“I was like a little wife to him each time his wife (step mum) wasn’t home he could be on me “

As a result of the him forcing himself on me I still suffer from a severe back pain for over 22 years, 29 years old Karen Kaluba in pain explains and edges women not hide their pain of sexual abuse it’s time to break the silence she says “when you open up you save lives “I feel terrible many times because my silence costed my little cousin’s life. She was 10 years old when she was defiled and when I thought I could open up and talk to her about my past it was too late she had committed suicide

The abuse all started when my dad had a fight with my step mother that fight started in the morning till evening, my dad use to be too violent and that day when they had a fight my step mum went to sleep at my uncle’s place and left me at home alone, It was late at night I couldn’t sleep alone so I went to our neighbors place then around midnight daddy came back to pick me up , I remember I was putting on a green skirt and a red t-shirt when we went back home I went to sleep then he came to my room shortly after and took of my clothes and forced himself on me , I tried to scream but he covered my mouth, and threatened to kill me if I scream or tell anyone about what had happened. I was in so much pain when he was doing it and after he was done he asked me to go and bath,I had developed sores on my private parts. The abuse continued for over 3 years and he did it every time my step mother was not around because she used to be a businesswoman so she travelled a lot. Because of the threats as a girl I was just young powerless filled with fear knowing that my dad was a police officer and was working for victim support unit, the question I had was who was going to believe my story? Nobody was going too, he was a very respectable man, and I couldn’t open up to anyone not even my mum because she was far., when I was 14 years old my dad called me to the bedroom and wanted to RAPE me again, I then told him, I knew what he did to me when I was a child was a crime the fact that I was quiet did not mean I didn’t know, that was the last time he paid for my school.

I was suicidal all these years, my life was shattered and lonely, I suffered from a back pain and I could not tell anyone about my story for over 18 years, My Education life was affected badly; I hated my daddy with everything in me. When I was in secondary school, I couldn’t stand it whenever I heard my friends praise their fathers; I had nothing better to say about mine. When I was 18 years old I still couldn’t talk about it until my dad died, I still didn’t tell mum or my step dad because I was confused I didn’t know how the society would think of me . As a result of the pains and rejection I faced, I started looking for attention from other people. At age of 21 I met a man whom I felt safe with and I got married. In all this I had never forgiven my dad even in his death. At Age 21 that’s when I told my mother about it, she was broken, she told me it was not my fault, and she went to my room and burnt everything that would remind me of Dad. I then got married and Thank God I have 2 beautiful children but after 5 years of marriage we went our separate ways.

Being Defiled plus being a Sanguine and Divorced was the most difficult thing to deal with, I completely lost myself But in 2015 I met a friend Emmanuel who I shared my story with about what I went through then he began to help me in my healing process, he brought me books, helped me build myself confidence, He made me believe In myself more, He then said your dad is gone forgive him and move on Which I did. So I responded well to that painful part of my life by reading a lot which gave me the strength to eventually forgive my daddy, it was through reading that Defilement did not define me; I did not allow it to define me, It’s been 4 years now in my healing process, it hasn’t been an easy road but God has helped me am now turning 30 redefined and purpose driven. The wound was so deep but the only thing I have left is the scar that shows how Strong I Am. I feel terrible many times because my silence costed my little cousin’s life. She was 10 years old when she was defiled and when I thought I could open up and talk to her about my past it was too late she had committed suicide. It’s because of my little cousin that I felt I could share this and tell someone that you can actually heal. God understand abuse better and his more than ready to heal us.

Defilement is the most painful a young girl can go through especially when the culprit is a very close person that you trusted with your life. Child defilement robs you off your childhood; you are forced to grow up so you can defend yourself in this wicked world. The world is not safe for a girl child.

Girl Empowerment Alliance for change (Facebook post)

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30 COMMENTS

  1. Sad story indeed.Some men have lost the rightful place God gave them. A position of leadership and care. If a parent who is supposed to protect his children can go to such an extent of defiling his own daughter, it becomes an embarrassment to be called a man. As men we need to find a rightful position, that God bequeathed unto us. We are custodians of values of integrity and caring for the vulnerable. It is heart breaking reading such stories. One wonders, where are men that will value the life that has been put in there care? It is a big shame indeed!!!!

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    • I don’t read this kind of stories. Your d!ck is dangerous weapon as panga or gun. Story above same as stories like:
      – Lusambo murder Kasongo or
      – Kaizer shoots and miss 3 bullets over seex.
      – Keith shoots his guard over Chaimane.
      Why do you people do these evil things? And why are you are still in society?

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    • These kind of stories sound like those picked from Hollywood, am not sure I believe her, mu zambia??

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    • Go and report to the Police now.

      I am sorry t hear this and disown your father

      I hate men

      Thanks

      BB2014,2016

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    • The Problem is with you women…stop creating fake stories like this no wonder people will never believe you…using your silly imagination to make up non existence abuse….stop this nonsense…stop watching Nigerian movies

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    • Its disgusting how men on this forum are quick to dismiss this story when they very well know how that abuse is real and women suffer the consequences of men who can’t keep their zippers closed.Why do you deny this? Shame on you!

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    • It HAD to be a police officer. These officers in our country even… Especially those pocket-picking-street-vendors on our road sides… You just can’t trust that uniform anymore!

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  2. If this story was political, by now, it could have been filled up with comments.
    That is the sad part of Zambia.

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  3. Hmm. I don’t know if to believe this or not. The story raises a lot of questions, like; she says she developed sores after the first defilement, if indeed they were an STD they wouldn’t have ended like that, plus who bathed her at age of 7 not to notice that her private parts had sores? She also says she couldn’t tell anyone that she was being abused because no one would have believed her but also says she was threatened, which one is it? What does being sanguine have to do with this?
    And then she talks about a cousin who committed suicide because of abuse, what has her story have to do with her cousin?
    A human brain can be very treacherous, she might have heard the story from somewhere else and may using it as her own to seek attention.

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    • At your age are you telling me you have never heard of men who abuse girls or women? Your stance on this gives support to rapists and defilers. BTW a 7 year old girl bathes herself gee wiz! This woman has suffered untold psychological trauma and can not recount the story like an award winning New York times best selling reporter ,does that make her story false? Learn to protect your sisters and mothers.I advocate for castration for all defilers and rapists.#castratedefilers

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    • @ex-moma. She doesn’t have to write like an award winning New York times best seller, but she has to be consistent. Embellishing the truth doesn’t make it more believable, which is what she may done. Anyone who will take time to write about the abuse they suffered will write better.
      Our ability to not use emotions are what can really help in successfully fighting abuse against girls, boys, women and men. Emotional attachment many at times prevents us from seeing the whole picture clearly.

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    • Welcome to planet earth on which more than half of the 7billion people are female and are emotional beings.Females use emotions quite a bit in day to day life. Are you freaking saying she has to retell the story like a man to be believable! You sexist bastard! Instead of protecting women you walk around with your erections harassing them.

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    • @ex-moma. It’s very wrong for you to be presumptuous on the basis that anyone who doesn’t agree with you is a sexist bastard and creep. It’s a fact that not everyone will agree with you, and when/if they don’t, you don’t have to use inappropriate language to make your opinion sound better.

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    • Any man who casually discounts a story of sexual abuse is a sexist bastard. The plight of women is treated as just an inconvenience to men.Do you know the bravery it takes to tell the world about how you were sexually abused and then for you to discount it just like that? Go to the police station-any police station and check the statistics. I hate that you have dismissed this woman just because she didn’t meet you literary aptitude. I am going to stand up for my fellow sisters ,you mess with one you mess with us ALL. You mum is a woman,your aunties,cousins ,sisters ,daughters are women…we need men to stand up and help protect us.

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    • You certainly have know idea. Thanks for defending your position, it just didn’t have to be bitchy.

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    • @Dokowe It certainly had to be extra bitchy for you. Its time to bitch and get defilers and rapists castrated.

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  4. I cannot believe some of the responses here. Whether this particular story is true or not, statistics show that incidences of this have been common. Defilement IS rife in Zambia. Despite some convictions, a lot of cases have not been prosecuted and many young girls have suffered in silence.

    Investigate and get the facts, instead of showing your misogynistic tendencies that have actually been a catalyst in fuelling this perverted behaviour by men. I know many a family and friends who have experienced this.

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  5. I wish you had told us earlier Karen and we could have stepped in as your uncles. Sad that my niece committed suicide whilst you could have stopped. But I am glad you have opened and found favour with God. All is forgiven young lady. It’s time to move on with your life.

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  6. Very sad story. Most policemen are criminals. Sometimes I wonder why there are so many zombies in police camps. This story can explain something

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  7. Karen you a brave woman. As for me my first cousin defiled me at the same age as you. I always blame my step mum who had put me and my grown man cousin in the same bedroom. I was defiled many times but one day I refused to go to my own bedroom instead I started crying whilst standing in my parents bedroom (step mum and my dad). Instead of my step mum to support me or ask me why? She started insulting me. I am over 40 years but still affected.

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  8. Well done for dealing with such evil in such an honorable and positive way for yourself not others. I have worked with victims of abuse and Zambia these are the facts. Defilement happens more frequently than you can imagine. The biggest percentage of culprits are family members. Most victims commit suicide or self destructive behavior which leads to death. Ignore the facts and learn the hard way. Confront this evil head on and we will remove it from Zambian society. Secrecy is what paedophiles want, they use threats, violence and shame. Do not empower evil. Stand with victims and against such evil. Problem is also our people who have fallen victim to the normalization of such practices eg the younger mistress, boasting of sleeping with young girls or young girls confusing grooming of a…

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  9. Do not empower evil. Stand with victims and against such evil. Problem is also our people who have fallen victim to the normalization of such practices eg the younger mistress, boasting of sleeping with young girls or young girls confusing grooming of a paedophile with love. This evil must be dealt with like the evil it is. Child rape is child rape.

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  10. SAD MY DEAR. LET, GOD GIVE YOU A HEART TO LOVE.AND FORGIVE, HIM.SOME OF YOUR CRITICS YOU PEOPLE SOME PEOPLE WILL STOP SHARING THERE SIDE OF THE EXPEIENCES.MUSHOTA ETC PLEASE AVOID SOME OF YOUR COMMNTS. REAL ISSUES YOU CAN’T COMMENT.

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  11. I am certain the story is real. Perhaps she is not very good at writing and someone had to help her. The writer may have tried to fill some gaps together which is why some people think it is fake. Sadly these things are truly happening in homes. Even sodomy at times. Ghastly to consider but it happens. And many people fail to report for fear of stigma. Of course any reported matter deserves to be investigated to establish facts. It is equally true there are also cases where an accuser makes up a story. Least we each can do the best for those we can help. A stolen childhood like this cannot be replaced. Sometumes young ones die never even getting the chance……

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