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The Most Useless Award

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ACC deputy director general Rosemary Khuzwayo addresses journalists during the TIZ briefing Lusaka on July 11, 2019 – Picture by Tenson Mkhala

By Michael Chishala

For the month of July 2019, the Anti-Corruption Commission (ACC) wins the award for the most useless public institution. It was a very closely fought battle with the Zambia Information and Communications Technology Authority (ZICTA), but ACC found some extra reserves in their tank over the last kilometre and won the Marathon of Uselessness.

The entire head of ACC comes on TV and starts saying things that can make you insult. She says that ACC has closed the 48 Flats case because the entire ACC with all the really smart people in it and government power backing them cannot trace anyone to charge with a crime. Hmmmm.

How about asking the 48 tenants to tell you who they have been paying close to K2 million per year in rentals? The names on the title deeds and utility bills may be useless, but whoever is receiving K2 million a year is surely the owner, or a front for the real owner, not so? I mean how can someone receive such large amounts of money and have nothing to do with the flats? I am 100% sure if they follow the money, ACC can also easily establish who built the flats.

So dear ACC, why don’t you drag whoever is collecting the K2 million to court and ask them to testify under oath? Even if the rentals are being collected by some shell corporation from Panama, they must be registered in Zambia with shareholders and directors listed at PACRA, not so? Why can’t these shareholders and directors be dragged to court where they shall sing like a Canary bird before a judge and we will get to know the owner of the 48 flats, who must have spent something in the region of K10 million to build them all? (Oh, and you might want to ask them where they got the K10 million.)

But as former President Kenneth Kaunda used to say, “Stupid question! Sit down!” The ACC employees would have to be complete and utter idiots not to ask such obvious questions and follow the money. They obviously did, and they have a nice fat dossier loaded with damaging incriminating information. Which then begs the question of what the hell is going on. Well, it’s very simple really.

ACC must be just following orders from “upstairs” not to go after the owner of the flats because he is “connected” to the top floor. This then begs another question. If the ACC employees are being hamstrung by the people from “upstairs”, why can’t they just leak the incriminating information to all the independent news outlets like News Diggers, Lusaka Times, Zambian Watchdog or Zambian Observer? It’s not too difficult to go to an obscure Internet Café somewhere and create a fake email address and anonymously send documents with details. Or maybe send using the contact forms on websites. (Of course you have to be extra careful when getting digital copies of the documents because there are too many shushushus in these public institutions).

So, perhaps ACC should stop wondering why people have stopped reporting corruption cases to them. Maybe they should change their name to PCC; Pro-Corruption Commission.

And for this, PCC, sorry ACC, wins the “Most Useless Award” for July 2019.

Now to the runner up, ZICTA.

They deserve a special mention because of how they have sat with their arms folded, watching our data bundles being stolen by the Internet companies due to silly expiry dates. Never mind that the expiration for airtime was scrapped more than 15 years ago, but the ZICTA people failed to apply the same logic to data bundles, even though they themselves are victims. Maybe some clever chaps at these internet companies get the expired bundles and resell them to other people who also end up not using them completely and the expired data is resold and so on. Pretty clever scheme, hey? The lack of action all these 15 plus years forces the public to begin speculating that maybe there are large brown envelopes involved. Enough said.

So dear ZICTA, why did it have to take the entire Parliament to get you to do your job? You are paid so much money that you don’t even know what to do with it, so you end up buying the American Embassy for $5 million and you even begin extending such a massive building. Your colleagues at Bank of Zambia (BOZ) did the honourable thing by stopping the thieving banks from slapping us with silly charges for everything under the sun, including closing your account, or for having a negative balance due to the monthly charges. There is so much automation using computer servers that one wonders why we previously had to pay K20 to close an account, something that can be done in 5 seconds at the click of a mouse, or otherwise automatically done by software for accounts inactive for over 6 months. BOZ did not wait for Parliament to tell it to do its job.

And let’s not forget the utterly useless service from the likes of Airtel who also need a change of name to Airfail (or is it Airhell?). More than half of Airfail, sorry Airtel calls either cannot go through, are dropped or you cannot hear or be heard. It seems the fines the mobile companies paid earlier this year to ZICTA are pocket change. How about increasing the charges ten times?

It should’t be too difficult to get the Minister in charge of Communications (Hon. Mutotwe Kafwaya) to sign a Statutory Instrument (SI) to this effect since the minister is also a victim of this nonsense from the mobile companies. Or are you people at ZICTA again waiting for Professor Geoffrey Lungwangwa to do his thing again?

Another candidate worthy of mention for this award was ZESCO, who despite loadshedding the whole country for 4 hours a day still often cuts power for the whole day claiming “maintenance”. When being considered for the Most Useless Award, they failed to make the cut because of very strong competition from ACC and ZICTA.

#MostUselessAwardsZambia

The author is a Zambian blogger, entrepreneur and web and software developer and is an Engineer by training. Email: michael [at] zambia [dot] co [dot] zm.

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32 COMMENTS

    • I support and approve of these awards. Especially the ACC. Very useless indeed. They know who the criminal owner of those flats is, but do not have the fortitude, courage, to name him / her. They’re traitors ( the ACC), too scared to do their jobs, too timid to do the right thing. If it’s corrupt Lungu, why not just mention him? ACC, all patriotic Zambians are behind you, and yet you’re too scared to name names. Very disappointing. Do you realize that you’re the only hope for the vulnerable poor Zambians, who are being taken advantage of by soulless, greedy, self-serving corrupt politicians? History will judge you harshly for failing to do your jobs, when you know the right thing to do, but are too scared to do it. Indeed you deserve the most useless organization award. If…

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    • …you protest and say you’re not, then surprise all of us… come out and name the criminals. It’s not too late to win our confidence and respect back. Do the right thing, if you really love this country. Don’t let anyone intimidate you, including corrupt gangster Lungu.

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    • The new campaign is for removal of the in acronym ACC, coz the truth is that it’s the CORRUPTION COMMISSION. Does thi Kuzwayo woman know how DULL she looked to have been SENT to justify something so SENSELESS? Shameless woman!!!

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    • “When plunder becomes a way of life for a group of men in a society, over the course of time they create for themselves a legal system that authorizes it and a moral code that glorifies it.”
      Frederic Bastiat

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  1. Why do people hate on me for having the most beautiful white wife..she is swiss and as sweet as swiss chocolate. Her white skin is so smooth..her body is a temple that I worship
    She does crazy things to me mmmh I love her

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  2. ACC stands for Another Corrupt Company
    Weldon ACC for winning the best Uselessness award may you all be blessed with severe diarrhea

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  3. Be serious don’t just write articles for the sake of writing, what is your problem,why can’t you go to Lusaka city council and investigate than just talking bra bra bra. This is the problem we Zambians have,we are very lazy even just walking to go and ask are council the owners of those houses you are failing,we are fade up of stories that looks to be good but useless.That is why we even have a problem with the so called politicians who are now producing fake letters in parliament in older to win popularity shame on you.

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    • “….why can’t you go to Lusaka city council and investigate than just talking bra bra bra…”

      That is why we pay police, ACC and OP to do that for us….

      why should we the public investigate when we pay thousands of people to do that ?

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    • Zambia will NEVER develop with useless & clueless brainless sycophantic tw1ts like you “Since ni since”
      Since ni since, do you have a clue how much Khuzwayo, & her whole useless staff @ (Another Corrupt Company) aka A.C.C, rightly coined by John receive as wages, paid by the taxpayer??
      Do you have a scooby how much Zambia “PFolice Force” draw from the national coffer just to protect Tasila, Jona, & instill Force & Fear on citizens who have opposing views, or question Tasila, Jona Whiskey’s, & Kitolela’s newly found mysterious wealth?
      THEN A GOON LIKE YOU WITH HALF A FUNCTIONING UNDERDEVELOPED BRAIN EXPOSES HIS DOWNRIGHT 2TUP1DITY FOR ALL TO SEE BY SAYING “You the Citizens should investigate”
      This is like debating with a one cell amoeba, you’ll NEVER grasp, or understand,…

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    • Since ni since, one can only be “fed up” NOT “fade up”
      I can see why you defend such corrupt tripe, as you are the beneficiary of Zambia’s endemic corrupt system of examination leakages!

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    • A candidate for the most useless comment. Lazy? Your friend can even blog imwe nchito is to just write useless comments with typos..

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  4. ACC says, “We have closed the case because we cannot trace the owner of the 48 Flats…..”.
    How? Were u asking kaponyas in the street for documents? Kambwili, HH and the entire media fraternity don’t have investigate journalists to unearth simple stories such as this one? Strange!
    Tonga’s are professional thieves.
    Remember Haachipuka, ex ZCCM boss, who was replacing Botswana cows with Tonga cows in train wagons when they were in transits from that country to Lusaka!
    HH TODAY wants to know about the 48 houses and yet the fellow has failed to tell us where and how he made those millions. Strange!

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    • Hehehehehe

      You can try to deflect the public attention from lungus corruption and corrupting of all systems of GRZ with attacks on HH , but the public know theifs when the see them , and they see lungu and PF

      Hehehehe

      Ba pompwe…..

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  5. Unfortunately in court you have to prove a case beyond in reasonable doubt at least those flats have been repossessed to the government…White collar crimes don’t leave any trace good example is the Supreme leader HH of the UPND who has hidden the privatisation loot in the paradise papers and it has been difficult to pounce on him …

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    • Lungu privertised cold storage board of Zambia and sold it to foreigners who striped it and shipped all equipment out side the country , deverstating the lives of thousands of Lusaka residents who relied on that company……..records are there to prove lungu was in charge of selling that company to foreigners…….

      Say what you ?

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    • Edgar Lungu was caught red handed stealing retirement money from a widow.His license was suspended by LAZ.

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  6. Poor girl, the face of PCC for the month of July 2019.

    Now I understand it, I mean why they are giving heavvy responsibilities to youngsters, in the name of growing the youth and yet there is an ulterior motive. Very smart, we have to give it to them, but very short shelf life and soon they have to dance instead of enjoying.

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  7. Poor girl, the face of PCC for the month of July 2019.

    Now I understand it, I mean why they are giving heavvy responsibilities to inexperienced and barely mature youngsters, just above puberty, in the name of growing the youth and yet there is an ulterior motive. Very smart, we have to give it to them, but very short shelf life and soon they have to dance to the tune instead of enjoying.

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  8. even the acc are eating from the corrupt leaders so they can’t trace the owner of the house
    acc ma rubbish

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  9. BaN.E.E.Z nabo umungulu wekaweka. Plz find your own pseudo name. The original owner of this name (N.E.Z) was very objective unlike this quack who is posting matuvi all the time. LT plz block this cretin

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  10. THAT IS THE PROBLEM OF FOLLOWING INSTRUCTIONS BLINDLY.
    She was obviously told by the powers that be to inform the public with that LAME and NONSENSICAL reason.
    After a public fallout,the same people who instructed her to give that statement turnaround and call for another probe into the 48 ghost houses.
    In the end ,she now looks very STUPID and the other individuals are commended for showing good leadership.

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  11. It is horrible to want somewhat to be charged with a crime for a complex of bedsitter flats with a value that doesn’t even come close to a small block of townhouses in Sunningdale owned by some of the accusing politicians. Very akin to wanting to find a witch for every death in the komboni or village.

    If ACC determined there was no crime, then there was no crime. Those who feel otherwise should prove otherwise. Lest we degenerate into lynchings and mobs. And the little Lucifer and fellow oligarchs with loot camouflaged as originating from Panama won’t be spared.

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  12. The only thing evident as of now: it’s that Zambia runs on autopilot. No leadership. No direction. The only thing we all can hope for is to see Lungu and his puppets get kicked out of power. #THEMOSTUSELESS!

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  13. She definitely has a thick skin to stay this long in her office after that epic blunder of shielding criminals. Her skin must be as thick as her skull because how else would someone make such an epic blunder? Deserving candidate of the award, she is. Hands down winner!

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