Dear Jelita,

Mwana how are you? Its been along time. I hope you and bashi mpundu are okey.Are you still in Mwinilunga?

Mark and I now live in Chicago.Its the town where Oprah lives though I haven’t seen her yet.I miss our nursing days at Mukinge mission hospital.

I know you all thought I was the luckiet girl alive when Dr.Mark Roberts came to Mukinge mission hospital and fell in love with me, a simple nurse born and bred in Solwezi! Well I also thought I was lucky especially when he asked me to marry him.

Now in retrospect maybe my parents were right when they were concerned about what I’ld have in common with a muzungu.

When we first came to the US it was all a whorl wind romance.We stayed in New York at first and he would take me to central park,hire a horse drawn carriage and we would have the most romantic evenings.
Then reality kicked in when we started meeting his friends and family.Firstly I couldn’t understand a word they where saying.We went to his parents house for a braii once and all his brothers and sisters were there. After lunch they all dived into the heated pool.As I was thinking how lucky I was for not carrying my costume, Marks sister Ashleigh handed me a bikini! Meanwhile I had spent the entire night before retouching my hair and setting it.I said no I don’t want to get my hair wet and the whole family laughed liked I had said something hilarious.
I felt silly and almost broke down in tears. Now there is talk of going to Colarado to go skii-ing.What do I know about skii-ing? I’m just going to embarrass myself like I did on the last camping trip.
Mark thinks I’m making a big deal out of nothing.Anyway, life is not as easy as I thought it would be.I miss Zambia.Anyway,we are going to a Chinese restaurant I have to get ready.Wish me luck with the chop sticks! I’m so miserable mwana. It doesn’t make sense to be in America and be so damm miserable does it?
Reply soon.

your friend,

Womba

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54 COMMENTS

  1. Cultural shock! Womba, you do not have to use those ridiculous chop sticks when you go to the Chinese restaurant!

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  2. WOMBA TELL THEM I WOULD LIKE TO ADVICE MY FRIENDS, WHO LIKE WHITE MEN, LETS US BE PROUND WITH OUR ZAMBIAN MEN, YOU KNOW YOU CAN BE FREE DO WHAT EVER YOU WANT AT ANY TIME. Iam married to a tonga bull, my neighbour is married to a muzungu, when we just came i was thinking my friend was enjoying life in Europe but nina dabwa samagona munzanga its every after one day bayamba. The muzungu shouts at her untill manje bayamba mumenya,this time she is even shy when we meet in the corridors, becoz she knows that I know that she is not happy mucikwati. Zambians donte cheated when you these ladies that they are in love, 3/4 are not. The so called bazungu are raciest, so why kuzivuta sisters please

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  3. Some people find it difficult to intergrate with the western culture especially those that have been brought up believing that ” Nshima is the only real food” those from remote areas where a white man has never been seen before and it depends on the individual really, in all races there are good and bad men. I personally would never marry an african, i just love the contrast between black and white, those that have a problem with that has to live with it! Xenophobia, prejudice, rasicim, domestic violence you name it, exist all over the world. I can never wish for better spouse than mine. Simply the best!

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  4. Is this some kind of joke or is this an attempt to get a discussion about intermarriage?

    I hope that we are not going to get racist here.

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  5. #7 Not everyone speaks your tongue whatever itis.As you can see i am not the only one asking what this is about. Now, if you have nothing nice to say i choose to stay away from unnecessary insults and perverted ignorance!

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  6. Woh! Ladies and gentlemen. Life is like a box of chocolate. You never know what you find in it. Just like people in marriages. Not all are the same. I think good marriages are not about color. In my opinion, I think it is sometimes to do with our background mentalities and so on. Not all whites, blacks, or any other are the same.

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  7. Oh dear.I think that is not a big problem.What you are lacking in ya mind is the psychological stability.
    Just be “the you in you” .I mean be yourself.Use what you know and leave what you don’t.In a chinese restaurant they also have spoons.You can just tell the damn waiter that you need a spoon and a fork.Other things you just need to learn you know.If you continue to be knowing in pretency the you are expecting a “social phobia”and most probably Generalized phobia

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  8. Marriage will always be it.Be it with a zedian or whoever.Unless you experience racism then its another story.Others can be handled amicably.
    All in all GOD BLESS YOU.

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  9. Stick to what you know best,black is beautiful.Dont be misled by the likes of NO. 6 with inferiority complex.Always submitting 4 the sake of kunkala kubazungu.

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  10. Every relationship is different. Only a prejudiced separatist ***** would jump to conclusions on the topic of intercultural relationships. Those who feel the need to separate themselves from others based on biological attributes should pack up their swastikas and move to the moon. Bad relationships come in all shapes, nationalities and colors. Now about those chopsticks, Womba is an *****. Who says you have to use chopsticks just because you are at a Chinese restaurant? Womba needs to work on her self esteem issues and dump her stupid husband.

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  11. this issue of going to a chinese restaurant aint that had anyway, not everyone likes chinese food atleast i dont so you can tell your husband what you really feel about chinese food i mean if you like it or not or if you know how to use those chop sticks or not probably you might learn on how to use them or better yet use a spoon just ask the waiter fro one. the other thing is be real to yourself and try to learn new things coz if you stick to the little you know then you wont get any where in life so strife to lean new things and ask just as youve posted this question on this site

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  12. This story is addressed to JELITA,the grade 2 girl we used to read long ago (remember JELITA & MULENGA) not grown up men & women on the blog, becoz it is to dumb to be a true story. We all know that everyone learn through making mistakes and through fear!!!!

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  13. This story is addressed to JELITA,the grade 2 girl we used to read long ago (remember JELITA & MULENGA) not grown up men & women on the blog, becoz it is too dumb to be a true story. We all know that everyone learn through making mistakes and not through fear!!!!

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  14. If you want to use knives and forks in a chinese restaurant you miss an important igredient: the chinese experience (not just swallowing the food). Now do you think a chinese would be embarassed to try and eat nshima the Zambian way? Or would you laugh at a chinese trying to eat nshima with their hands? Probably not.

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  15. #15 nkalachee! Ever heard of the phrase black is beautiful, but white is white? Its not everyones taste to date/marry kaponya wa mu zambia, just like its not, for some to imagine a white as a partner, no need for you to start giving people name tags. Please go ahead and enjoy your shake shake, delele, mbeba, rats shit in food called kapenta relationships, leave those who prefer to enjoy the sunny side of life in peace, you have your choice.

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  16. Whether the story is true or not, I don’t see anything worth discussing in it. It is not strange that one meets these cultural challenges in foreign lands. I actually doubt whether there was anything negative about the lady’s life in the states. Mark sounds he is a romantic guy and has continued with this good way of life. I dont understand why a normal girl would see wrong in braiis, restaurants, central park, swimming and all the good stuff Mark is offering this Solwezi chap! We mukashana we you are embarassing Zambia!!!

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  17. #23, that’s a strange analogy. I don’t know where you were born, but if looks had something to do with where we are born and bred Mark would have found his love in the US and not in Zambia (let alone Mwinilunga), and most Zambians would not be married to partners from developed nations ):

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  18. Bloggers, the story need not be true, it is a breath of fresh air from all that ranting about football, Mwanawasa and Sata. That is why it is in the Lifestyle category.
    [4], your Zambian neighbour in the diaspora is not having marital problems because her husband is white! They, like any other couple, are just having a bad patch. Just because you are married to a fellow Zambian does not mean you will have bliss

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  19. To Womba,
    Try to read Hofstede’s “Cultures & Organisations – A software of the mind” It will help you begin to understand how and why people live and behave differently around the world, and this book will help you avoid Culture shock which I think is what you are suffering from. On your relationship with your Muzungu, if you don’t show an interest in trying out the activities that he is used to, it will never work, relationships are a two way street.

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  20. Well said #20.We can all learn something from other cultures and dont have to take what we dont like.

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  21. In my book,i seriously think marrying someone from your home country is better than umusungu or worse still mwenya,i was lucky to have met my wife a childhood friend for that matter in college in Maryland,everything just falled in place bcoz we understood each others background and everything there is to know.but unfortunately not everyone can boost about their partners like iam doing,balaba bepa in the name of good life in the states but only to be turned into a punching bag.bulanda bushala…mwenkasi shandi ku zed,mwilabepwa naba sungu aba..

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  22. ain gat anything to say, im studying in Russia and I live with Russians the so called whites. there is nothing in these people they dont have morals hey I end here, the rest you finish….

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  23. #29 i pity you! Russia is one place which is a no go area for an african regardless of studies or otherwise what, with all the neo nazis hunting for “niggers” on their streets, most of them though are just frustrated jobless vodka alcoholics, just like in Zed you have kaponyas, but anyway there are plenty of classy ladies and gentlemen in the EU and russians and nazis do not count as potential muzungus to get married to, those are racist pigs! Bati kapoto wapa zambia mwena awe mwandi, nobushimbe bwawama po…

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  24. # 9 noname don’t worry I was just greeting my fellow tribes mate.
    # 11 ami kwami navulama dehi ku hosha chachiwahi muchidi yechu.Na tiyi kuwaha kuhosha na neyi.

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  25. “i seriously think marrying someone from your home country is better than umusungu”. My parents are both Zambian, my mother is black and my father is white. Are you saying that my mother is at a disadvantage because of having married my father? They have been together for 35 years. Clearly they are doing something right.

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  26. This is the 21st century where people can meet, date, and actually get married via the net. If your mindset is still locked in 19th century Mwinilunga, remain in your habitat. This is the age of universal existence! If you cant adapt…..you are doomed….

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  27. It’s sad that our zambian ladies take the same mentally abroad? They think “foreigns have money” ..how stupid! they do the same shoddy jobs but will fall for some cheap vibe? Nigerians in chicago even place bets on our zambian women? They even call our women “high mileage”. otherwise bazungu are no different from zambian women? A foreign will find his way the fisrt night? high mileage..women ..have some pride and decency? not all that gliters is gold. no wonder they get butchered in south africa?

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  28. Just wondering. If you haters are so happy with your inbred relationships, why are you investing so much time nagging others for the choices they have made? A lot of the Zambian women I have met abroad are very intelligent and hardworking. They work very hard in order to support large families and orphans back home, so It is a shame that you have nothing better to do than humiliate your own women.

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  29. # 32,To hell with your explainations,what i was merely expresing in my posting is my PERSONAL OPINION and not what you think or anyone else,and its not my problem if your father is albino and yo mama is black,learn to tolaret views different from yours if u ar to grow up or else you will kip on complaining on what everybody says…we.chi.puba we!

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  30. experiencing new life and ways of life is nice and very challenging. How can they laugh at her cause they are supposed to teacch her, different climate and background. If they are really whites people as well as in their mind then they woudln’t laungh but if they can behave in a strange way know that they are also dull and village. dont pretend be the way you are in that way you are perfect go girl go!!

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  31. [39] Bulungumune, I feel you, I miss the contributions of O.P. and Inonge when it comes to Lifestyle. I used to go under a different pseudonym some time back, and for me Lifestyle was the illest section on LT

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  32. Its creeping up on everyone, and those who cannot adapt will become extinct.

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  33. Ka.chi.kala ka #41,watch yo back how many times are you going to complain about every word you hear in the streets?we chinangwa we.

    in my personal opinion,i think uli kali bo.lo akasasa.

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  34. I thought so. You are one of those foul mouths who can’t express themselves without using profane language. Do the Feds in Maryland know that you are engaging in cyberthreats. You know, they could actually deport you for bad moral character.

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  35. Mwaice #44 and 45,i dont appreciate your mental diarrhoae.And for your own info i meant every word i used in my last posting.i know you’re in a state of anonymocity and mental imbalance.your frustrations are evident in your last postings,i urge you to visit a psycho-therapist soonest.bawiso eba racist pig.

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  36. Whats going on here? Womba! see what you have done now? waleta intulubundi If you are really an RN why is it so difficult to adapt to those simple tasks. Next time ukamutuminefye E-mail Jelita no ku mweba Ifyo ulepitamo and try by all means not ………… …… ……… …… …….

    If this story is not real please…. ……. …….. ……. …….. (fill in the blanks)

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  37. Oh my God please tell me this is a bull^$%^ letter. First of all it sounds like someone has been watching ‘meet the parents’, but made it into a Zambian version of a letter. But on the flip side 4 God sake the extended family ‘aba sungu’ must know you’re from Africa girl, they already think we’re not that well exposed, so i’m sure with that misconception, your husband should tell them we don’t have snow in Z for u to know how to ski. And instead tell them about our culture n the good things about Z. Maybe u need to tell ur husband to take his family 2 z and i’d like 2 see them attempt 2eat nshima. I’m sure the joke will b on them. Tell us a diff story, this one sounds scripted…sorry.

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  38. There is an abundance of delele and kapenta in American grocery stores.In fact all the ingredients you want in a Zambian dish you can get.So, you troubled woman, have you tried to introduce and entertain your ‘INTERNATIONAL’ in-laws to any Zambian delicacy such as above or ifinkubala? How do they accept that or any of your cultural practices? Does your husband let them know you wear beads around the waist? Tell them its tit for tat. Oh be careful they might think its tit for tit

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  39. You are really a smart ass girl! You decide you want to write a fiction novel plotted around an interracial/crosscultural affair.What better way for easy resource than the ‘fools’ who are going to buy my book anyway? Try another route smart ass!

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  40. The point most of the “globalization-minded” people are missing is this that ‘generally’ Africans and Zambians in general are very accepting and accommodating when it comes to forging relationships with any person or persons they know to be foreigner. Our past is replete with examples of how we allowed a relatively small number of foreigners to come and settle in our midst, absorb their culture like our life depended to the extent that we have remained with their names and no one of them that lived here took anything of ours with them except our wealth. This white is rich/better mentality has been tattooed to our psyche to the point where it is inarguably a regular ingredient of our values.

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  41. If someone wants you to learn their way of life, and are not ready to learn yours, then know they are up to change you.If you don’t value your culture that much, then you are just a nobody who falls for anything.Life is short,get exposed,gain some confidence,have fun,be happy.But never forget where you are coming from.

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