Today is Sunday! We want to steer away from politics as much as possible and tackle something completely different. Unfortunately, this offering is likely to infuriate the faithful; particularly the gullible ones, as we intend to launch a few barbs in their direction.
They flock to the temple in droves, daily. They come from impoverished settlements from far afield as Misisi, Chipulukusu, Mwaiseni, Makululu, Kawama and Ngwenya compounds. Mostly women, these are individuals that cannot recall when they last had a decent meal or when indeed a tablet of soap caressed their coarse skins. Most of these live in mud bricks with a collection of scrap material such as cardboards, metal and plastics on rooftops – this is what they call their homes. They’ve to make do drawing water from shallow wells, preparing meals on firewood and answering the call of nature in unlikely of places. A quick look at their faces reveals there’s no one from Kabulonga, Northrise, Parklands or indeed Highridge. These are poor folks from slam areas in search of answers to their misery.
When night replaces the day, they’ve to grope in the dark for matches. This is what they need to light up minute bottles filled with kerosene. They’ve cotton running from the base, jutting through a small hole on the cover where it tightly forms a knot on top. For whatever reason, they call it Kolo boyi……..just with a flicker of a matchstick, a small flame would be gently glowing providing much needed illumination in the entire room.
They sit and wait patiently for the man of God to materialize. They can’t wait for him to come and lift those heavy burdens they carry on their shoulders; they are suffocating from the heavy weight of diverse problems and challenges – unemployment, bareness, marriage, failure to pass exams, poverty, faltering health etc.
In no time a sleek maroon BMW pulls up. A couple of individuals jump to their feet and dash to the vehicle. They kneel down by the door and wait eagerly. A handsome fella with an athletic frame majestically alights from the vehicle. His driver, a burly young man quickly opens the door for him and grabs his Bible. They remain riveted on the ground as if they’ve been suddenly transformed into monuments! Papa, as they fondly refer to the man of God, is spotting a fancy slim fitting navy blue suit, snow white shirt and red necktie with a matching handkerchief on his top left breast pocket. He repeatedly pats them on their heads as he utters verbiage we can only figure out as “Blesh you…..blesh you…….blesh…….”
He saunters into the temple with aplomb to a chorus sang with much gusto, accompanied by vigorous African dances of course. The man they had been waiting for has finally come. They are filled with absolute joy! The praise team continues churning out spirit moving choruses in a mixture of vernacular and English. They do this for a while until the secretary takes to the floor. He utters a popcorn prayer and runs through the day’s announcements.
“It’s now…………offering time!” he proclaims dramatically to thunderous applause and cheer.
Offering baskets are hastily brought forth and strategically placed on stools just in front of the high table. Slowly, the flock start trooping in front. A few soiled smaller notes here, a couple of crisp K100 notes there…………….With one eye fixated on his tablet and the other systematically sweeping across the room, the man of God observes the proceedings with keen interest.
To be continued………
By Bill M. Kaping’a
Freelance writer/political analyst
Unfortunately, stealing of money from dandaheads who don’t understand the bible happens every weekend by these so called papas. Each weekend a man of gold knocks off with pockets full of money while everybody else knocks off with empty pockets. The only thing they are told is to shout ” i receive, i receive! Meanwhile the one who receives cash is one man. Rubbish
Such pastors can be likened to our politicians
Hahaha yaba yalikosa
You can tell who the exploiters are. Any religious leader who does not use donated money to build a church and a school has no plan to help its congregation but himself. Luxury cars are very expensive to buy and cost a lot of money to maintain. There will be no money to help the poor or anybody else in need.
How does building a church help anyone but the religious leader who gets to pad his own pockets by attracting more suckers?
The story is a common phenomenon BUT your organisation and step by step unfolding of your ideas makes me believe you are indeed a writer. ukuchila naba LT journalists. This is good ba Bill M. Kaping’a.THUMBS UP..patiently waiting for part 2.
Iwe makanika wa fimbayambya, nomba caakutwala na kuma churches? We also know you as a koni man.
Con man, Bill Kapinga!
The quickest way to riches – start a church and only preach the sweet things the flock want to hear and get excited about. Don’t preach about sin or your numbers and offering will go down. When you read the bible, Jesus foretold that such characters would come in the last days. These things must happen to fulfill the scriptures. Poverty is not the issue. Lack of biblical knowledge is the issue for those getting deceived. As the bible says, it is not good for a soul to be without knowledge! Even Sunday worship is serious deception! Don’t follow the majority and popular doctrine. Narrow is the way and few find it!
Perhaps it’s time GOD should stop ‘robbing’ us by coming out in the open about HIS (HER?) irrelevance.
How can God be robbed? Awe mwe!