As we approach our late 20s or early 30s we want to find that special someone we can settle down with. The dating game can be daunting at times especially when you‘ve burnt your fingers before. There’s talk that Zambian girls are complicated and on the other hand Zambian guys are players. Well it’s usually not wise to profile people like that, but to know what you are looking for in a person and ask specific questions. So what should you really be asking on dates? Talking about the weather, the latest movie and the other superficial topics discussed on dates isn’t going to help us determine whether this person is going to make a good spouse. When asking questions, you have to listen for subtleties, make simple inferences and watch for patterns. While they are good predictors, these indications are far from 100 percent accurate, so you have to rely on all the information available — your observations of tone, body language and behavior. And trust your own instincts.

The following are four critical areas of interest:(can be applied by men too!)

1.Will he marry me or is he commitment-phobic?
In order to find out the answer to this question, you will have to ask indirect, questions that will allow the man to reveal his thoughts on marriage without panicking. Some areas to ask about are:
• His social life:
When asking about his social life, you are listening for whether or not he makes excessive use of the word we – meaning him and his group of friends. A guy, who uses the word “I” a lot, is in a different space than a guy who is constantly saying “we.” “If you are talking to somebody immersed in the “we” mode, you’re not talking to somebody who is likely to make a commitment to you.
• His past:
“The best predictor of future behavior is relevant past behavior.” Ask him how long he has been at his job, in his career, living in one place, and had his car. Has he ever been in a committed relationship before? For how long? Weave these questions into the conversation, and take note of the answers.
• His key people:
Ask him about his parents, siblings, other respected adults and closest friends to see whether their experience with commitment has been good or bad. What has he observed from their relationships? “This is critically important information because those are associations in his head. Those are the role models and influencers who are likely to mold his values and influence his views about committed relationships.
• 2. Will he be a loving and nurturing father?
Ask and pay attention to the following areas:
• His family legacy:
Find out what kind of relationship he had with his parents, especially his father. How often does he talk to and visit them? How does he prioritize the events that are happening in his family? “While he looks to his mother as the model for the mother of his own children, he considers his father’s behavior as a standard of how the man of the house should behave. Pay close attention to how he perceives his father’s or stepfather’s role as a parent.
• His reactions:
One idea is to take your date to a restaurant with a lot of families and kids making noise, to see how he reacts to the children. Or, introduce him to your friends who have children.
• His general ideas on parenting:
Ask him the following questions or bring up situations that generate answers to them or observations about them, to see what kind of parent he aspires to be. What responsibility should a parent take for the misbehavior of a child? Were you ever bullied? How would you treat a child who hurt himself or herself or was ill?
The answers to these questions will demonstrate the type of parenting style he admires and intends to follow.
3. Will he treat me well?
Use some of the observations you’ve already made to figure out what kind of husband the guy will make, and analyze the following areas:
• His family background:
One of the questions you want answered is how his father treated his mother and how he treats his mother. Also, ask questions about how his parents got along. The kind of home the man came from will determine his behavior in a future home.
• Interpersonal behavior:
How does he behave with you? Does he listen to what you say to him? Are your thoughts and feelings important to him? Can he share in both your misery and your happiness?
• His relationships with women:
Look at his relationships with the women in his life – his coworkers, sisters, and friends. Does he have female friends?
4. Does he have any major flaws?
The following questions will help you determine if you are dealing with a man of integrity or with a man who will become a nightmare. To see how well-balanced a guy is, take note of the following:
• His attitude toward his relationships:
Does he have any chips on his shoulder from past relationships or family members? “If he has a sense of entitlement, that is a dead giveaway that this guy is trouble.”
• Destructive habits:
Does the guy drink too much, chain smoke, or use drugs? “Normally self-destructive people do not limit their damaging behavior to themselves.
• Moral issues:
Watch out for consistent patterns of behavior. Does he often tell white lies? How does he react to not getting his way? “Left unchecked, character flaws tend to get worse, not better, so you need to be really clear about your zero-tolerance policy.”
Remember also that he’s going to put his best foot forward when you’re around, so you may want to watch him from a slight distance to keep your vision from being distorted by emotions. Bring him to a party and watch him from afar. Collect feedback from friends and family who have interacted with him.
• His resume:
What is his level of education? How successful is he in work? How successful is he in terms of the goals he wants to obtain? Be on the lookout for a pattern of failure.
• His values:
Ask him questions like: If he could change something he did in his life, what would it be? Is he religious or spiritual? Does he fulfill promises? Does he show up for commitments?
• His moods:
A person’s real character comes out when they feel bad. How does he act when he’s feeling low? How does he respond to you when you’re in a bad mood? Does he have patience? How do you argue and how do you resolve conflict?
If you want to learn quickly about the guy you’re dating, these lines of questioning and observations will get you there. Not only will talking about things that matter advance the relationship at a record pace, but it will distinguish you in his mind as a substantive individual. These questions open meaningful topics and help you see which men meet your agenda. They also help you find out intimate details about his life. Remember, act natural and don’t make it an oral exam. Start by mentioning something about your life and show some vulnerability, and then ask him some of these questions. If you listen, just listen, not only will he tell you exactly how to close the deal, but will help you figure out whether it’s a deal you want to make in the first place.

Adapted from Lovesmart by Dr. Phil Mcgraw

An opposition parliamentarian in Mufulira District on the Copperbelt Province has called on the Drug Enforcement Commission (DEC) to arrest traditional rulers who were cultivating cannabis in their chiefdoms.

Kantanshi Patriotic Front (PF) Member of Parliament Yamfwa Mukanga says cases
involving chiefs growing cannabis which they have taken as part of their lifestyles was worrying adding that the trend should immediately be brought under scrutiny.

ZANIS reports from Mufulira that the opposition Parliamentarian said this during
a special Council meeting today.

Mr. Mukanga said this shortly after a representative from the DEC Handu Mwanakasale made a presentation to Councillors on the danger of drug abuse and money laundering.

And in response to Mr. Mukanga’s sentiments, the DEC official acknowledged that
cases involving chiefs peddling drugs were on the increase especially in Southern and Eastern Provinces.

The DEC officer however, said his institution had done tremendous educational awareness campaigns amongst traditional rulers and as such they were not at liberty to continue growing cannabis.

 He warned that any traditional ruler found growing prohibited drugs would face the wrath of the law.

Mr. Mwanakasale who is also DEC Copperbelt Head of Education Campaign said in
order for the war against drug abuse and money laundering to be won, there was
need for concerted efforts from all stakeholders including Councillors.

 Mr. Mwanakasale prodded the Councillors to educate and pass on information on
the effect of drug abuse to constituents in their respective wards.

 He lamented that it was unfortunate that cases of drug and alcohol abuse amongst youth and school going pupils were on the increase adding that this should come to an end.

And speaking earlier, Mufulira Town Clerk Charles Mwandila commended the DEC
for initiating an educational drug campaign targeted at public institutions.

Maina Soko PF Ward Councillor Rosemary Musanya called on the DEC to consider
opening up an office in Mufulira, if it was to be successful in the drug fight.

ZANIS

A British judge on Friday ordered President Frederick Chiluba and 19 others to pay back $46 million stolen while in office in a landmark strike against official corruption in Zambia.

Judge Peter Smith, speaking live via satellite link from London, said he ordered that Chiluba and his associates must pay 85 percent of the funds allegedly stolen from the national treasury within 14 days.

Details on the amount Chiluba himself would have to pay back would emerge in the next few days.

“At the end of the day he (Chiluba) was the president at the top of the control of government finances. He was uniquely positioned to prevent corruption … instead of preventing corruption, he actively participated in it,” Smith said in his ruling.

Political analysts said the judgement was a milestone in Africa’s efforts to recover money lost to official corruption, seen as a major drag on the continent’s development.

“To my knowledge, this is the first legal ruling of such a case against any head of state past or present,” said Ayesha Kajee, head of the Democracy and Political Party Systems in Africa programme at the South African Institute of International Affairs.

“This will certainly make current heads of state sit up and be a little more careful and especially draw the line between private funds and public funds … it is a good start and will send out a strong message.”

Government officials say they sued Chiluba and his allies in a London court because they own properties purchased using stolen public funds in Britain, Belgium and other European nations, an accusation Chiluba denies.

The ruling backed charges by President Levy Mwanawasa’s government that Chiluba and his associates stole the money during his years in power from 1991-2001.

Zambian prosecutors told Reuters that the amount Chiluba and co-accused would finally have to pay would rise after an assessment of damages and interest. It was unclear how the money would be obtained, although officials say overseas properties owned by the accused could be seized.

“This is a milestone … I am not aware of any case like this in Africa,” said Jotham Moomba, a professor of history at the University of Zambia in Lusaka.

Chiluba, who hand-picked Mwanawasa to succeed him prior to the 2001 presidential elections, has denied any wrongdoing and accuses Mwanawasa of political persecution.

Zambia, in a separate local trial, has hit Chiluba with criminal charges of stealing $488,000 while in office. That trial stalled in May 2006 due to Chiluba’s ill health.

In a statement, Chiluba said he would not recognise the authority of the British court to rule on Zambian matters.

“This action by the Zambia government in collusion with the British government has only served to undermine and ridicule the Zambian judiciary,” Chiluba said.

“It is an affront to justice to run parallel trials simultaneously based on the same facts and circumstances as has been done in this case. It is in this regard that I have refused to submit myself to this court, its process and its consequent findings in the so-called judgement,” Chiluba added.

President Levy Mwanawasa is on Saturday expected to open the first session of the second House of Chiefs.

According to a statement released to ZANIS in Lusaka today by Clerk of House of
Chiefs Coillard Chibbonta, the President will on Saturday May 5, 2007 open the first
session of the second House of Chiefs in the Chiefs’ Chambers at 10:00hrs.

Meanwhile, President Mwanawasa has sent congratulatory messages to Mauritanian
President Sidi Ould Cheikh Abdallahi on his successful election as president of that
country.

And President Mwanawasa has also sent messages of good will to President of the
Republic of Poland, Mr Lech Kacynski on the occasion making that country’s national
day.

In his message to President Sidi Ould Cheikh Abdallahi, President Mwanawasa said it
gives him pleasure to send congratulatory messages as Zambia and Mauritania share
cordial relations based on mutual understanding and respect.

President Mwanawasa said Zambia stands ready to explore areas of  cooperation with
Mauritania in a bid to promote bilateral relations.

The President wished his counterpart good health and success during his tenure of
office.

And in his message to President of the Republic of Poland, Mr Kacynski, President
Mwanawasa said Zambia greatly appreciates the warm and cordial relations that exists
between the two countries.

He said Zambia looks forward to further strengthen its relations with Poland and to
include other areas of development cooperation such as mining, tourism and agriculture.

President Mwanawasa said this could be through increased interaction at both bilateral and multilateral level, on matters of mutual interest and benefit of the two peoples.

This is contained in a statement released to ZANIS in Lusaka today by Special Assistant to the President for Press and Public Relations, John Musukuma.

ZANIS

CIVIC and political groups have differed over President Mwanawasa’s proposal for a national convention to discuss the constitution-making process.The Oasis Forum described the President’s call as a step in the right direction but the Foundation for Democratic Process (FODEP) says the constitution- making process be confined to either the Government or Oasis Forum- proposed roadmaps, irrespective of the costs involved.

Oasis Forum new chairperson, the Law Association of Zambia (LAZ) president, Elijah Banda, said in an interview yesterday that the move was welcome although they needed time to study the matter before making a comprehensive statement.

“We will soon sit with the new LAZ Council to study the President’s pronouncement in line with what has been the position of the Oasis Forum on the matter,” Mr Banda said.

But FODEP executive director, Elijah Ruvuta, suggested it was better to go ahead with one of the established roadmaps as long as the weeks over which the process was supposed to take ran concurrently.

The Oasis Forum has suggested in its roadmap that the constitution-making process should be carried over a period of about 71 weeks while Government has proposed 87 weeks.

Mr Ruvuta said FODEP was sceptical about what would be achieved through a constitutional convention especially that there was almost nothing significant, which came from the last national convention.

“What did we achieve from the last convention.

Government is using costs as a concern for using the established roadmaps.

But what is the loss in investing in something broad. Moreover, how is the convention going to be managed because during the last one, a number of things were not properly handled,” Mr Ruvuta said.

Mr Ruvuta said since Government had agreed to enact the new constitution through a Constituent Assembly, it should not worry about the costs that would be incurred because it was a worthy investment.

And United Party for National Development (UPND) spokesperson, Charles Kakoma said the President’s stance was in line with UPND’s consistent calls for dialogue.

“The purpose of the indaba should be to reach consensus in studying various issues involved in the constitution-making process like the road map, which we need to discuss and agree on,” Mr Kakoma said.

He, however, said President Mwanawasa should not use the convention as a replacement for the Constituent Assembly.

“Instead the indaba should be used as a forum to discuss important issues like the mode of selecting people to be on the Constituent Assembly because this is what people wanted when making their submissions,” he said.

But Patriotic Front president, Michael Sata, said although the Oasis Forum’s roadmap was just a proposal, he would prefer a referendum on any roadmap because it was a quicker way of enacting a constitution.

Mr Sata who was speaking on Face the Media programme on Radio Phoenix, said a national convention might just be a waste of time and resources because many had been proposed over the last five years but nothing significant had come out of them.

He said a referendum should be used as a guide in enacting a new constitution because it was a quicker formula to bringing in an acceptable document to allow the people to govern themselves.

Non-Governmental Organisation Coordinating Council vice chairperson, Joyce Macmillan, said there was need for a good constitution because everything in the country rested on it.

She said issues like the fight against corruption, job security and independence of institutions like the judiciary, were all dependent on a good constitution.

The government  plans to raise mineral royalties and corporate taxes in June after renegotiating agreements signed with foreign mining companies,  Finance Minister Ng’andu Magande said on Wednesday.

Magande told Reuters the government had informed foreign copper and cobalt mining companies it intended to raise mineral royalty tax to three percent from 0.6 percent and corporate tax to 30 percent from 25 percent.

The government was currently working out detailed proposals and would start renegotiating agreements in order to raise corporate and mineral royalty taxes, he said.

“We would like to start renegotiating the development agreements to raise tax in June and complete the exercise the same month. There are only five items we are looking at,” Magande added.

Magande said foreign firms which purchased copper mines starting from 2000 had been awarded tax breaks to enable them to stabilise their operations at a time of low prices.

“The tax breaks were only for the stability period and now they should all start paying the same taxes. The new mines are already paying 30 percent corporate tax and three (percent) mineral royalty tax,” Magande said.

He said the government would renegotiate with 10 foreign mining firms that had received tax incentives so that they could contribute more funds to the Treasury.