Dear friends,
I have been married for over 7 years and we have two children but my husband is in the habit of beating me for no reason at all. I want to end this madness but I don’t know how.We are both
graduates and honestly I did not expect such from him. As a result I have been carrying this anger in me for a long time at times at night I feel like getting anything to hit him hard.
Please advise,I would like to know how others have handled such brutality from their
spouses.
yours Lara(not real name)
Marriage should be something that should make people happy and not making them cry. Your husband will end up killing u and your children will be the ones to suffer. Let him find someone else whom he thinks is better than u. U can still pull out coz it’s not the end of the world. U can still enjoy life without him.Does he think he owns u?
Leave that beasti husband of yours, otherwise you end up killing it while it is sleeping and land yourselve in big trouble!!
What is wrong with these monsters? He is not worth hitting my dear. Two wrongs don’t make a right. He needs special prayers. Just stand in the gap for him. God will come through for you. Does he beat you when he is drunk or sobber? Get help as soon as possible else he is going to beat the life out of you!!!
Did you have a Christian wedding or marriage?does he realise what it means?pray about it…
There is no marriage worth your life. You need to take control of your life and realize that a person will only do things to you that you allow them. Leave this loser and be your own woman. Wife battering is cowardly and should not be condoned at all.
marraiage is for better or worse. my dear you are going through a terrible spell. divorce beleive me is not the best solution as you may both remarry and this is likely to cause some discomfort with your children as the other persons may not be so keen on keeping the children. so just make it work. if it fails get yourself a boyfriend by the side (some of us guys are always available to be your sidekicks) as this would create jealousy in him and he will realise that you are still a hot burger…
You are both graduates and you have also said that your hubby beats you for no apparent reason. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!
CHANGE THE WAY YOU HANDLE YOUR MARRIAGE AFFAIRS FROM TODAY.COME UP WITH OTHER APPROACHES.PUT GOD AND ENTRUST HIM IN YOUR MARRIAGE LIFE.NO ONE CAN TRULY ADVISE YOU THE BEST WAY OF HANDLLING YOUR AFFAIRS ONLY TWO OF YOU ARE THE IN BEST POSITION TO RUN SUCCESSFFUL MARRIAGE.PLS REMEMBER THE DAYS YOU MET.
7 what has being a graduate got to do with marital disputes. learn to analyse issues and stop writing rubbish. you are one of those chaps who go on bragging about your qualifications and yet you only have your ass to show for all those years in school. just read some useful tips if you have nothing to write.
when tell people personal problems through writing, ensure that you are as honest and detailed as possible bcoz readers have no way of asking you questions. At your age, (am assuming you are not a minor)you should be in a position to know why you husband beats or at least have an assumption if he has not told you. dont ask people advise you when you hold information.
LT times you seem to lack creativity. you can do thngs differently
Ekaliko yomenya mpompo?
Limbi niwe chitomfwa chikashana!!! Like #10 says your story is hanging we dont know whether you have seek the elders for his counseling or better still the church.
Please people lets get this thru our heads. It dosent matter what this woman does, her husband should not be allowed to beat her. Personally I wouldn’t even want to know the detail, the guy has serious personal issues and he should have them sorted out.
LT learn to analyse these stories before you post them for discussion. Personaly i would have loved to hear the story of the husband as well coz the way it is, proper analysists like myself can not contribute anything coz the story is incomplete.
Hey my dear, I say you dispatch this silly babylonian to kingdom come. He’s such a disgrace to the men folk. In Iraq, you would have easily driven a rocket launcher up his kulu without batting an eyelid.
Let the two give us details not from one side. A normal man cannot just start beating a wife. By the way some wives like provoking their spouses
It takes two to tangle, wife submit to your hubby, and hubby love you wife.
#16 suntwe that is the whole point he is not normal. Real men just walk away from a talkative woman. One should be able to control himself. If you can’t live with her leave her before you become a murderer.
i sympathise with u.curse causeless does not come.sit down and carefully,prayerfully analyse ur whole situation.seek GOD in ur marriage as it is ordained of GOD.surely GOD is seeing ur situation and honestly if ur husband is doing that 4 no cause then time will tell the story.the rath of GOD will surely come upon ur husband.remember 2 pray 4 ur husband as well,there is nothing that is 2 hard 4 GOD.
There must be a reason why he beats you, but whatever that reason is,beating your spouse is a very wrong thing to do beacuse it only makes things worse.However,both of you should find a way of sorting out your problems without beating each other up. Remember you can not change a person, but you have the ability to make some adjustments yourself if you what things to change. Try making changes that will improve or change the situation to bring peace in the home.
More over if your spouse does not still contribute to maintaining peace in the home despite you having done all you could then you must start thinking of calling it a quit, because it might not be worth keeping.
There must be more to this, no man beats a woman without cause.
Years ago a lived next door to a newly wedded young couple. The man was very quiet while the wife was always friendly and cheerfull. A few years later we started being disturbed by them fighting almost every weekend. Neibghours who cared interven were pivately told by the wife that husband was a womaniser and treating crueling by beating her for nothing.Everybody blamed the husband. A few months later the wife was involved in a terrible accident with a man while coming from Livingstone. It was then that the truth surfaced that she was actually having an affair with the same man she was with
He is not a man. He has failed to prove his manhood by being responsible. Instead he wants prove a point by dominace through instilling fear. He can’t melt your heart through LOVE and AFFECTION but wants to melt it through fear. WWWOOOHHHHH How I wish!
It was then discovered that almost every weekend she would leave home on one pretext or the other to meet her lover and would normally come home late making the husband turn physical on her because of Jealousy. When the truth unveiled itself through the accident the neibhours who had been condming the man had no words with which to apologise.
We must always learn to hear both sides of a story from the two people at the same time in order to judge objectively
There is absolutely no reason for the justification of wife beating.The fool has a complex issue which is common among men who are insecure.How can you allow your body to be violated by another human?
There is no need to stay in that abusive marriage unless you want to go to heaven soon if he kills you and ends up being hanged himself. Think of the kids as well.What sort of world have you introduced them into?
You are saying you are both graduates but you are not both husbands. Am sure if you give him respect he will treat you like a queen. Respect him as the head of the house but don`t worship him and if this cannot work then the guy doesn`t love you and whats the point of staying with someone who doesn`t love you anyway!!!!
Ine personally is am tiimbaed by a man I will show him “how a mad black woman is” then I will freaking pack my bags and leave this fool. You claim u r a grad then book out-u r educated woman-aren’t u? Problem when u say consult elders..most likely they will organise one ass Kangaroo court. Don’t misunderstand I value advise but not oldies ‘Shipikisha club” coz that s*** wont save me a black eye or my teeth. Women exercise and stay fit so when these chaps think they can pounce on you-do Jet lei or Jackie Chan on them. This is 2008 and if u r getting beat up by hubby then he must have hit u while dating but u were like “he will change” or if he beat the day lights out of u in marriage-GET OUT!
This is a half story and i do not belive this woman. Bane, 7 years bamupumafye aisa lilana lelo?
I agree with ba Mwine(27).It seems this woman enjoys the beating!!!!!!!Anyway I wont say much as i don’t know why she is always beaten check yourself Girl?And I don’t believe that the guy just beat you quitely where on earth?Is the guy dumb to keep quiet??????????okey thank you for dreaming being beaten
I know it’s difficult for you to give details about your husband on LT because it might get other people to identify you or your hubby. But if you really think you are under pressure to get help, this is not the right platform as we will have somany unanswered questions. You are right, nobody deserves to be beaten up, not under any circumstances. Have you seen a marriage councillor from your church/faith group or legal firm? Take it up with your husband and seek professional help-by that, I don’t mean help from alangizi because they may seek to find fault in you and justify why you are getting beaten up.Whatever it is that is wrong with your marriage needs to be addressed.
Woman, you have not been fair to us and to yourself because you havent given the reasons why this man beats you up. If this guy was mad, you could have seen the madness the time you were dating. I strongly believe that you have hiden the TRUTH.
I hope you are not the type who always want to put men under PIT….. government.
Simple advice, dont argue with him each time you have a difference. Allow him to cool down then find a better way of reminding him that he over-reacts. Always accept to be wrong even if you are right. Divorce my dear is not the best thing to go for, never because it will greatly affect your children’s lives.
well said #29
I have heard so many stories about wife battery including my sister who has been married now for 17yrs. The common factor in these stories is the men are insecure and want to prove they are men by instilling fear. Most of the women stay because the so called elders have advised them to keep their vows and think of the children.
cont. Some its because of the finacial aspect. I know some women can be difficult, but that doesnt mean they should get a beating. Who beats a man when he is in the wrong? Saying this, I do not believe in women being equal to men but I believe in women’s rights.
Guys there is no need for you ask the reasons why this man is beating his wife.How do you beat up someone and next you sleep with them?
If this foolish husband is so strong that he cannot control himself let him contest Mike Tyson or whoever.
#25 What respect does he require to be appeased.There is ONLY ONE GOD!By the way resect is both ways.
So ninshi tabelela impumo muli iyo 7 years a “graduate” for that matter? Ekalefye afyalilepo nakambi aka mwana ala !!!!!!!!!
#34. Hola I support you respect is earned not forced on a person.
So does it mean,the guy does not respect the fact that you are the mother of his children.Tell him that he is an educated fool.He should learn to apply the knowledge on right staff and there’s Esther Phiri if he wants a woman to challenge.Too bad he has gained enough experience in fights to put on his CV.I dont admire his graduatiship in fighting.He can go to hell
Many times it is you women who start these fights.
#38, that’s a sexist statement. I take it u are a wife batterer? You can’t stereotype all women like that. I suppose you have included your mother and sisters in your analysis? what happens in your home is not what everyone else experiences. Get with the programme and ABASH domestic violence. Whichever way it goes be it the husband beating up the wife or the wife beating up the husband…Unacceptable behaviour, that’s what it is..socially and morally unacceptable!
#4 bull crap.
#39 Why are you being defensive and personal, uleingishamo nabafyashi umumwine?Tawakwata umunchishi swine iwe! How dare you talk about someones mother *****.Anonymous my a@s!!!!!!!!! Bottom line is this is an open discussion based on the LITTLE details that have been provided to us by the so so called battered lady. What if it turns out that she was NOT even wired at all? What if takomfwa akamukashana akakene and the guy has been trying to keep the marriage together for the sake of his kids and she has come up with this BS to get sympathy? Uletekanya. Am not in support of domestic violence but we are giving our opinions here. If you do not like mine,tough luck coz am entilted to it!
The only thing my dear “kumubukilafye ubushiku no kuma bad ninshi nalala”…am sure that will stop the nonse of wife battering!!!
Under no circumstances should anybody be beaten – even if takonfwa kanamayo – she should not be beaten up. And for those who say she should stay for the sake of the kids, what kind of environment is that to bring up kids? So the boys will learn that it is okay to beat up women and the girls will think it is okay for their future husband to beat them up? Just think of the trauma they go through seeing their mother being used as a punch bag. Domestic violence is always wrong. If she is chitonfwa then let him leave her and find somebody else.
…and marriage or relationships have nothing to do with school…whether graduate or not people are still the same. This nosense of PARTNER BATTERING should just be looked at with the seriousness it deserves…especially the courts of law
just divorce him,there are MEN like us in england who dont want to marry english girls and desperet for our own zambian women but cant find them
About Marriage
Heart, are you great enough
For a love that never tires?
I ve heard of thorns and briers,
Over the meadow and stiles,
Over the world to the end of it
Flash for a million miles.
Wat soever God joins 2gether let no man put asander
Women hit back if a man hits you and HIT BACK HARD! Squeeze amapolo briefly kaili ni self defence. I can never be hit by any man and stay…not me baby! Women if u stay then u want to. Infact if he comes drunk that is even easier coz the fool has no balance and knock him out, beat the day lights out of him then he will never touch ever again. Any man that hits a woman is a COWARD, A FOOL, A LOSER, A LOW LIFE, A PUNK, A GIRL and A Bit**
What? What?
(Drops mic on the floor)
You better leave that monster dear. One day it will kill you as life valve most then a relationship. Since you a graduate, I know you can take care of yourself. Think about this before it is too later
45. nyambe in birmingam england says: Aug 15th, 2008 at 6:55 pm
Iwe chi mulozi r u really in England coz u cant spell Birmingham
I think that is the solution in self defence we will just squeeze a bit down there
#49 i am really with my degree in biochemistry working in the the NHS,if somebody makes a mistake in typing does it mean they are lying you u agly fool
You are both graduates?Let me tell you my sister,you are both failing to adjust yourselves. In short humble yourselves.Both of you think are educated and no one wants to be rectified with the small mistakes you are both making.Put away your education or use it at your work place and never bring it in your home.”Wisdom in man and patience in woman makes a viable marriage”.Marriage and education are two different things so dont take it into the lab for testing.Litmus paper wont turn blue.Otherwise,there is no more love for you my dear sister.
It is a criminal offence for one to beat up their spouse in the UK and it does carry a prison sentence.One cannot even continue to work as they are deemed to be a risk to the vulnerable (women and children).How far is the law relatig to domestic violence in Zambia?
Nyembe in Uk U’re fool leave the woman alone U’re just like her husband
hahahahahahahah, chi nyambe # 45, bale chikana fye abasungu. any way bro, come and marry a zambian lady. u will be assured of having yo children throughout yo life time. If u marry a white lady, ‘remember what happened to Great Kalu. Leaving him when he really needed the family’. Naine ndi mu UK mwaiche. Ndefi mona sana kwati fya ba kalu.
#52 wanyanya u r right,it seems women in zambia once they are educated they cant be controlled,thats why i divorced my wife and now she wants me back,but i have a divorce certificate in my flat,and am only 28 with girls over me in england,yet she is still struggling to copy with k1.6m she gets in GRZ as a graduate,sad for her
na chansa #29,the best contribution. Dear Lara, hope u’ve gotten something. Don’t be tempted to go to chi Nyembe. Kuti cha kwipaya.
#55 u must be mad cos i have had more than 7white girls in 3years and its me who dumped them,right now am dating a girl i live with and marying her in 3months time,i dont need zambian women cos i have tasted a lot of them even when i was married u fool
Report him kumabwana, they will teach him a lesson meaning bazamulonga.
Bo Nyambe mina all flesh is the same whether white yellow or black.
mwana why suffer leave,there better men out there.
gone are the days when marriage was shipikisha
stand up for yo rights
the next time he hits u go to da police or victim support
with all the evidence on you
Here is my timely advice, ‘never leave an enemy behind or he will sooner than later fly over your throat. Execute the SOB while you still have time. In case you need help, ask KK for ‘tu powder’ (Polonium 210) to eliminate the monster.
Hi sis.
Hard it is here to make real diagnosis and some differentials in that we haven’t been fed with the full history yet.You have just mentioned that he battles you without any reasons.You haven’t mentioned yet as how the battling started and when,on what circumstances,whether he is alcoholic or not,whether he is dating someone else or not,does he believe the kids at home are HIS or was just aided by another man?Has he ever thought you o cheat on him or has warned about something many times an you don’t wanna change>Is he working?His minimum wage?responsiblity?Relationship with your parents?Does he go to Church?An the like.I cannot lie to you by saying put God in front unless i advise on
Nyambe u sound sad and lonely. Ati 7 white girls? what the hell? who cares about bazungus? Ati dumped 7 white girls in 3 years??? U just washed yo dirty bombasas on LT and u think u r a here? Coming to think of it, grade 5 reader had a story “Nyambe the hero”. U r one dwanzy chap with broken english for a graduate no wonder your wife left u. Just clean toliets in UK u sorry chap and while u at it take care of that muzungu u r marrying in 3 months for papers kaili that is how u can ONLY travel to zed to show off your tuma timberlands and Man U jersery.
cont’
how to put Him in front.The Bible puts it in plain language by saying,,,GOD helps they that help themselves.In this way first try to find out what has really gone wrong then thru prayer and action,try to rectify the issue,under this prescription:
Prayer 3times a day.NB,prayer taken without action have so many side effects which might include.Loss of appetite,loss of weight,depression an anxiety,failure to think progressively and missing showers.
Class II drugs shud include:
Guidance from parents and concerned relatives.
Putting in mind one’s imancipation from mental slavery as well as considering especially the future of the off-springs.Failure to follow wisdom and using anger as the
Just divorce him and come to me. i need a graduate woman if you are beautiful
Zambians, dont rush in condemning the man for battering his wife. These Lusaka ladies are a big late down. Have we forgotten the Kabwata case where a man battered the wife over her phone pin code and the phone calls she used to receive ? All the women in Lusaka marched to the streets in protest including our respected Emily Sikazwe. But what happened when the police retrieved the messages from this woman’s Phone ?
The messages reviewed that that this woman was flirting with another man to the extent that she wanted a baby boy from the boy friend, and alot of other crap……..Did the women march again in protest or did the men march in support or their friend ? NO…….
My wife likes provoking me too, iam a humble guy with an MBA, we can start a new family together. I dont fight with women.
contd
This graduate has a problem which majority of graduates have. Let her be open enough to tell us that she has been unfaithful to her husband who she started dating when they were all at the same institution. The husband just discovered that the old big-bellied men some with bored heads who used to pick her up from school in posh cars, whom she used to refer to as uncle are actually her man-friends. She has continued dating these men despite being married. Why are you troubling this inocent soul woman ? USIYE YAKUMBALI IWE MUKAZI or else i will disclose your identity..
contd
Atase nibvosifunila ivo, ma rubbish.
Nyambe the hero has been cornered. I like the diss going on about our hero. It shows that people are alive to the trash we write and will provide the necessary reponse to it. Am sure he wont write any more trash again.
There’s something you’re not telling us, or probably you’ve spiced up your story! C’man, tell it all.
i once had a chi manfriend who used to batter me like hell guys and yet he was married. did he believe the day i left him for a single guy? upto now he cant believe it..we dated for 8yrs.
It is A fact now that most young married women are having sexual relationships outside their matrimonial homes unlike in the past. These so called educated or liberated women are the most promiscous. Just observe them at a kithen party, they will arrive early and leave around 1600 but arrive home at 2000rs. Between 1600 and 2000 they will be somewhere being serviced.
That is why they get battered.
lets look at both sides of the coin. there is no smoke without fire. The fact alluded to by the victim is her education. This is no outright qualification to successful marriage. Its a diffrent school with its own principles of management. Any staright thingking person will not base marriage on how educated they are, but on the solid relationship and unconditional love between the couple.
#42 Golyati not just young women are having xtra marital affairs but also older women, icalo nacishupa..its all becoz of our menfolk, they wont take u out, pretend they dont love u and treat u like u r not worthy so what do u do when someone appreciates u..husbands appreciate outsiders and not their wives thus making it difficult 4 us wives…we r only human sindife cimwala olo cimutengo ca mango
My dear, you two being graduates doesn’t count for as long as you two were not taught either traditionally or from church then am sorry your marriage is just a farce. One can have degrees and phds but if they do not heed wise words from the the elders then they are doomed in their marriage.
#10,12,16,27 your points are correct.(1)the woman is not frank coz no normal person can beatup the wife for 7 years without any reason.(2)the woman is pompous-if you read carefully.she says at night i feel like hitting him.(3)saying she is a graduate also adds fire.she wants competition.if she has not cooked she can not be questioned-equal rights!unfortunately in that club things will only work out if she lowers herself and learn to respect, of which the guy should also do.otherwise if it doesnt work then the man is not normal.he will need a psychiatrist or a prayer from a genuine person not like pule or nevers.
Lara, i can help but i need to hear your story as well.Your husband loves you and you love him too, that is why you can not leave him alone.At the end of the day you will find a lasting solution and live happy once again?It does not matter weather you are a graduate or not life will be the same as long as you are not involved especially.Do not put God away from your daily lives you need God alot than just your marital problems, keep praying and will have a lasting answer so divorce is not the answer dear.
Well, surprising stories. So we still have men that try their boxing skill on feeble women?!! Camanyadzi ndithu. Woman, if as you say you have been turned into a punching bag and usually for no apparent reason, you can not even come public to ask of what you do next. You see death in your eyes and ask the pipo around saying what do I do??? Wake up man1 You are living with a beast. GRaduates for that matter, living in the pre-colonial era…. ndausa kapati. May be something this woman is hiding; Can we have the the husband’s side of the story please.
Of all the contributions so far, the most shallow are those from Nyambe…I wonder how old he is!!! Spouse battery shud be condemned…and 7 white girlfriends is stupidity and off topic
All this goes back to the first time he beat the daylight out Lara. She should have given him an ultimatum “You lay your hands on me again – marriage over !”
Woman, get your life back…leave this graduate loser, they are many men there willing to marry you and take care of your two children..you deserve better,,.
By the way, his violence on you affects your children…who can not stand seeing their dad beat up their mum…leave this loser and get your life back
Leka akupame. Taumfwa nabu graduate bobe. We mwanakashi wa mupamba.
They need to communicate effectively and probably learn anger management rather than exchanging blows everytime.It’s not love.Why should couples fight.That’s hurtig the one you love the most.What type of love is it where you have to fight day in day out and you’re even scared of going back to a home full of fights.That’s not happiness.Life is too short to live it worrying everyday.Everybody deserves to be happy.Go for some counselling,if that fails,divorce.Otherwise you’ll end up in the grave one day coz of the fighting.BE HAPPY!!!!!!!!!
most of the people who have over reacted and condemed the man without getting his side of the story are a problem themselves.my unza experience will tell you that these two knew each other whilst at campus and umugaiz ala concluda.thinking the girl is still cheating on him as she used to,though deep down inside the girl knows that she is innocent,hence they fight without any reason.if she used to run away from someone else and come to him,now the guy thinks she is doing the same.
My situaton is different my wife has abused me for the last ten years. Each time I would suggest something it would result in a big urgument. My wife has had been on the negative on each issue i Suggest. The urguments we had resulted in fights she would be violate and throw / break plates to me. I have endured all this for the last ten years. But this year she got sick and was admitted at Chainama Mental Hospital.And all surfaced that she was former Psycotic patient. Please advise what should i do????
Their underlying problems can only be sorted by the two, when they talk about issues (privately). Here i mean really talk. Talk, talk, talk, bring those feelings out and you will get solutions if you try. I find being humble before my husband goes hand in hand with the bilical concept of marriage and it comes with a blessing of peace and tranquility in my relationship.
87… My sympathies. But, her condition should not stop you from loving her. If anything she needs you more than ever.
Give more background info then we can tell why she behaved that way. Her mental illnes could have been triggered by servral factors. Get those factors.
There is one lady who used to run to my room every time they fight with the boy friend.She would leave all her cooking utensils in my room. This was at UNZA New Res (TP…). After a few hours, they would reconcile. If it was these days, I would have “chewed her”
First of all am so saddened that we brothers and sisters..we still have to go through all this even though marriage is the unity of love,respect and unity. You must be aware of the long run effects this will have on you and the children.For your daughters, they will think this is what they deserve and as they get into a marriage,this will be a circle that will not be broken.For your sons, as well they will think a woman is supposed to be degraded in that manner.My advise my sister do what,s best for your family ….your children and their generation to came.BREAK THAT CIRCLE.WE LOVE YOU
Its unfortunate that you are both graduates yet you can not summon your brains to sort out your differences.Physical fighting is a sign of lack of reasoning which should not be found in graduates.You need to sit down and discuss where fighting is taking both of you.Its ok to agree to disagree but its never ok to use force on one another.You sit down and talk things over and let him know the consequences of his behaviour.Fights were common years and years ago enroute to civilisation.Use your heads please mutatusampuzyi
Nyambe the hero where you at? You dont sound like a graduate at all, first cant spell the town you live in, then you mess up the flow with ” I am with degree in Biochem” sounds like you have a degree in Bio dry fish oops! Bio dry lines. You speak of white chicks falling for you, I wonder which ones between the obese Engie women or grannies chicks in the nursing home you work at? Since you indicated that you work for NHS and you expect us to guess what that joint is right? well! here I go Nursing Home Section
As I have already said before. If she is seeing other people and misbehaving then he should leave her. After all if he himself is faithful then he is exposing himself to diseases that will kill them both and leave the children as orphans. That said, there is no justification for inflicting violence on anybody – period. Why are people assuming she is the one with the problem when she is infact the victim.If my wife or partner is misbehaving, I am not justified in using violence against her. If she is seeing other people because she does not want to be with me anymore – then what can i do but let her go. Battering her to a pulp is not going to make her change her mind is it. I want somebody to
stay with me because they love not because they are frightened of me like chi Mugabe in Zimbabwe who batters his people into submission. For my own self respect why should I force somebody to stay with me if they dont want me? After all there is plenty more fish in the lake.
Nalengo is the only person who has said some thing of real sense.Ba Nalengo can l have u,re Add pliz?
#87 firstly, if she is able to communicate tell her that you still love her very much and you indeed apologise for anything,even when it was not your fault.dont mention fights.due to your over reactions or beatings you might have gone beyond what she could handle.secondly and lastly pray, God will answer you coz maybe she faced alot of problems when she was growing up.You have to be much more caring now than before otherwise kids will be affected badly.
LARA, GO FOR COUNSELLING WITH THIS HUSBAND OF YOURS OTHERWISE ONE OF U WILL LOSE THIER LIVES SOON. YOU LUV THIS MAN DEARLY, PLSE TAKE THE FIRST STEP. KEEP YOUR MAN, DON’T LISTEN TO OTHER PIPO IN FAVOUR OF LEAVING HIM. “IT NEVER RAINS GOOD MEN ANYMORE THESE DAYS” A BEMBA SAYING GOES ‘Icisosa cipa amano ichibosa nacho cipwa amano’ What do you think blogers?
WOMAN!!!!FIRST OF ALL I RESPECT U COZ I RESPECT ALL WOMEN YALL GO THOUGH ALOT OF ISH.. NOW THIS WHAT U DO
GO BY U A 6″INCH PAIR OF STELLETOS AND HIT THAT MA F!@#ER!!!
YO HUSBAND HAS A WEAK EMOTION… A LADY OF A NIGGA!!!!
Your situation My sister makes very sad reading. Whatever the causes of violence in your home may be is imaterial but mutual respect for each other matters most. There is no need for your spouse to brag of being a big boxer over a woman because such behaviour is like that of a shadow boxer who always wins his imaginery fights. My advice to you therefore is to always remember your marrige vows and please don’t ever think of divorce because divorce leaves behind terrible emotional and physical side effects. Remember the saying ” Prevention is better than cure”. A broken engagement is always a lesser evil than a broken marriage my dear.So dear sister live on and don’t forget God is able.
Iriko tricky story iyi. Anyway there is marriage the devil’s way and marriag the God’s way. What you are going through is marriage the devils way. See the police.
Publish his name and yours.Then sue for divorce.You would have scored 3-0 lady.
Nyambe,u are an educated fool who can’tcontribute to the growth of our beloved country Zambia.Why should you be busy boasting about white ladies you are dating and dumping almost on monthly basis.when you are “white” yourself in a black skin.You are a disgrace to our country beacuse now white ladies thinks zambians are specialised dumpers.Change your way of life otherwise you will die soon AIDS ain’got respect whether in uk or Africa.May be u are just like this same Graduate in wife battering.Let me not find you with my beautiful sisters in UK.Furthermore,you will never find the amasha&cool bodies that Zambian women can offer in those flat white ladies grow up.I don’t want to be your alangi
Mwamulasa Nyambe ba BADBOY # 103. As Fred Mmembe always preaches in his POST editorials, ‘things have to be called by their names’. If you steal then you qualify to called a thief. For Nyambe’s case i can compile names like ”educated fool” from # 103 and ”Nyambe the hero” from # 93. The chap has been a disgrace since his first his first contribution to this blog.
There are law enforcement agents who can deal adquately with this beast of a husband of yours. Firstly go to Victim Support ad they will pick it up from there.
There is a saying that says, “You can take a man from the Village, but can not take the Village out of him.” Meaning though educated your husband seems to still be VERY VERY backward
#106 Cliche lines a little tired
Lara, your story is onesided . In order to be given good advise, please give more information. What type of marriage are you in with your husband beats you WITHOUT any reason? Why have you not reported to the police because beating is a criminal offence and a police case, he would be charged for assault. Although consulting bashibukombe may be regarded as old fashioned by graduates,it does help in most cases if you love each other.
balumendo na bakashana pa nsanka tapabula chipuba,elyashi elili pamwela likankala sana eicho uli namano nasendepo ifyamano,tekwesha ukukokelela abakashana na balumendo abasosafye efya mungulu ukwabula ukubomfya sikopo
beat him back
i have no respect for me men who beat their women. Its really a shame that we still have such men in this era. When your man beats you for the first time, run…. coz he’ll do it over and over again. I walked out when my man beat me and i’ve never looked back.
You re a graduate and you dont know how to end the madness??? Go back to School!
Its not fair to be beaten over flimsy grounds. My sister the adage of staying for the sake of children is long gone. If all goes to worse just leave him and start your own life. Remember we only live once on this planet earth and living a miserable life for the sake of marriage is not in order. I am sure you can stand on your own.
My husband beat me once; I had him locked up and didnt tell his relatives that he was in the cells until after 2 days. That was 7 years ago. He has never laid a hand on me since then. And yes we are both graduates but that doesnt count in a marriage. If anything it just gives men a bit more of an inferiority complex
You guys don’t rush 2 judge this man who is beating his wife.the man cannot be just beating his wife without any genuine reason. there must be something wrong with the wife . may be ni chilende(beach) or she doesn’t have respect 4 the husband just because she’s a graduate.unless you hear from both side’s. she hasn’t explained why is she always beaten up.
Marriage is full of crap. I will never marry because of such complicated issues. Better be alone and enjoy the freedom. Marry at your own peril. Mukalaiponona day in day out.
sara. sissy dont ever do that again darling. throwing your husband in jail over an issue that can be sorted out amicably is the worst kind of thing you can do to him. you could have for instance banished him to the spare bedroom and denied him the cherry for two weeks. i tell you this would have silenced him for good. in jail the hardcore criminals could have hammered him from behind and he could possibly have contracted the dreaded disease because of your carelessness. TB is also one contagious disease prevalent in our cells. so think twice. you may think you are punishing him when infact you are exposing him to illness that will change the course of your love life.
#116 Marriage is sweet, you dont want to marry becoz your jake is ever sleepinG! PERIOD!
Ladies and Gentlemen, I am surprised that my wife could come out and express this palwalala. The problem we have is about kids. She has said 2 are enough. I am Bemba, and only asking for 6 children and 12 as I wished. She loves sex, but only want to do with her condom and forcing me to wear one, I don’t know where she gets them from. Yes I have slapped her at least twice. And both times is in Bed. I can’t tell all kind of sex she wants, to avoid pregnancy, because she is educated and knows her rights. I don’t know if you guys are going to marry her without any kid. She is still very fresh, but I am leaving her next week. I am Sorry Lara, wansebanya.
Under no circumstance should a man beat their wife. It is cowardly. I for one would never ever allow a man to beat me. He would be jailed instantly. That man is just an educated fool. And all those asking for the man’s side of the story are being unrealistic. If the woman has committed the unpardonable sin of adultey, better send her away than beat her. After all men are adulterous most of the time and who beats them? Whoever beats their wife is a stupid *****, hello all you men out there????
#118 my jake is ever awake. I have female friends whom I enjoy sex with. No marriage strings attached.
I stand by the belief that men that batter their wives for any reason have a serious complex. my advice to you would be to leave that man and get on with your life. don’t even think of remarying coz all men are the same, others worse than others. Just take care of those children, after all you are educated.
121 senior bachelor. did you say you have male friends who you enjoy intimacy with. no wonder. get yourself a mrraige partner and leave those men alone. adam did not ask God for steve but he wanted a lady. you should aslo stop masturbating iwe mambala
Warning to the ladies. If your boyfriend or fiance beats you, expect the beatings to continue and even grow worse in marriage. Don’t think he will change.
#65,can you give me the chapter and verse in the Bible that states that’God helps those who help themselves’?
#122 Men are not the same at least mine is sweetest thing that have ever happen to me and not cruel like bamuka Lara!
#122 is right on, there are many women who are respectable and care for their husbands.
If #119 is the husband of this complaining graduate,then now we know who the culprite of the “graduate quarrels” is.
To wives who are being battered i have this to say,your first responsibility in marriage is towards God the ordainer of marriage.Always pray for your marriage and honour God in your life style.Then God will take care of every pain in your marriage.God can even allow an abusing Husband to ‘leave’ and you can interpret that anyway you like.God sees/hears the tears of a praying mother, because it breaks his heart too.
If your man keeps beating you for no apparent reason; get a boyfriend, then when he beats you, you will know that it is worth all those raunchy and steamy afternoons in that lodge. Plus you can even ask your boyfriend to beat him up. What better way to kill to birds with one stone!!
Aren’t there better ways of stopping wife battery???The thought of another man….is disgusting. Exchanging dirt just to overcome getting beaten??? Come on!
#130 Unfortuanletely not even fellow men who do not believe in wife battery can stand up to a man who does that. I am sure there are men in her family who know that this is happening but will not confront this man so the answer to stop this is when the man himself admits that he has a problem and most of the time they never get to. The woman will then go out of her mind and then make one mistake say hit him back or move out and then the blame is on her. IF she leaves her marriage, even fellow married women will see her as a failure in her marriage. Its a man’s world.
Girl, you need to watch “Madea” in action. She will definitely give you inspiration….PEACE BE STEEL!
In as much as people can advise you on this matter, i strongly believe that it is only you and your husband who can sort out this problem since you have been together for a long time and you know each other well and you know the root cause of the problem.For the sake of the children, just try to avoid making him angry. By this i do not support him battering you but just try doing things differently, it could work out for you.To every problem, there is a solution.
I agree with # 124, past behaviour is a sign for future behaviour!! So ladies, watch out from the beginning!
There is no justification for wife battering, whatever the situation. Ever heard of controlling behaviour? Some people get kicks out of controlling others and some never change that behaviour despite promises to do so. Believe me I know because I have been there. like #122 and 124 say, its a serious complex an the beatings only gets worse as time goes on. I got out because I believe I have a lot to live for and trying to do things differently does not help, they always find a way to hit you even over petty issues and I did not want history to repeat itself by letting my son watch me being beaten and grow up believing that it is the way to treat women. Luckily I hope I broke the chain of ab
#27, the tradition of telling women not to wash dirty linen in public is the cause of why women do not come out in the open. The woman has had enough now! Some people do not know how to appreciate good things because of insecurity and insane jealously.
#115, your comment is that of a potential batterer! Watch out.
you haven’t highlighted what brings about the beatings, is it just from nowhere or it comes from a simple misunderstandings? coz for someone to be beating you for 7 years, then thats serious, try to see what really brings about that fight then see how you can work that out with your husband coz one of you will kill the other then broaden up the problem.
lets get both sides of the story to analys this issue, maybe both of them are chikky!! coz im sure she doesnt just stand and be beaten up,or the man doesnt just plan right from work that i need to hurry coz i have to beat up my wife, NO!! lets get other side..
Battering involves a misuse of power, fueled by a person’s insecurity and their need to control. Abuse continues because it occurs within a trusting relationship. The other person keeps hoping that the abuse will stop, that the battering will end. The battering may end for a brief time, but this is the only a calm before the next storm. Batterer and victim both become involved in a vicious cycle of denying the violence, minimizing its extent, and falsely hoping or praying that it will not occur again.
Just leave the fool, he is too weak to be a husband to any human being. Real husbands never stoop as low as to beat their wives. Respect just follows them due to their behaviour and they do not need to ask for it through violence. That man is a non-starter in every sense of the word. He knows his inadequecies therefore threatens you by beating. He is a schooled graduate and not an educated one. If he were educated it would show in his line of thinking. He is a bastard.
what is this?
such men are not part of our modern and God fearing society.I can say this man is very childish ,because its only children who can behave like him. Grow up adult baby.
Respect is important to fellow beings. There is no excuse to this sort of behaviour, It is clear that this man has issues that he has not dealt with and thinks he will satisfy himself by taking it out on your body. Sit him down and he must explain, he must not say “let us start afresh and forget about the past”, if you do this again you will find the past waiting for you in future.
#47, you are very right. Whatever problems you might have, beating up your wife is the least. Just squeeze hard my dear, if he dies, thats it. What does he expect in a fight. Such men do not desrve to live. You see, such men dont appreciate. We do so many things for them. Just squeeze hard to teach him a leason. I go through the same problems and i feel exactly the way you feel. I have gone to the extent of hitting him hard, but he still doesnt stop.
You are very brave to come out online and tell starngers your story not every one can do that. At the end of the day its your decision ,you have been putting up with him for 7 years(you must think he will change. The question is “Is this what you want?” “What is important to you,your marriage,Childred or what peoeple say? You already know the answer, the questeion is are you able to do it with or with out him. i will not point fingers because it take two,am not saying he is right by doing what his doing but there must be a reason.Being graduates does not mean you are exempt from problems.Like i said at the end of the day its your decision,you have to wiegh your pro’s and you con’s.God Bless
You are very brave to come out online and tell starngers your story not every one can do that. At the end of the day its your decision ,you have been putting up with him for 7 years(you must think he will change. The question is “Is this what you want?” “What is important to you,your marriage,Childred or what peoeple say? You already know the answer, the question is are you able to do it with or with out him. i will not point fingers because it take two,am not saying he is notright by doing what his doing but there must be a reason.Being graduates does not mean you are exempt from problems.Like i said at the end of the day its your decision,you have to wiegh your pro’s and you con’s
Take leave and go to your relatives for some time, even six months or more. If he is a person who cares this vacuum period will make him meditate on the issue seriously and definately consult his relatives, etc.
Do not even be afraid that he will take on a second wife. If he does then he has no genuine love for you. Life is not all about having a spouse.
There is no justification in beating your wife. A person you pledged to spend the rest of your life with, a life long partner…!!! Sorry but it just doesn’t cut it. Why beat a person you know you can easily beat? Why not find other amicable solutions!!?!! A man that beats his wife especially in front of his children is no man all!! So please quit looking for unprecedented reasons to justify rubbish excuses. If your wife cheats on you, two options: deal with it and forgive or let her walk…but beating Nooooooooooo!!!! If you love someone and they harm you, forgive them or cut them loose!!!
I am a big fan of Lorena Bobbit.
What’s the right thing to do when our marriage expectations are at odd with your spouse ‘fight or flee’. Choice is yours you chose that man becoz he’s a graduate. Beside the man is trying to communicate the obvious he does not want you period. Mind you not all pipo communicate in the obvious ways.
Definitely you could have seen this coming in yo dating days and you thought you were going to change him, pipo don’t usual change for better but worse esp in relationship
No man in his right mind can inflict pain on his so called Madam, Namwana or Sweetheart for no reason.
There is NEVER a reason to lay a hand on your wife! I can’t believe that so many of you are implying that with good reason this man’s behaviour is justifiable!
ala
These are the consequences of charging men obscene sums of money for Lobola? So every time the man thinks of where he would be today if he had invested that money in a business, it hurts him so much that he just vents his anger on one of the beneficiaries of that money. Hey, just a thought.
u say u r a graduate,wat r papers got to do with ur marriage and de battering? marry ur papers then and leave the man alone coz i think ur hidding smthing..
Very sad for the lady! She probably turned down manifestos from well meaning non graduates and chose somebody who only see a punch bag in her! very sad! So if you are a graduate and are in gainful employment, then why not leave this monster! As a graduate you should be economically independent of that monster you call husband! Leave him and get on with life! As for sex here is my number 09xx xxxxxxx! Call me any day for service!
Sad that you happen to be in that situation dear sister. I have always told many of my friends this, that it is very important for two people to be very good friends before they escalate a relationship to a higher point(marriage). But be this as it is, try to understand why he beats you so often. if its what you keep doing repeatedly or its just his habit then start from there and dont be defensive. We could have been of more help if only you could provide a little bit more detail – moreover that’s what this is meant for.
Honestly, why do you think he does this to you?
Rgds.
you must have allowed him to abuse you right from the start. he was intimidating you and you gave him excuses like he has a bad temper or i was wrong… never should you do that. note that people die from abuse. you life is at risk. no one has a right to harm another human being. we all get upset/angry but we dont hit people. you are a graduate, maybe he feels threatened by your education & beauty. move on my dear… life is too short. find a man who will respect you and treat you well. GOOD LUCK
Iwe Lara, just leave this abusive man and move on.If he has all the spare energy and has nowhere to discharge it except bullying you, tell him to go fight with Mike Tyson. This hubby of yours has no rights to beat you and cause you all the mental anguish. I am married to a man who cherishes the ground I step on, who massages my feet whenever I get back from work, does the cooking so good,tells me more than 10 times per day that he loves me, he has bought a gravesite where two of us will be buried in the same grave who ever goes first, wake up SIS, LIFE IS TOO SHORT!
You may want to dedicate a song to him, ‘Nifuna lavu yamu filimu, not yo menyana, not yo yumana, kamo yo kondana kondana…’
Please leave him.you dont deserve that kind of life and you know it. It may not be easy but you can do it.
leave him… at least have pity on yourself..dont let anyone hurt you…leave him…
leave him
it is sad to hear about that but we do not know why that man beats his wife may be is got his own reasons. But what he should know is that beating does not solve problems.
My Sister, I think your story is incomplete, you should have shaded more light so that the advise is based on the truth and actually touchingg all angles.
To tell you the fact, your hasband is not a mad person who could just start beating you up for no apparent reasons. Therefore, there must be a big reason as to why the guy is behaving like that.
The following might be the reasons;
1. Its either he is seeing some one and he can’t just tell you off, hence resorting into beating you up so that you can easly get frustrated.
2. It is also possible that you are yourself the couser of the beating, you might be disobedient to your hasbanda and that could be the reason.
#164 you are right.
or it could be that the husband smokes IBANGE and each time he smokes , he starts seeing the wife as an enermy hence, is to beat her.
why are you wasting time report him to the police and they will sort him out,i can asure you it works, it has worked for so many people
thingz happen fellaz.there’s to be a reason as to why this woman’s gettung battered.shade more light sister…….coz if you’re being bunged by someone else on the sides,then i think you deserve a beating.
it’s my opnion and i don’t give a damn about you cats may think.period!
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My husband has been battering me off and on for 25 years and claims I made it up. He battered me the most when I was pregnant with our first child. When I called the cops he lied and said I put the bruises on my neck myself and the cop believed him and let him go free while the cop took me to a mental hospital. They let me go and I hitchhiked as far away as I could. He used the religon card to get me back and continued the abuse. I left him 2 1/2 years ago. He’s still complaining he never hi t me. I’m just as afraid of him as I was 25 years ago..