Don’t laugh!” said the patient, Titus.

“Of course I won’t laugh,” the doctor said. “I’m a professional. In over twenty years I’ve never laughed at a patient.”

“Okay then,” Titus said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest ‘whoo-ha’ the doctor had ever seen. It couldn’t have been bigger than the size of a AAA battery.

Unable to control himself, the doctor started giggling, then fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure.

“I’m so sorry,” said the doctor. “I really am. I don’t know what came over me. On my honor as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it won’t happen again. Now, what seems to be the problem?”

“It’s swollen,” Titus replied.

The Doctor fainted

courtesy of Dr.O Malokota

Speaker of the National Assembly Amussa Mwanamwambwa today ordered a stop to the continued skirmishes between Members of Parliament and the media fraternity.

Mr. Mwanamwambwa charged that MPs and the media should stop provoking each other on
matters of national interests.

He warned that the recent continued skirmishes between the MPs and the media if not
checked will not end peacefully.

“Arising from the symbiotic relations between the media, MPs and members of the
press I call for the immediate stop of these continued skirmishes. When such a thing
continues there will be no winner or loser,” he said.

Mr. Mwanamwambwa was making a ruling on a point of order raised by Namwala UPND MP
Major Richard Chizyuka regarding the editorial comment by the Post Newspaper, which
focussed on MPs.

Major Chizyuka wanted to know whether the Editorial comment in the Saturday,
February 24 issue of the Post Newspaper was in order to attack the legislators and
cast aspersions on the integrity of the august House.

The Speaker stressed that Zambia is governed under a number of laws which have been
passed in the past and now designed to ensure that citizens are given sufficient
room to live and operate without fear of intimidation from any quarter.

He said equally, the House was guaranteed with the freedom of speech from the
Republican Constitution.

“This specific article gave birth to the Act of Parliament Cap 12 of the powers and
privileges of MP’s to ensure that what they say inside the House is protected,” he
said.

“Other laws protect the freedom of speech and other freedoms that protect persons
who are outside the house.”

Mr. Mwanawmambwa however stressed that the media should not consider themselves to
be enjoying a field day by issuing scathing attacks on MPs in the name of freedom of
speech.

He said that the media has to be objective when talking about issues regarding
parliamentary debates because it equally needs to make money from the same
proceedings.

The Speaker said the media and Newspaper publications in particular, make more sales
when parliament was sitting because the public was eager to know about the
proceedings in the House.

He urged members of parliament and the media not merely to observe truce but to make
an end to the hostility which, he said, was not helpful to the nation.

ZANIS

Opposition Patriotic Front (PF) Mufulira Central Member of Parliament Majory Masiye has insisted that the US$ 53, 000 car loans are necessary for individual MPs.

Ms. Masiye has advised public service union to stop politicising the
parliamentarians’ demands for the car loans because they are meant to enhance their
mobility when addressing issues affecting their constituencies.

Ms. Masiye told ZANIS in Mufulira that better incentives would enable the MPs
execute their duties properly.

She stressed the need for the members of public to realise that the MPs would pay
back the loans.

But a Mufulira resident John Kapesa, told ZANIS that it was morally wrong for the
MPs to demand for the controversial  car loans when such colossal sums of money
could be used to improve productivity in key areas of the national economy.

Mr. Kapesa noted that the money alternatively could be spent on recruiting the
unemployed school teachers or improving the conditions of service for public service
employees like nurses and the security forces.

He added that parliament should not be used as a platform for individuals to amass
wealth.

ZANIS

The Media Institute of Southern Africa (MISA Zambia) says freedom of information (F.O.I) bill is vital in promoting democracy, transparency and good governance.

Speaking during a MISA consultative workshop for Members of Parliament (MPs) on the need for a freedom of information act in Lusaka today, MISA Zambia Chairperson Fr. Frank Bwalya said it was sad that the F.O.I bill that was drafted 15 years ago has not yet been enacted.

Fr. Bwalya said the Media is saddened with the manner in which government has been
consulting on the F.O.I bill because there were reports that government had circulated
a discussion paper among selected individuals and institutions for their input
ignoring the Media.

He refuted government claims that the F.O.I which became operational in the United
Kingdom is causing problems saying there was evidence that the act has brought benefits to that country and the UK government is happy.

Speaking at the function Lusaka Lawyer Patrick Matibini said the provision of
adequate information would lead the public to participate more effectively although
indirectly to the process of policy making and governance.

Dr. Matibini said access to public or official information enhances the enjoyment of
freedom of expression which is an indispensable element in the successful working of
government.

He said the F.O.I bill is potentially an important tool to redress the imbalance in
power and effective supervision of the executive branch of government by both the
legislature and the public.

And Livingstone Member of Parliament Sakwiba Sikota said the F.O.I bill would present
better opportunities to MPs to get information than even questions raised in
parliament in certain cases.

Mr. Sikota who is also United Liberal Party President said a good F.O.I bill will give
time limits within which information should be made available with adequate
sanctions for obstructing the act because government would not be in a position to
defer answering or providing information as they sometimes do in parliament.

And Press Association of Zambia (PAZA) Vice President Amos Chanda said the absence
of a FOI law places a lot of information necessary for democratic dispensation
outside the public domain.

Mr. Chanda said that the F.O.I is not exclusive to journalists but only seeks to
acquire quality information to pass on to the public so they can make informed
decisions on a wide range of national issues.

He said there is need for a mass movement that must speak for the interests of all
Zambians on the importance of the F.O.I.

ZANIS

The Reformed Church In Zambia (RCZ) says there is need for a well-informed leadership if Church matters were to be administered properly.

Speaking at a one day Seminar Organized by the Synodic Committee at Buchi
Congregation in Kitwe over the weekend, R C Z Rev. Isaac Banda said the Church
needed the leadership that will move with time and teach the truth and support the
government in power.

The participants were drawn from Solwezi, Mansa, Chililabombwe, Mufulira, Kalulushi,
Chamita and Kitwe Congregations.

Rev. Banda said where there was good leadership people sit together and accommodate
other people’s views for the smooth running of congregations.

He said the Church needs the Leaders in order to give guidance, teach and to be
sensitive with the plight of the people they were leading in the

Church.

And speaking at the same seminar Elder Ruben Banda said the church needed financial
discipline and transparency in handling church finances.

He added that at times financial problems arose in churches especially when you have
treasurers who did not know how to handle church money.

He said treasurers running Church Accounts should be Men and Women with the full
spirit, wisdom, faith, High integrity and sincere.

Meanwhile, Rev. Thomas Khosa urged the church to give to the poor and not only
expect to receive handouts from members.

ZANIS

President Mwanawasa says Zambia stands ready to support efforts aimed at reviving a cartel for Copper producing countries in southern Africa.
Mr. Mwanawasa said this is in an effort to create a fair price for the product on the international market.

Mr. Mwanawasa was speaking when former Namibian President Sam Nujoma paid a courtesy call on him at State House today.

President Mwanawasa advised Mr. Nujoma to use his current University geological
studies to lobby leaders of Copper producing countries in the region to revive the
initiative of creating a cartel.

‘Whilst you are studying at university, you should take advantage to prode those in
leadership in thes leading Copper producing countries in the region to create a
cartel because we want to create a fair price for Copper on the market,’ President
Mwanawasa said.

He recalled that when Mr. Nujoma was still president of Namibia, the two countries
brainstormed on the idea of forming a cartel among the countries.

And Mr. Nujoma said there is need for Namibia, Zambia, Angola and the Democratic
Republic of the Congo (DRC), that are the leading Copper producers in the region to
form a cartel to ensure that minerals are utilised for the benefit of the people in
the region.

Mr. Nujoma, who is a student of Economic Geology at the University of Namibia, is in
the country on a study tour.

Mr. Nujoma, however, recognised the role that information technology plays in
mineral development and marketing.

He acknowleged that the four copper producing countries were currently supplying the
world with the mineral which is widely used in technolological advancement.

‘This copper thast is coming from this region is used in cables for many
technological equipment, such as radios,’ Mr. Nujoma said.

‘Just after independence, then President Kenneth Kaunda, Zaireæs Mobutu Seseko and
Chile joined hands and formed a cartel, which however did not last,’ Mr. Nujoma
recalled.

Meanwhile, President Mwanawasa says his partnership with Mr. Nujoma, during hies
reign, materialised in development projects aimed at improving the economic stands
of the people in the two countries.

Mr. Mwanawasa said during Mr. Nujoma’s rule, Zambia and Namibia initiated the
Livingstone-Katimamulilo power interconnection project and conceived the idea of a
joint agriculture venture.

He revealed that the joint agriculture project in Sesheke between the two countries
is still on the drawing board and hoped that it would be fully implemented before
his second term of office expires.

Mr. Mwanawasa is happy that Mr, Nujoma has opted study economic geology, in an
effort to continue contributing to efforts of improving the welfare of the people in
the region than heavily involving himself in politics.

Meanwhile, immediately after meeting Mr. Nujoma, President Mwanawasa took time off
his busy schedule to visit the funeral house of his late friend Allan Phiri in
Lusakaæ Olympia Park residential area.

Mr. Phiri, 68, died on Sunday after an illness.

He is survived by a wife and three children.

ZANIS