By Indi
continued from part 2 All of this time, my heart was crying out to be loved and accepted, but there was no way I was going to believe that I ever would be. I was damaged inside and I could not stand myself. My world was filled with all the lies from my childhood and my present life showed the results. I had lost so much sleep from wishing… “if only I could turn the hands of time back”.
I became bulimic, I wanted to punish myself for what had happened to me. I remember one day arguing with my sister over my new found diet. She asked me, why was I so angry all the time? She also told me, my new diet was killing me. I told her I didn’t care and I saw no purpose in being alive. No one seemed to care if I was even alive other, than my family. As she left my room, she told me to turn to Jesus with whatever was eating me up, that church was not a bad idea. I almost jumped at her for saying that because by now I thought every abuser hid in the church just like my uncle and his wife. They made sure they went to church EVERY time there was a service.
In the months that followed, I hit rock bottom, so I decided to go to[quote] the store to buy myself something for my Bulimia. As I stood in store, I could hear
a man talking to some teenagers about the Love of Jesus over in the next aisle I overheard the whole conversation and was struck by how he talked about God
with such happiness, pride and love. As soon as the boys left, that he was talking
to, I suddenly was standing there gazing at him and wondering was it all true? I went up to him and asked him to tell me if what he said about the Holy Spirit was
real.
For some reason I was not scared of this man. He answered my questions and told me that God really loved me. At these words, I broke down in tears. I did not care who was watching but I cried…. not because I remembered my past, but because I realized that there must be a God out there for me. Then he asked me something that threw me off balance. He asked me if I died today, did I know for sure where I would go? Was it Heaven or hell? I had for a long time decided I wanted to die but I never asked myself where I would go after death. I never answered his questions, I knew in my heart that I had to fill the desperation I felt inside. The man gave me his wife´s contact number and said to call and talk with her some more.
I did not immediately call his wife. My mind was still wondering if it was possible that I would live the new life….. accepted, forgiven and loved?? I finally called her after a month and we began to meet regularly for Bible studies. It was not easy.
She started to tell me that God loved me and He sent His Son Jesus to die for me. Yet in my mind, there was no way I was going to believe that. That I was here for a purpose as Jeremiah 29 verse 11 says. “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”
When she began to tell me how all have sinned and are separated from God, I just thought, I was more than separated, I was very far away from God. In fact I just thought God must have forgotten I existed. What plan would God have for me when my life was so messed up?
She told me she could see that I was asking “why me, God?” She asked “is it because something has happened that caused you to feel somehow singled out? Perhaps you feel that God must be punishing you for some reason. Why else would this be happening to you? Be assured, You are not alone. God has not abandoned you and He has not singled you out for bad things, no matter how you feel right now. Whatever you are going through, God’s promise is that He will see you through and give you the strength and direction you need. Indi, you cannot enjoy life without Jesus. You need to stop fighting.” I was in tears as she went on………..
Psalm 38:10 Described my life everyday in my misery:
“My heart throbs, my strength fails me; And the light of my eyes, even that has gone from me.”
But these Scriptures give me HOPE and they are not just for me, but for anyone who asks Jesus into their heart to be their Lord and Savior. God’s promises are for HIS People; HIS Children:
1. Psalm 29:11
The Lord gives his people strength. The Lord blesses them with peace.
2. Psalm 31:2
Turn your ear to listen to me; rescue me quickly. Be my rock of protection, a fortress where I will be safe.
3. Psalm 31:4
Pull me from the trap my enemies set for me, for I find protection in you alone.
4. Romans 8:28
And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.
5. John 10:10
The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.
The desperation I felt inside made me give into my fight and ask the Lord to come into my life after many months and years of searching. I went home feeling free and even though it was difficult for me to admit it, God had a purpose for me.
My life had been marked by abuse, anger and depression and unfortunately those things didn’t disappear overnight. God was and is no magician. It has not been easy to forgive what my abusers took from me. I missed out on being a child and having a childhood. There are times when the memories of those dreadful years flood me that I begin to beat myself down and the anger floods me, but I have to take it all to God in prayer. God has blessed me in many ways, I am alive and healthy, I am no longer Bulimic, I have a wonderful Husband and a precious child of my own. I have a chance to make a positive living through what happened to me.
I have had to take baby steps to healing, Part of that healing has been through the counseling that I am going through today. Talking about it has made a huge difference in my life. I have never got my revenge on my uncle and his wife but I believe that God will certainly bring them to repentance. My family only recently came to know of my abuse, and it has not been an easy thing but I am glad that there are no more secrets to be hidden. As painful as it was to finally “speak” about the things that happened to me, I felt like a burden has been lifted off of my shoulders to tell my story.
Daily reading the Word of God and believing that it was not my fault that I was abused has become a part of me. Even though I wish I had grown up with a different life, I have come to accept that I am a Survivor of Sexual Abuse.
Like I said earlier in my story, I have learned now what I should have learned a long time ago, to Love myself, to forgive and to accept that I can and deserve to be loved..
Lastly,……..I never wish for anyone to go through what I went through. As a child, I tried to tell someone I thought I could trust about my abuse, but she refused to accept it and punished me for it. I would like to encourage all those that are in similar positions to talk to someone trusted, someone that will respect the trust, seek help and believe in yourself as a survivor.
To those that can make a difference, help us stop all forms of abuse.
Every parent or guardian can help stop and fight abuse.
* Let your children know that you are always there to protect them and that there is nothing to be afraid of.
* Let the children feel that you love them and care for them.
* Never rule everything as a lie. Examples include a child might say to you that they do not want to play at So and So’s place because of some ghost or something scary. Go check it out or stop them from going there.
* If a child can write or draw, give them paper for all their secret stuff or scary things assuring them that you will not invade their secrecy unless they want you to look at the drawings later when they are not around….this can be a great start.
* Go with them to every doctors examination.
* Never react in anger to what they tell you.
Conclusion ..let me read.. I will tell you the story Fashion Police when i finish okay!
Thanks for sharing, inspiring and sad at the same time..and sorry for what you went through..the important thing is you have found peace and you have forgiven your uncle and auntie..You are alive for a purpose and i hope anybody else whose gone though abuse will find the peace in thier lives to live a normal life..
God is always present in all situations we are faced with, i wll always praise him all the days of my life.and i have all the reasons to boast of him.he has done it for me & stil doing so.pliz all those that have not yet experienced the love of God pliz surrender your life yo him & you will see his wonders. AMEN
I just wish today was a Sunday, that would greatly help in the aspect of spiritualuty. Amen.
Nice place to find potential tithe givers. Next time you want somebody to give alms give a believable story. It appears as if this was told by a host of potential tithe makers and retold, poorly.
to me, this actually sounds unbelievable! there is an element of an exggeration! nevertheless, i believe someone out there will learn one or two things about Jesus and his unfailling love!
Part 1 sounded little true, part 2 raised my doubts, now with part 3, I have just erased all my doubts that this aren’t true. Crap!
Don’t take other peoples’ suffering for granted. In some of the cases the perpetrators of abuse are clergy and its not always the case that people will find solace in God! Abuse regardless of form, is to be taken seriously. Not as propaganda!
#1 Miss Daisy so you are The Fashion Police? More wonders on LT…
#7 Observer I feel exactly the same way too. This trilogy has now turned out to be a missionary outreach on LT bloggers…
Hey LT, we all know where to find spiritual answers when we need them. It is better to print stories that are authentic and to which everyone can relate to rather than this. And that cheap image of a white Jesus hugging a European girl when the story features a Zambian girl? What a joke! Please be serious…
This story has a lot of lessons that people can learn whether you believe in God or not. The fact that a lot of people are not commenting or are commenting negatively when Christianity is introduced in the story makes me very sad. As a nation it will be very difficult to be healed or recover in any area if we refuse spiritual direction. It amazes me that many people who comment negatively actually go to church but when operating under the cover of anonimity(sp) want very little to do with God. If this person was helped by Muslims or other groups of people we would not comment this way. Shame on you as an individual. Examine your own life because whether you accept or not there is coming a day when God will ask you what you did with Jesus.
There are lessonz to be learnt from this, whether it iz real or imagined.
Hi Nine Chale,,,, naa, how can i be fashion police.? am in SA his flag shows a british moderm or flag…Just refered to him becuase he said he cant read a long story, need someone to summarise it… I was kidding.
The story, i do fee like there is a bit of exagerration but the bottom line is things like this happen, though not everything but children do get abused and end up empty and hating themselves…bet it was just something to help anybody whose gone through it to surrender the pain and hatred to Jesus… How you my brother?
11# i agree
wath happened to the uncle , part 2 ended with her getting married part 3 was not a contunious from part 3
What does jesus (a jew) have to do with me a an african villager from eastern province? What if the arabs came first into our village b4 the white man to zambia, would you #10 have known jesus? It’s time we africans start doing away with these alien religions like christianity, islam, hinduism etc.
thank you Indi for sharing your story.I followed part 1 and 2 and so happy with the outcome of part 3. Its a wonderful testimony.Its a pity people do not believe your story reason being abuse is kept secret in the Zambian culture.Its not a hot topic like talking about Sata or K10billion scam. God knows the truth and the women who have faced abuse know you speak the truth.Let these useless men continue denying what they do in the dark to our little girls.Shame on you.You can run but the truth shall find you one day!
Miss Daisy, OK I get you. I’m doing fine, sis…just enjoying my free day today. I go back to work tomorrow for the whole weekend. Take care of your sweet self.
when there was a story about Cardson Kabwe how many of you said it was a made up story,now the guy has had surgery and you are the first ones to sing praises,and stand in solidarity.Can’t wait to see what you have to say when you find out this story is true and is happening this very day to your sisters and daughters.
No 15 thank you for your comments. They are actually make sense but Jesus transcends race, culture or religion. Of all the religions, only Jesus said “He is the way the truth and the life, no one goes to the father(God) but through him”. If he was lying then I am safe because other religions still recognise Jesus as one of the ways to God. However, if he was saying the truth, then many people are in serious trouble. So I chose to be safe.
Cece, i feel you girlfriend!
#20 Daisy, thanx girl, sometimes I find some of the male bloggers unbelievable. I worked at UTH once and you should have seen how many young and old men had sexually related diseases, some even had a painful condition one gets for placing their “item” in a small girl or womans part.Then when they are blogging they pretend they are so holy and men folk don’t do such things!
Cece #18 in as much as this story could be true, what brings doubts and questions is why the abuser cant be brought to book? let the laws of the land take the rightful course and forget about jesus for the sake of upholding justice and lets face reality.
#22 Zimandola if you followed the story you will get the sense that the man was wealthy and it says won some campaign which means he was involved in politics.He is probably a very powerful man if he is still alive today.So powerful this girl seems still scared of him after all these years.In Zambia money talks.How can she prove she was raped by the man and his friends almost 2 decades ago? Unless someone confesses.Its her word against his.Is there even a law inZambia that prosecutes such people?
So why is the white man crying and clutching the woman in the picture?
No offence to the writer but we should expect more. If its a long story it should be done within a day of each other or else you lose track of the story.
Dear LT,
Thank you so much for printing this story. From what I read, the writer had to go through alot of horrible things as a little child. This Polictical Uncle still living in the CB area should be in his early 60’s? Probably still wealthy and used his power over the last 25+ yrs to affect more than Indi. When she left his house, there most likely would have been another “VICTIM”. Anyone who has been through this kind of abuse finds it extremely difficult bring a thought up about, much less write about it.. So to expect the writer to prosecute him or name him would be asking her to face all of those horrible thoughts/actions and go to court against a wealthy and powerful man. Even in our country at times the Abuser is never brought to justice. Only more pain for hte…
But the beauty of it is that ONE day…this Abuser will stand before Almighty GOD and give an account of his actions. This abuser KNOWS that other’s know about him now….I pray he has sleepless nights until he is crushed by the guilt of his actions and will repent and beg her forgiveness. This man KNOWS who his victim/victims were. As do his friends who molested her as well. I think it is wonderful that Indi has been able to share her story of hope for those out there who are feeling helpless and hopeless. Jesus was Jewish, but by God’s grace, HE came to save us all….African, Italian, Arabian, English, Asian, European….etc. HE loves ALL people, and wishes for none to be LOST but all to come to repentance. BUT Jesus is the ONLY WAY to Heaven. It must be your choice!
Indi,
I know that it took much strength for you to write down your story, and even more to send it to LT. I pray you have a burden lifted off your shoulders. You know what you lived through…. with your trust in the Lord, the support of your immediate family and friends…you are on the right road to healing. Hopefully someone will figure out “who” this man is and will cause a public outcry against him. Perhaps other victims he had will come forward. You know that HE knows now..and that you have told your story. You should secretly send him a copy of this article!! The worry of whether or not he will NOW be exposed will cause him to lay awake at night and be unable to clear a thought in his head during the daytime. GOD will reveal all EVIL in HIS time.
Most of you commenting on this story live out side zambia like me but i can hardly believe you have forgoten so quick that in zambia rich people do not loose case,even when they loose they get bail for life.Why should she take this rich uncle when no one even you bloggers can not believe the story?.Chiluba,katele,etc are walking the streets of lusaka heads up what has law done.I know its the introduction of God that has made the story boring to you.Guys we need God believe me you.Crap,crap what do you mean?God is compulsory if you do not know.Shameful comments but thanks i have learnt more than three things.God bless her &us all.
To Indi, believe me you have full life before you. God was with you all the way even when the rape was taking place thats why he never sought of finally killing you to conceal the guity or prevent you telling family members.It hard to know how God works but i see the love of God and how he made you over come gang rape,cluelity and sucide.Happiness will be yours for ever if you hold on to God till death.Uncle “P” will pay forever unless he has since repented.
God bless thanks for sharing may the lord help us raise our children mostly girl child.
This is a moving story indeed. (Most bloggers here are just kids who have nothing to tell, just happy to use a computer) Life can be hard at times, but those who stand strong will overcome. Times of Zambia is carring A moving story from a lady in Chililabomwe now at UNZA. Its no fiction, but true!
To God be the Glory. i know lives will be surrendered to Jesus.
#7+15 BELIEVE IN WHAT YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE IN BECAUSE EVEN THE ARABS AND WHATEVER BELIEVE THAT JESUS WALKED THE EARTH.
UNLESS YOU LIVE ON ANOTHER PLANET, WE ALL KNOW ABOUT ABUSE.
#7, You are very right! Of course we know that there is abuse in Zed but not on such a magnitude. Ni ya boza story! I suppose it will defeat the purpose of evangelising (if that was your aim). Only fake pastors looking for financial support do that. They create touching stories in order to get you join their church, after which you will have to “tithe” so that they can buy luxuries that this life can offer. Shame
34 Shi Jeke- are you the uncle or one of his friends who abused this girl? No where in the story is there mention of asking for financial support. just come out and confess -why such hostility to one persons account of a situation they found themselves in.In my view the purpose of this story is to warn us about who we trust our daughters with.
i went through your story, you have really done a great job. i agree with you but at the same time i want to tell you that please don’t feel lonely or disheartened. just try and have trust on Jesus, everything will be alright, because there is nothing more powerful then him. he’ll definitely going to fix up everything.
wen i read properly yo story from part 1 to part 3,i blame u some hw.
Unless i have missed something, given i have had to read part 1 – 3 in 3 minutes jumping some semmigly dramatised paragraphs and just going for the meat, I feel not enough has been done in as far as your uncle is concerned. Whilst its up to God to punish him and i recognise your braverly and kind heatedness in forgiving him, this man is still out there living among the community. The children around those communities need protecting. Remember the Bemba saying ” uwakalema takaleka”. Just an observation and pardon me for appearing to be a doubting Thomas, its just my critical mind at work.