Dear Bloggers,

I have a dilemma I never thought I would find myself in. A year ago I started working for a certain company. Two months into my new job my boss went on leave and another man took his place in an acting position. I got along with my new boss very well and we soon struck an out of office friendship. You see I wanted to be professional at work and only agreed to see him after hours.We have been dating seriously for the last 8weeks.

I felt he was a descent guy because he never invited me to his place.He does come to my place but my flat mate is usually there so we are never really alone.

I have really grown to love this man and could see myself spending the rest of my life with him.

Last week I got a phone call from an angry woman telling me to lay of her husband. If she had not been calling from his cell phone I would have had my doubts about her. My brother also told me he thought he saw my boyfriend dropping off a kid at the school my niece goes to.

I am in total shock. He never wore a ring, at least in my presence.I do not know what to do. I can not stand working at that company anymore.People I’m sure have been looking at me like a slut.Perhaps that may be the reason the other women at work have not been friendly towards me.I have not yet confronted him but I am so embarrassed and angry for having missed all the signs that I was dating a married man.Should I resign from my job and put distance between us? I can not stand working in such close proximity with him anymore.

Lady in distress

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179 COMMENTS

  1. Young lady that man is married there a lot of responsible single Young men out there in Matero , George, Mandeve, Kalingalinga, Chazanga even Mazyopa just search carefully.do it like you are lokking for a Jod good lucky

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    • Don’t seek no sympathy. Nothing has happened between you and him, you are never by yourselves but in company of others. Unless you have not fully disclosed, it is you who is seducing the man. Back off. He is a good man, he even uses his mobile to call you!

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    • Young lady dont say you cant see through the eyez of a liar, unless u say u had a crash on him from the first day. lucky that she called u-where am from ladies like u are sprayedd with sulphiric acid

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    • The attachement you seem to have with this guy goes beyond just seing him. If you had not given in to sex, you would not have been this confused, but an easy good buy and the matter would have been over. On the second thought I think this story is a hoax, just someone trying to play wih bloggers because no normal person would be asking bloggers for solution in a sexual relationship which involves cheating for that matter.

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  2. Hands off marrried men please.. Its sad that you did not know that the man was married before whatever happened. now hands off. You will never learn/know the feeling of the other woman until and unless you get married one day yourself. This is a kindly and mature advice..

    As for the job .. look for another before disaster falls on you my friend…

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  3. To me it seems like you feel the world has come to an end which is not the case. You need to forget about what ever has happened and move on. There is no need for you to quit, besides I feel 8weeks is a short time for you to feel like you can not do without him. The fact that a man can propose you means its not only him that is able to do that, a lot others can do it, so its time to move.

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  4. The Germans say “wo die Liebe hinfälltt, da bleibt sie auch liegen…” meaning “where love lays down, there it will also rest.” I know that infactuation can cause someone to be blind but you really sound naive when you say you have grown to love this man to the extent of wanting to settle down with him before you even take time to “research” his background. You never suspected anything? You never even bothered to ask why he only prefers to meet you at your home? Never even heard any rumours from his friends? Seems to me that you just didn’t care whether or not he is married. It takes two to play that game.

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    • Nine Chale,
      this lady is more than naive. There are so many signs men can hide about their marital status in order to impress these ‘chiks’ but there is always something missing and this should ring a bell . Not wearing a ring is no sensible excuse.She should not sound so innocent and pitiful in here, as she is a big player in this game…

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    • ba Cutey, ah ah! I think this lady is just innocently naive. For her to come out like this, she really did not know what she was getting herself into. Now that she knows, and is lucky to know early enough, she should leave the man – on that score, I TOTALLY agree with you!

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    • My bro Ba Engine Bbuloko,
      This girl verbalises that she has been datig this man seriously for 8 wks now.Honestly in 8 weeks some one you take seriously cant show you his bungalow?I believe she is just daft and dull .period.

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    • Ba Cutey/wifey……bungalow? he he he he reminds me of the lingua of those days…..since you are speaking as a lady and an experienced one for that matter, I guess you are right. These girls, sometimes even when the man tells them that he is married somehow they wish!!!!! maybe she just got scared when the “owner” fumed!!!!!!

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    • you calling the baby ugly!? the baby is not half as ugly as your are! the day i saw you i couldnt help but throw up! i was sick to the pits of my stomach for weeks! the baby has a chance of growing up and looking nice. Now you!! Shame that you have to carry a face like that… so disgusting!

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  5. I feel for you dear lady.men can be extreamly crooked and its good you have known that he is married before it is too late.hope you have not slept with him cause he just wanted to use you .Please and i repeat please,let go of him and God will surely provide a right man for you.Don’t quit your job just have nothing to do with this same man anymore and life will get back to normal.

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  6. It is normal to fall in love at first sight. Now that you know he is married forget about loving him. Don’t stop work , more so that guy is just a temp he will soon go and your other boss shall come back. Don’t worry about the other ladies at work, they are also human and make mistakes. ave a balanced view of the matter

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  7. The fact that you now know that he is a married man, its a good wake up call for you to call it quits with him before its too late. There are so many genuine eligible barchellors who are looking for morally sensible girls.. but cant find the right one (Even on L.T.) LOL…. (You sound to be cool and collected though I cant say innocent). Someone somewhere is waiting for you . .move away from this trouble stricken relationship before its too late.

    An find another job , but keep your eyes wide open and not WIDE SHUT!

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    • Mama Cuty….kambongolo is here waiting for miss right. Let that lady wait for me….but Iam afraid with married men, he laid hands on her. Ladies please tekanyeni.

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    • You are not alone my dear Kambongolo, Ba Chewe kale ba amba ukulanguluka. Baleumfwisha no uluse. Shino inshiku nabanashako ukuilishanya palyashi iyo.
      These women who are after married men are after the riches that these men have,. What these girls forget is in order for that man to attain those riches there was a very supportive woman(wife) behind him.

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    • She knew from the beginning that, the gentleman was married. She just likes, office drama. Right now she is laughing at all the advice you are giving her. She is a slut.

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  8. you are just a hoochie mama. ocha mufwilaaaa!! any way just continue getting humped until his wife dies from AIDS and you can take over and dies miserably ever after

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  9. My dear friend,quit your job is not the solution and if you quit your job,dont you think u ar going to put yourself into another trouble? Just leave that man alone and his family and get on with your normal life.Imagn my sister it was your husband dating with another woman! I think the wife is more shocked than you.Wel,its sad that you didnt know,but thank God that you are now aware of the position of your lover.In adtion,can u honestly wish to contnue dating with such a man who is a trouble shoter in the family? Dont you think those 8weeks,caused alot of trouble at his home? My friend it wasnt your time/luck,one day it sha come to pass.They are uncountable single men as #1 metioned.

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    • 8 weeks and his wife finds out?
      The guy has real issues. He is using this girl to get out of his marriage!
      Girls nowadays do not seem to mind married men as they want an already established home. Telling a girl upfront that you are married would be like the best of both world, if she accepts. This man had other motive or else he is a beginner.

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  10. Frankly, since ‘you have not eaten the fruit’ (if true) it is much easier for you to end this relationship. You will need to face up to the reality of on-job relationship but I do not see any point resigning. The man is as much responsible as you are – it take two to tangle.

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    • Her fruit has been eaten thats why she is crying here. Women, do not give your bodies to men to prove your love!!!

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  11. Iam studying right now,but I thought I should say one or two things.Iam very sorry my sister for what you are going through right now.I have failed to understand why men are like this of course not all,but many.Why is it that most of the married men find it difficult to stick to their wives? Is it that they become testless?Iam so sorry to say this,but I have failed to find the answer to this question.Iam one person who is looking forward to a day when wemen will stop calling men ati “Insoka” but I think that time will never come so soon.In this case it will take ages for this sister to trust a man here on earth coz of what has happened to her.Cont’D

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    • Iam one person who is very sensitive with these issues,I take some time to analyse relationships and I have just realised that when a lady is in love with a man they truly love,unlike ife bamuna.My sisters Iam begging you be careful with us men don’t just fall in love with us anyhow take some time to study us my sister 8months was not enough for you to be inlove with that guy.You needed much time to study him Iam sure if you did that this tym ngatauli na depressed.

      Anyway my advise to you will be,Don’t resign just continue with your Job so that taulusile pabili(Your job and the Man) The other thing is you should be proud coz you didn’t sleep with him that is if it is true.Cont’d

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    • Because nga walilala nankwe you would have felt being used.The other thing that I want to tell you is this,and it will be only be applicable if at all you are a Christian.Read Romans 8vs 28.”All things works for good for those who love the Lord”.You should thank God coz you descovered it so early it could have been sad if you discovered it when ninshi alikubonfwa to the fullest.My fellow me please Lets be faithful to these ladies.Muletufyenga fwebashilaupa coz Ikatukosela ukufwaya the ladies will be saying amuna nicimozimozi.Oh! I forgot Matworld is still single so my sister you are more than welcome Ha ha ha ha.

      Enjoy blogging fellas,Back to books.

      Reformed Matworld.

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    • Ba Matworld,

      With general knowledge, 8 months is too long that she wouldnt have slept with this man. The fact is she cant admit it pucblicly that she did it.. Fact is, she did. She is madly in love with him to the extent that she wishes she could spend the rest of her life with him… what a mind set….

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    • Even if its 8 weeks. The guy has already put his tongue on the punani. That is why she is so confused.

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  12. Darling, there is nothing wrong with dating a married man. Who says he wont give you a good time. Just let nature take its course, you might be plesently suprised. Married men are the ones with experience, we know how to treat a lady. Just play it cool dear, don’t worry and let nature run its course. When this othe lady phones, deny everything.

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    • Are you sure? And what will be your answer in Heaven When God asks you about Adultery? Please Iam not preaching to you I just wanted to remaind you in case you have forgotten.

      Have a lovely day.

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    • Even in the Bible men had more than one woman, so it is not a new thing. It is Natural.

      Now again darling if you are reading, tell that dull chap to delete all your numbers. And to start thinking about arrainging seminars in other towns. If he is questioned he should just stick to ”it wasent me” Pipo are just jealaous.

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  13. “I have not yet confronted him but I am so embarrassed and angry for having missed all the signs that I was dating a married man.Should I resign from my job and put distance between us? I can not stand working in such close proximity with him anymore.”

    Seems to me you have already answered your own question. Apart from the immorality of continuing the relationship, why would you want to be in a relationship with such a person?

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  14. Ba reformed Martworld. I am a woman and will try to respond on a womans persperctive as to why some men leave their wives at home in search of ubowa(mushroom)–>. (other women) -1. ulunkumbwa, 2.greed- as to want more than you have, 3. influence from friends, 4. Lack of commitment. And funnily enough these same men, if another man advances torwards thier wives they rage like bulls. 4. Kanshi bambi ni ukwangalafye.. just passing time and just for fun I presume…… You will be shocked when they return to their wives at home with tails between their legs and very innocent, some look like a drenched chickens.

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    • Those are just basic examples.. There are many more…. There are women too who dersert their husband in search of other men what could be the reason?? Is it because their husbands are tasteless? Look at Regina Chiluba.. husband snatcher/grabber…

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    • Sometimes women are to blame. When you are just dating, you give your boyfriend all the sex he wants. Lest you get married, SEX BECOMES YA MUTAMBO. Thats why we go somewhere else.

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    • I agree with you on some of the reasons u have advanced but some women also push their spouses into extramarital affairs by 1. not taking care of themselves 2. not being ‘loving’ like any gilfriend 3. nagging 24/7 4. not treating the husband special.

      Wise women learn from this.

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    • When a person has an affair they make a concious decision all those “reasons” you’ve mentioned above are just excuses. If a man or woman has some concerns about their wife/husband they should be able to sit and figure things out,after all they are supposed to move as one and should be accountable to each other as well as learning and growing together. Sometimes people don’t realise what they are doing and once couples start a family it gets harder and harder to find time as a couple and each couple should be able to figure out something that works for them. What do you prove by having an affair?

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  15. Memembes wife must be the most unfortunate of wives. She shares a man who plunges in in mens anuses. How terrible can that be. That a man can think it modern and sane to allow another to penetrate his anus through which feaces exit human body is beyond me. Mmembe is championing immorality and some people think he is great. Worlds apart indeed!

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  16. The woman in question should just learn from basic humanity that it is wrong to have another womans husband. No need to share such nonsensical and baseless self inflicted problems on the web, suka!

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  17. How can an immorally bankrupt infidel be the champion of freedom and human dignity. Mmembe avails his butt to the likes of William harrington and yet he wants to claim that he is the champion of good! How wicked can things be?

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  18. Where is the good old old basic human dignity gone. The thing that is bad is called good. Church men who aught to know better are yet champions of bad. My heart is cut to the core and I burn. Where are the good men?

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  19. I don’t see why you should be sharing this crap bogus story of yours.Just get a life never quit work because yu will never be employed pa zed coz everyone is closing.Y can’t share it with sis dolly?

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  20. You already know the answer tio the question , if people are looking at you like a slut guess what ..you are one. Of all the single sexually starved men out there you ignore to choose a man thats married. Leave before you have a child out of wedlock maybe then you can reclaim your dignity from trying to destroy a sacred unity. Women like you are the catalyst for the spread of HIV aids because you don’t think using logic instead you use conjured up emotions and call it love. If you knew anything about love you would know it has everything to do with respect not only for yourself but for third parties as well.

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    • Also word of advice , if a man never brings you back to his abode then he wants nothing more than to leave his DNA inside you and nothing more. You dug yourself a grave not a bed because you didn’t do a background check. I do that to women that aren’t worth the sweat off a hogs back like all men.

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  21. Why is it that people assume that all women sleep with guys they date. I just had a hot debate with a friend who didn’t ,couldn’t believe I never slept with my ex-boyfriend. Why sleep with a man when most are “dogs”.Ladies wait for MR.Right. Sleep with him after he puts a ring on your finger. Don’t forget to do and HIV test just incase he’s been around.

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    • Ha ha ha thats just cracked my ribs! Okey some of us don’t sleep with guys we date.So don’t assume ALL women do. I do not know if the same is true for men. Can you find a man whose never slept with a woman before or does that only exist in la la land.

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    • Slumdog- you are the one! Wachilasa and now you have slummed!!! Keep it up and tell them the truth. 8 weeks and you are in love??? Ala malabishi!!!

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    • God bless you my sister! I agree that it is very possible to date a someone without having sex with them. Actually for ladies, take care, if you allow a man in before you are married, 90% chance is that you will never marry. Why cant ladies see this? Giving a man sex before you marry is not proof that you love him, its actually proof that you are either loose or are easily manupilated!

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    • How are you big man.You are right I also don’t understand why some women give in so easily.As far as Iam concerned love is not not only about sex.Please ngafweni limbi ine eco bambutukila coz I want someone who I will love without her giving me sex vice versa.

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    • am ok my man! Just take it easy, you are on the right path! good and valuable things are worthy waiting for. If a gelo runs away from you coz you are trying to wait for the right time, its good ridence! she could have cheated on you in future. Sober ladies will not open their thighs on the slightest of intentions by a man to prove their “love”. Ladies who are onfident and proud of what they are will NEVER allow a man in except in wed-lock….bad to say it but thats just the way it is. So relax mwaiche wandi….gold is waiting for you, forget the “malashas”!

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    • What kind of irony is this? how are u going to know MR RIGHT if most men are ‘dogs’? Mary u live in a dream world! wake up and smell the air

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  22. My sister please dont quit just leave this crooked man. Speak to him once that the freindship is over because of………………. He will try to persuade you but dont tolerate him.

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  23. Dear distressed woman, its good you have come in the public. It is unfortunate it has happened like this. Nevertheless I have few questions for you. You have said you never knew that he was married, you mean at your work place there was no one you could ask about that smart married man? You have said your work mates behave unfriendly to you coz of you going out with that married boss of yours. Meaning they knew that he was married. Why didn’t you ask them? Lady, learn to investigate before giving you heart to somebody and know that not all that glitter is gold. What I can advice you is , if indeed you did not know that he was married, then there is no need of you resigning. Just confront…

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  24. Just confront the man, tell him how evil he is. If need be, you can also talk to his wife that he lied to you..be careful here she can hammer you. Tell your work mate about it as well. I think this will create peace in your heart and you will continue interacting with your workmates in the usual way. Don’t resign unless your relationship with this man was beyond what you have told this blog.

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    • That is a more radical approach to sort out this indaba and I applaud you Kambongolo. If she has to live with her head high, she better take the steps you have explained. More sensible indeed. Just swallow your pride gal, after all everyone knows by now.. including L.T.

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    • I believe and trust you Mr Wiseman re born and on second thought, I am with you when you say this story is fictional. No more comment s from me.

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  25. woman leave that man and carry on with your life. I wander why they are alot of single guys like me who ve not had sex for a year now! but you keep clinging to married men

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    • how come a man can say this “proudly” ie I haven’t had sex for a year but let a woman say this and she will be called a prostitute. Why are there double standards here. who made it t ok for men to be all over the place?

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    • The problem is with you ladies,you tolarate us so much.I have heard,seen and witnessed so many occassions where a ladies forgives their partners who left them along time ago,but Iam yet to see a man do that.

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    • thats a million dollar question my sister….Bembas say “ubuchende bwamwaume, tabutoba ng’anda”. I really dont know why its like that….but its like that and it doesent seem to be changing. …I think Matworld has answered well on this one!

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    • it is the culture we are in my sister in other cultures a woman can say that and get away with it.

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  26. Young lady, its good you have come in public, but to be honest you don’t seem to have ‘the pride of a woman. Quite alright you have known that the girl is married you don’t even have to think whether to move on or continue, do you know the consequences it may bring to the mans wife and the whole family if you continue. there a lot of serious and responsible single men there in Zambia. It’s surprising that you can even have time to think on this one, you will be called ‘bakatoba mayanda’ meaning home breakers( those ladies who have a habit of going out with married men) i would encourage you to repent and start your new life in Jesus & he will give you what is right. AJ…

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  27. Dear Young Lady, Its a pity that this man never told you about his marital status before falling for him. This tells you that he is not a trustworthy person as he led you into believing that he was in love when possibly all he wants is sex. You know that going out with a married man is wrong in this world of HIV/AIDS as what you also feel is not really love as 8 weeks cannot convince you that you can spend the rest of my life with him. My humble advice is that you become firm and stop this relationship as the man just wants to use you and when you are not there, he will go for another woman. Do not quit your job as your private relationship should not affect your work. Good luck.

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  28. Before I go to sleep here is my Humble request to all the men who are cheating on their wives.Please children of our most High God lets respect and appreciate our friends for all they do in our lives,God knew why he gave them to us.

    Oh Lord my God here is my humble prayer,please make me a very resposible man in future,help me to love my wife that you are going to give me in future.Give me a very beautiful wife so that I won’t covet other pipo’s wives.I really want to have a wife who will love me the way I will love her,Father Iam sure by now you know how I fear to be helped by another man ,that is why Iam still single.Give me who will love me so that takalapela kumbi.Amen.

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    • Sorry I’m already taken.Was just impressed with matworlds attitude.If he is patient I’m sure he will find the right girl. The world still has a few hidden treasures.

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    • You are a man in a million.Keep it up and may God provide you with that woman you so desire.She may not be miss universe but in your eyes she will be.Many a man claim unfailing love but a faithful man who can find?Charm is deceptive, beauty fleeting but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

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    • You again??? now you are preaching church after confusing others with message that its ok to date married men. Bwafya

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  29. ” I know that infactuation can cause someone to be blind but you really sound naive when you say you have grown to love this man to the extent of wanting to settle down with him before you even take time to “research” his background. You never suspected anything? You never even bothered to ask why he only prefers to meet you at your home? Never even heard any rumours from his friends? Seems to me that you just didn’t care whether or not he is married. It takes two to play that game.”

    I don’t think i can put it better than this, i will spare you the criticism. Just let him go, for goodness’ the man has got a kid. Talk to him if that’s the only option and be frank with him. my…

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    • Good point talk talk the crap out of that N lady … acting on here … u zambian girls are too quick so don’t lie that u never knew

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    • Ala!!Who the hell are you to generalise and say “You Zambian girls”..the issue is on the Lady in distress direct your comments on the subject at hand to avoid unnecessary clashing!!

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  30. Brother told you… wife shouted at you on the cell phone… workmates look at you from the corners of their eyes…. you feel like a slut…what more evidence do you need to see reality? THOU SHALL DROP THE MAN LIKE A HOT POTATO! THOU SHALL NOT LEAVE THE JOB, BUT WALK WITH YOUR HEAD HIGH….that is after dropping him.

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  31. quit yo job and continue with the relationship to survive……………………………………, u cant quit both, no way..!! 😀

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  32. quit yo job and continue with the relationship to survive……………………………………, u cant quit both, no way..!!

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  33. i personally think theres nothing wrong with you seeing a mariied man. if he likes you, you like him, then theres no big deal. im married and having an affair myself with married woman. i really dont care what anyone thinks because its non of their business. do what you want to do, as long as it makes you happy.

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    • Hmmm!

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    • are you convinced with what you posted????? You dont know how much happiness you are missing by being unfaithfull to you marriage. When you give love, it comes back to you. You may be thinking you are not getting enough from your marriage but its because you are not giving enough yourself.

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    • Iwe you are mad. The moment you learn that you wife is being humped- u will see red!! I am sure you don’t love your wife at all but just cohabiting. Marriage is for keeps- loser!!!

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  34. Mwana mwanuna wa bene ni mwamuna wa bene. If i were you i would stay away from that guy he is a liar he made you belive he isn’t married.Such guys i think he’s even the one who said “call her if you want she can’t be my gal she’s just a co worker”He’s just working wasting your time my dear.Look somewhere else pli———————z!

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  35. My humble advise, compose yourself, then confront him, initiate the breakup and mean it, chill for awhile (and learn from your mistakes) then look for a guy, your own guy. The decisions you make should lean on what makes you happy ultimately. Wish you all the best.

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  36. Dont resign from your job. If anythining, let him see the better side of you. Approach him and tell him about his wifes call and how your brother saw him drop his kid off at school. Forgive him and move on. Be happy. You will find some better…..Dress better, look hotter, and make listen to that pussy cat dolls song,,,,,,,,,,,,’dont you wish your girl friend was as hot as me…….lol

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  37. mwana what i can say is you are wasting time not confronting this guy. tell you’ve found out what a two-timing bastard he is and that its over!!about quiting your current job, do it only when you have found a replacement. ndaba uzazipeza pa zuba. he is not worth a drop of your tears. i believe there’s a guy out there for all of us. its just a matter of looking in the right place.

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  38. Gal just forget about this married man. dont stop work and just have a word with him. am sure he is not the one that employed you. forget anything happened and carry on with work. let people talk and that will make you strong. just work and work galfriend and forget that beast ignore him please. he wont bring good to you!!!!!

    good luck

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  39. Its encouraging to see the overwelming response from bloggers giving you advice and it all depends on you to leave it or take it. Unfortunately ,most ladies or women are good at seeking advise but not good at taking it. Recently you saw what happened to Rihana and most celebrities advised her to stay way from chris and she did just the opposite.At times I believe this site : Men are better than women dot com remove spaces.

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  40. Well there is nothing to be embaraased about and really no need for you to quit the job. The man cannot quit and so why should you? You have to be brave and let this man know that he is irresponsible and tell him you have no business with married men. Do you work professional and stay way from personal conversations with him. Quitting the job will not solve anything, unless you are sure you will get a job elsewhere immediately. Nayimwe ba married men why do you marry if you still want to play around? Thats why Aids is increasing instead of reducing: Shame on the married.

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  41. You where doing it secretly and now things went sour after 8 weeks.Do not quit your job the stuff is too petty and you can go through that for a short period of time and that will go.It is not your fault to go out with a married man he did not tell you the truth about his other side of his life 🙂

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  42. Stolen waters are sweet, but at the last there will be bitterness, sorrow and regret. I am surprised you say you ‘have fallen in love with him’ when you did not know him. You never knew where he lived. You believed what you wanted to believe therefore you did not face the facts from the very beginning. Know this, any person whom one fancies has others doing the same.If you are the first or he or she has broken up with another, or intend to break up, they will tell you.

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  43. One option is for both of you to convert to islam faith.This means you can get married to the man without causing sin or marriage interence nor hurting anybody.Islam allows this kind of marriage as long the man keeps you happy and the number of wives doesnt exceed 4.The second option is for you to leave the man and his wife and find urself an unmarried man like me.

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  44. I don’t feel sorry for this gal. Just continue feeling the pain of knowing that he is married man.
    Most of you, useless gals don’t know how much you destroy another married womans’ life by spending most of the time with our husbands.
    Most of you don’t stop seeing these married men. Just enjoy the hell you are going through.

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    • sarah love your hubby big time and don’t give a chance to look elsewhere. Love him like a girlfriend to a boy friend arrangement and he will be stuck with you for life

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    • you sound so bitter. we have all had pain from infidelity. be it in marriage or courtship. these things happen. the best thing is not to let them get the best of us. we heal. consider forgiveness, it will give you peace. wish you well.

      also note that sometimes the other woman is a victim… hard to believe but sometimes women don’t plan to date married men. they find themselves in it. not everyone is plain old evil when they find themselves in it. it helps not to be too self-righteous and not to be judgemental. these are old-age problems…

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    • Yeah right , I sound bitter becoz I have seen this happen to so many women. My mum is one of them. This single lady didn’t not only destroy my mums’ life but that of her children. This young lady made sure she aslo left my dad bankrupt and we the children have to patch up the potholes. Some young gals never think twice that what they are diong is wrong, they just think of one thing and thats how much money he has got.

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  45. its a give or take situation here. there are some women out there who are also cheating and are doing it to the extent of having children by another man and not disclose. In short, we have both men and women cheating. So get yourself one who might not cheat. Tricky of course

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  46. iwe,leka amano ya bwaiche,imwe babili ni aluta continua. Even if you try to show to show him your back now you two will still have feelings for each other.so mwakulati fye nga mwakuman ni tournament kaili munda wakale si uvuta kulima.so kosapo fye boyi manje kulamupela yonse ukuchila naku bond.

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  47. ASK IF THE FOOD ON THE TABLE IS YOURS BEFORE YOU EAT, COZ YOU WILL END UP EATING POISONED FOR FOOD, PUNZIILA MWANA.

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  48. Hey what an interesting topic,i missed a lot.Hey woman there are a lot of us young guys why clinging to a married man?leave him. Am very fresh just 29 yrs and energetic.I can take good care of you.

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  49. the world has become moe sophisicated in every sense. people can do anything can can pretend to get what they want. today there is no truth and faithfulness in the hearts of men and women. those in marriage and the singles are the same. such activities are becoming like an acceptable norm in our communities.within you there is a conscience that can lead you to a positive and better way to live.may you find healing and direction in the presence of God

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  50. Imwe naimwe, naishiba ifyakuchita. Mukulu, mulekeni. She just wanted to spark some conversation ofcourse, she is not naive. Nibakelenka abo.

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  51. get him to pay some money when he visits. its called prostitution. As far as history is concerned that is not suprising. But dont misuse the ord LOVE. I can not advise you to stop it otherwise he will find the servies elsewhere, besides you will have lost out on ‘business’. Its meaningless to stop, go for it!

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  52. MEMBE WATCH OUT!!! Mr Kunda said in 2005, Parliament passed legislation to deal with homosexuality and that the minimum sentence for a person found guilty was 15 years.

    “There are people in society who are involved in these acts and some could be lawyers, engineers, journalists and if you have information of others please let us know,” Mr Kunda said.

    The vice-president said some people were bi-sexual, a scenario he said was well known to the Government.

    “At the end of the day we know them, homosexuality is a bad thing and we should all come together and fight homosexuality,” Mr Kunda said

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  53. First you now know that this man is married just leave him & continue with you your life but what i would advise is not to quit your job just sit down with him & end this relationship now.

    And you sound as if you are the only one whose so much into this man did he even propose to you or you took the first step? If you need more help get intouch with my e-mail address is [email protected]

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  54. Bloggers are applying logic to this dilema that befell this lady. Love/lust is never about logic. When logic is at play,that becomes a calcuated move.
    Dear lady, now that you know, do whatever it takes to put the distance between you and this man. Dont quit your job – these are hard to come by for everyone. Dont pick up his calls after working hours or any to your cell phone. Keep the relationship professional from this point. Let him use the extension to call you for business purposes or send email for instructions. It will get worse before it gets better.
    You sound pretty decent to me other wise you would not have raised this question at all and would have gone with the flow.

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  55. Young Lady, Love is Just that Love.

    Whether one is married or not love is love and if you love and know that one is married, its OK as long as you dont have ambitions to overthrow. some times married men go for other women just for companionship.

    so if you love him, dont hate him because of his married status.

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  56. Samlindo walasa,y are some bloggers behaving as if they hav neva gone out with married men and want to look like they are virgin marys nonsense,my dear lady just end the relationship and move on with ur life but dont quit ur job all because of this useless man

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    • Not all women go out with married men like you- so speak for yourself. Shameless woman!!!

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  57. Hi there,

    It is sad to hear a married man doing that. Your boss is a coward and by resigning you are going to encourage him doing the same thing to other women, he is just Acting better tell his boss about what happened so as to free your mind. You did nothing wrong therefor i see no need for you to feel guilty. I am married and proud of my wife though i have not seen her for two years. I have no respect for people like him. He is a digress to society

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  58. Keep working my dear, you need to earn a living, at least until you get another job. You gave us the impression you have not been to bed with him. If you have not slept with him, then there is nothing to worry about. Move on with your life, in no time you will get over him. You will even look back and say, ” I wonder what I saw in this jerk” Peace!

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  59. Why do people deceive themselves easily. If I guess right, this woman is over 25 years. Now, such a person would have known there are saints anymore in the world. I admit there are people who are trying hard to live a christ-like life but very few. It will absurd for a person like her to think she can find a “saint” of a man in this age and pretend this is the only one who is good and in love with her. See, he is married, but he never said a word about it. Nichani people like kunyela pamene bankala? Stop it!!!!!

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  60. My dear sis, this world is full of sinners, that married man and yourself inclusiove….. Jesus came for all of us including the two of you….. you didn’t know he was married. was it your fault? NO!!!I was once ins a situ similar to yours, just worse off! Decided to date a workmate, a married man and even slept with him…willingly…. Just like you I thought It was impossible to let go. But God is merciful, The first step is to acknowledge that it IS wrong. 2ndly decide to end the relationship… 3rdly, tell him, and lastly, practically leave him. I can assure you the last two steps looke impossibble coz they are the hardest, But I can assure u,with God,its possible coz i’ve been there…

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  61. Young lady,we all make mistakes…that shouldnt break you,let it make you a better person and try to be more careful next. keep the job. never mind what others are saying,

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