Marriage counselor Judith Mwila has called for collaborative efforts between the church, traditional leaders, and communities to tackle the escalating divorce rates in the country.
Mwila, the Founder and Country Director of Families and Nations, emphasized the importance of conducting marriage counseling in a manner that strengthens the institution of marriage, which she views as crucial for national development.
She highlighted the need for stakeholders to ensure that pre-marriage counseling is comprehensive and effectively reaches new generation couples, who often face unique challenges in their relationships. Mwila urged young couples to value the wisdom of elders who have been in successful marriages for years, cautioning against seeking advice solely from social media platforms, which may not offer practical solutions for real-life situations.
Mwila’s remarks come in response to concerns raised by President Hakainde Hichilema regarding the high divorce rates in the country. To address these issues, Mwila stressed the importance of open communication, intimacy, and empathy in relationships, emphasizing the need for couples to prioritize these aspects to maintain a strong and lasting bond.
Furthermore, Mwila highlighted the complex nature of divorce, citing a variety of reasons that may contribute to marital breakdown. These reasons include lack of commitment, constant arguing, infidelity, marrying too young, unrealistic expectations, lack of equality, inadequate preparation, domestic violence, financial problems, conflict about domestic work, lack of family support, and religious differences. She underscored the importance of addressing these underlying issues through effective counseling and support systems to mitigate the high rates of divorce in the country.
Lack of commitment, financial challenges, and infidelity are some of the leading causes of divorce in the world.
Relationship survival usually requires a blend of open communication, intimacy, and empathy. When any of these characteristics are missing or start to fade, the romantic bond between two people may weaken.
Couples may decide to divorce for many reasons. From incompatibility of lifestyles to dishonest behavior. However, researchers have found that some reasons for divorce seem to be more common across cultures and generations.
The top reasons for divorce have fluctuated over the years and vary by country, often heavily influenced by cultural beliefs and practices.
According to the 2005 national survey, reasons for divorce are complex, and most participants cite multiple causes for the decision.
The Top 12 Reasons for Divorce
1. Lack of commitment (73.2%)
A diminished desire to put effort into making your relationship work can look like poor communication, lack of compromise, or the absence of everyday kindness.
2.Too much arguing and conflict (55%)
“Constant fighting can signify that you’re not compatible or have irreconcilable differences,” explains Dr. Harold Hong, a board certified psychiatrist from Raleigh, North Carolina.
Endless arguments and poor conflict resolution may take a toll on the relationship and lead couples to divorce.
3.Infidelity (54.6%)
Research from 2014 suggests that 20% to 40% of U.S. marriages have faced at least one incident of infidelity.
“Infidelity can lead to feelings of betrayal, anger, and resentment, which can destroy a relationship,” explains Joni Ogle, a licensed clinical social worker from Houston, Texas.
Effects of infidelity may include anxiety, depression, trauma, trust challenges, shame, guilt, and social withdrawal.
4.Marrying too young (45.7%)
Hong explains that growth and change are inevitable, but if you’re not growing together, it can put a strain on your relationship.
When you marry at a young age, you may still be developing key aspects of your personality.
Signs that you may be growing apart from your spouse may include an absence of shared interests, having different life goals, and feelings of isolation or loneliness, says Hong.
5.Unrealistic expectations (45.3%)
Unrealistic expectations about how the household will run, where you will live, and how you will be treated as a spouse are one of the top reasons for divorce in the United States.
Assuming “things will be better after you’re married” may be a warning sign of unrealistic expectations placed on the marriage.
6.Lack of equality (43.7%)
Early signs of inequality in a marriage might include double standards or having one partner make all the decisions.
If you feel pigeonholed into a gender stereotype in marriage, that may be another sign of inequality.
7.Inadequate preparation (41.1%)
Little to no pre-marriage preparation can make cohabitation overwhelming. Having a hard time living with your spouse is a leading cause of divorce.
Signs of inadequate preparation may include underdeveloped skills in home maintenance, household routines, or finance management.
Lack of preparation may also mean skipping conversations about long-term marriage goals related to children, careers, spouse roles, and preferred lifestyles.
8.Domestic violence (29.1%)
Domestic violence can be any pattern of abusive behavior in an intimate relationship that’s used to maintain power or control.
Domestic violence isn’t only about physical assault. Common signs of an abusive relationship may include persistent blaming, intimidation, manipulation, and social isolation.
9.Financial problems (28.4%)
Having a hard time making ends meet or having a partner who overextends spending may cause stress in a marriage.
If you’re always being asked for money, it may be a sign your partner finds financial responsibility a challenge.
Unresolved financial challenges are one of the top reasons for divorce.
10.Conflict about domestic work (21.6%)
Unequal distribution of household chores and child care responsibilities may translate into conflict and resentment for one or both partners.
Feeling your spouse takes you for granted or that you can’t rely on them for support may lead many couples to divorce.
11.Lack of family support (18.7%)
If your family doesn’t agree with your marriage or your partner, the rift you feel may contribute to feelings of isolation and loneliness, as well as a sense of grief for the lost connections.
Your family may exclude your partner, put them down, or encourage you to “keep your options open.”
Both you and your partner may find this pressure difficult to manage, which could cause you to consider divorce as an option.
12.Religious differences (13.2%)
“If you and your partner have different values, it can be tough to find common ground,” says Ogle.
If your partner ridicules or demeans your religion early in the relationship, or tries to convert you away despite your expressed disinterest, it may be an indicator of future conflict.
