did it every time my step mother was not around because she used to be a businesswoman so she travelled a lot. Because of the threats as a girl I was just young powerless filled with fear knowing that my dad was a police officer and was working for victim support unit, the question I had was who was going to believe my story? Nobody was going too, he was a very respectable man, and I couldn’t open up to anyone not even my mum because she was far., when I was 14 years old my dad called me to the bedroom and wanted to RAPE me again, I then told him, I knew what he did to me when I was a child was a crime the fact that I was quiet did not mean I didn’t know, that was the last time he paid for my school.
I was suicidal all these years, my life was shattered and lonely, I suffered from a back pain and I could not tell anyone about my story for over 18 years, My Education life was affected badly; I hated my daddy with everything in me. When I was in secondary school, I couldn’t stand it whenever I heard my friends praise their fathers; I had nothing better to say about mine. When I was 18 years old I still couldn’t talk about it until my dad died, I still didn’t tell mum or my step dad because I was confused I didn’t know how the society would think of me . As a result of the pains and rejection I faced, I started looking for attention from other people. At age of 21 I met a man whom I felt safe with and I got married. In all this I had never forgiven my dad even in his death. At Age 21 that’s when I told my mother about it, she was broken, she told me it was not my fault, and she went to my room and burnt everything that would remind me of Dad. I then got married and Thank God I have 2 beautiful children but after 5 years of marriage we went our separate ways.
Being Defiled plus being a Sanguine and Divorced was the most difficult thing to deal with, I completely lost myself But in 2015 I met a friend Emmanuel who I shared my story with about what I went through then he began to help me in my healing process, he brought me books, helped me build myself confidence, He made me believe In myself more, He then said your dad is gone forgive him and move on Which I did. So I responded well to that painful part of my life by reading a lot which gave me the strength to eventually forgive my daddy, it was through reading that Defilement did not define me; I did not allow it to define me, It’s been 4 years now in my healing process, it hasn’t been an easy road but God has helped me am now turning 30 redefined and purpose driven. The wound was so deep but the only thing I have left is the scar that shows how Strong I Am. I feel terrible many times because my silence costed my little cousin’s life. She was 10 years old when she was defiled and when I thought I could open up and talk to her about my past it was too late she had committed suicide. It’s because of my little cousin that I felt I could share this and tell someone that you can actually heal. God understand abuse better and his more than ready to heal us.
Defilement is the most painful a young girl can go through especially when the culprit is a very close person that you trusted with your life. Child defilement robs you off your childhood; you are forced to grow up so you can defend yourself in this wicked world. The world is not safe for a girl child.
Girl Empowerment Alliance for change (Facebook post)